Book 2: Dirt Diver’s Dance

Then You Come Creeping Around Ch: 22

“Don’t mind us, brother… We’re just being lazy.” Ghnash muttered around his pipe stem, when Gandree wandered downstairs in the late evening, having slept the whole day through.

Sabrina and the king were snuggled up near the rocky cleft the hot water surged through, constantly filling his pool from some unknown source.

The handsome, green skinned man gave him a sharp toothed grin and shrugged his wide, muscular shoulders… jostling the sleepy green babe in his arms.

“Being the goblin king isn’t that demanding, timewise. We had nothing pressing to do and my lovely lady wanted to look around your garden by night, so we just kinda hung out. It really is lovely, if a little sparse on plant life.”

“I couldn’t manifest the garden, or really much at all beyond a small stone hut, until my first sunrise outside.” Gandree murmured quietly. “Now it’s one of my favorite things, along with the bath.” The dwarf sighed, as he slipped into the pool.

“Yeah, I dig your workshop too, kid. I’ll be poking around and copying some of your tools.” Ghnash whispered, once Sabrina settled in again.

“Sure, just ignore the things I already copied from you.”

Gandree muttered with a chuckle. “I plan on finishing my guitar today, I would appreciate your advice and input. I’m kinda fumbling around in the dark here.”

“You boys, go go play with your toys… I’ll make the breakfast. This garden and your kitchen are more interesting than watching you fools slice your fingers off.” Sabrina muttered quietly from the king’s arms.

“I have all ten fingies still, my love.” Ghnash muttered, as his cuddly armful squeaked and hopped out of the pool, wet and indignant.

“Wicked wicked king!” She scolded, rubbing her pinched bottom and glaring at both of them.

“You and your court jesterfool can eat sawdust!” She stomped off and began clattering around in the kitchen, inside, still damp and nude.

“Uh, she seemed pretty mad.” Gandree muttered when he was finished blushing and turning colors.

“Nope, I’m supposed to go seduce her in your kitchen… She’s adventurous and likes to push my boundaries.” Ghnash muttered smugly.

“Uh…” Gandree opined wittily.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to her later. That was probably her endgame anyway.” The king sighed in elaborate distress and misery, before ruining his performance with a saucy wink and a grin.

“Now look here, kid… I don’t wanna have to explain goblin courtship and all my beloved Sabrina’s kinks to my new brother…”

“I wasn’t asking!” The dwarf lad protested vehemently.

“I’m bustin’ your chops, kid. Relax, I’ll go talk talk with my lovely wife.” Ghnash grinned at him and shrugged. “Then we play in your workshop and maybe cut our fingies off, just to spite her.”

The king said that last part loud enough for Sabrina to hear him, drawing a rude gesture from the lanky, lovely goblin matron.

“I knew she’d warm up to you… She had a lot of trouble with goblin men before coming here; most of my ladies are dealing with trauma of one sort or another…” He smiled at his new brother and shrugged.

“I’m asking you to forgive their rudeness. Now that Sabbie is cool with you, the rest should fall in line quickly.” Together the two disappeared down into the basement workshop for a good long while.

#

In the endless and implacable void, a massive, colorful spider clung to threads of magic and theoretical energies that most beings would be unable to perceive or touch. He dangled on a thread of magic, remnants of another being’s passage, just outside an eye watering fissure that led back into a physical reality.

Hermit was among the few of the ‘brothers’ scattered across the fragmentary worlds who was able to navigate the naked void between realms; even if he would rather not.

His eight eyes allowed him to see the near infinite network of fissures in local ‘reality’ and the connections between the many entrances. That was good, because the void maw he approached first had been sealed, or perhaps simply closed and locked.

It was a magical gate with a lock and a cunning magical alarm that he had no desire to trip. Unsealing the ward would take a little time and effort on his part, but there was that alarm…

The same spell working that closed the gate, slipped its sneaky threads and strands into all of the nearby fractures into that reality as well, fiddling with those enough to allow him to pass would set the alarm off as well.

