Book 2: Dirt Diver’s Dance
Trying To Drive Me Mad Ch: 24
The goddess Dana, Healer of Wounds and Balm in Man’s Suffering was having a really shitty afternoon. She was trapped inside the filthy creature, Gary Ward; somehow she had been shackled to his senses and remained unable to withdraw, or act in any way.
She was simply a helpless passenger, as he pedaled some mad contrivance up into the hills above the town at terrifying speeds. Though, to be fair, any movement in physical space was frightening to a being that had never been corporeal or powerless before.
The awful thing chattered inanely with the mortal children in his company, heedless of the misery and agony his disgusting, heavily cursed body was inflicting on her. The torment increased with every passing mile and with each miserable crank of his legs on the terrible torture machine.
Each bump in the road, every pivot of his hips as he pedaled, was agony. As the afternoon wore on, that wretched saddle hammered at their shared taint, butthole and bollocks mercilessly.
She screamed silently in the empty place she occupied, as the man’s hideous mortal senses washed over her and became her entire world…
#
Ticklefoot woke in darkness, he remembered being Ticklefoot… and remembered falling into a whirling storm of stones and gravel…and pain. There was a dark, crashing emptiness after that.
He looked around and wondered where and what he was… since he didn’t have any real idea about either of those things.
There was no place around his… whatever he was. No physical body bound his form either, there was nothing, and plenty of it to go around. At least his foot didn’t tickle anymore, nor was he hungry. That thought shocked him to the core he didn’t seem to have right now.
Ticklefoot didn’t have many memories, just fragments and flashes… falling and darkness… The next thing he recalled was licking his old thinkin stuff up off a rock, once he’d grown a new headbone and the goop that’s supposed to be inside. He sharply remembered the taste of his own brains, and the flashes of cognition that he’d gleaned from each morsel.
He’d been pinned in place, lost in a dark, crushing tomb of jagged, fallen stone for… whatever; before coming to this non-place for… whatever.
In the endless dark, he raged, bellowed and fought… at, with and against… nothing, until his mad, impotent fury died, screaming and mad in the void. Eventually, in a place without substance or time, he settled in to wait; because that was all there was to ‘do’. As he waited, memories, sensation and feelings that were not his began to percolate through the empty places in him, where his own mind had once been…
Someone else’s senses, or so he assumed, in the lightless, soundless abyss. With no other choices, he fell into whatever he was experiencing, drinking in any distraction from the maddening, desolate void.
#
“You ok, dad?” Rio asked, as Gary started to falter on a long uphill grind.
“Yeah, I’m good. I haven’t been using my motor… It’s good for me to work out the legs a bit. You don’t want your old man going soft, do you?” He smiled at Rio and started up his creepy, eldritch creation.
“Try to ignore any weird colors or auras that it gives off, I’m still working on the radiation shielding enchantments.”
“You look pale…” Rio insisted gently. “Pull over, gang. We’re taking a break.”
Gary complained and fussed for a few minutes; but once they got him off his bike in a pretty, upland meadow, he quickly sprawled out on the ground in the sun and sighed.
“All right, maybe I am a little shaky…” He mumbled after a few minutes resting on the grassy meadow.
“You should stick him, just to be sure…” Mariah muttered to Kree, from her perch behind his left ear.
“Kree, keep your stinger to yourself… I’ll be ok, once I visit the bushes. Deuces are wild.”
He took a small shovel and one of his bike’s saddle bags off into the underbrush for a little while, cheerfully answering nature’s call.
“Ew! Gross!” The two little insects buzzed and chirped, before they flitted over to perch on Rio’s shoulder in the shade.
“In the woods…” One muttered.
“Like an animal…” The other replied, with a giggle of insectile laughter.
“I dunno… something seems off.” Kree whispered in Rio’s ear, once her bonded companion was out of sight. “Keep an eye on him.”
#
Down by the crystal clear, alpine lake, Amy, Larry, and Perry were relaxing with Becky and Kermal, laying down some mellow afternoon jazz around the small camp fire at the center of the jam sesh.
Lindsey and Barry sat side by side on a fallen log, looking out over the peaceful lake. Her soft whisper drifted to his ears, hidden by the music.
“I’ve never ridden in a boat before… Well, just that once, when the horse was the captain, but I may have dreamed that one…” She burbled giddily. A few yards away, Flash frolicked in the meadow with the blindfolded giant moth and Amy’s snow leopard, playing tag among the trees.
“I haven’t had a day off in… what day is it, even?”
