Sailing Ether Tides
Ch: 54 As An Old Enemy
“Rolf, wake up…” Angie muttered, nudging her massive blonde lump of a husband in the ribs with her elbow. “Rolf! Wake up, something’s different…” Her elbow and repeated demands eventually got him stirring.
“Hmm? We slept in Gary’s garden, love… of course things are different.” He said with a yawn. “You’ve known them nearly as long as I have.”
Angie huffed and fussed, so like a dutiful husband he sat up and really took a look around, just to shut her up, so he could get back to nuzzling the nape of her neck in hopes of getting a morning blo…
The house was shattered, tumbled and broken… and covered with mossy growths, vines and sat in a wide, flowering meadow. High ramparts rose by the riverside, but they were narrow and crumbling. The stubby remains of once proud towers and broken castle fortifications lay everywhere in a jumbled ruin.
They had selected a far, quiet bower among the rose arbors, for maximum privacy; since Ester was off frolicing with her herd and the new guy, Flash. They had been ‘up’ late and had fallen into the dreamless sleep of the truly and pleasantly exhausted.
Ester saw boundaries and ‘couple time’ as a mere suggestion and would wander in on them to offer helpful suggestions at times that were… inappropriate. They had taken the opportunity to… forget about everything and everyone not currently snuggled in their cozy little corner of heaven.
The stiff, aching, fucksore duo peered around in confusion and looked to each other for answers, forgetting that none were to be had there.
“I didn’t think he could change it around, anymore…” Rolf whispered softly. “It’s been ‘classic house’ for so long…”
He fell silent when a hushed murmur swept in, sweeping over the hedges, as if the gathered company was excited by something out of their sight.
They scrambled into their scattered, disheveled and dew damp clothes, feeling deliciously wicked… and kinda gross, as the sound of clashing weapons rang out in the morning chill.
They dashed through the hedges and emerged in a broad field of tumbled masonry, where two giants were battling.
Clad all in black leather, his face half concealed by a black silk mask and wielding a rapier with a blade of leather wrapped, split bamboo; Gary was smiling like a fool and fighting for his life against his wife, whose training swords were just… everywhere.
She struck and slashed, stabbed, cut, lunged and countered in a stunning display of her natural martial gifts, pressing her husband mercilessly back and forth across the field.
“Aye, ye are using the rubble tae yer advantage…” Shai called, as he climbed a pile of stones to gain an angle on her, however slight.
“It seemed appropriate, considering the rocky terrain…” He answered, as his blade deflected her attacks and stole her momentum. “ But sadly, my Capo Ferro and Thibault have nothing on your Agrippa, my love.” The masked man sighed, as he vaulted backwards onto another section of the crumbling stonework.
She drove him farther up the broken wall, forcing him to leap and dance across gaps in the ruins, with her relentless ‘weapons’.
“Ye are a marvel…” She whispered, as they crossed blades, corps a corps. She dipped in and stole a sneaky kiss, before spinning away across the tumbled landscape to avoid his counter attack.
“I’ve worked hard to become so, my love.” He replied, once his lips were free. “I’ll admit it, you’re still better than me.”
“So whae hae thee smiling so, lad? I’ll trounce thee proper, an ye are playing games.” She growled like a cat that just spotted an oblivious, little red dot, just sitting there, asking for it.
“Because I know something you don’t know, my dear.” He answered sweetly, while his sword slashed at her belly in a vicious cut.
“Aye, an wahe’s that?” She demanded, as her shorter sword struck his blade and flung it out wide, leaving a perfect opening in his rather impressive guard...
“I also have a left hander!” He crowed, as a wide, deeply notch swordbreaker caught her longer blade, a moment before she struck home. They spun apart, as she pursued him across the ruins, clashing and separating again and again.
Somehow, the mad fool was still unmarked, despite the smile of concentration on his wife’s red, cherry kool-aid lips and the sheen of sweat on her brow.
Her sandals flashed over mossy and broken stones with the grace she displayed on the dance floor most evenings; once her husband was in bed, stung into deep sleep, where he couldn’t injure himself.
She spun across the top of the wall, a wild dervish of blades and skirts, chasing the black clad man across the narrow, crumbling parapets.
