Sailing Ether Tides
Ch: 35 The Honeymoon’s Over
Amy, Wilf and Benny pedaled through the underbrush and weeds, bearing ever to the right as they worked through the tangled network of game trails and overgrown country roads. Rock walled pastures, run wild with centuries of untamed growth, broken monuments and tumbled ruins that were once farmhouses appeared with regularity, as they rode through human lands, largely reclaimed by nature.
Their formation was loose, two at the front, clearing the trail in shifts and two following after, to take the lead and ride slowly on until another obstruction needed clearing.
Benny sighed, when a thicket of lacethorn trees stretched their pretty boughs across the road. The trees stood tall and straight, with silvery trunks of superb hardwood, draped in a profusion of delicate, lacey, pointy leaves that shone like purest silver in the sun.
A small stone bridge ran over a narrow, but swift stream, whose banks hosted a healthy growth of the magical, infuriating trees. They grew thickly all up and down the banks on both sides and through the bridge itself in spots, blocking the old pile of stones entirely.
“Aww, man… No easy way around.”
He tapped his silver earcuff, activating the ‘comms’ charm enchanted into them. “I have a magical lumber problem here: I need an ax with bite.” The young Adventurer spoke clearly and crisply into the device and received a faint humm and then Wilf’s voice in his ear. “On my way… Wait, bro… Who’s riding shield with you?”
It took an embarrassingly long time for the three kids to realize that their uncle Kermal was riding in their squad, and had been all along.
“Gods, Kermie!” Benny barked, when the stealthy young knight handed over his contract weapon; in the form of a razor sharp, bronze, double bitted ax. “You’re as bad as Gary… Sneaky weirdo!”
“Sorry, I’m naturally sneaky… It’s an occupational hazard.” He finished handing the young man his weapon with a smile. “I have no talent for the lumber trade, but this should work well for you. Anyone can wield this weapon, regardless of their rank, with my permission.”
The big man passed back the weapon with a strange smile. “Doesn’t feel right, even if it’s yours, now… Let’s wait for Wilf and Amy.” The soft spoken boy murmured.
“Yes, I suppose they’d appreciate that.” The handsome, dusky skinned knight brushed his straight black hair away from a pair of dark, mysterious and piercing eyes and sighed, while fondling the smooth gray haft of his woodcutter’s ax. “I haven’t seen him much… since he came back, is he still…?”
The young knight looked down at the sword he now held; his lapse in attention had sent it back into the form it always took for him. He sheathed the rudely and hilariously suggestive cock-sword away in its trouser-scabbard with a fond smile of remembrance.
“All these years and I still can’t understand why he left this to me… and I still wonder sometimes; if I should try to find some way to return it to him.” He patted Wanderer’s Legacy and stroked it the way one might caress a close friend or pet a favorite cat.
“Even when he was… gone, it felt like he was standing right beside me, wherever I went, whatever I faced… It still does.” He whispered that last part very quietly, for his familiar’s ears alone.
‘Sometimes I think you like that tatty old sword’s company more than my own.’ Sasha whispered in sir Kermal Singh’s mind, as she flitted from his shadow in a huffing, sniffling streak of silent shadow.
“Don’t mind her, she’s sulky lately.” Sir Kermal sighed to the big lad, who was still staring at the clump of ferns that the giant moth had vanished into. “Let me know when the others get here; my dear friend is feeling a little left out.”
The young knight unbuckled his weapon and handed it to his kinda-sorta nephew and smiled, before vanishing into the bracken and ferns, following his wayward familiar.
#
“Where I come from, there aren’t any knights anymore… doctors and lawyers play that role in our culture.” Gary explained to his friends over dinner.
Liam shook his head, already exhausted by his brother’s strange attitude of surly independence from; and deeply held grudge for the pantheon.
“Lawyers are the members of your world’s legal mercenary guild, ‘The Bar Association’... I remember you explaining that.” Liam frowned and chewed on a crispy, deep fried freshwater crab.
“It still seems unlikely that anything could get accomplished in a society infested with such quill dabbers for hire…” He frowned just a little angrily at the sickly man. “What the deuce is a ‘dokter’?”
“That’s what we call our healers’ guild members. Like lawyers, they get elevated status, extra clout, make ridiculous money and many of them live lives that the poor can’t even imagine.” He sighed.