Out of nowhere, Amy’s small brown hands took Lindsey’s pale ones in a gentle grip and halted her anxious chatterboxing. “Slow down, relax, take a breath. Why don’t you and Barry take the boat for the day? Cruise the lake and have some quiet time, just you two. We’ll entertain the horsie.”
Her wide and eager smile sold Barry on the idea and soon he was helping her aboard the little craft, smiling more than a little himself. They motored silently away, heading out onto the bright blue waters to ‘explore’ the tiny lake.
“I like this…” Lindsey sighed and leaned against Barry, smiling happily. “I’ve never really been on a boat before… I must have dreamt that silly night time cruise.”
“No, that really happened, Lin. We have a few sailing enthusiasts in the family… including captain Annie, the pirate pony…” A strange look crossed Barry’s face, as he fell silent for a second or two.
“That’s funny… Amy never let me take her boat out before.” He mumbled, as suspicion slowly dawned on him.
“Do you think she’s scheming, or something?”
“I very much doubt that, Barry.” Lindsey lied sweetly, as she settled in against him and pressed her face into his collar.
“Steer the boat, I’m taking a nap right here.”
#
Fifth bell was inaudible, so far from town, but the kids all felt the time had come to head back. No one complained or sulked about the end of the leisure day, mostly.
They broke camp and packed away most of the gear, as the two on MissAdventure slowly sailed back to their makeshift landing on a beach of decomposed granite that was almost fine enough to be called sand.
Barry hopped into the shin deep water, moored to a scrawny pine tree and held his hands out to his pretty, gray eyed passenger.
When she stepped closer and held her hands out, he slipped close and put Lindsey ashore by gripping her slender waist and lifting the lanky girl to the beach, leaving her with dry feet and a pounding heart. She may have released a small cry of alarm, at being manhandled…
“Oo! You should make her squeak like that more often, Barry… That was cute!” Amy cheered, as she collected the blushing girl into her bosom.
“Come on, let’s get home before the others and pretend we weren’t slacking off all day.”
#
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Dana was familiar with human physiology and biological processes, in the way the divines bothered to understand such things. Now she was learning all the intimate, grizzly and moist details… first hand.
The scents, sounds and sensations were all novel and uniquely awful.
From digging a hole in the forest loam to squat over, to the horrid, floppy penis and testicles that had to be managed, despite the way they jumbled about; even the preliminaries were disgusting. Without warning, that vile, meaty hose spurted liquid everywhere… and that was just the beginning of her new torment.
A few awful minutes later, only the smell of fresh human urine, scat and newly turned soil remained, to commemorate an experience like no other in her long existence. Then came the wiping of the backside and burying of the remains…
The goddess of Healing was not amused or entertained. Not one little bit.
#
“Oh wow… What the hell did I eat?” He moaned to himself, when the task was done. “No more softshell freshwater crabs… not worth it.”
Gary emerged from the shrubbery looking much better and declared himself once more, ready to ride. “I felt a little sick and weird there. I’m fine now.” He mumbled happily, with a huge stretch that made his spine crackle and pop.
“It was just a little eldritch diarrhea… which is weird, I gotta admit. I don’t eat demons anymore.” He mused thoughtfully.
“Check him over, Kree. I think he’s hiding something.” Rio grumbled to Frankie. The young, blonde Adventurer lad tugged his collar aside, so the little wasp girl could take off more easily, as she darted from behind his ear with a loud buzz.
The tiny insect familiar flashed back to her host in a blur of black and gold, spiraling around and around a half dozen times, before alighting on her favorite perch, behind his ear and tangled in his hair. “He’s fine… there’s something weird about his aura, but that’s normal for him. It’s always fluctuating.” She yawned and stretched for a moment. “Should I sting him a little? Just to be safe?”
“Hey!” Gary complained. “No stinging!”
“He’ll be fine, Kree.” Rio declared firmly. “Just let us know if he gets wobbly.”
“I love my kids…” Gary mumbled, in the tone of someone reminding themselves of something easily forgotten, through his usual goofy grin.
“Yeah, we know. Let’s get going; we can be home in an hour if we get cranking.” The lanky boy grumbled right back.
#
The imprisoned goddess could only go along for the ride, as her captor walked back over to his abominable torture machine, his legs, sore backside and weird, squishy, boy parts all complaining loudly.
