It’s not the same without Juno. Aspen has a text from Ronnie, and a bouquet of flowers in her bedroom that he dropped off at the home. Ronnie tries hard to make Aspen’s parents like him. Anika’s a hypocrite who got together with a man older than her, but doesn’t want her daughter to do the same. The last time Ronnie came to pick Aspen up for a date, her father caused a scene as though she’s incapable of making her own decisions. He’ll call Aspen things like young and naive, even though she’s almost sixteen years old. Juno died two weeks ago. Aspen’s parents are taking their grief out on her. “You’re not going anywhere with this guy,” Mark says, after probably being brainwashed by Anika. “You are a child, and it’s my job to protect you.”
Parents are so annoying. If Aspen ever becomes a parent, she’ll never make her kids as miserable as her parents make her. “I’m not a baby! I can take care of myself!” The last time Aspen spoke to her sister, she apologized for her betrayal. Aspen isn’t sure if she’s sorry, but it makes her feel better. Aspen has a text. When she pulls her phone out of her pocket, her father snatches it out of her hands. “You’re acting like a baby: throwing a tantrum when you don’t get your way, ignoring your mother and I instead of having difficult conversations. I was nineteen once, you know. I know how young boys think.”
Her father plays this card a lot. He was young, like, a million years ago. “You think you’re so smart. You married your student. That’s gross.” Aspen’s father used to let her do whatever she wanted. Juno ruined everything. Aspen’s mother has her cell phone, and she invades the privacy of her children all the time. I don’t care if it’s yours, she’ll say when Aspen points out the unfairness of it all, it’s in my house.
It’s getting late. Aspen is supposed to have a bedtime, as all of Anika’s children did when they lived at home. She’s not a baby. Only babies have bedtimes. Her father frowns. “You need to learn some respect. You can have your phone back in the morning. Go to bed, Aspen.”
Early in the morning, Ronnie is picking her up, and they’ll be spending the day at Denali National Park. She’s never been here before, though she’s wanted to visit for a while. Ronnie says a birthday is an excuse to do whatever you want - and it isn’t a school day. Parents are stupid. Anika always puts Aspen’s phone in the same place. Aspen met her boyfriend online, on an anonymous forum for chatting. He’d reached out to her after she’d made a post asking for help with bullying - she’d confided in her parents, but they hadn’t been much help. After speaking to Ronnie daily for nearly a month, Aspen met him in private. It was stupidly easy to fool her parents. Overprotective parents raise sneaky children. Aspen is the sneakiest of all.
It’s very early in the morning when Ronnie arrives. This is the only time Aspen can leave without being noticed, because her parents are in bed, and Anika doesn’t trust her children. If she did, they wouldn’t have to be so secretive. It’s a two and a half hour drive. If Aspen’s parents weren’t so neurotic, she could leave the house during the day. In the middle of the night, Aspen feels agitated. If it weren’t for Ronnie, she’d stay out of nature after dark.
“My dad told me to break up with you.”
Ronnie can be unpredictable. He keeps Aspen safe at night, and stands up to people who mistreat her - but he picks fights, and he likes getting what he wants. In the back seat, he’s got a case of beer. “They’re upset that I can take better care of you than they can.” He plays music when he drives. Aspen doesn’t like his music, but she never says anything.
“You’re right.”
It’s hard being a teenager. Everyone says Aspen is too young to have struggles, but she’s not. It’s not as if anyone would believe her if she talked about them. Once or twice, Aspen has thought about breaking up with Ronnie. She could never do this. He looks after her, and keeps her on her toes. With Ronnie, nobody ever knows what they’re going to get.
“I had an idea of something we could do once we got to Denali.”
Ronnie’s got a joint in his mouth. “Yeah? What’s that?”
It’s not illegal for Aspen to date Ronnie. Though she’s under the age of consent, the state has a close-in-age exemption, which means Aspen can have sex with anyone she dates, as long as they’re less than four years older than her. Aspen and Ronnie are three years apart. It’s like Ivo always says. Nothing is ever illegal if you don't get caught. Ronnie has a criminal record, but he’s not a bad person, and people are more than their mistakes. This is something Juno said once, and it actually made sense. “Well, we’ve been dating over a year now, and I haven’t let you have sex with me yet, so…” Aspen shrugs, twisting around in her seat to take a soda can from the back. “I thought we could do that today.”
