Doutzen has been clog dancing since childhood. Her interest began when Beatrix joined a clog dancing group with some friends, and Doutzen felt left out. Marit says, from the time she was a toddler, Doutzen loved to be the center of attention. She remembers fighting with her sister for their mother’s attention during childhood, and feeling inferior to her all through adolescence.

Timo always knew Doutzen was adopted. When he was younger, he argued with his parents a lot about it, and Doutzen never knew what was going on. He used to torment her about this endlessly: shouting at her through closed doors, sending her text messages in the middle of the day. Mom and Dad love me more than you, he’d say, you’re not their real child. Mom found you in a dumpster, which is where you belong.

Siblings bully one another. Timo bullies both of his sisters in different ways. Despite this, he’d never be okay with someone else bullying them, too.

It’s almost the holidays, and Doutzen looks forward to time off from school. It’s snowing, and Timo isn’t afraid of driving in bad weather. When it snows, it never stays long enough to make a difference. Doutzen sits in the back of his car on the way to Amsterdam, where she’s meeting her best friends for a clog dancing event. She recently turned seventeen, and is finally old enough to drive with supervision - though she isn’t very good, and panics behind the wheel. Timo teases her about this. It seems the only job of an older brother is to teach you to deal with bullies. In the front seat, Beatrix listens to music on her phone, keeping to herself.

Since speaking to Saskia, Doutzen has been trying to get in contact with her biological mother. She’s curious to know the woman: to put a face to her name, to hear her life story. She’s curious to know if Lina ever wonders about the baby she abandoned. A while ago, Doutzen learned from Aspen about her biological father - a man she’ll never meet, and always mourn. It’s odd to miss a person you’ve never met. She knows little more about Pim than his name and his drug addiction. Marit is not the type of woman to say I told you so. Doutzen can never forget the truth about people.

“Do you think Ivo will ever agree to meet me?” she asked Aspen once, after they’d gotten to know each other. “Does he even know about me?”

She and Aspen don’t speak a lot. They’re half-cousins, and both enjoy talking about themselves rather than other people. She’s questioned the girl about her brother, desperate to find out anything more than just his name, but terrified that he’ll be just like his father. Once or twice, Doutzen has considered herself lucky to have been adopted. Pim was a neglectful man, and Lina can’t trust herself around a child.

Aspen never takes a long time to respond. Even in the middle of the night, she never makes Doutzen wait for a message. “To be honest,” she’d said in response, “he’ll probably hate you more than anyone.” There are lots of reasons why someone might be hostile. Marit always says the most hateful people are in need of the most kindness. It’s hard to be kind to those who are mean to you. Kill people with kindness, Marit will say, like it’s something anyone can do.

It’s Thanksgiving Day in America. This is what Aspen says in the message she sends; it’s the middle of the night. Doutzen wants to know about her brother: everything there is to know, even though they’ll likely never meet. Aspen says he knows of her existence, but cares very little about other people, and will most likely never speak to her. Doutzen hates this, but has no choice but to come to terms with it.

“Hey, ugly! We’re here.”

Recently, Timo got engaged. Now all of his free time is consumed with wedding planning and house hunting. He looks in the mirror, parked in the lot outside the theater, where there’s often events for tourists and locals alike. Doutzen sometimes performs dance on a stage, or watches theater performances with her friends.

“Are you talking to yourself again?”

Anouk is Doutzen’s best friend from school. She waits inside the theater, protected from the cold weather and the snow. Her wooden clogs are decorated with paintings of flowers and birds. Though she and her sister wear the same size shoes, Beatrix always refuses to share. Outside the theater, a boy with brown hair smiles at Doutzen as she passes. He’s cute. Beatrix jabs a pointy elbow into her sister’s waist.

“Excuse me, are you Doutzen?”

Amsterdam is always very crowded, regardless of the time of year. Doutzen would love to live here, and befriend all the tourists. There’s a girl in front of her, alone, who seems to have weaved her way through the crowd to be seen. She looks tired, and she has a voice that sounds familiar. There isn’t much time to hang around. Anouk, who stands at Doutzen’s side with her own pair of clogs, gives her a look before wandering off.

“That’s me!” It’s noisy. Doutzen loves the noise, and the people. She loves anything that gives others a reason to pay attention to her. She begins to walk, and gestures for the girl to follow. She’s thin, and has very short, fuzzy hair.

If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

“I’m sorry to bother you.” It’s strange to be alone at the theater. Nearly everyone comes with a friend or two. “It’s me, Juno. I need to talk to you.”

I’m dying, her cousin said, during their last conversation. It’s very expensive to make calls to America. I might be dead before you even come visit.

“Juno.”