“Clever, rascal! You weave well…”

He leapt, dangling from a thread of Will that drifted in the ether, floating an unguessable ‘distance’ off in the never. With a nimble swing, he swarmed ‘down’... or maybe it was ‘up’... whichever; it led to a nearby open door.

“Hold, friend…” A voice that shouldn’t be present or audible reverberated through the local ether, shaking what little matter and reality there was to shake.

“This realm is sealed and under guard. Your essence is too potent to pass these boundaries, my child, only entities of rank ‘S’ or lower may freely pass into this realm… for now.”

Hermit ‘looked’ for the source of the impossible voice and found nothing, just a vast cloud of odd vapor, drifting ‘nearby’.

“Show yourself, entity… If you are truly a ‘friend’.” He croaked into the void, breathing something completely unlike air for the task.

“Oh no, I can’t do that, but I’ve touched you; I can find your light amongst the multitude now, mortal spider kin.” The voice sighed across endless gulfs of nonspace, in a tone of deep satisfaction.

“My child has spoken of your brethren; she has taken up with one or two of you now, perhaps I shall take an interest as well; some of mine dwell in these tiny, diverging and chaotic worlds.”

“Do you threaten me and my kin, nameless one?” Hermit croaked into the void.

“Quite the opposite, my child. I am Aclintherios, Weaver of Life’s Threads, deity of some few spider species on a few worlds, here and there.” The voice murmured almost shyly. “Your friend the goblin king has made Contract with my youngest child, seek him and the other one if you wish to know more. The stress of interacting with you in this way is exhausting, seek out the goblin and his new brother, my child.”

As the Hermit watched, that vast and diffuse cloud swiftly collapsed in and became a golden tarantula of truly imponderable size, seeming immense beyond all rationality, even at a terrible ‘distance’ ‘away’. Whatever those ideas meant in a ‘place’ that was eternal, empty and still, yet somehow simultaneously filled with potential.

The distant, shining arachnid vanished without any effect or disturbance, it winked from his perceptions in an instant.

“I just met a god. And it felt familiar…” Hemit mumbled to himself. “Weird…” The spider entity spun a fresh line and hurled himself for a familiar doorway, just a few whatevers and no-wheres away.

#

Frank and Maya rode out with Rio and Dannyl, running a half dozen of Wilf and Harry’s spatial void warning bells back down the valley for distribution to the Adventurers and the count’s warbands. After four days in the hills, chasing shadows and sniffing around for openings into other places, the idea of a few hours in town was tempting to most of the non nerds. Wilf and Harry were still too absorbed in their work to look away from their experiments and notes for more than a few minutes at a time, beyond eating, bathing and sleeping.

Straws were drawn, in the ancient tradition, then Dannyl and the lucky three kids vanished down the road in a whir of tires on hard packed clay and gravel.

The Clown-Shoes and the rest of team Ragamuffin found themselves at loose ends, there were a few shepherds and such in these rocky uplands, but no one lived within miles of their camp on the mountain side, just below the treeline. They were pretty much the only people under the jagged granite spire of a mountain no one bothered to learn the name of, or if it even had one.

“There’s a nice looking lake two miles east of here.” Benny rumbled, once the riders were out of sight. “Anyone wanna go fishing?”

The cheerful clamor of the kids heading out for a day off by a small mountain lake soon ended, as stillness and quiet settled over the compound of fanciful cottages clustered around Wilf’s stone built home and workshop.

“I kinda feel bad, leaving sir Kermal and high priestess Becky behind…” Lindsey murmured into Barry’s coat collar, riding behind him on the ‘tandem’ bike through the cool mountain morning.

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“Those two are as bad as my folks…” Barry called back over his shoulder. “It’s best we leave them alone to play house for the day; Wilf and Harry won’t come up from the lab ‘til third bell.” He wriggled a little farther back on his saddle, as she scooted a little closer in the cool, rushing wind of their ride.

Flash galloped behind them, sniggering and being an idiot.

“Barry, please tell your horse that I have to hold on to you like this...” Lindsey grumbled icily, as the foal kept gamboling up behind them and nudging her closer to Barry with his big, empty horse head.

“I don’t mind…” He murmured quietly, refusing her orders with a cheerful smile.

