image [https://i.ibb.co/7Qtc3vy/132.jpg]
So it was that the Quantum Perineum teleported Soda Olheiser, Chunks, Montana Shingles the Vice-Tremorroid of Bonertania, the Ratsack Golem, the Robotic Prince of Mukus Quadrant, Gary the Green Jackalope, Zooesium the Impetuous Paramecium and the Spork Armadillo to the Wankensteins’ inflatable transparent geodesic dome on Mount Whole in Schling Quadrant. Soda rushed in and ran to the alchemist’s workshop area. He was still stirring his four kettles and his blender was freestyle rapping.
"Dr. Wankenstein!" cried Soda. "I’ve got the ingredients!" The chimpanzee immediately stopped stirring, went to the bathroom, then cracked four sets of knuckles and got to work.
First he placed the Quantum Perineum’s toenail at the bottom of a golden bucket. Then he poured in the diarrhea from a dark well while burping six times. Using an enchanted bonesaw he was able to remove the antlers from the top of the green jackalope’s head and he threw them into the bucket. Then he started a blue fire under the bucket until the antlers and toenail melted, mixing with the diarrhea. He sneezed into the bucket. The whole thing eventually became a turquoise shampoo-like goo. He poured the goo into a golden bowl, waited for it to cool, and then crushed up the stink blossom, letting the petals fall onto the goo. Finally, he tipped the golden flask upside down and the single drop of Cydroidobot’s oil fell on the petals and goo. A puff of smoke emanated from the concoction.
"That’s it," said the Chimpanzee Alchemist. "Let’s see if this works."
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" boomed a voice. Everyone turned around to see Pezzypont Schmeer the Assistant Royal Thaumaturge of Bonertania and Agent Orange the Royal Army of Bonertania standing there. Orange’s machine gun was loaded for once. Through the transparent wall of the inflatable dome they could see the wooden raccoon bench Gashmouth gazing back at them.
"In the name of the Flatulenz Fairy Tremorroid of Bonertania I hearby order you to cease all unlawful thaumaturgic or alchemistic activities immediately, or the royal army of Bonertania will be well within his rights to execute you on the spot."
And with that he strode up to the workbench and waved his hands over the concoction. It disappeared with a pop. Everyone reacted at once:
"What are you doing!?" yelled Soda.
"Holy crud!" said Mono.
"Dork-butt move!" shouted Cydroidobot’s son.
"That was uncalled for!" exclaimed the Ratsack Golem.
"Bogus!" cried Zooesium.
"I also have an opinion!" ejaculated Gary.
"Get a load of this jackass over here," the Spork Armadillo said, elbowing the Chimpanzee Alchemist.
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"Piddily-Cum-a-Zork, you’re a really stupid dork!" yelled Chunk, who lunged at the thaumaturge’s throat and began strangling him.
"D-don’t make me shoot you!" shouted Agent Orange, raising his machine gun with his shaking hands.
The Assistant Royal Thaumaturge struggled to get free of the chunks golem’s grip. Finally he resorted to putting up his hands and blasting her away with a burst of untamed thaumaturgic energy. Chunks flew across the geodesic dome. She hit one of the bookcases hard and the top of her head flew off. She fell to the ground and her brains splattered everywhere. Soda ran over, crying as she desperately attempted to collect all the brains of her motionless friend.
“Stop right there!” yelled a voice and everyone turned to see Empress Nobgoblin, ruler of Quirk Quadrant and Bonertania’s Royal Thaumaturge, wearing an iguana skin spacesuit.
Through the transparent dome everyone could see one of Nobgoblin’s half-a-bug chariots parked next to Gashmouth. A half-a-bug is the rear end of a VW bug that has been cut in half. A VW bug is a smallish dung-beetle shaped vehicle invented by Veronica Wartnipples- who had big brown hairy warts instead of nipples- about a hundred and fifty years ago. This half-a-bug was drawn by two enchanted featherless, veiny ostriches.
"Madame Nobgoblin!" the assistant thaumaturge sputtered nervously. "I thought you were visiting your fiance on the moon!"
"He got the squirts and I had to come home early," said the objectively beautiful thaumaturge. "On the way back to Smelsinore I stopped by Videotape Palace and Titiana showed me the latest updates on her enchanted PC. We saw you were coming here against Titiana’s wishes. I came right over here to fix this mess.”
"First of all, Schmeer, you’re fired. Second of all-" she snapped her fingers and the chunks golem’s brains went back into her skull, as if someone had reversed a piece of film. Chunks sat up and Soda hugged her tightly. Then Soda picked up the top of Chunks’s head and stuck it back on, and for some reason from that day on Chunks did the "Piddily-Cum-A-Zing" thing a lot less.
"I’ll staple the top of your skull back on later," said Soda.
"Much obliged, friend," said Chunks and the two hugged.
"Now, the reason we’re all assembled here,” said Nobgoblin, walking to the two piles of barf on the floor. She snapped her fingers again and the vomit morphed into a periwinkle-bearded Schlingian and a puffy beaver in a garish shirt (purple patterned with clams and gravy).
The Chimpanzee Alchemist ooked in joy and ran to embrace his super best friend. Soda ran over and hugged her Uncle Karl, who stood blinking in a daze.
"Well, all’s well that ends well," said Nobgoblin. She went over to her former assistant and grabbed his ear. "Titiana will have something to say to you at your exit interview." She led the disgraced thaumaturge out of the dome and into her chariot, leaving a bumfuzzled Agent Orange to ride Gashmouth back to Schmegma City. Before he left he apologized to everyone for being so spineless.
Soda Olheiser looked around the dome, finding it hard to believe her arduous quest was complete. First she looked at Montana Shingles the vice-tremorroid. Soda still couldn’t quite believe she got to hang out with her idol, become her friend, and gotten to call her ‘Mono’. Then she gazed at all her other friends: The Spork Armadillo, Gary, Ratsack, Cydroidobot’s son, Zooesium the Impetuous Paramecium and, of course, her best friend Chunks.
For the first time she really did feel like Soda the Fortunate.
"Boy," said Chunks. "That concoction sure was ineffable!" Everyone laughed at this.
Soda squeezed her uncle and he squeezed her back.
"Love you," he said; and that was a long speech for Uncle Karl because it was two words.
image [https://i.ibb.co/1skCTPB/132-Smaller.jpg]