Life is strange. Months ago, Doutzen spoke to Juno about meeting up when she came to America. Weeks later, she heard from Aspen that Juno had died. She looks healthy and tall, and walks in pace beside Doutzen. “I thought you were dead.” Maybe this isn’t the best way to start a conversation. Doutzen doesn’t care much for technicalities. If it weren’t for Timo’s last-minute stops, they’d have been at the theater much earlier - and Doutzen would have preferred this. She’s dancing in fifteen minutes, and has too many questions.

Juno looks pained. She has to speak very loudly to be heard. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” She has no cell phone or bag, and acts bewildered at the bigness of the theater. “I think I might have been abducted.”

When Doutzen first found out about her adoption, she was confused and upset - both at her biological parents for abandoning her, and her adoptive parents for keeping it a secret. Of course, like anything else, she came to terms with it. Marit is a confident woman, but she’d probably be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little nervous for Doutzen to look for biological family. No one wants to be replaced. No one wants to be rejected, either.

“What?”

They sit on the bench at the side of the stage. Juno’s words are unexpected and abrupt. “What do you mean?”

It is very strange that Juno isn’t dead. It’s a relief: but it doesn’t make sense. It’s very unlikely to survive a brain tumor. Juno looks nothing like Doutzen expected her to. “Do you know Verena?”

“Yes.”

Juno shrugs, uncomfortable. “I think she abducted me.”

“Why?”

Doutzen’s sister wonders where she is. She’s a girl who likes to talk, and could easily miss her performance by talking with Juno. “I was in a coma,” says Juno, clasping her hands together. “I still don’t really remember it.” Off to the side of the stage, it’s slightly quieter. “But I woke up in a hospital where everyone spoke a different language, and I went to a house where I didn’t know anyone, and everyone said that was where I lived.”

Doutzen met her aunt only once, briefly. She seemed like a nice woman. “Why would Verena abduct you?”

“I don’t know.”

Despite their frequent, past conversations, there’s a lot Doutzen doesn’t know about her cousin’s past. She’s a few years older than Doutzen, and was most disappointed about the idea of dying before finishing university. Perhaps she’s changed her mind about going to school. Perhaps, like Doutzen, she’s confused about what the future holds.

It’s nearly time to go. Though Doutzen wonders how Juno knew she was here, she doesn’t ask. “I have to go onstage soon. Do you want to go back to America?” Juno’s city is much smaller and colder, but it probably feels like home. If Doutzen woke up in a strange city, surrounded by people who didn’t speak her language, she would be scared, too. Juno has a sad look on her face. There has to be a way to help her get home.

The brown-haired boy from before stands near the stage during Doutzen’s dance. Her dances are never very long, but she’s always tired afterward. In the middle of switching out shoes, she’s approached by the boy, who’s alone. Doutzen could never be alone. “Hey,” says the boy, smiling brightly, drawing her attention. “I’m Schyler. I was watching your dance, and I thought you were really good.”

At the age of fourteen, Doutzen had her first boyfriend - though it wasn’t a serious relationship, and it didn’t last long. She smiles, too. “Thanks.” In a relationship, boys should make the first move. This tells Doutzen that they really like her, and aren’t just agreeing to a date to be nice. “Do you live in the city?” Timo waits for her. She can see his car outside the building; he never gets out when he waits. Doutzen is never in a rush, and always takes her time.

Schyler is shorter than her. Doutzen always disliked being taller than the average teen. “I do.” It seems someone is waiting for him, too. He doesn’t seem to notice the boys waving him over. “What about you?”

There’s so much to do in Amsterdam, and so many people to meet. When Doutzen moves out of her parents’ house, she’d love to move here. “I’m from Winschoten, but I come to the city a lot with my friends.” Her clogs hit one another as she walks, making a loud noise. “I like it here.”

Juno is gone. She seems to vanish into a crowd as fast as she appears. “I’d love to take you out to lunch next time you’re here,” Schyler says, walking Doutzen to the doors, ignoring his friends as he does so. “If that’s okay with you, I mean.” She has a text from Timo. He’s impatient, and hates waiting more than two minutes for her to come to the car. The funny thing is, Timo will keep people waiting for ages.

Most boys don’t give you a choice. Marit used to say boys bully you because they like you. This makes it difficult to see polite and gentlemanly people as anything more than suspicious. “That’s okay with me!”

Marit isn’t overprotective, and doesn’t worry too much about her children dating. The way she sees it, getting hurt is a part of life children can’t be protected from, and it needs to learn how to be dealt with from a young age. “Can I have your number?”

They speak outside the building. Even in the winter, it rarely falls below zero.

Beatrix is already in the car. Timo rolls his eyes at Doutzen as she approaches. “Stop torturing boys and hurry up.”

Doutzen is a social person. “Shut up,” she says, and shuts the door.