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The next morning Agent Orange, who was the bodyguard of the tremorroid as well as the royal army of Bonertania and the police force of Schmegma City, among other things, got up early and swam some laps in the palace pool. Then, after a leisurely breakfast of alien feces flakes and an iguana-milkshake- during which he finished watching the Plotzian war movie he fell asleep to the night before- he donned his trademark all-orange outfit and went over to the prison to take Soda the Cursed away from the jailer Effluvia to Videotape Palace, where Soda was summoned to appear before the Fairy Tremorroid for judgment in the royal throne room. Again the orange soldier put upon Soda the cinereous handcuffs and crunchy "P"-marked prisoner's sheet with the holes for the eyes. Soda was so ashamed, both of her disgrace and the fault she had committed, that she was glad to be covered up in this way, so that people could not see her or know who she was. She marched in front of Agent Orange, who followed her with his machine gun.
The Citizens of Schmegma were polite people and never jeered at the unfortunate; but it was so long since they had seen a prisoner that they cast many curious looks toward the tween and many of them hurried away to Videotape Palace to be present during the trial. A lot of them held video cameras.
When Soda was escorted into the great throne room of the palace she found hundreds of humanoids, a variety of yokai, and a few plastic robots assembled there, sitting in theater seats on either side of the aisle. Celebrities present included local favorites Gashmouth the Chainsaw Raccoon and Crassgass the Jackass, plus several notable film directors including Shibaemon the Aloof Binbogami, Antonio the Poolskimmer Mantis, and the notorious Zymolytic Capybara, who had just completed a wildly expensive trilogy of films based on his own colonoscopy. In the front row were some of Montana and Titiana’s best friends: Champion cockfighter Cockadoody the Cocky Cockadoodoo, Professor B.M. Foulfinger, Jodo the Royal Flackfizer, and glamorous heiress Edwige Kenchington, who was a beautiful and aristocratic five foot tall burnt umber chigger with beautiful blonde hair.
The throne room was the fifth biggest room in Videotape Palace, after screening rooms 1, 2, and 4 and the roller rink. On a raised platform facing the audience was the magnificent videotape throne. There was cheering and applause from the crowd when Titiana the Fairy Tremorroid of Bonertania appeared in her robe of state, which was black, embroidered with icons of a deep purple eye, a cerulean blue ear, blood red lips, and pale yellow nose. On the top of her head was a tasteful molybdenum diadem with a single small silver dusted diamond glued to it. She waved to her admirers as she made her way to the throne.
Much has been told and written concerning the beauty of person and integrity of character of this tall, willowy flatulenz fairy who ruled all of Bonertania- the richest, the happiest and most delightful country on the continent of Pus. Yet with all her kweenly qualities the tremorroid was a regular young woman and enjoyed the things in life that average Schmegma Citizens enjoyed, especially feature film motion pictures but also electronic music, improv comedy, movie riffing, model kits, swap meets, flea markets, bughunts, bowling, roller skating, LARPing, making hot glue statues out of broken toys, and whittling. When she sat on her splendid videotape throne and made laws and settled disputes and organized film festivals and tried to keep all her subjects happy and contented, she was as dignified and contemplative as any ruler might be; but when she had thrown aside her robe of state, and had retired to the private apartment she shared with her super best friend, the young fairy- joyous, light-hearted and free- replaced the sedate tremorroid. When she passed gas it came out as a delightful cute little squeak.
The tremorroid was now seated, and on her right, but a little lower, was Montana Shingles the Vice-Tremorroid, and to Montana’s left sat Pezzypont Schmeer the Assistant Royal Thaumaturge. Beside Montana was a table upon which was a large glass bowl inside of which was a very long tapeworm. Beside Schmeer was a table upon which was the sideways iguana-milk crate of videotapes from Montana's apartment, into which Chunks had hidden the jar with the stolen stink blossom.
In front of the throne’s platform crouched two yokai, who both were about the size of a large jackass and had jackass legs. There was the wrinkly and hairless and veiny Bruce the Retiring Ocelot- who wore a pair of cool sunglasses- and his super best friend, the equally wrinkly and hairless and veiny Jo the Voracious Rhinoceros. They were well known and respected in Schmegma City and they always handled crowd control at events like this. There was still another celebrity present, but this one Montana held in her arms, for it was her constant companion, the little brown-and-white, half-Jack Russel/half-Shih Tzu antennaed puppy dog yokai Elvira Daisy Shingles. Little Vira knew the Jo and Bruce and often played and romped with them, for they were good friends.
At the same moment that Agent Orange arrived with Soda the Cursed, Rumplemuss, the Ratsack Golem, Chunks, Gary and the Spork Armadillo entered through a side door and walked over to Soda, standing next to her in a line.
"Hullo, Soda!" said Chunks brightly. "Piddily-Cum-a Zoo, how the heck are you?"
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"All right," Soda replied; but the scene awed the girl and her voice trembled a little with fear. Nothing could awe Chunks, and although the green jackalope was somewhat uneasy in these splendid surroundings the Spork Armadillo was delighted with the sumptuousness of the court and the impressiveness of the occasion.