Somehow the horrible creature ignored the wrenching, stabbing agony of that iron hard bike saddle meeting his… their poor, battered grundle. Once more the torment began; her silent screams echoing back in her mind, deafeningly loud, so loud she could almost hear a savage, bestial echo sounding, from some unguessable distance.
#
The excruciating ride ended at a cluster of small cottages, surrounding a good sized stone inn with a cheerful red roof. Young humans scampered about wildly, as the group rode up.
Several came charging forward as they dismounted, young voices erupting with gleeful shouts.
“Papa!”
The brood of mortals began hugging and embracing the helpless goddess’ prison… It felt surprisingly good, as a wash of mortal chemicals washed over her host body, bringing blessed distraction from some of the constant agony.
“Hey, kids… slow down. I’m really wiped out and Kree is getting ready to sting me.” He complained weekly, as he slowly ambled for the bath, dragging Dana along with him.
“Go on, pops.” Rio murmured, as he helped his father out of his armor. “I’ll rack your bike and gear for you, hit the showers. Kree, Mariah, let’s go find a snack.”
Two tiny insectile creatures dashed from her host’s messy hair and landed on the handsome dark skinned youth’s collar.
“Thanks, kids. I need some quiet time.” He sighed.
The terrible thing staggered into a clean white tiled changing room beside the large house and began to strip himself bare. She suffered with poor grace, as her awful humanoid prison washed himself, including those jiggly, meaty things. He spent too much time cleaning those, causing the parts to shift and twitch in some disturbing ways that Dana was deeply upset by.
Fortunately, he stopped fiddling with his parts and finally slipped into the soothing hotspring bath, bringing relief and ease to the shattered, exhausted goddess.
With the easing of the creature’s constant pain, Dana felt her bonds loosen, just a little. With effort, she began to wriggle and struggle to free herself, as the wretch began to slip into shallow, dreamless sleep in the hot, bubbling water.
The sun slipped lower, as evening approached on silent purple slippers of shadow. A warm breeze blew up from the valley floor, scented with growing things and faintly of smoke from the city’s fireplaces. In a tranquil state, he slipped away into restful slumber in the bath.
Careless of the beauty around her sleeping prison, Dana struggled and filled for an endless time, until she finally found a small gap, a crack in the lunatic’s body, soul and Mind that was just wide enough to allow her passage back into the endless meadow on the Madman’s moon.
She was halfway through that narrow, winding fissure into the ether, when her world, once more, was shaken and thrown into chaos.
A slow building pressure began to grow behind her, a massive, irresistible force, pushing the goddess onward relentlessly at ever greater…
Words like speed, velocity and ballistic trajectory don’t mean much in the space between and among worlds and dimensions. Energy mattered though, energy was the only ‘real’ ‘thing’ in the ‘place’ she found herself… and that energy was not hers.
With a helpless scream of… the closest thing an immortal can come to terror; Dana shot through the fissure and blasted back into the endless meadow. Whatever force hurled her back, cast the helpless divine high into the sky above the standing stones; far, far above them and falling rapidly.
#
High on the mountain pass, overlooking a deep, jagged and narrow valley, Shai began her slow and careful ritual, on the same rocky outcropping her kids had camped on when they had come to the mouth of the void.
The remnant magic of their crafts eased her own working greatly, as she slowly pulled her sturdy, slate roofed stone roundhouse into existence. With her friends playing along on their own instruments, crafted by her boy’s hands and still linked in subtle ways to his very soul… and so to hers as well, she began to draw on their Mana, sipping a little from each to bolster her own flagging reserves.
Cause, baby, there ain't no mountain high enough!
Ain't no valley low enough!
Ain't no river wide enough!
To keep me from getting to you, babe!
She sang and danced, performing a song from another world and time, with and for her close friends and kin, as energies slowly gathered under her dancing feet… Magic and music drawn from human souls, the spirits of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Light slowly gathered and began to coalesce.
She reached through the bond she shared with her fool, the entangling, magical, spiritual and soul bonds that fate and wicked gods had ensnared them both in. Deep in a back corner of her mind, a normally disused section of cerebral architecture began to come to life, directed by her carefully honed Will and Mind.
Though she was late in copper rank, nearly into bronze and her boy had been forcibly gimped, cursed and de-ranked; his gift was still hard to manage. It tugged and surged at her, restlessly demanding more Mana and spiritual essence than she alone possessed.
Today the struggle seemed even more desperate, the wild and untamed magics of her husband’s soul were riled up and disturbed by something. Her control and concentration were sorely tested by some kind of magical interference from an unknown source.