For his part, he pressed back, attacking with conservative, well timed thrusts and slashes, designed to break her rhythm and wear her Stamina down, rather than strike home. Her smooth, graceful dance met his wild, careless acrobatics and steady, compact bladework and continued to circle around, each one taking advantage where he could and pressing the attack eagerly when she was able…
It was Shai’s fight all the way, the outcome was foregone… But she was a gasping, exhausted, smiling mess of dusty skirts and sweaty hair when she finally tapped her longer blade’s point to his breast and shoved him down onto his arse among the wildflowers.
He gazed up at her fondly from his position on his back and smiled. “I don’t want you to get used to disappointment, my love.”
“Bonny fine, lad… Bonny fine…” She curled up, her head on his lap, her sweaty hair spilling across him in a short, coppery spray. She smelt divine, and all the world seemed just a little brighter this morning, just a perfect moment among close friends… and Pangbourne.
#
“Nahh, let ‘em sleep.” Wilf mumbled happily, as the gathered company entered the central keep and found… the interior of the house, behind the door in that cracked, vine strewn facade.
“They’ll wake up by brunchtime.”
“Wait… they are just going to lay there? With a house full of guests?” Frank sniffed softly into his wife’s ear. “So much for their lauded hospitalit…-ee!”
Slim, iron hard fingers had snatched his earlobe, and were twisting it with some strength, drawing a manly bleat of pain from the tall knight.
He was bent almost double before the pressure eased and his wife started speaking. “Mistress Shai taught me this art last night, for moments like this…” She hissed into her cartilaginous captive. “I’ll rip this right off and have lady Tawny sew it on backwards, to remind you of your manners!” She whispered viciously.
“Your antics were disgraceful and criminal!” She gasped into his bruised lobe.
“They are my friends, and you have behaved abominably… Mistress Shai promised me that Gary will not seek redress in court… A boon for which you should be deeply grateful.”
“Yes, dear.” He murmured softly, while Violet took him to task, from her pasture in Port Sunderland, across the Shallow Sea.
“Better…” Emma grumbled, as she released his battered ear. “You will need to make this right with my friends, Francis.”
“Gods above and below…” He grumbled under his breath, drawing a sharp look from his furious wife.
#
The sleeping giants sprawled on the lawn were jealousy guarded by the terrifying sugar wasp, Kree. Her diminutive, black and gold form would allow no one to disturb the passed out pair, not even the kids.
They sat in the shade of a leaning wall, enjoying breakfast in the ruins on a field of blankets spread out on the wildflowers.
“What is all this?” Lindsey asked, the lanky girl was half sprawled over her familiar, while he had his head resting in Barry’s lap… which was still a little embarrassing and weird, even with their senses sorted out.
She felt a pang of jealousy and maybe a sneaky temptation to dial her senses into Flash’s; just to enjoy that ear rub along with him… that was all.
“Today, papa was the Dread Pirate…” Harry sighed happily. “That worked out better than expected; I never thought he’d do that well.”
“She had a couple chances to end it earlier…” Amy mumbled from behind Shiro’s butt; which was in her face in the grand tradition of all cats, everywhere. “She was having too much fun…” She yawned mightily and rolled over, to put her face right in Otho the dog’s butt.
“Well, crap.” She complained mildly, as she shoved the cat away… since the dog was an immovable red gold mountain.
“Yes, that was a fine display, but the house and yard…” Lindsey whispered urgently.
“Yeah, we’re beat after doing all that… It’ll be back to normal at sunset.” Larry said through a huge yawn.
“Mmm. We’re beat…” Wilf muttered gently. “Sorry, miss Lindsey, but we all need a nap.” The giant slumped back down onto his blanket among the breakfast things and began to snore. Within a few minutes all of the Wards were passed out and smiling in their dreams, as though they were all dreaming together, somehow.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
Lindsey sighed at the mess and began gathering up dishes and cutlery from the blankets where her new family was strewn about like bedding laid out for an airing on the lawn. Her fond and idle thoughts passed right over her ‘new family’ without so much as a bump, just a mild sensation of cozy warmth, spreading behind her ribs as she tidied up after her odd kin.
She shook her head and patted Flash, who was ‘helping’ with the cleanup. Especially with the sweet oat and fig porridge remnants in the kid’s forgotten bowls. “No more, Flash… I’d not ride a portly piggy down the roads.” She giggled at her hungry horsie.
“Aww, how am I ever gonna carry you, if I stay scrawny like this?” He demanded in his language of sniffs, snorts and whickers.