By the time the three of them reached the lake shore, Amy and the boys had set up a day camp already, on a pleasant clearing. There was even a little skiff of varnished wood bobbing gently on the unnamed lake’s surface.

“A boat…?” The gray eyed girl asked, her expression of not quite surprise and mild annoyance made Barry smile.

“Oh, yeah… just go with it.” Her boy murmured as they rode into the clearing. “You should just accept that things like this will keep happening; we have a lot of storage gifts in the family...”

“Spare me, goofy boy. I gave up a few days ago… dryads and demigods floating around, doing spirits alone know what!” She gave him a playful nudge on his lightly armored shoulder. “I expect a fun day by the lake and no foolishness.”

“No foolishness indeed. There’s at least four fifths of a troll out there somewhere, nursing a grudge.” Larry reminded them as they dismounted and he drove in the last long, elaborately carved wooden stake, completing their camp warding ritual. “That’s why we’re taking precautions.”

Eight poles of eight different magical hardwoods, carved in the figures of guardian beasts and leering totem poles stood equally spaced out around the camp, thrumming with a subtle force for a few seconds, before falling silent.

“That will repel and ward off most beasts and common monsters… an ogre with enough motivation could push through it I think.” Larry said with a yawn. “It’s a real Mana hog… I need a nap.”

He stumbled off, headed for a hammock strung in the pines, near the lake with a sleepy wave bye-bye.

#

Gandree and the king stumbled back up from the basement covered in sawdust, speckled with lacquer, paint, glue and varnish, but smiling widely.

“The boy made a fine instrument… needs to settle in and rest a while.” Ghnash grumbled happily.

“What did you cook for your hungry menfolk, woman of mine?”

Sabrina gave him a glare that nearly scorched the king’s messy mop of shaggy hair, joined by Daisibelle’s own searing glower of displeasure, directed at the hapless dwarf.

“Welcome back, Daze… what did I do?” Gandree asked meekly, before glaring right back at her. “Wait!’ You're not the boss of me!”

“Isn’t she, boy?” Ghnash asked calmly. “I think you and she were meant to meet, perhaps… Or it could just be that your meeting was too impactful to be easily forgotten, for you both. My divinations are, as yet unclear.”

“Right…” The dwarf mumbled in a deeply noncommittal way.

“King papa’s rune sticks tell true…” Daisybelle complained at him, her ire forgotten in a moment.

“Oo! Dinner!” She chirped, taking a seat at the now properly sized table.

“You’re in for a treat, little brother, Sabrina’s mushroom stew is the best!” Ghnash exclaimed eagerly. “Pan fried crayfish and freshwater crab soup!”

The meal lacked spice and heat, but was excellent; putting both craftsmen in a sleepy, bedtime mood. Sabrina and the king stumbled off for home just as the sun started rising in the east, calling the nocturnal folk home to rest.

#

“A dungeon excursion?” Tawny asked coldly at breakfast. “Perhaps I was mistaken, I thought my husband was the bloody count of this domain; not an Adventurer with no good sense at all.”

“I can be more than just one thing…” Liam replied with a boyish grin that nearly broke her resolve.

“We need to get a handle on what’s going on, exploring is the only option and we can’t get a delve team here for weeks. I’m unwilling to send just anyone through until we know more.”

“And why you, husband?” She demanded weakly, her resolve already crumbling away.

“Because I’m the count and these things are a threat to my people and lands…” The count replied calmly and reasonably, until he cracked a wide, almost childlike grin of excitement. “And I wanted an excuse to go on an Adventure with my familiar and some old friends… and maybe my wife.”

“I will not be taking our unborn son through any weird tunnels through reality, fool of a man!” She huffed fondly at the handsome young Adventurer count. “Be safe and don’t do anything too absurd. I take it Ivy, Tallum and Dannyl will be going on this jaunt?”

“Yes, and Shai as well. I’ll be careful and will return soon.” He pressed a kiss on her lips, then fell to his knees and embraced her still mostly flat tummy and sighed happily.

“We will depart the day after tomorrow and will return within two weeks.”

