As a kid, Sage believed in magic. Their brother always says magic exists all around you, if you only look for it. Maybe this is true. From a young age, Sage was exposed to magic: learning protection spells, helping perform rituals to aid in health and fortune, learning how to cleanse the environment around them. Sage supposes it’s possible to believe in anything, if you set your mind to it. Maybe, if they try hard enough, Sage can manifest their little sister.
It’s Samhain, and Sage feels peaceful surrounded by darkness. Samhain, the festival of darkness, begins at midnight on the thirty first of October, and lets the living communicate with the dead. Sage was never afraid of ghosts. They were taught from a young age to communicate with them: through ouija boards, stones, and other symbols. If you asked Sage's parents, they’d say that everything had a meaning, no matter how small.
Sage has been a gymnast since childhood. The first move they ever learned was a forward roll, which is arguably the most simple. As a child, Sage did gymnastics with their brother - but he was always more athletic, and gravitates more toward contact sports. As far as academics go, Sage isn’t the best student. They attend a high school twenty five minutes from their house. Sage is sixteen years old, and learning to drive. It helps, having patient parents. Otherwise, Sage would probably never learn.
Amani is a sentimental and inspiring man, having overcome obstacles Sage would never be brave enough to face. He meets Sage at the front doors of the high school, as he does every day without a complaint. Sage will never be like him, and this is regrettable. “Hi, Papa.” Sage has spoken with a stutter since elementary school, and gets bullied for this. Having a psychiatrist as a father should make life easier to manage, but it doesn’t. “Are we going driving today?”
It’s hard to make friends. It seems so effortless for everyone else.
In 1996, long before it was legal to be gay in Florida, Amani met a man named Surya. Sage's parents speak of their pasts openly, though not often. Sage was born discreetly on February 29, 2004. Rio likes to joke that this makes them only five years old. Amani is Cameroonian. Sage inherited his curly hair, and not much else. “You’re driving home,” he says, and tosses the keys at Sage. “Just drive carefully, because it’s a little icy.”
Sage has a learner’s permit. The thought of driving alone is intimidating, but Sage has good focus, and tries their best to be safe at all times. They miss their brother. They text almost every day, but don’t see each other often because of distance. Rio moved to Fairbanks two years ago, and Sage understands why. He tormented Sage for most of their childhood, but this doesn’t make a difference now. Rio knows Sage has always felt inferior to him. Even though their parents try hard to treat their children equally, Sage isn’t talented or popular. They drive cautiously on the highway, and feel overwhelmed when a vehicle follows too closely.
In some types of Modern Paganism, the Triple Goddess is viewed as three separate figures: the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone. Each figure represents a different phase in the feminine life cycle, and a different cycle of the moon. She is contrasted with the Horned God, who represents the masculine. Gender is a tricky area for Sage. As a kid, they never lived within gender roles, despite being assigned them by medical professionals at a young age. “Nobody gets to decide who you are,” their parents would say, “except for you.” Rio always knew he was a boy. Sage spent years feeling confused and undecided.
At sixteen, Sage is a First Degree initiate. They participate in rituals and holidays with a small coven, formed by their father, who was ordained as a High Priest by someone higher up than him. Sage spends a lot of time practicing spells, meditating, and leaving offerings to deities. This is just as well. They don’t have many friends, or many hobbies. Ten years ago, Sage received their first mandolin, and began learning how to play using Internet tutorials and trial and error. Sage was always more interested in music than athletics. They don’t stutter when they sing, and this is comforting.
Most coveners have to be eighteen to be eligible to join, but an exception can be made for the children of coven members. Sage's father is High Priest; this is the only reason the teenager was allowed to become a covener. Outside of the family, there are nine others, and these constitute Sage's only friends. Rio keeps saying he’ll leave the coven and start his own after receiving his Third Degree Initiation, since he’ll have become a High Priest by then. Sage doesn’t want him to leave; he knows this. But everyone also knows it’d be his own decision. Rio doesn’t care much for school, but he cares a lot for Wicca. He studies a lot, and he teaches a lot, and this makes Sage envious.
Sage lives in a four bedroom log cabin, with their parents and grandpa. Although the older generations are multilingual, Rio and Sage only speak English. After parking slowly in the driveway, Sage looks at their father. “How did I do?”
Conversation isn’t something Sage enjoys. As a teenager with a speech impediment, school can be brutal. They started attending speech therapy as a kid, and nothing has helped. Sometimes, Sage takes a very long time to get their point across. Sometimes they repeat sounds multiple times, trying to get them out. A lot of people become frustrated by this: tell Sage to spit it out, or to learn how to speak. Their parents are always patient, and give them time to finish what they need to say.
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Amani smiles. “I’d say you’re just about ready to take your test officially.” He’s not an emotionally affectionate man. He communicates strongly and openly, but doesn’t express strong emotion around his children. When Sage has an unrestricted license, they’ll be able to visit their brother whenever, even though it’s a very long drive.