“Are you suggesting I am too heavy for you?” She asked in the tone every male should recognize, but so few did.
“Oh, yeah, by a lot! You seem to have pudged up a little, since yesterday.” Flash muttered happily.
He never even knew that it was happening, until Annie’s big, square teeth clamped onto his sensitive ear and started hauling him away to the river road.
“Someone needs to run off some energy, before he runs off his mouth.” The giant warhorse mumbled around a mouthful of Flash’s tender flesh.
“Thank you herdmistress Annie. Run him ragged, please.” Lindsey said with a frosty smile.
#
Gary and Shai woke up in the big fluffy bed, under a mural of a sky; half lost in deepest, star strewn night and half in glorious, sunlit midday. Moss and fungus furniture took the place of carpets and mundane items, in the silly forest fantasy bedroom they’d created together, just for funzies, so long ago.
They could feel the kids, scattered around the house singly and in the ‘Muffin’s case, all three in a pile together, as always.
“Yes, you are back, for a short time. You must not leave the garden immediately around the house.” Marduk said softly, from a toadstool seat near the bed.
“The gods have deemed this to be my domain, since none can enter without my approval, as your humble caretaker. Since they cannot truly see what happens here, we will not be disturbed.”
“Whoah, Ducks… It’s good to see you, too.” He grumbled at the tiny god.
“You shush, foolish monkey!” The little being snapped.
“We have been plotting and scheming for a while now and you nearly ruined it all with that stunt! I’m just glad she is the goddess of Healing, not analytical thinking, or she would have figured out some way to escape your silly curse… why are you smiling?”
“I missed getting my ass chewed out by you, Ducks; that’s all.” He complained happily, as his wife stretched so prettily beside him and snuggled down into the bedding… that seemed really smart.
“Well, you’ve thrown the immortal community into a tizzy, one that would be catastrophic, were they to realize you can once more enter this place, however briefly.” Marduk shook his head and sighed. “We were working on the problem, with little success; then Dana herself did something so abominably stupid! That gave us new hope, hope that we could resolve this and make you whole again without conflict or strife…”
He glared down at the snuggly couple and sniffed.
“And then you had to do something stupidly abominable in response. You two are made for each other, you and Dana. A fine pair of idiots; in mirror image.”
“Harsh, bro. Take it easy… she started this mess, I’m just sticking up for my family.” Gary complained mildly, having trouble keeping his eyes open, as he drifted off toward normal sleep, where Shai was already.
“Besides… I heard a few curses in her voice… hard to say, but at least one sounded… familiar.”
#
Marduk stomped downstairs after the pair had vanished away… still puzzling at his annoying friend’s parting words. “It’s infuriating!” He grumbled to Thirp, who was crawling up the wall in nervous little hops and skitters. “Our only real expert on mortal and divine curses… and he’s useless.”
“Perhaps… perhaps not… young Wilf seems to have some insights. If he were to Contract with you…” She began.
“No… Gary would take that very poorly, I think. Best we investigate this ourselves. I should go have a chat with Caduceus… the colossal prat.” He sighed.
“I have some questions for Ermet, as well, let us divide our forces for the moment.” Thirp sang softly.
“I am pleased by what I glimpsed between Gary and Shai today… very pleased, brother Marduk.”
“Their mortal hormones and coupling behaviors are secondary concerns at best, we have more important matters to address.” He replied with regal dignity, and a sweet little smile playing around the corners of his lips.
#
“I did not miss the covetous look you gave my fine new mortal ornament, Baba Yaga…” Eponna whinnied and stamped her discontent at the ancient witch of the deep woods. “Now I find you creeping about the edges of my herd, seeking her Familiar’s immortal being.” She tossed her mane of cosmic wonders, Lindsey’s now whole and undamaged links prominently displayed among the moons and stars.
“She is not for you.”
“Should she choose me…” She croaked, smiling a wide, sharp toothed grin. “Curses and spells for weal and woe, medicines and poisons, curses and blessings are my domain… She could be a pupil of my arts…”
“Yet you cannot find her light, without sniffing about in my herd for clues? Begone. I’ll not aid you in your skulduggery.” Her divine, star strewn tail thrashed in agitation at the crone. “My herd, my human. Find your own path to her, if you can.”