“They take wordy and high minded oaths to their guilds, swearing to protect everyone and heal everyone… But if the person that’s injured or sick doesn’t have any money or influence… I’m sure you can see where that ends up.” He dropped it there with a curt nod.
“Again, Dana, the divine goddess of healing is not interested in your money, Gary.” Tawny replied sharply. “Nor cares she, for material wealth or power.”
“True… and I don’t have either of those anyway, not anymore.” His answer was just as crisp and tart as the ice cold grenadier pear cider he poured from a hand thrown, rustic clay pitcher. “Did you ask why she put her strictures on me? ‘Cause I’m still not allowed to tell you.”
“She’s pissed because your bath has healing properties, it seems your aura can make living entities more… procreative and you practice the pharmacists’ and healers’ arts without her blessing.” Liam said with utter conviction, while Tawny remained silent and averted her eyes. “It seems she is angry that you are encroaching on her territory…”
Gary’s grin got thinner and colder as his friend spoke, until he let loose a mad giggle of rage. “That’s what Healer told you?” He demanded of the silent woman, who sat in her chair and shifted around awkwardly under his gaze.
“No, Gary… That is what I told Liam, because that’s my best guess… Lady Dana declined to hear my prayers or acknowledge the question.” Tawny finally whispered, her cheeks flushing a ruddy bronze color. “I take it there is something deeper at play…”
“Those are the reasons she ‘withdrew her grace’ from me when I landed here…” Gary grumbled at the pair. “She put me outside her realm before I finished drawing my first breath of your world’s air. Things got a lot more straightforward when…” He fell silent for a moment, his face twisted in some occult discomfort.
“When the pantheon removes this curse, I’ll be able to answer your questions about that. Until then, ask your gods and goddesses; I still can’t even speak with my own.”
He rose with a pained grunt and leaned on a walking stick a little as he shuffled off.
“Even asking me the question is uncomfortable, if you wanna demand answers, demand them from those who can speak… Now I have to go puke up my breakfast.”
#
Perry’s wooden training sword barely deflected the long, whiplike tendril of vegetation, as an identical appendage carried his round shield away into the woods. It was off to join his left vambrace and his helmet in the creature’s steadily growing pile of gear.
Audrey the rendroot bush looked like a sweetpea, but she was a total snapdragon, especially when it came to roughhousing with the Ward kids. Her favorite game was to ambush them from stealth, steal away their weapons, armor and even their clothing, leaving the embarrassed lads with a choice: They could hunt her down and wrestle her for their gear and clothes back, or skulk home wearing only their undies, in utter defeat and humiliation.
Barry and Larry were doing no better than Perry, but their remaining brother…
“Harry, how’d she manage to steal your pants?!” He called to his muddy, bedraggled and half dressed brother, as he struggled to regain his own footing on the slick, mossy stones of the creekbed.
“I needed to pee…” He sulked, while struggling to keep his shorts up. “She broke the drawstring on my boxers!” He complained sourly. “Papa’s gonna be mad abo…-”
Quick as you please, a cluster of those slick, tough, coiling tendrils erupted from between two boulders, snatching the boy from sight in an instant. His wooden practice spear clattered to the streambed, only to be carried away just as swiftly by those stealthy, grasping vines.
The remaining three bolted after Harry, whopping with excitement and mockery for their unfortunate brother, while following the muffled sounds of his terrified abduction through the woods of their backyard.
#
A familiar, throaty, metallic roar greeted the lord and lady of county Kinnis, as they stepped outside to call Audrey back from the woodlands, where she was playing with the four Ward boys.
Liam grinned and waved heartily, when Dannyl roared up on his bike, dusty, scratched up and covered with leaves, twigs and forest loam. “Welcome home little brother!”
The Adventurer count embraced his comrade, mud and all, dragging him in close before the lad could even dismount properly; which drew a “Tisk!” of dismay and unhappiness from his wife.
“Sorry, dear… I’ll have my things cleaned this afternoon.” The abashed lord murmured, even though he was still mauling the dirty young ruffian.