The first song Sage ever wrote was called Skygirl. They use social media to share music, but being vulnerable is scary, and Sage isn’t good at it. In their bedroom, there’s a synthesizer and a mandolin, and fairy lights dangle from the ceiling. Sage is agender: not a boy, not a girl, just Sage. This seems especially hard for older generations to understand. When Sage's parents introduce them to new people, they use the term my youngest instead of my son or daughter. Sage appreciates this. Unlike most families, theirs was never very cisnormative. When Rio moved out, his bedroom was given to their Malayali grandfather, who is very old and traditional, and speaks very little English.
“Hi, Muttacchan,” says Sage, waving awkwardly at their grandfather as they pass one another. Amani, a psychiatrist, works out of his home, and goes out of his way to make everyone feel welcome. Surya, Sage's second father, is a gynecologist, and often works late. Sage knows the struggles their parents have faced to get where they are today. When they’re teased for having two fathers, it’s important to remember this.
Sage's favorite holiday is Imbolc. It’s a Gaelic spring festival and the feast day of the goddess, Brigid. Imbolc marks the beginning of spring, which Sage enjoys because of the rebirth of flowers and return of animals. In Irish tradition, Brigid would visit homes on the eve of her feast and bless its inhabitants, possessing the power to bring people from the dark side of winter to the light eve of spring. At night, clothing or cloth would be left outside homes for Brigid to bless during her travels, and a bed would be left for her to symbolically sleep in. Sage doesn’t believe in saints or angels. Their grandmother once said there were guardian angels watching over them, but this just seems made up. Cassia watches over Sage, but she isn’t an angel. She’s just a girl with wings.
On the wall of the log cabin hangs a family photo from years ago: before Rio moved away, when Cassia smiled toothily in every family photo. Rio would tell you it was his fault. Back in Florida, Sage picked fights about this. It doesn’t matter now, though. Once a spirit dies, it leaves the body it inhabited and finds its way to the afterlife, where it waits to be given a new body. Sometimes, Sage tries to see memories from past lives, by meditating or attempting to lucid dream. Rio knows how to do astral projection. It’s all just about meditation, he says. If you focus enough, you can travel to a different realm just by meditating.
Sage likes living in Alaska. When the family first moved, Sage thought they’d hate it: leaving friends behind, moving away from the ocean and the sunshine. In Florida, they visited the beach almost every day when they weren't in school. Miami Beach always made Sage feel so peaceful. Once, when Sage was a child, they were attacked by a crocodile off of the Florida Keys - and if it weren’t for Rio, they’d probably be dead. Siblings are weird. Rio would jump on the back of an angry crocodile for Sage, but he’d never share a sweater with them. In the summer, Sage sometimes camps at a nearby campground, where their fathers take the children to fish and swim. Sage learned to swim as a very young child, but was afraid of water for most of their childhood. In the summers in Alaska, it’s nice to walk down to the recreation area and sit by the river, soaking in the fresh air. It’s snowing. Sage doesn’t mind snowboarding or skiing.
“I’m going out.”
Sage's words catch on going, making them repeat the sound multiple times before finishing the word. This is frustrating. Their parents always said that other people’s rudeness wasn’t Sage's problem - but it’s hard not to take things personally. One would think Sage would be used to it by now, having stuttered their whole life. Nobody ever asks where Sage is going. Ever since they were old enough to go out alone, they were trusted to make smart choices and be back before curfew. Sage remembers friends whose obedience to their parents stems from fear and intimidation rather than respect. Sage's parents aren’t strict, but they have rules, and they don’t overindulge their children.
In Norse mythology, Ask and Embla are regarded as the first two humans on Earth. They are said to have been created by three gods from driftwood washed afloat on the beach: shaped oddly like a man and a woman, and transformed into humans by the gods. Ask and Embla were given the realm of Midgard, where they became the father and mother of all of the human race.
It’s a forty minute bike ride to Finger Lake Recreation Site. When it isn’t snowing, Sage sometimes travels by skateboard or rollerskates. To some, forty minutes is far too long, especially in the wintertime. Sage has adjusted to the colder weather by now. They aren’t afraid of the dark, but struggle sometimes with being alone. But it’s been years - and many psychology sessions with their father. Healing doesn’t happen all at once. That’s something Sage learned from their parents, and it’s hard to wrap their head around.
“Are you a boy or a girl?”
Sage dresses for androgyny. If you look close enough, maybe you can see subtle things that give away Sage's birth sex. It’s alarming how many strangers stop them on the street to ask questions that are really none of their business. If you’re not a person’s doctor, parent, or lover, it shouldn’t matter what they have between their legs. Still, Sage seems to anger a lot of people just by existing in the same spaces as them. They knew from a young age that gender is a construct, much like virginity. Rio was having sex in middle school. Sage has never once wanted to see someone else’s genitals.
Nature is most peaceful at night. Sage, along with the rest of the family, is an animist and a vegetarian. They wear a crystal necklace, and communicate with trees and plants in nature. It’s very dark when Sage arrives at the recreation area. The moon is bright; Sage looks forward to moon rituals.