image [https://i.ibb.co/k3RpTVG/122.jpg]
Mukus Quadrant was really quite beautiful, with yellow sticky willies growing along the side of the road, and between the factories, warehouses, and mom and pop video stores they could see afar the turrets of Cydroidobot’s palatial log chateau. With light hearts they hurried toward it, being fully rested by their long ride on the foamy yellow stream.
By and by they began to cross an immense field of splendid pus-yellow humped bladderworts, the delicate fragrance of which was very delightful.
"How beautiful they are!" cried Soda, stopping to admire the perfection of these exquisite flowers.
"Yes," said the Ratsack Golem, reflectively, "but we must be careful not to crush or injure any of these bladderworts."
"Why not?" asked Soda.
"Cy used to be a prodigious slayer of dangerous and nefarious humanoids and yokai. But he has grown to regret his ways and is now very empathetic," was the reply, "He hates to see any living thing hurt in any way."
"Once," said Mono, "Cydroidobot stepped on a tiny dung beetle and killed the little creature. That made him very unhappy and he cried until his tears rusted his joints, so he couldn't move 'em."
"Are flowers alive?" asked Chunks.
"Yes, of course. And these flowers belong to Cy. So, in order not to offend him, we must not tread on a single blossom."
It was a long walk, but a pleasant one, and they did not mind it a bit. Late in the afternoon they drew near to the wonderful log chateau of the Robotic Emperor of Mukus Quadrant, and Soda and Chunks, who had never seen it before, were filled with amazement.
Mukusians were said to be the most skillful craftsmen on all of Sifillis. So Cydroidobot had employed them in building his magnificent home, which was made all of rugged brown logs, from the ground to the tallest turret. Around the grounds of the chateau ran a dark yellow fleshwood wall, with molybdenum gates; but the gates stood wide open because the Robotic Emperor had no enemies to disturb him.
When they entered the spacious grounds our travelers found more to admire. Aureolin yellow fleshwood fountains sent sprays of cloudy warm yellow water far into the air and there were many beds of flowers- humped bladderwort, corpse flowers, moundblossoms, pussy willows, thorny skunkweed, and sticky willies. On the sides of the pathway leading up to the front large front doors of the log chateau were roachberry bushes and rows of wooden chainsaw sculptures, very cleverly executed. Among these Soda recognized statues of Montana Shingles the Vice-Tremorroid of Bonertania and her puppy dog Elvira Daisy Shingles, the Ratsack Golem, Rumplemuss the Dirty Wanderer, Nate Goiterhead, Gashmouth the Chainsaw Raccoon, Bruce the Retiring Ocelot, Jo the Voracious Rhinoceros, Edwige Kenchington the Aristocratic Chigger, Cockadoody the Cocky Cockadoodoo, B.M. Foulfinger, Agent Orange, Fissure the Guardian of the Gates, Jodo the Royal Flackfizer, and Titiana the Fairy Tremorroid herself, all standing upon neat pedestals of stainless molybdenum.
Vira was well acquainted with the residence of Cydroidobot and, being assured a joyful welcome, she ran ahead and yipped so loudly at the front door that Cydroidobot heard her and came out in person to see if it were really his old friend Vira.
Emperor Cydroidobot was one of the most important celebrities in all of Bonertania. Where as all the other robots on Pus Continent were made of plastic, the emperor was made of molybdenum alloys. Though ostensibly ruler of Mukus Quadrant, he owed allegiance to the Fairy Tremorroid of Bonertania, who ruled the whole country, and the flatulenz fairy monarch and the molybdenum man were warm personal friends. He was something of a ladies man and kept his exoskeleton brilliantly polished and well oiled. Also he was very courteous in manner and so kind and gentle that everyone loved him. He wasn’t the best actor but was still a devoted member of his local community theater.
The metal man had clasped the Ratsack Golem in a warm embrace and then turned to hug Montana Shingles. Mono said "This is Chunks, and this isSoda the Cursed."
The molybdenum man greeted Chunks and shook her stiched-and-stapled hand.
"This place must have cost a lot of money," remarked Chunks.
"Money! Money in Mukus Quadrant!" cried Cydroidobot. "What a queer idea! Did you suppose we are so vulgar as to use money here?"
"Why not?" asked Chunks.
"If we used money to buy things with, instead of love and kindness and the desire to please one another, then we should be no better than the rest of Pus," declared Cydroidobot. "Fortunately money is not known in Mukus Quadrant at all. We have no rich, and no poor; for what one wishes the others all try to give him, in order to make him happy, and no one in all the quadrant cares to have more than he can use."
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"Good!" cried Chunks. "I hate money too!" She spit on the ground.
Then the Robotic Emperor turned to Soda, shook her hand, and asked:
"Why are you Soda the Cursed?"
"Because I was born on a Cloonesday."
"Cloonesday is not an unlucky day," declared the Robotic Emperor. "It's just one of seven days. Do you suppose all of Sifillis becomes unlucky one-seventh of the time?"
"It was the thirteenth day of the month," said Soda.
"Thirteen! Ah, that is indeed a lucky number," replied Emperor Cydroidobot. "All my good luck seems to happen on the thirteenth. I suppose most people never notice the good luck that comes to them with the number thirteen, and yet if the least bit of bad luck falls on that day, they blame it to the number, and not to the proper cause."
"Thirteen's my lucky number, too," remarked the Ratsack Golem. "And I believe cockadoodoo birds believe that to be a lucky number."
