Chapter Forty - Bicker Bicker

“Samurai are basically mad-scientists when it comes to wherever they live. Sure, you might find out where that is, but trying to break in is likely to have you turned into a rat by some needlessly cruel defence system. It’s just not worth it.”

--Longbow, final interview given to a team of reporters that attempted to break into his home, 2049

***

When Gomorrah said she’d teach me, I was expecting her to just kind of informally tell me a few things, maybe drop a few hints, give a couple of tips.

I was not expecting her to drag me over to the one unused room in the penthouse--the office--and sit me down on a chair in the middle of the room. Lucy, of course, followed. I think the dog would have followed too, but one of the kittens dropped something in the living room, and he proved his shortsightedness by abandoning all love for Lucy in favour of chasing down floor food.

“You, as we have firmly established already,” Gomorrah began. “Are an idiot.”

I blinked. “Okay... that’s a bit rude.”

“Do you have anything that protects you from your own explosives?”

“...No?”

“My point is made,” she said.

“Myalis never suggested anything like that,” I said.

You never asked.

Gomorrah pinched the bridge of her nose and then, upon letting go, went through some calming exercises. “Okay. Okay. This is really something you should have learned early on.”

“What is?” I asked.

“The protectors, god bless them, are wonderful, but they are not entirely human. Don’t get me wrong, they probably understand human psychology better than any human does, but that doesn’t mean they use that knowledge all the time.”

“Uh, okay?”

“I don’t get it!” Lucy cheerfully jumped onto the same boat as me.

“You have an excuse,” Gomorrah said.

“It’s okay if I don’t get things because I’m cute?” Lucy asked.

Gomorrah rolled her eyes. “No, you don’t have an AI in your mind. Stray Cat... Cat here, does. She should have been told this by now.”

“My role models so far have been Deus Ex, who’s a little shit, Longbow, who is a LARPer, and you,” I pointed out.

“God Almighty.”

I snorted, then Lucy giggled, which made me chuckle, and soon she plopped herself onto the same seat as me, both of us bouncing as we laughed.

Gomorrah sighed. “The point I’m trying to get at is that the Protectors only protect if you ask for it. The AI will not prompt you to better yourself, merely provide the tools to do so. Exceptional ones, but still just more tools.”

“So I need to ask Myalis for stuff?”

“A wild oversimplification, but essentially correct.” Gomorrah started to pace. It was a nice office for pacing in. One wall had a floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked part of the city. It was only with my cybernetic eye that I could tell it wasn’t an actual window, but a stupidly-high-def screen. “There’s a list of things you should be asking for.”

“Is that list common knowledge?” I asked.

“Among samurai? More or less. It tends to change from area to area, and no one respects it entirely because... samurai and rules,” Gomorrah said.

“Aren’t you included in that?” Lucy asked.

“I am a terrible nun,” Gomorrah admitted without batting an eye. “The list goes something like this, in order of priority...” She looked about, saw the window, then gestured at it and a list appeared.

* Secure your home

* Secure yourself

* Obtain greater equipment

* Obtain the means of producing your equipment

* Secure the assets you care about

* Obtain comforts

“There.”

I tilted my head to the side to try and figure the list out. “Yeah, it needs examples. Maybe some cartoon-ish drawings on the side in corpo-art style to help me figure it out?”

Lucy poked me with her elbow. “Don’t be difficult,” she muttered. “Gomorrah is trying to help. So, miss nun, you said the first thing is protecting our home?”

“Generally, yes,” Gomorrah said. “There are limits. Anyone with sufficient explosives can take out a building like this, and in that case nothing in your price-range will protect this apartment. But there are ways of protecting you against anything up to that. I have turret emplacements around the church, with an electronic warfare system in place, as well as a few drones that protect the building.”

“How much did you sink on that?” I asked.

“I’ve been a little cheap. The church is a somewhat public place, after all. And if it’s destroyed, well, I could move elsewhere. I’m attached to a few of the sisters, but they’re not exactly family,” Gomorrah said. She managed to sound uncomfortable without her expression changing at all. “I’ve put two-thousand or so points into defensive measures.”