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“Which means you will be sneaking off to play with all your no good friends and smoke your silly herb.” She scolded her lord husband, with a bright twinkle of merriment in her eyes. “Fool of a man…” Tawny’s thoughts on the matter were interrupted by Audrey’s emergence from the shady woodlot behind the inn.
In utter silence, she poured through the trees and bushes, gliding on her many, many tendrils and creeping vines. Her dark green leaves and long tough runners bore enormous, long fanged snapdragon flowers, in all the vibrant colors of a child’s imagination.
She poured out onto the front lawn and coiled into her favorite shape, a six legged, serpentine body of braided and knotted verdure, with six snapdragon heads on sinuous necks, festooned with thorns and lesser blooms.
“Excellent timing, my dear.” Tawny huffed at the happy, wriggling plant monster. “My silly husband will be staying here for the day, bring me back to the palace… and please barf up your playmates first.”
One of the colossal snapdragon heads lowered to the grassy lawn and gently opened its cavernous maw, tumbling a weakly struggling form to the ground, cocooned in sticky, threadlike tendrils that withdrew back between the creature’s toothy jaws.
The countess waited patiently, as her husband’s familiar heaved four nearly naked, dirty and battered boys onto the lawn in a huge cloud of pollen.
“Their things as well, my dear…” Tawny sang out cheerily, once the Ward boys began to struggle to their feet.
A moment later, two more flower maws gaped open, tumbling their training gear onto the dazed boys’ feet in a woody clatter.
Tawny climbed onto her steed and waved demurely, broadcasting a smile of radiant, golden innocence at the poor confused boys, the explorer and her husband. “I’ll expect you to visit me at the palace, once you’ve cleaned up, Dannyl.”
“Tawny and Papa are fightin’ again.” Harry announced to his red haired, free spirited older brother. “Healer’s still being a cun…-” Perry’s iron hard, calloused finger flicked the youngest Ward boy across the nose, while Larry and Barry each grabbed an ear and gave a none too gentle twist.
“Sorry auntie Tawny… We’re still trying to housetrain him.” Larry quipped, as he snaked a muscular arm around his younger brother’s throat, applying a corrective headlock and noogie.
Perry and Barry dipped in with perfectly timed wet willies, dampening both of the struggling boy’s earholes simultaneously.
“That’s enough, boys.” Tawny called from her seat atop the massive plant creature. “Just because the gods cannot see into your home is no excuse for blasphemy, Harry. The divine lady Dana is a goddess and deserves our respect, even when she is being a divine pain in the arse.”
The beautiful young countess wheeled her extravagant, floral mount and rode off without another word.
“Hate to see her go…” Dannyl murmured awkwardly after the priestess.
The young lord was smiling abstractedly at his wife’s departing bottom, bouncing lightly on the monster’s back. “Yeah, but I love to watch her leave…” Liam answered, without realizing he was speaking aloud. He also hadn’t realized that a lit pipe was in his mouth, either. Fragrant smoke was already coiling around his head, inside and outside…
“Whoah…” Dannyl whispered, when his brother orphan passed him the pipe. “I never even saw you move…”
“That’s Gary’s latest trick.” Liam grumbled, only pretending to be cross with his mad brother. “He finally figured out how to put things into my hands, without my noticing. It only works on me and only on the grounds… but he seems to find it amusing.” Liam dropped the copy of ‘Space Raptor Butt Trilogy’, by ‘Dr. Chuck Tingle’ that had manifested in his other hand, held as though he were currently halfway through reading the supposed tome of improbable smut from another world.
It was simply a blank notebook with a horrifically embarrassing cover; since Gary had never actually gotten ahold of one of the many books in the author’s extensive bibliography of questionable titles.
Dannyl grinned a high wattage smile through the road dust and a good quantity of the forest floor and chuckled. “Painting those covers really challenged me as an artist; but right now I need a bath…” The exhausted man sighed happily, as Harry took his machine away to the bike washing station. Perry and Larry helped him out of his gear, while Barry took care of the most important job; gathering the snacks.
They reconvened in the bath with the count, releasing a combined sigh of utter relaxation as the hot, bubbling water and swirling steam carried them away.
“He’s been unwell.” Liam explained quietly. “Since his return, every cleric of Healer feels intense discomfort in his presence; whether in his home or not; apparently he experiences the same nausea and pain, but is not allowed to speak of it directly.” He smiled grimly and shook his head.