Despite the strange magical impedance, a wet, gray cloud bank drifted over the deep valley, cloaking the local area in dense, constantly shifting mist, obscuring all but vague hints of what was going on.
Her home’s low conical, slate roof and central chimney slowly emerged in the dense mist, standing over a much smaller garden. The humble dwelling was ringed by a low stone wall, enclosing a small courtyard holding the ubiquitous Ward family hotspring bath.
A few fruit trees and vegetable beds lay among the flowers and shrubs in her compact yard, in a faint reflection of her husband’s expansive land and plantings. Likewise, her outdoor bath was much smaller, though still ridiculously large and delightfully landscaped.
Without Gary’s presence, she still couldn’t call their home into being; his splendid inn would remain locked away in the void, unless the kids helped him call it forth at their campsite.
Her companions seemed enthusiastic; despite her home’s limitations, it was still a treasure beyond price to the weary riders.
Within thirty minutes, the mists and obscuring fog cleared, beginning to drift down from the chimney top, first and slowly thinning away. As the last scrap of fog faded, a loud sound rang out from deep within the humble stone home, a deafening bang of shattering wood, followed by the clang of stone hitting metal thundered out and fell silent.
“What was that?” The count asked gently, as Shai nearly tripped in the final steps of her intricate spell dance.
“Fie… I dinnae ken. There were some strange resistance or impedance all through, though.” She grumbled, deeply dissatisfied by her ending stumble. “Let’s see what folly we have wrought.” She sighed as she opened the door.
#
*Warning*
Hostile curses: null-count/unknown number. Multiple curses detected in your soul/body/Mind interface. Begin DeBug process?
Yes/No?
*Warning*
Gary blinked a few times as he awoke. That was the usual message, the one that he dismissed every morning by flicking ‘No’.
It usually didn’t show up again until morning, but every once in a while, after a really good nap it would pop up again… The second one was new, though.
*Warning*
Alien and hostile entity/entities detected: two (2) hostile presences have been detected in your soul/body/mind interface. Alien forces will be expelled, some disruption of normal processes may occur. Please be patient.
*Warning*
He felt a lurching sensation in his guts, which quickly shot up and out through the top of his head in a silent, screaming wail of agony and terror… perhaps it was two screams, in perfect, shrill harmony.
#
“Wait here. I must need see what is gone awry in there.” Shai grumbled, as she opened her door and peered inside; she couldn’t sense any hostile forces or anything too weird…
But there was a huge hole in her floor, punched up from below; right through the wide, oak planks near the fireplace.
Her best big iron kettle was tipped over by the hearth, with a crack in the side and something white inside it.
“Fie…”
She muttered crossly, as she focused her Will to repair her illusory floorboards. The kettle was real and would want mending… She tipped the heavy, iron cauldron upright and looked inside, while considering that task.
From her cookpot, the tarted up, swankily dressed idol of Dana, goddess of Healing, her fool husband had created lay inside; complete and undamaged.
She held up the holy prostitute projectile and did a little fast mental math… Some terrible force had launched the relic through their shared connection; from the ritual circle in his basement workshop, into hers… and up through her floor, to ring her best cookpot like an iron bell.
“Gods above and below…” She muttered at the silent, inert ritual object. “Fie, at least ye kinnae shriek and yell in this state.”
The exhausted Adventurer sighed and stashed the idol away, before it could cause any more trouble. Shai tucked it in a mundane satchel, which she slung over her shoulder with a wan smile for her friends and family, all clustered around the doorway.
“Come in, ‘twas a project of that fool of mine that went wrong. All is well now.” It wasn’t a lie, not really.
The crowd tumbled in, jostling and goofing in their excitement and eagerness. All the old patterns fell into place quickly.Dannyl and Ivy hit the kitchen and started cooking, Tallum had the bikes in the shed out back, checking them over, while Liam and Shai fussed over the party members themselves.
In a little over an hour, the people were fed, the machines and gear tended and the house on the point settled down for a long evening, before a long day on the morrow.
“Shai… is everything really alright?” Liam asked finally, in a quiet moment by the fireplace.
The soft crackle and hiss of the fire was soothing and familiar, since it was fueled with actual wood, that helped to ease her worries. “His mad idol of holy Dana did get launched with great force into my basement, brother.” She murmured.
“I think it did him and me no harm, but I do wonder… What would the goddess experience from such?”
“Distressing… sister.” The young count muttered, having no better answer for the kind of madness they were discussing.
“We can only address the task before us, I suppose.”
#