#

“I’m coming.” Gary said firmly.

“No, ye aren’t.” Shai answered flatly. “I’ll be going, ye will stay here. Ye shall join Becky and the bairns in their investigations an willnae be troublesome nor cause a ruckus.”

“Babe…” He sighed weakly.

“Nae. The wee ones need yer arts and guidance, Kree shall be in charge of thee.” She shook her head and pulled him closer to her in the bedding. “Perhaps some day we will fight side by side again, me valiant lad. Fer now, this be my task.”

He sat back in the bed and grumbled unhappily at no one in particular.

“I’m really sick of watching the world go by without me…”

#

“Uncle Hermit, are you ok?” Daisybelle asked gently. “You look kinda bloated and stiff.”

Her voice woke the young dwarf in the bright light of mid day, the bedroom window was flung wide open and the curtains drawn back. Daisybelle sat on the windowsill wearing only a shift of spider silk and brief, pale blue underthings that clung to her scandalously.

“I ate too much on the way here, now I need to molt… Damnably inconvenient, except that your pops is gonna let me hole up in his basement for a week.” The voice was rough and hoarse, almost alien and was coming from something on the roof of his house. “I just wanted to get my eyes on the new guy, before I have to take a long nap.”

“Daze? What’s going on?” He mumbled, only mostly awake.

“My uncle Hermit has come calling… You shouldn’t meet him yet. Gotta wait, Gandree boy. Go back to sleep.” She called from her seat at the window, before turning back to her unseen companion.

“He’s mine, no games or plots. Mine!” She grumbled. “Keep your entangling webs away away from him ‘til I say so.”

“Hey, I’m right here…” The dwarf complained, as he struggled to free himself of his tangled and super comfy bedding.

“Maybe I should have a say in when, what, where and with whom I ‘entangle’ myself.”

“Don’t be silly! Hush hush now, this is serious talk.” Daisybelle winked at him and drew the curtains, before leaping back into the bed with a giggle. “Uncle Hermit is already gone gone. Now back to sleep, you’ll meet him when he’s less cranky. He’s really scary before molting.”

“I feel like you’re hiding something awful from me…” He grumbled, as he pulled the cozy, cuddly girl closer to him and slowly drifted off to sleep in her arms.

As evening slowly settled over the deep valley and wide lake, the dwarf lad was in the basement, with the windows flung wide open to admit the last feeble rays of the setting sun. He made constant and minute adjustments to a number of things on his strange new toy, none of which made any sense to the goblin lass.

She sat on a high stool, munching on a sweet, crispy oat and apple muffin, smeared with orange marmalade and clotted cream, watching him goof around. When he started playing with silvery strands of braided spider silk she got excited.

“Oh, is this some kind of cross-bow, like the humans sometimes use? I still don’t see how it works.”

“No, Daze… it’s a musical instrument, not a weapon.” Gandree mumbled happily, as he strung up his guitar at last.

“Oh, it has a hole in the top, do you poop in this one? It seems unsuitable for digging holes.” She asked with innocent, wide eyed wonder, just to annoy him.

“Lady Joy preserve me…” He whispered in desperate, heartfelt prayer over his instrument.

“Oo! Yes, remindses me! Make me an idol to goddess SmileyFace… we should call to her as well!”

Daisybelle sat back and nibbled on a roast boar and mushroom pasty while her boy plucked one string at a time, twiddled about and then plucked another… before going back again and doing it all over.

“That’s a splendid idea…” Gandree mumbled, seeming finally satisfied by his notes. He set the instrument down on a padded stand and smiled warmly at the green maiden waiting patiently for him to finish playing around.

“We should offer SmartyPan… Marduk his honeyed dumplings and cookies again. Did we ever figure out what the spider goddess wanted?”

He finally set his guitar down for a moment, so the wily goblin girl pounced.

“Yes, we did indeed.” Daisybelle murmured happily as she got up, strolled over, sat on his knee and took a long, languid stretch.

Her short, silken robe came untied and parted, revealing a very skimpy arrangement of lace, ribbons and only the smallest fragments of opaque cloth. Her plump green breasts bounced in two frothy cups of lace and velvet, tied together with just a few silken ribbons.