“Tawny’s presence in his house especially churns his aura and draws the attention of the goddess… and her divine fury.”
“Gods…” Harry scoffed sourly. “Miss me with them.”
“There are so many deities and spirits out there, son…” Gary sighed as he slipped into the pool. “You may find one or two you get along with, like Ward.”
“He’s hardly a god.” Harry complained. “He’s never even asked me for money!”
Gary giggled and sank lower in the pool to hide his smile, as his son glared up at the limitless heavens above. “Some of my closest friends were gods, once…” He mumbled a few minutes later, once he’d shared a few long pulls at Liam’s pipe with Dannyl.
“Someday I might get to see them again… until then, the mortal realm is where I belong, with all of you.”
“On that note, I need to head back; I promised the kids I’d be back before nightfall.” Dannyl climbed out and began toweling off, smiling happily. “Feels good to be home, brothers.”
They were all still lounging in the pool when the roar of his bike signaled his departure.
“Shai said you needed ‘boy’s time’ or something…” Mariah chimed a moment later, as she swooped through the steamy air of the bath, glowing a ruddy, ember red, shortly followed by Kree and Shai.
“I did say wait a mite, silly girl.” The giant smith woman grumbled fondly at her tiny charge. “Betimes men must jabber on an make fools of themselves; wi nae women about tae witness their shameful antics.”
All four boys splashed their mother in unison for her slights against man kind, dousing her thoroughly and setting off a short lived water fight, from which she emerged victorious… As usual.
“Ye boys are fifteen now…” She sighed from Papa’s arms, once things in the pool settled down and the insect girls were floating lazily, like fallen leaves on the surface of a still pond.
“Tis time we told thee sumat of the truth.” She began soberly.
“Ever since ye were small, yer papa hae been cheating tae help me win all the pillow fights an water wars… Tis our secret shame.” She sighed happily. “I do feel better, now ‘tis out in the open.”
“I see your point, babe… I feel lighter already!” Gary chirped from behind the veil of her damp, coppery hair.
“So, all this time…” Perry muttered.
“Aye, an we’ll continue tae cheat unashamedly, henceforth.” She announced confidently. “Suren, ‘tis my right, as thy mother!”
The tidal wave that engulfed the smiling couple was impressive. They washed up on the mossy stones around the pool, giggling and tangled together in a knot of pale limbs.
“Come on kids… time for more snacks…” Liam said as confidently as he could, when it became apparent that the two idiots were not particularly worried about untangling themselves.
All four boys and the two tiny insects made themselves scarce, following the count out into the changing room, then on into the kitchen.
#
“Silver thornleaf…” Wilf muttered happily, when he rolled up with Amy, after clearing a small rockfall back up the trail. “Mature and lots of it, too.”
“Kermal left his sword for you.” Benny shifted and squirmed awkwardly as he handed the magical weapon to his friend. “He’s off with his familiar.”
Wilf unsheathed the weapon almost reverently and passed the empty denim scabbard to Amy. A moment later he held a gleaming bronze, broad bladed woodsman’s ax, mounted on a shaft of close grained, gray hardwood. The big lad spent a few seconds putting on his usual armor, rather than the light biking and scouting gear they had been riding in.
Pieces and plates appeared in his hands with the buckles ready and straps adjusted, in exactly the right position for him to quickly and efficiently swap out his gear, accomplishing the task in a little under two minutes.
His storage gift made the process simple and quick, if only a faint reflection of what their mother could do with hers… and what Papa could, once. Wilf shook off his melancholy thoughts as he put on his leering demon menpo and reptile eye goggles, for full face protection.
The big man slipped down the embankment, to address the trees that were blocking the bridge more directly.
“Stay back, these things have surprising range.” He called, as he swung his ax into a slender, silver trunk.
The delicate, lacy silver leaves on the stricken tree’s boughs thrashed and flickered, darting at the boy. With a silvery, musical chime, the leaves flicked free of their twigs and branches, flying at the ax wielder, their razor keen edges cutting the air with a faint, whistling scream.
Many keen edged leaves flew off the mark, drifting aimlessly on the gentle breeze, once they lost their target… most struck true, slashing at his armored form impotently as he felled the tree with three quick strikes.