"It’s mine now, too," added Chunks. She spit on the ground.
"But," continued Soda, "I'm left-handed."
"Many of our greatest humanoids and yokai, and even some robots, are that way," asserted the Robotic Emperor.
"And I've a wart on my butt," said Soda.
"How lucky!" cried Cydroidobot. "If it were on the end of your nose it might be unlucky, but on your butt it is luckily out of the way."
"For all those reasons," continued Soda, "I have been called Soda the Cursed."
"Then we must turn over a new leaf and call you henceforth Soda the Fortunate," declared Cydroidobot. "Every reason you have given is absurd. But I have noticed that those who continually dread ill luck and fear it will overtake them, have no time to take advantage of any good fortune that comes their way. Make up your mind to be Soda the Fortunate."
"Never give up, Soda," advised Mono. "No one ever knows what's going to happen next."
Cydroidobot, the Robotic Emperor of Mukus Quadrant, ushered the entire party into his spacious home theater and soon our friends were relaxing on the comfortable, over-stuffed couches and recliners. They admired the robot’s collection of framed vintage one sheets, including a "Funderful Thaumaturge of Bonertania" poster signed by Tarantella the Quartz Tarantula.
Cydroidobot wanted to know, first of all, where the Ratsack Golem and Mono had found Soda Olheiser and Chunks, so between them the visitors told the story of how Chunks was made, as well as how the Puffy Beaver and Uncle Karl had been transformed into puke and how Soda had set out upon a journey to procure the ingredients needed for the Chimpanzee Alchemist's concoction. Then Mono told of their adventures inside of Mount El Culo and how at last they succeeded in getting the diarrhea from a dark well.
While the vice-tremorroid was relating these adventures Cydroidobot sat in an easy chair listening with intense interest. Soda had kept her eyes fixed upon the body of the emperor, and now she noticed that out of his left nipple a tiny drop of oil was forming. She watched this drop of oil with a fast-beating heart, and feeling in her pocket brought out a tiny golden vial. Presently Cydroidobot changed his position, and at once Soda, to the astonishment of all, dropped to the floor and held her golden vial under the emperor's nipple. Just then the drop of oil fell, and Soda caught it in her bottle and immediately corked it tight. Then, with a red face and embarrassed manner, she rose to confront the others.
"What on Sifillis were you doing?" asked Cydroidobot.
"I caught a drop of oil that came out of your nipple," confessed Soda.
"Soda is very glad to get that drop of oil,” said Mono.
"Yes," declared Soda, "I am glad. For one of the things the Chimpanzee Alchemist sent me to get was a drop of oil from a live man's body."
"You are very welcome to it, indeed," said Cydroidobot. "Have you now secured all the things you were in search of?"
"Not quite all," answered Soda. "There were five things I had to get, and I have found four of them. I have the antlers on the top of a green jackalope's head, a stench blossom, a shicker of diarrhea from a dark well, and a drop of oil from a live man's body. The last thing is a toenail from a Quantum Perineum, whatever that is."
"I know of only one perineum, and fortunately she is indeed quantum. Unfortunately, I heard she was captured by the Fartmeister.”
"Oh no," cried the Ratsack Golem, who knew well of the Fartmeister’s nefarious deeds.
"Well, I guess," sighed Mono, "We’re going to Fartcano Dominion and springing the Quantum Perineum from the fartcano dungeon."
Cydroidobot stroked his metal chin thoughtfully and said "For such an operation you’re going to need some muscle. My son will accompany you as your bodyguard." Cydroidobot pulled on one of his nipples to open one of the compartments on his chest. He reached in and pulled out a key fob and pressed the button. It beeped twice.
In a few moments a young robot made of orange and black Mukusian plastic appeared. Cydroidobot’s son was much smaller than his father, although if he extended his black ridged tube-legs he could be almost as tall. His black hands were shaped like spoons, with four orange ear-plug sized nubs for fingers, and his feet- which were half as big as his torso- looked like two big upside-down orange funnels. His had bulging white eyes, articulated eyebrows, and his head- which was about the same size as his torso- was shaped like a big battery.
Cydroidobot introduced his son to everyone and everyone to his son.
"I have a quest for you, son."
"Lay it on me," replied the eager young android. He was trained in a variety of different forms of hand-to-hand combat and was proficient with a variety of weapons. He had also seen seventy-three different kung-fu feature film motion pictures.
"I need you to take our friends to the fartcano headquarters of the Fartmeister and rescue the Quantum Perineum from his dungeon. To protect you on this quest I give you this," Cydroidobot said as he pulled a small machine gun from under his recliner. "The assistant thaumaturge enchanted this machine gun so it has unlimited ammunition. But I warn you to respect this weapon, son."
"I know, dad," the plastic robot replied. "Never aim a gun at anyone unless you want to shoot them, and never shoot anyone unless you want to kill them."
"That’s my boy," said Cydroidobot, handing the firearm to his son.
"I will make you proud, father, and conquer the stinky Fartmeister in your name!"
"Right on," said the Robotic Emperor of Mukus Quadrant, raising a molybdenum fist. "Just don’t hurt any living thing."
Cydroidobot’s son looked at the gleaming enchanted machine gun in his hands, and then back at his father with a confused expression on his face. "Er, sure thing, pa."
image [https://i.ibb.co/HNp2wtZ/122small.jpg]