Aspen doesn’t travel much. She has a boring life: all she does is go to school and argue with her parents. Aspen might be the first one in her family not to be kicked out, and this is a weird thought. Ciel left at the age of seventeen, after he was found drunk by a police officer. He’d gotten in a lot of trouble for this, and so had Aspen’s parents, even though they’d had nothing to do with it. Aspen was very young then, but she still remembers her mother shouting at Ciel in the hallway outside her room. After this, she didn’t see him for a while. Before this, she spent a lot of time with him. He’d been dating Maria at the time, and moved in with her shortly after high school graduation. Anika is forty three years old. Mark, who is old enough to be her father, is sixty seven.
Ronnie blows smoke out the window. “Fuck yeah.”
It’s the middle of the night when they arrive. Aspen’s tired, but there will be time to nap once she and Ronnie set up their blanket. Though she hasn’t done it many times, it’s comforting to sleep next to him, and she always feels more rested. It’s snowing. There’s lots of room to set up the blankets. Denali is the highest mountain range in North America, with an elevation of twenty thousand feet. Aspen longs to climb it, but a trip takes two weeks, and there’s no time for this now. Aspen isn’t afraid of heights. Many people like to act recklessly and hurt or kill themselves.
“I wish we could go out during the day.”
After finding a parking spot in the empty lot, Ronnie grabs a beer from the back seat. It’s likely he’ll bring the whole flat to the mountaintop. Ronnie likes to drink, and he always tries to persuade Aspen to join him. “I know.” She holds his hand as they walk; it’s dark and cold, and there are few lights. During the day, there are always tourists here. “I’m sorry. My stupid parents barely let me leave the house anymore.” The last time Aspen’s father saw her with Ronnie, he shouted at her, and said she was forbidden from leaving the house alone again. This was stupid and unfair. All Aspen’s parents dream of doing is ruining her life. “We can’t trust you,” her father had said, “so you’ve lost the privilege of going out alone.” It’s all Juno’s fault, really. If she hadn’t gotten sick, Aspen’s relationship with her father would never have changed, and he’d still let her do whatever she wanted.
Ronnie is quite a bit taller than her. He’s a skinny man, but he’s assertive, and he can become unruly when he drinks. He always drinks too much. “Tell them to fuck off. You’re your own person. You don’t need them to make decisions for you anymore.”
It’s not fair being a teenager. According to Aspen’s parents, she’s too young to live on her own, and too old to use the excuse of not knowing something. They expect her to know everything, despite never teaching her things that are important. It seems like all adults care about is being obeyed without question, even though half of their requests don’t make sense. Aspen could ask for clarification, or point out a flaw in her parents’ statement, and get scolded for her disrespect. Parents can talk as rudely as they want to their kids, and nobody says anything.
“My mom keeps saying maybe I should move out if I can’t respect the rules. But I don’t know where I’d go.”
When she was younger, Aspen adored spending time with her brother. They had little in common, but most kids just want to be like their older siblings, and Aspen was no different. She never cared much for Juno. Perhaps they were too alike. Perhaps Juno was just too boring.
They trudge through the snow. Ronnie carries beer in one hand, and tugs Aspen by the arm. “Just move in with me, then. Your parents are dipshits, anyway.” It’s true - but Aspen doesn’t like when Ronnie speaks about her family this way, even though she speaks badly of them all the time.
He’s almost through his first can. “Maybe.” In a few years, Aspen will be a mother. This is her hope, anyway. She’s been told she’s far too immature to be a parent. Some people become parents without developing any maturity at all. Ronnie will get a better job, he says, so that Aspen can be a stay-at-home mother. This sounds unappealing to most of the friends she brings it up to. Taking care of children has to be much easier than getting a job. All you have to do is make your kids intimidated, so they’ll do whatever they’re told.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
“We’re not the only ones here.”
Ronnie points. At the bottom of Mount Eldridge, a group of climbers prepare to make their ascent. If you don’t know what you’re doing, Denali National Park can be a dangerous place. The weather is unpredictable, and tourists are reckless. Eldridge Glacier is thirty miles long, overlooked by the mountain of the same name, and unsafe to climb alone. Ronnie has mountain climbed before. Aspen has never had an opportunity. She likely doesn’t have the stamina or strength for mountaineering. Ronnie trudges through the snow, drinking and chatting. Aspen stays close, feeling out of place. It was her idea to come here. It seems like it was a better idea in theory than in real life.