Six more of the trees fell, in a swirling tempest of razor sharp foliage before the bridge was clear and a half hour longer until the lumber had been packed away in Amy’s storage gift, for later.
Benny shouldered a heavy canvas bag containing a sapling of the magical trees for count Liam’s garden. The Wards were under a strict ‘no dangerous plants in the garden’ rule, so they had only collected one sample.
#
Sir Kermal held out a clay jar of sugar wasp honey for Sasha, who’s long, whip-like proboscis twitched and uncoiled involuntarily at the sweet, magical treat’s scent.
“I can’t be bribed…” She sniffled from her perch on the boll of a small pine tree.
Nearly four feet from wing tip to wing tip, the enormous gray and black death’s head hawk-moth fluttered and shifted awkwardly on the narrow trunk. “You kept me in your shadow and didn’t let me out at all!” She spread her wings in an unconscious display of agitation and insecurity, making herself seem even larger and showing the pale white, grinning human skull marking that gave her kind their name.
“Sweetie… Honeybug… We’ve been over this. You’re terrifying to people and beasts who don’t know what you are.” He whispered gently. “Even lady Ester wouldn’t have been able to keep the horses calm if you appeared.”
She flitted over and perched on his shoulder, landing with hardly any perceptible weight. Her long mouth part flicked out to collect her bribe carrying the small pot of honey away, as her antennae tickled his ear gently.
“Kree sent me that honey just for you sweetie, she’s looking forward to seeing you again and introducing you to her new sister. I know they are going to love my sweet, friendly girl.” Kermal said confidently. “Now come on, the kids will be done soon, let’s watch them work.”
#
“Your birthday is getting close…” Gary told his three older boys, down in the workshop. Their papa had all their Adventure gear up on racks for adjustment and servicing, before the big day and the adventures to come. Four suits of armor and a rack of weapons and musical instruments stood by, all lovingly crafted for each of them by their parents, siblings and close kin.
“I know Harry is going with you kids…” He paused and smiled at the triplets. “...you men. I won’t pretend to like it, but I trust you to look out for him.”
“Yes papa.” All three answered in harmony.
“I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but the gods, spirits, divines and fae will begin approaching you soon; probably in your dreams. You should consider carefully, before accepting any offers…”
He looked up when he heard them shifting uncomfortably on their stools.
“Have any of you already been approached?” He asked, eyeing the boys with interest.
All three hands slowly went up, then came back down. “All three? And none of you Contracted?”
Three nods and three silent denials followed.
“Perry, which god approached you? Do you mind?” He asked eagerly, paternal enthusiasm and nerdy joy in his eyes.
“Uh… Light, Fire, Brigid, Bacchus and a few others…” He mumbled with his eyes glued to his shoes.
Gary’s gaze landed on Larry who blushed and nodded. “Ipet came by, with Thirp, Wind and Cernunnos.” The most serious of the three answered quickly. “I told them I’d consider it.”
“Barry?” Their father asked gently, since the lad had turned a dark red from his hairline to collar.
“Healer tried to cozy up to me… I may have been impolite.” He grumbled. “She just strolled into my dream and told me I was hers…” Barry complained, not very apologetically. “She told me that I belonged to her…”
“Fair enough, son. But don’t piss off the gods… unnecessarily. That’s a lesson we could all remember.” Their proud papa sighed. “They can grant you power… Power like your mom, aunties and uncles have.”
“Power like you had.” Larry replied evenly. “They act like they are offering some great treasure, but the gifts and magic are already inside us… They just offer their keys to unlock them. That’s one of the great secrets they are trying to hide.”
“We gave them our demands a few weeks ago; when they came around, knocking on our dreams.” Barry grumbled angrily. “They know what we expect, before they get anything from us.”
“Are you three… haggling with the pantheon?” He asked very carefully. “Who put you up to this?”
“Nobody!” Larry insisted sharply. “We decided together, when Barry…”
“When Barry… What?” Gary asked with a dangerous note of fury in his voice.
“Healer approached Barry first… Three months ago.” Larry grumbled sourly. “That was supposed to be extra secret.”
“Uncle Ward is negotiating for us…” Perry mumbled in deep embarrassment. “We weren’t supposed to tell you, cause he says you might do something stupid… again.”
#