“Man, if I were you I’d be pooping in my trousers,” said Rumplemuss. The Ratsack Golem said:
“Remember, young Soda: Greatness doesn’t always come when things are going your way. When you're really being tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, remember: Only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.”
“Uh-huh,” said Soda.
At a gesture from the tremorroid the orange soldier removed Soda's dirty “P” sheet and the tween stood face to face with the fairy monarch who was to decide her fate. Soda hoped she would be merciful. All the beings in the gallery held their breaths awaiting what was to come next and it was completely silent until someone broke a huge fart and everyone broke out laughing.
The tremorroid sat looking at the prisoner a long time. Then she said gently:
"One of the laws of Bonertania forbids anyone to pick a stench blossom. You are accused of having broken this law, even after you had been warned not to do so."
Soda hung her head and while she hesitated thinking about how to reply Chunks stepped forward and spoke for her.
"Piddily-Cum-a-Zuss, nuts to all this fuss," she said, facing the court unabashed. "You can't prove she picked the stench blossom, so you've no right to accuse her of it. Search her, if you like, but you won't find the flower; look in her backpack and you'll find it's not there. She hasn't got it, so I demand that you set this poor girl free."
The citizens of Schmegma City listened to this defiance in amazement and wondered at the queer stitched-and-stapled crazy quilt being who dared talk so boldly to their ruler. But the tremorroid sat silent and motionless and it was Assistant Thaumaturge Schmeer who answered Chunks.
"So the stink blossom hasn't been picked, eh? EH?" said the chubby balding man. "I think it has. I think the little Schling lady hid it in in a jar in her dark blue backpack, and then gave said backpack to this golem made of chunks. I also think said golem hid said jar containing said stink blossom behind the videotapes in this very milk crate- which stood in the private apartment of the tremorroid herself- hoping to get rid of it so it would not prove the girl guilty!” Chunks now noticed the milk crate for the first time and gulped. “You're a stranger here, Mz. ‘Chunks’- if that is your real name- a stranger who doesn’t know that nothing can be hidden from our powerful ruler's enchanted PC. Look, all of you!" With these words he waved his hands toward the iguana-milk crate on the table.
The videotapes all floated into the air, then stacked themselves neatly on the top of the crate. From behind the tapes floated the jar containing the stench blossom which Soda had unfortunately picked.
Chunks looked at the flower and said: "Oh, so you've found it. Very well; prove she picked it, if you can."
The assistant thaumaturge turned to Soda.
"Did you pick the stench blossom?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied. "I knew it was against the law, but it was to save my Uncle Karl who has been turned into a pile of vomit. I was afraid if I asked you would say no.”
"What caused you to think that?" asked the assistant thaumaturge.
"Why, it seemed to me a stupid law. What’s the big deal in picking a dorky stench blossom. And I- I hadn’t seen Schmegma City yet and I thought a tremorroid who would make such a silly law would not be likely to help anyone in trouble."
Schmeer made a face and a gesture that conveyed “Get a load of this nitwit.” Some of the beings in the audience chuckled and guffawed.
The tremorroid regarded her musingly, her chin resting upon her hand; but she was not angry. On the contrary she smiled a little at her thoughts and then grew sober again.
"I suppose a good many laws seem foolish to those beings who do not understand them," she said; "but no law is ever made without some purpose, and that purpose is usually to protect all the people and guard their welfare. Years ago there were many thaumaturges and alchemists and hoo-hoos in Bonertania, and one of the things they often used in making their concoctions and charms was a stench blossom. These thaumaturgical types caused so much trouble among my people, often using their powers for nefarious means rather than good, that I decided to forbid anyone to practice thaumaturgy without a license. Since I issued that law Bonertania has been far more peaceful and quiet; but I learned that some of the naughty thaumaturges and alchemists and hoo-hoos were still practicing thaumaturgy on the sly and using the stench blossoms to make their bootleg charms and concoctions. Therefore I made another law forbidding anyone from plucking a stench blossom or from gathering other certain alchemistical berries and herbs. That has almost put an end to nefarious thaumaturgy in our land, so you see the law was not a foolish one, but wise and just."
Soda the Cursed raised her head and looked the tremorroid in the face, saying:
"I am sorry I have acted wrongly and broken your law. I did it to save my Uncle Karl and the Puffy Beaver, and I thought no one would ever find out. Whatever punishment you think I deserve, well, that’s fine with me."
The tremorroid smiled more brightly, then, and nodded graciously.
"You are forgiven and cleared of all charges," she said. "For, although you have committed a serious fault, you are now penitent and I think you have been punished enough.” The Schmegma City citizens were glad to hear the tremorroid's decree and cheered their approval. “Agent Orange, release Soda the Fortunate and- "
"I beg your pardon; I'm Soda the Cursed," said Soda.
"At this moment you are fortunate," said she. "Release her, Agent, and let her go free."
As soon as the cinereous handcuffs were removed Soda gave Chunks a big hug. Chunks didn’t know how to react: It was her first hug ever. Soda pet the Spork Armadillo’s head and shook Rumplemuss’ hand, then wiped her hand off on her shirt. Gary then licked her hand which was weird.
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