Down below, there was even less fabric and hardly more than a few ribbons… They rode right over her hips and between her sleek, rounded cheeks, nestled in the dusky, verdigris canyon he’d pursued in his dreams, while she was away.

“Daze… you aren’t… Wearing anything.” He gasped weakly, as she snuggled her bare bottom into his lap with a joyful squeak.

“Sure I am!” She sang sweetly, with another wriggle in his lap that made sparks go off in his skull. “Naughty undies. This is the official cult regalia of SpiderBoobs, goddess of skimpy panties!”

“I’m not sure how I feel about that…” He mumbled, while the bouncy girl wriggled into her snug uniform.

“You feel really good about it…” The smiling green girl growled eagerly. “Now put on these silky shortie shorts for me!” She pawed at his clothes, and even managed to get his shirt off before he caught her hands in his and stilled her.

“Daze…” He whispered gently in her long, green ear, his breath tickling the interior of her lobe, where the skin shaded coppery pink.

“You excite me and intrigue me, but I need to take things slowly. Everything out here is new to me and I don’t want to…”

His protests ended in a gasp of pleasure, when her sharp teeth closed on his shoulder, gnawing gently at his throat.

“Mmm…” She mumbled around his neck. “I won’t make you do anything… Gandree.” She chomped down a little more, before going on.

“I just want you… This feeling is new to me too. I never thought about skipping my tummy time charms, before I met you…” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed away her drool from his collar.

“We should go away, as king papa asked. You and me! We could learn new things and see new wonders… together.”

“I think I’d like that… a lot.” He murmured into the glossy, dark green, almost black mop of hair in his face. “Now stop trying to steal my pants.”

“No fun boy…” She grumbled sweetly, as she made her scantily clad self comfy in his lap.

“I know just the place to go… we go to Port City, on Turtle Island.”

#

“I really wish pops could get a look at these things…” Wilf grumbled over the trio of blasphemous, haunted musical instruments the ‘Muffins had seized from the goblins’ harpy allies.

“Curses and hexes are his speciality.”

“I think these thighs are just that, stand alone curses… The instruments just amplify ritual magic and torture the haunts trapped inside.” Harry muttered.

“That’s the only way these make sense… just straight up revenge. Someone hated these outsiders enough to do… this.”

The tormented face on the drumhead seemed to be pleading for death; while the shamisen wept silently, her face grotesquely stretched under the instrument’s bridge.

Harry tried to avoid looking at the skull flute and the slack, half animated zombie lips the player would have to kiss, to use the damn thing. That was super gross and wrong on a bunch of levels…

“We should destroy them… they weren’t enchanted to enhance their durability, so they weren’t meant as ‘eternal’ prisons.” Wilf sighed. “These things offend me.”

“We should ask Ward first. He’s as close as we can get to an expert.” Harry said loudly, in the direction of a shadowy corner of the basement.

He paused, as if waiting for some reply from the empty darkness…

“Huh. I thought sure Ward would show up with an entrance line like that. He could have blustered and gotten all divinely offended and everything.” Wilf grunted, when nothing happened and Harry sighed dejectedly.

“He must be busy… chasing naked dryads around on the moon.”

They both held their breath for a few seconds, expecting an amusing display of godly outrage at any moment.

“Maybe he really is busy… He must do actual god stuff once in a while.” Harry offered.

#

“Oh, yeah… right there, baby, that’s the spot!” Ward squirmed with pleasure under Baobab's mighty hands. Her gnarled, dark knuckles slowly kneaded the muscles around his shoulder blades, driving his handsome, smiling face into the massage table cushions.

“I have a long flight ahead of me, lover…” He sighed into the face hole in the table. “It’s a super secret mission, so don’t gossip it about to all your friends.”

“Really?” She purred, while he slowly melted into goo in her hands. “I’m awful at keeping secrets, so don’t tell me anything!”

“I know, my dear. Now hush up and don’t listen to this intensely juicy gossip! I have it on good authority that yet another immortal light is going to fade out, somewhere in the endless ether… and very, very soon.”

#