The tall, haggard crone withdrew, her avatar slowly fading among the trees and vanishing back into the deep, dark tanglewoods, on the far side of the Madman’s moon, whence she’d come. The faint, shimmering, shimmying echo of her passage into that distant place faded with the faint, mocking call of a single raven in the distance.
“Obnoxious cunt.” Eponna snorted at her lingering spiritual miasma. “She stinks of death.”
#
All seven Ward kids woke in their usual bunks, it was just not in the right house. This house felt somehow more real and less actual, while being even more clearly… the correct place.
“Ohh. We better go find the boys…” WIlf mumbled when he woke, coming around just like papa once did; snapping from sleep to wakefulness without a jolt, or a moment’s disorientation. Just like papa, he was up and moving, headed for the corridor where the boys’ rooms lay.
Wilf caught all four as they came out of their rooms, looking puzzled, rather than freaked out.
“Hey, guys… This is fine, we used to come here in our dreams all the time. It feels like we’re already waking up, so stay cool… and don’t mention this to anyone, ok?”
“Who would we tell about this? And why would they listen? This is the most boring dream I’ve had in weeks.” Harry said with a wide yawn that sent him away into mortal sleep, his brothers following after.
#
The boys caught Gary in the workshop before dawn, as usual. He had something on his bench that he made disappear when they came downstairs in a group.
“We want a crack at that dungeon, pops.” Larry said firmly, when they were seated on stools. The previous day’s magical redecoration of the house and yard had really wiped the younger Wards out; they all still felt pleasantly exhausted, as if after a fruitful day’s work.
“No chance, no dice. Besides, count Liam is in charge and we’re still negotiating whether the ‘Muffins will consider thinking about taking a second look at the idea. Is that enough weasel words for you?”
Perry blew a discourteous little breath through his nose and scoffed, just a little. “They won’t pass it up. Did you notice they’ve been crafting nearly every day and training hard?
They want a shot at it.”
“We know we won’t be among the first in, Of course we won’t… but we want a chance, pops.” Barry said quietly. “We’ve been Contracted and we’re old enough now…” He lightly skipped over the details of Harry’s age and status without acknowledging an issue there. “We’re Adventurers.”
“Not ‘til you’ve been sworn in and have your badges…” All three older boys displayed their badges, a black, wrought iron, six pointed star tangled in a ring of brass and bronze vines.
“Oh, is that the new badge…? Sweet!”
“Focus up, dad.” Perry demanded gently. “We’re asking for your blessing, not your permission, please…”
“You kids gonna marry that dungeon?” He asked sadly. “I’d hoped to have that conversation before this one…” He turned to Barry and grinned like the biggest idiot ever made of mortal flesh and bone.
“That’s a great setup line…”
“Suck it, old man.” Barry replied in a dramatically exhausted tone that really hit the vibe.
“Kids, wherever you go, whatever you do… you have my blessing, for what that’s worth. Why the hell do you think I make all this stuff?” He waved at the family armory in a secured back corner of the shop.
There was a lot going on there, including something under a dust cover that kept discharging lambent pink sparks into the shadowy corner it was propped up in.
One of papa’s magic circles surrounded the armory corner, waiting to raise the alarm if anyone crossed it to filch anything dangerous, or fun.
“What’s that, pops?” Harry asked, shooting a worried look at the shroud draped, sparking thing.
“Don’t worry about it… that’s fine, don’t worry about it. Let me show you the new mountaineering equipment Tallum and Dannyl are working on; it’s still on the drawing board and they wanted your thoughts.”
“Wait… so you aren’t gonna fuss and get all weird?” Harry asked carefully.
“I can’t imagine you’d give up if I said no… so I’d be pretty dumb to try.” He raised one warning finger and waggled it in… warning.
“I’m gonna insist on safety. No crazy risks.” Gary sighed softly at his boys and smiled.
“I’d like it if you linked up with the Ragamuffins… I know, they seem a lot older than you, but our lives are weird…”
He groaned and scratched his head.
“Somehow, through weird ass magic… and divine time fuckery, I’m simultaneously older, younger and the same age as my kids… I need another nap.”
#
Pangbourne had a big sheet of paper on a table, and was busy sketching out the timeline, while scratching his head. “That’s utter madness…” He drew a few more careful lines and figures before glancing up to catch high priestess Becky’s eyes. “By these calculations, Gary is only just now turning fifteen… by the means the divines use to measure human development.” He nodded silently when Becky only sighed in response. After a moment a sly, wicked smile crossed his face.
