Chapter Forty-Two - Invasive

“If you’re going to kill a samurai, make sure to double tap.”

--Anonymous

***

I reluctantly got off the bed and walked around the five large cat mecha sitting in a row. The holograms flickered whenever I walked between them and the Dumbass Myalis was using to project them, but I still had a good idea of what the machines looked like.

“These are pretty intimidating,” I said.

They were. With scowling eyes and a build that made them look like one of those cloned tigers the super-rich had in their mansions. No stripes, but the way their armour was jointed hinted at something similar.

The holograms flickered, and suddenly the mecha were bristling with weapons.

“Every unit has a pair of basic firearms. Belt fed, five point six millimeter machine guns mounted in the ribs. The combat units have larger guns. These are rail-fired magnetically propelled grenade launchers. With customizable payloads.”

The railguns twitched this way and that.

“The face of most units can open up, and the jaws are strong enough to break bone. The claws all have arc-jets in them. Effectively electrical welders to soften nearby targets. The heavier model has a hellfire, belt-fed missile launcher instead of the railgun, and the electronic countermeasure unit, I’m afraid, focuses mostly on E-war applications, and therefore lacks the room for deployable weapons.”

“Is this what shopping is like for you all the time?” Lucy asked. “Because I’m a bit jealous.”

“The non-lethal version,” Myalis continued. One of the mechs started to spin slowly. “Is equipped with tasers, gas deployment systems, and guns that can spray an irritating adhesive. Contact from the latter to a human’s skin should cause them debilitating pain.”

“That doesn’t sound very nonlethal,” Lucy said.

“While they may wish for death, they won’t be dead,” Myalis said.

I nodded. “How much for the five?” I asked.

Myalis was quick to answer. “Four hundred and ninety five points. Just shy of your five hundred point budget.”

I looked at Lucy, and she nodded.

It was a big purchase, but it was meant to keep the kittens, and Lucy, safe. When put in that light, it really wasn't much.

“Let’s do it, then,” I said.

New Purchase: P.U.S.S Model Y - Security Mechs (Various) - Five Models

Points reduced to... 7015

Five boxes appeared across the floor, all in a neat row.

“Oh! Like Christmas!” Lucy said as she catapulted herself off the bed. She landed with a stumble, legs wobbling a bit, so I caught her in a quick hug to keep her steady. “Can I open them?” she asked as she assaulted me with big wet eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” I said.

The boxes were the same cheap-looking plastic that all of my stuff came in. Lucy had to scramble with the sides of the first a bit before she found the edge and tore it off.

Inside, tucked in nice and neatly, was a folded up mecha cat. Its eyes sparked and glowed, and it stretched itself out of the box while Lucy cooed at it.

I was kinda impressed that it had fit in there, but then, cats were mostly liquid, and it looked like a cat.

Lucy patted it, then moved on to the next box until we had five mecha roaming around the room. They were deathly quiet, and scanned everything as if it would jump out and try to eat them without a moment’s notice.

“I’m going to go tell the kittens not to be afraid,” Lucy said. She pat her hip and whistled, as if the cats were dogs, and they immediately formed up and followed after her.

“Should I be disturbed that she knows how to control them so easily?” I muttered.

Does that same trick work on you? It might just be an ingrained habit.

I wanted to be angry, but Myalis was probably at least a little bit right.

“What’re we looking into next?”

I have received a reply from the realtor currently in charge of the museum. They’re a rather luxurious company, in charge of selling and buying high-end properties across the east coast of the continent. They wish to set up a meeting with you, on-site, at your earliest convenience.

“Huh. Do you know when the incursion zone will be cleared for civilians?”

Myalis was quiet for a moment.

Reconstruction is slated to begin tomorrow morning, with heightened security until the end of the week.

“Fast,” I said. “Ask them if they want to show up tomorrow morning... no, tomorrow afternoon.”

Message sent.

Lucy returned with a rather smug smile on. “The kittens love them. Catkiller not so much, but he’ll get used to them.”

“Awesome,” I said. “How’s Katallina?”