It’s cold. Even in layers, Aspen shivers.
There’s no time for climbing tonight. Below the glacier, Ronnie sets out several thick blankets and pillows before lying down, pulling Aspen on top of him. This makes her feel warm, and safe. “Thank you,” she says, and nuzzles her face into Ronnie. He has a smooth face. Sometimes, he says things that make Aspen feel frightened, but it’s always for the best. She’s never had a boyfriend before. It’s hard to stand up for herself sometimes.
He kisses her cheek, which is cold and pink. “I still don’t know why you didn’t just come over. We would have saved so much time not having to drive out here.” He’s right. Next time, she’ll be smarter. When Aspen first became interested in dating, her parents always told her never to meet up with someone alone. It’s dangerous in the world for girls, said her father. If a boy refuses to meet up in a public place, he’s probably not someone worth trusting. When she met with Ronnie for the first time, she insisted it be in a mall.
He’s a little drunk, and holds onto her roughly, and a little too tightly. “You said we could have sex.” Juno used to say all boys were the same. Anika likes to say that boys will pretend to like you, just so you’ll sleep with them. It can’t be all boys, though. Ronnie has told Aspen he loves her. It’s not a thing someone says unless they mean it. “You’re pretty.”
She’s not that pretty. It’s lightly snowing, coating her hair and jacket, and the blankets they lie on. It isn’t cold snow. If Aspen ever goes Outside, she’ll probably miss it here. “I am?”
It’s hard to talk to a drunk man. Aside from Ronnie and her brother, Aspen has never seen one before. He presses down on her: kissing her mouth and cheeks, so that her chest feels tight and nervous. It always feels this way before a kiss. When Aspen turned fifteen, she had to make a vow to her parents that she’d never sleep with a boy she wasn’t married to. The concept of sex is a complicated one, and Aspen often feels confused about it. Her mother insists she never slept with a man until her wedding night - which is a gross piece of knowledge Aspen doesn’t need, and one that makes her feel guilty about feeling conflicted. Everyone says differently.
Sex is just for people who love each other, said Juno. It doesn’t matter if you’re married.
People just have sex for fun, said Ivo. It’s got nothing to do with love at all.
“I love you,” says Ronnie, into the side of Aspen’s mouth. His hands are cold and dry, and he smells like beer. Aspen rubs against him without really thinking. She would do whatever he wanted. Ciel says she needs to learn how to stand up for herself. “Never let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do,” Anika told all her children, when they became old enough to be influenced by peer pressure. “Sometimes, trying something even once is dangerous.” Everybody says this. But what happens if you’ve already agreed to try something, and then decide you no longer want to?
Ronnie can’t tell that Aspen is uncomfortable. Or maybe he can, and just isn’t worried. If you say you’re going to do something, you have to keep your word, right? If you don’t keep your word, people will think you can’t be trusted, and nobody wants to be seen as untrustworthy. Sometimes, Aspen gets ahead of herself, and she agrees to plans without thinking them through. This has gotten her into more than one sticky situation.
“Ronnie,” she says, wrapping her arms around him. There’s a blanket over top of them, keeping Aspen warm. Her chest thumps painfully. She’s never been this close to another person. His hand is up her shirt, touching her chest. Aspen started puberty at the age of eleven, and she already had a bigger chest than all of her classmates in fifth grade. Middle schoolers are mean. Kids love to tease one another over things that are out of their control. When Aspen got older, she became a bully toward younger students, like older students had been toward her. Juno, who was a late bloomer, didn’t start wearing bras until she was fourteen. Aspen had boys snapping her bra straps in fifth grade.
There’s a strange feeling in Aspen’s stomach. It’s kind of like a tingling. Surely, it has to be okay to change your mind, right? It can’t be that bad. Ronnie’s her boyfriend. He’d never let anything bad happen to her.
“Ronnie,” she says again, turning her face, so that he no longer kisses it. “I don’t really know if I want to do it anymore.” Some people find it extraordinarily difficult to speak their minds. Aspen was never really one of these people. She feels anxious sometimes, like most people. Nervousness doesn’t really get in the way of her everyday life. She has a strange relationship with religion, and with her mother. Anika does many things Aspen admires, and many more that she finds questionable.