“That would mean, that for all these years, Gary has been a literal child… and mistress Shai has been ‘cohabitating’ with-…”
Emma’s fingers clamped onto his ear once more, steering his thoughts away from those dangerous shoals.
“If you embarrass or humiliate my friends over this…” she stifled a giggle behind her hand. “...admittedly hilarious circumstance…”
“Darling, I was trying to say that if Gary is not legally an adult… and if the divines are compelled to acknowledge mortal law in this instance…” He paused to savor the delicious treat he’d discovered.
“Mistress Shai would be the sole custodian of the children who were attacked… both of them…” He paused significantly and waited for her to catch up.
“The healer girl, Lucy?” Emma asked, deeply confused by this sudden shift in angle.
“No, wife… If Gary is only now fifteen and Shai and her children pulled him into the world… By the rules the gods have acknowledged as binding, they cursed an innocent infant… in violation of the law.” He gasped, as the ear torture became a soothing ear rub.
“With Shai as his… next of kin…” Frank took a deep breath, as he stepped carefully around that dangerous sinkhole.
“As his legal guardian until his technical majority, she is the proper complainant. In both cases.”
“Frank… are you a… lawyer?” Becky asked cautiously.
“No, but I have been studying this… case in the legal documents that have been released into the public record since I first met Gary…” He pulled a hefty notebook out of his coat and started thumbing through it, looking for a reference.
“Oh, gods above and below; you really need to meet Kelli and Elli…! And let them read your book.” Becky chirped happily. “Come on, down to Wilf’s house, she always stays with him, cause she isn’t affected by the ‘Groove Thang’… Never mind that. Let’s go visit my aunties!”
Sir Francis Delano Pangbourne, ducal consort and warleader of the duchy of Lemur found himself chatting over tea and cocoa with a smiling, childlike woman and her demon haunted shadow familiar… and enjoying himself immensely.
“I really feel like I’m starting to see what’s going on… I was afraid I was going mad…” He murmured happily over his cocoa and mini marshmallows.
“Only to find that the world has gone mad and I simply need to catch up.”
#
On the Ward family property, wherever it was at the moment, the laws of reality could be bent, massaged and manipulated. The popular concept of what was ‘real’ was a little more casual and laid back in some ways; in ways the rest of the world was not down with.
Gary could no longer manifest objects into solid, illusory reality, that power was sealed away; along with most of his abilities that were able to reach outside his own aura and touch the world and other people…
Shai and Becky found the eldritch ability to manifest moonlight, sunlight and shadows into a mockery of physical matter too exhausting for most purposes, and simply not worth it for anything beyond minor, very short term manifestations.
A warm damp cloth could appear in Shai’s hand to wipe up a minor mess, and then vanish in a twinkle of darkling shadow when the job was done, but a real cloth from the rag bin was just as quick and didn’t give her a mild, throbbing ache in her eyes for an hour after.
Amy had fewer limitations, even if she seldom used the ability, she hated the sweetly sad and slightly bittersweet smile her dad wore, when she wielded the strange magic that spun out from his damaged soul.
It rotated around him and expanded in a hurricane of invisible and largely imperceptible magical energies. That left her poor papa forever at the calm and unnaturally tranquil heart of a magical tempest that never touched him. He could feel the wild, surging energies but they were just out of reach, expelled beyond his Animus and inaccessible to him…
“Really, Ames?” Papa demanded, when he found her in the garden ‘setting up’ trestle tables and long benches, stacks of cutlery, tableware and innumerable napkins, cups and glasses, all in massive, orderly stacks beside a buffet table thirty feet long.
“Shush dad, Mariah is being brave about it, but this is her party.” She scolded him with sweet, mocking ferocity, she even waggled a finger at him, the way she always had, ever since she was small enough to ride inside his coat on cool winter days.
“Her first birth day party! It’s super important and no dumb goddess is going to mess it up. Sure, it’s yours, mine and the boys’ birthdays too, but frankly…”
She shrugged helplessly and nodded to the skyrocket that was exploding over the lake at the moment, a smoke and ember cloud expanding in the blue, cloudless morning. A flock of startled geese were flapping desperately for the far end of the lake, as one bright, flaming figure drifted down from the detonation, giggling madly.
“...she’s the prettiest.”
#