“The twins are all over her,” Lucy said. “She seems happy. Or at least distracted.”

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

“Almost as good,” I said. “Are the rest of the brats distracted?” I asked.

Something must have snuck into my voice because Lucy gave me a look. “We’re not done shopping yet,” she said. “Right Myalis? What was the next thing on Cat’s list?”

“The next item is personal protection,” Myalis said, switching back to speaking from the drone. “I think Vanguard Gomorrah meant more than just the surface level of protection here. This should encompass everything from protective gear to further bodily modifications?”

“Oh, bod mods!” Lucy cheered.

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve got the arm and the ears already,” I said.

“Don’t forget the tail,” Lucy said.”I like it. It gives me something to grab onto.”

“No,” I said. “I’d like less... uh, obvious stuff. Also, the tail’s not stuck to my body or anything.”

“You are deficient in a few places,” Myalis said. “Even if we focus mainly on organs and modifications that are less apparent, there is a lot that can be done to help you. Notably, you might want to focus on items that improve your digestion, assist you in removing toxins and other unwanted elements from your body, and systems which can improve the rate at which you heal.”

“Healing is good,” Lucy said. “Got anything that’ll give her abs? Big, sexy ones. Like a cheese grater.”

“Hey,” I complained.

Lucy pulled me into a quick hug. “You know I love you, handles and all.” She pinched my stomach, where I very much didn’t have handles. “But abs are really fucking hot.”

I poked her in the stomach. “What about you? Huh? All that rich food.”

“We just need to do some more cardio,” Lucy agreed.

“We have many options to improve your physique, although, it has been noted that self-improvement of one’s own body does produce slightly better results in the field over faster methods.”

I squirmed a little. “So, how invasive are we talking here?”

“Generally speaking, not invasive at all,” Myalis said. “You’ve done more invasive things with Lucy here in the past day or so.”

Lucy snorted.

I shook my head. “Idiots, the both of you. Now, that self-healing thing, what’s that all about? And is it a separate thing from the, uh, anti-poison one?”

“Anti-toxin, and that is entirely up to you. If you want to avoid any complex surgeries, and want to keep the number of purchases to a minimum, I would advise investing a few more points to purchase a single module that covers as wide a range of options as possible. It is unlikely to do them all as well as specialized prosthetics and replacements to your current organs, but it would likely be a solution that covers a lot of ground.”

I nodded. “Okay, alright. And I’d need to be operated on?”

“For a few more points, the organ could be transported directly into your body.”

“Wow, that sounds awful,” Lucy said. “Where will the, uh, stuff that’s already there go?”

“They would be mulched by the new organ as it sets itself into place, then passed with Cat’s normal waste removal methods.”

“You want me to shit out my liver?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I should be horrified or fascinated, so I settled for a bit of both.

Myalis took a worrying moment to respond. “Technically it would be a liver, as well as both kidneys, and a lower rib.”

“How big is this thing?” I asked.

The dumbass projected a hologram of a metal thing, with a sack on one side, and a lot of little pipes sticking out of it. It looked about as big around as a football, though one that had been deflated a little and then sat on.

“This is from your Sunwatch Technologies catalogue. It’s a versatile replacement organ. It can pump, filter, and replenish your blood, create small repair nanites that it can fuse to your white blood cells, and it has a sophisticated hormonal control system that allows it to assist your body’s functions. It is, as you can imagine, a little more durable than normal human organs as well.”

“How much healing can it do?” Lucy asked.

“It assists in clot formation, can more efficiently produce the materials the body uses to heal itself, and it can generally pin-point various ailments and act to rectify them. Mostly, it will prevent sickness, though it will not stop everything, nor will it do things like regrow limbs.”

“So, cuts heal faster and I wouldn’t get a cold?” I asked.

“Yes to the former. The latter is technically accurate. If a small cut takes a week to heal until it is no longer visible with your unaugmented body, this would reduce that time to a mere few days.”

“So no instant-regrowth stuff?” I asked.

“That would require far more invasive, and numerous, systems,” Myalis said.

I groaned. “Fine, fine. Walk me through how to install that thing.”

***