image [https://i.ibb.co/DWK1rNH/114.jpg]
Rumplemuss the Dirty Wanderer had a pleasant golden apartment in Videotape Palace. His bathroom had a golden sink, a golden toilet, and a golden shower. He never used the golden shower. He was rarely home as he was a wanderer by trade, but he went there now to change his filthy clothes for some slightly less filthy from travel. He selected a raggedy tuxedo and a glaucous cummerbund. Then he belched and threw up in the back of his throat a little, and swallowed it, and then he brushed his greasy hair and beard the wrong way to make them stand up in all directions. After popping a few zits he limped to one of Videotape Palace’s rooms dedicated to watching feature film motion pictures.
The palace has many screening rooms, some with stadium seating, but the friends were meeting in the more intimate home theater, which was filled with couches and recliners facing a 100 inch TV.
Rumplemuss found the Ratsack Golem and Montana Shingles the Vice-Tremorroid of Bonertania sitting together on one of the couches with a bag of fun onions. The living sack of rats had made a quick trip and returned to Schmegma City with his left eye freshly painted. Montana was dropping the tiny onions into the top of the golem’s open sack to feed his hungry squeaking rats. Pezzypont Schmeer, a fat balding man recently hired as assistant to Nobgobin the Royal Thaumaturge, was getting a fresh sparkling cherry cola from the screening room’s built-in soda fountain. Normally they would’ve been joined by Montana’s super best friend Titiana the Fairy Tremorroid but the ruler was working late organizing next week’s movie festival, the theme of which was feature film motion pictures about backhair.
Soon B.M. Foulfinger arrived. Whereas most emancipated fingers were only a few inches long, the yokai had been “big made” into his current six-foot-tall state by the noted scientist and educator Dr. Pizensharten. Foulfinger was a trusted advisor to the court, the dean of Foulfinger University, and a good friend. The finger rode into the room on his dozens of tentacles and bowed at the knuckle to Montana.
"What a lovely left eye!" Foulfinger then said to the Ratsack Golem. "Why, it's a hundred times better than the old one."
"I'm glad you like it," replied the Ratsack Golem, well pleased. "Rebekkah Earwax did a neat job, didn't she? And my sight is now perfect. Isn't it wonderful what a little paint will do, if it's properly applied?"
"It really is wonderful," the finger agreed, packing roachberries into a pipe; "Gash must have made his legs twinkle to have carried you so far in one day. I didn't expect you back before tomorrow, at the earliest."
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"Well," said the Ratsack Golem, "I met a bewitching lady on the road and wanted to see more of her, so I hurried back."
"I know," Montana said "It's the chunks golem. She is certainly bewildering."
"Have you seen her, then?" the wiggling sack of rats eagerly asked. Dean Foulfinger lit his roachberry pipe, which was made of a blue metal, then passed it to Montana.
"Oh, yes. When the Puffy Beaver stitched together her crazy-quilt soul she must have selected the gayest and brightest pieces of humanoids and yokai that ever existed." Montana paused to smoke the roachberry pipe and then passed it to Rumplemuss.
"I am glad you like her," said the Ratsack Golem in a satisfied tone as he tied up the top of his sack.
Seeing that the living sack of rats was interested in Chunks they forbore to say anything against her. The little band of friends the vice-tremorroid had gathered around her was so quaintly assorted that much care must be exercised to avoid hurting their feelings or making any one of them unhappy. It was this considerate kindness that held them best friends and enabled them to enjoy one another's company.
Another thing they avoided was conversing on unpleasant subjects, and for that reason Soda the Cursed and her troubles were not mentioned during the evening. Rumplemuss, however, related his adventures with the monstrous chododendrons which had seized and enfolded the adventurers, and told how he had robbed the Orange Bunion of the quills which it was accustomed to shoot at people.
"Good for you," said Montana. "That guy is a real dork-butt." Both B.M. Foulfinger and the Ratsack Golem were pleased with this exploit and thought it served the obstinate bunion right.
Then they talked of Gary.
"He can shoot lazers from his eyes, after a fashion," said the wanderer. "And only once a month."
The vice-tremorroid had never known that Bonertania contained such a thing as a lazer-shooting green jackalope. Rumplemuss said he believed Gary was a good guy, mellow and faithful; but he added that he did not care much for the Spork Armadillo.
"Yes" said the vice-tremorroid, "That pink armadillo is too conceited over her pink flesh and brains."
Schmeer the Assistant Thaumaturge had been sipping his soda silently until now, when he looked up and remarked:
"The Make Living Concoction that brought the armadillo made of spork and golem made of chunks to life is really an amazing concoction. I admit that. But this Chimpanzee Alchemist does not know its true value and he uses it in the most foolish ways. At any rate, he should be punished severely for breaking the No Thaumaturgy law. Severely punished. I feel strongly that we don’t enforce that law nearly harshly enough."
"Well why don’t you take Agent Orange and go to his dome and arrest him?"
"Well, maybe I will," said the Assistant Thaumaturge, gravely.
Soon they all had the munchies and Montana had a handmaiden bring in some alien feces nachos, scabbage chips, and scrapple dumplings; and to drink, some hairy pink lemonade. While eating they settled into the comfy recliners and couches in the screening room and watched a feature film motion picture about a bumbling serial killer called the Skobeloff Sasquatch, who was played by one of their favorite actors, the Yellow Yeti. When it was over they talked about the movie for an hour, then they all went to their respective homes and hit the hay.
image [https://i.ibb.co/jGZHLLp/114small.jpg]