The man grins, pulling her face back by the chin. “You’re funny.”
How do you reject someone you’re afraid of? Who dates somebody they’re afraid of? It wasn’t always like this. When Ronnie and Aspen first met, he was doting and complimentary, showering her daily with kind words and gifts. He says Aspen is the only one who knows all his secrets, and that he trusts her more than anyone. When they were still getting to know each other, he’d send flowers and love notes, and speak to Aspen every day, and make her feel important. No one ever made her feel important. It feels like people can change overnight.
“I’m serious. I’m not ready.”
The snow has stopped, but the wind has picked up. Aspen wants to go home. There’s a lantern sitting in the snow beside the blankets, shining brightly on Ronnie’s face. He still holds Aspen tightly, and doesn’t remove his hand from her shirt. “You can’t just turn a guy on and not follow through.” He’s probably right about this. People should keep their words. She should keep her word. She can’t bear to be looked at badly, if anyone ever finds out.
She frowns, wriggling uncomfortably under Ronnie’s tight grip. “I’m sorry.” In a few years, she’ll be eighteen, and they can get married. When Ronnie is her husband, she’ll be able to sleep with him as often as she likes. It’s immoral. It’s uncomfortable to think about. “Can you let go of me a little? I’m a little squished.”
Tourists laugh in the distance. It’s been a few hours, and it’s nearly time for the sun to come up. When Aspen wiggles, Ronnie’s fingers dig into her hands. “Stop being a bitch.” When he’s angry, even his voice sounds different. When he’s disappointed, Aspen can always tell. “Stop squirming around.” He’s not a man that gives up easily. Aspen never really learned the specifics around his arrests.
Ronnie shoves a hand down her pants, holding her under the chin, pressing her into the ground. It’s frightening to feel overpowered. There’s no reason why anyone should like it. “What are you doing?” It’s important to sound stern, but Aspen’s voice shakes when she attempts. She’s not a baby. At this moment, she feels helpless and worthless. There are many people you’re supposed to trust, and many people you’re not. People you trust are not supposed to turn against you.
He’s humorless. “You already agreed. You made me drive you all the way out here. You owe me. Stop squirming.” It’s all she can do. She’s not strong or sneaky. He’s rough, tugging at the band of her sweatpants, yanking them down to her thighs.
Ciel’s not a protective brother. He’s given Aspen one piece of very helpful advice. If a guy is ever harassing you and won’t take no for an answer, kick him in the balls as hard as you can.
She struggles to pull a leg free. It feels heavy and clumsy, like most of her body. “Stop!” Yelling can be helpful, if anyone hears you. There’s no one here. Yanking her leg from underneath Ronnie’s, Aspen aims for the groin, and he tumbles off of her and into the snow.
Speed is crucial. Leaving Ronnie keeled over in the snow, Aspen runs - but he’s a man with quick reflexes, and grabs her by the legs, so that she loses her balance. “You fucking bitch, Aspen. Get back here.”
Ronnie is a stranger. Aspen’s known him for more than a year, and he’s been a stranger all along. Without him, she has no way home. If she’s not home by morning, her parents will kill her. “Get off me!” She swings, again, but Ronnie’s fast, and he isn’t new to fighting. When Aspen regains her balance, his knuckles connect with her eye.
This is why you don’t know the computer password. You can’t do what you’re told, and insist on talking to strangers online. You’re a child. We know better than you do.
“You punched me.”
Aspen sinks into the snow on her knees. Her face throbs, and the park sways. Kneeling in the snow beside her, Ronnie wraps both arms around her. As fast as a light switch flicking, he’s the affectionate man she loves. “I’m sorry, duck. I didn’t mean to. I love you.”
It hurts. Being left all alone would probably hurt more. She’s never been hit before. Ronnie is not an aggressive man: at least, not when Aspen’s around. “I should have listened. I’ll do what you say next time.” When Aspen lies her heavy head on Ronnie’s warm shoulder, he plays with her hair.
“It’s okay.” He stands, helping Aspen to her feet before kissing her swollen eye. “Let’s get you home before your parents realize you’re gone.” She’s got a headache, and can’t see straight - Ronnie guides her.