Chapter Thirty-Five - The Cat, the Raccoon, and the Cowboy

"Staggering Number of Samurai Secretly Furries!"

--ClickBaitEm headline, 2034

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There was an awkward lull right after we said we'd get things done, and it was mostly my fault. The soldiers were looking to me to give them more directions. The other samurai were quickly growing impatient, even Tankette seemed a little antsy.

"Alright," I said. "I'm calling Grasshopper to get things started. The rest of you... do what you want, but stick around? We'll have to secure the area quick-like." That seemed to please everyone and at least won me a few seconds. "Rac, go say hi to all the nice samurai." I pushed her forwards, earning a quick and dirty glare before I stepped back and made a call.

Grasshopper replied on the second ring. "This is Sue, how can I help you?"

I blinked. "Grasshopper?"

"Hello, Catherine," she said. "Is everything alright?"

"Uh, yeah, look, I've secured some help, and I'm in a room with, uh." I did a quick head count. "Five and a half other samurai, not including Gomorrah and Sam-O-Ray who aren't around yet. We're ready to kick things off here, but I need more details."

"Oh, wow, you work far faster than I expected. Gold star Cat!"

"Yeah, thank--" I paused as a small greenish box appeared on the table in front of me. It had little grasshoppers printed along the edge. "Did you really just send me that?" I asked. I didn't even know samurai could send things this far out.

"You deserve it!" she said. "Now, what do you need from me?"

"We need the specifics for the gun emplacement. Got the army engineer here with me, and we're ready to move, we just don't know where to move to."

"I see. Do you mind if I contact the engineer directly?" she asked. "Or I could relay what I think we'll need through you. It's mostly about soil density and composition. We need a few specific things for the ideal location."

"Right. Myalis, can you grab Major Tinwhistle and fold her into the call?" I asked aloud while waving to the Major for her attention. She sat a little straighter and soon the line clicked and she was greeting Grasshopper.

I listened in as the two talked, and was very soon completely out of my depth. Grasshopper hadn't been lying when she said she wanted to talk about soil composition. The Major and Grasshopper went on and on for a solid five minutes where all I did was stand there with my arms crossed, trying not to breathe hard enough for it to be caught in the call.

"Alright, thank you, Major. I'll be down in about two hours. Catherine, I'll see you soon!"

"Oh, yeah, see you soon," I said before the line went dead. The room had cleared out while we talked, Crackshot was the only samurai left, and he was mostly chatting to Rac about the various bits of his gun he was almost done reassembling. "Do we have a location, then?" I asked.

"You didn't hear?" Major Tinwhistle asked. "In any case, yes. About five kilometres north and west of Saint-Jérome. The new kid, Gros Baton, will be happy, it's relatively close to his hometown."

"Cool," I said. "Can you give me the exact coordinates? We'll head on over there now and secure the area."

She nodded to me, and I soon received a text with a long string of numbers. The GPS coordinates. "The Engineering corp will be arriving there before nightfall. We'll set up a temporary camp and get to work in the morning."

General Thicodeau glanced up from a screen he was working on. "I'll have the other officers pick out some men they trust. They'll follow you to the location and set up a guard rotation. Will you be taking one of the mobile bases?"

"Maybe the smaller one?" she asked. "Leave the big one back here. The smaller one being gone won't be as obvious."

"I'll suggest that it's gone to guard Saint-Colomban. If we move things around appropriately we can make more of the men we're stationing at this location... hmm, we need a name for it. Let's call it something inconspicuous. Checkpoint Delta?"

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"That works," Tinwhistle said. She stood up. "I need to start running around to round people up. We'll be heading out within the hour, two at most. I'll try to keep the number of trips over to a minimum."

"Cool," I said. I was happy that I wasn't in any way in charge of all this organisational stuff. It wasn't my type of thing. "I'll be there for a bit, but I do have some other things to take care of back in the city." Plus I wanted to sleep in my own bed. "I'm sure at least one of the others won't mind camping with your engineers."

"I bet. There isn't a better group to go camping with, trust me. The normal soldier boys couldn't start a fire with a flamethrower. And they can barely manage to get their tents open."

I grinned, then gestured to Rac that we were heading out. Crackshot slipped a little bolt into place, screwed it in, then lifted his gun off the table and slung it over his shoulder. "Wait up," he said.

It didn't take long for him to collect all of his tools into a little pouch, then he was running over to us. "How many bits of the gun have you replaced?" I asked.

Crackshot smiled. "You ever heard about the ship of Theseus?"

"Yeah," I said.

"No," Rac said at the same time.

"Huh, well, it's this old story. Used to do a lot of reading back home, cause it's a cheap hobby, you know? Anyway, there's this king, of Athens. That's a place in Greece. So, he's a big deal, does some cool king shit, and he's got this ship, right?"

"Right," I said as we continued through the corridors of the hospital. Not the strangest conversation I'd had recently, to be honest.

"So, the people of Athens would ride his ship around every year, as part of this celebration. Which is neat, but they do this for hundreds of years, and that begs the question, is the ship still the same ship if every single part of it was eventually replaced?"

"Yeah, obviously, why wouldn't it be?" I asked. "Is this one of those bullshit anti-prosthetics arguments?"

Crackshot smiled and shook his head. "Nah, it's just an interesting story, I guess. My gun's the same. I don't think there's a single part on here that's the same as when my grandpa had it, not after so long, but it's the same gun, yeah?"

"I guess so, can't see why it wouldn't be," I said.

For some reason, Crackshot seemed pretty happy with that answer. Didn't know what that was all about, but more power to him.

"So, the world's ending, eh?" he said as a sort of conversation starter.

"Not if we succeed," I said. "Call me an idiot, but I'm a bit of an optimist."

"Nah, never was one for optimism," he said. "But hey, this might be the kick in the ass I need. Will you be needing me right away?"

"We'll be setting up a base camp until Grasshopper arrives. Got something that needs doing?"

"Yeah," he said with a serious nod. "If the world's gonna end, then I'm gonna ask Miss Emoscythe Mordeath Noir out on a date."

I stared at him for a moment. "Alright, shit, you're a braver person than I am."

"Yeah, but have you seen her? That is one fine woman."

"No arguments there," I said. "Shoot your shot my guy. If she beats the shit out of you after saying no, that's on you though."

He sighed wistfully. "God, I wish."

O-kay. And here I was thinking that Crackshot was one of the more level-headed of the bunch. Well, it didn't matter. "Need my bike or something to get into the city?"

"No, she wouldn't appreciate it if I came around in something that wasn't me. She puts a lot of weight on one's self-image."

I nodded. My new-ish bounty-hunter look was her fault. Emoscythe really was keen on having a good image. I could see why he'd think it was important before asking her out.

We reached the exterior of the hospital where most of the others were lingering. "I'll see you around, then," he said.

"Yeah, good luck."

"Good luck, Mister Cowboy," Rac said.

"That... is one brave idiot," I said before turning to head out towards the others.

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