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I whistled. “That’s more than I’ve spent, total... I think.”

She nodded. “I expected as much. You’re very frugal.”

“Hey, I don’t know where my next points might come from.”

“What you can’t buy with points you can obtain with hard credits,” Gomorrah said. She wiggled a finger at me, completing the image of an annoyed nun. “More points can be obtained later. Worse case, get some blueprints for something new and sell those to the highest bidder.”

I raised my hands in surrender. Well, one of them, the other was being held onto by Lucy. “Okay, fine. So let’s say I put two... maybe three thousand into home defence stuff. That leaves me with about four thousand points?”

“That’s enough for some self-modification,” Gomorrah said.

“Did you get any?” I asked.

She reddened a little. I was beginning to think the mask was more to hide her blush than anything else. “God’s Righteous Fury cost four thousand points. And the tier two catalogue wasn’t inexpensive either.”

“Wow, and you’re giving me shit,” I said.

“My car can serve as a perfectly valid place to reside in, in a pinch.”

“How very fiscally responsible of you,” I said. “So, I should spend the remainder of my points on a big cool toy?”

Lucy poked me again. “Don’t be silly Cat, you can’t spend all of them on toys. A few is fine though.”

“Like that toy in our bedroom?” I asked.

She nodded quite seriously, but I recognized the mischievous glint in her eyes. “When we get married, I want Mr Tentacles to be the best man.”

I couldn’t hold back a grin. “Marriage, huh? Wait, is that even a man?”

“Cat. It has like, sixteen penises.”

“Good point.”

Gomorrah looked a little nauseous. “I truly do not want to know.”

“That’s fair,” I said. “Wouldn’t want to corrupt your no doubt pure and chaste mind. So, since I’m not obsessed with cats, maybe I should spend those points on other things? I wonder what Deus Ex spends her points on?”

“You should spend them on things that keep you alive,” Lucy said. “If you die I might be a little upset and you wouldn’t want that.”

“You’re right, upsetting you a little would be awful,” I said.

“Also, you need to let me pick out some gear for you that looks cool. Your sense of fashion is shit.”

I squeezed her a little. “It is not,” I said.

“Your helmet had whiskers.”

“That wasn’t me!” I defended myself.

Gomorrah stopped her pacing and stretched a little. “It’s getting late,” she said. A glance outside revealed that the sun was well on its way to setting. “I should head back home soon. Do put up some defences around your home here, please. I’d be mildly disappointed to learn that someone enterprising killed you in your sleep.”

I lifted Lucy up and plopped her down next to me. She squirmed a little at the treatment, but stopped as soon as I got up. “Alright. I’ll uh, walk you to the door?”

“I’d appreciate that,” she said.

Lucy jumped up behind me, then pulled Gomorrah into a quick hug. “Thanks for taking care of my Cat,” she said. “I know she’s a lot of trouble, and a bit stupid, and sometimes she’s a bitch, but I still like her.”

“You’re welcome,” Gomorrah said over my indignant grumbling. “I think she’s becoming something of a friend.”

We escorted Gomorrah past the kittens, some of whom were polite enough to say goodbye, then, once we finished repeating out goodbyes again, and the door was shut behind her, I found a nice place to rest, leaning up against Lucy for support with my head leaning against hers. “I’m tired,” I said.

She laughed. “I can tell. Do you want to do that security stuff first? I’m sure I can keep you energized until then.”

“That sounds fun,” I muttered.

Somehow, we made it over to the bedroom without tripping over each other, unfortunately, Lucy tended to be a work-before-pleasure kind of person, and she just sat down on one of the cushy seats in the corner of the room. “Alright, let’s buy shit!”

“Alright, alright, where do we start?”

The door clicked open and a Dumbass skittered in. “Do forgive the intrusion,” it said in Myalis’ voice. “But I did wish to be able to talk to both of you without needing to resort to Lucy’s frankly atrocious augmentations.”

“Ohh, come here,” Lucy said. She made wiggly-hands at the drone who quickly settled onto her lap.

“Right, so home defence stuff,” I said as I settled onto the edge of the bed. “Where do we start?”

“From the top,” Myalis said. “If that’s what you wish.”

***