Some people should not be parents. Some people should have their children taken from them, because everybody knows they can't possibly be trusted to take care of a child on their own. Ciel is one of these people. He was a decent husband, but a careless father who really didn't know what he was doing most of the time. He loved Maria. He hasn't cleared out Calypso's room. Perhaps it feels like cleaning it out will feel like clearing her away, like she won't exist any longer if there's no sign of the things she used to love. Juno tells him constantly to go to therapy. This won't help. Talking about what happened will bring up all the memories Ciel has been trying to suppress.

It was two days before Maria's birthday. They were on the way home from their daughter's school spring concert when his car hydroplaned, despite the fact that he hadn't been speeding. It all happened in the blink of an eye. He'd tried to regain control of the vehicle; frustrated that Calypso wouldn't stop making noise. When the car began to roll, she screamed, and Maria turned to comfort her. It doesn't matter now. They were both dead before the car hit the ground.

"Daddy?" Calypso said, standing in the doorway of his bedroom, already in her pajamas. "Will you play with me?"

He hasn't been to work in months. He used to spend all his time there.

"I can't right now." He'd grown bored of playing the same board game every day, and sitting on park benches while his daughter played. Strangers used to stop Ciel in public, just to tell him his daughter looked just like him. He regrets a lot now. Everybody talks about how kids grow up too fast. No one ever mentions that one day, you'll wake up and they'll be gone forever.

There's a small bedroom at the end of the hallway. It hasn't been cleaned in the nine months since the accident, and a layer of dust has settled over everything. Calypso loved to draw, and she was a lot better at it than Ciel ever was. He looks through the notebook on her bed, which is filled with artwork from kindergarten. She'd loved kindergarten. Three days after the accident, when the school hadn't heard from her or Maria, they became concerned. Speaking about the deaths of your loved ones feels like watching them die all over again. Nobody ever outwardly blamed him. It doesn't matter. He blames himself enough for everyone else, anyway.

He's got a date today. This is strange and nerve-racking, because it's been a while. Juno would lecture him about being true to himself, as if she has any idea what this means. Like most single people his age, Ciel has tried online dating. This was more for comfort than partnership. It's just hard to be alone. Some people claim to like it.

He hates driving in the snow. It isn't snowing hard. The cafe he's meeting at for a date isn't too far from his house, though it feels like it is. Sometimes, it's hard to keep identities straight. There's a list in his glove-box of every name he's used, and who knows him as such. It would be too much work for most. Some days, lying to people does seem like more effort than it's worth. Ciel's lost track of how many times his little sisters have lectured him - but they aren't perfect either, and he's always quick to point this out.

The mobile home Ciel bought with Maria costs one hundred thousand dollars. It contains three bedrooms, and Ivo's is in the shed. He insisted it this way, and Ciel was in no position to argue much. He hasn't owned it long. It's a shame, really. For a place that was meant to be a family home, it's beginning to feel more like a prison.

"I want to look for him."

It took Juno nearly five months to find Ivo. She's too passive for her own good, and invests too much time into people who would never dare return the favor. She moved in with Ciel eight months ago, after his mother insisted he stop moping around. It wasn't moping. Juno, whose diagnosis came just two months before the accident, claimed to have explored the city every day, looking for Ivo during the time he lived on the streets. Ciel doesn't know why she'd do this. All Ivo ever did was make fun and disrespect her.

Juno moved into the mobile home one month after her brain surgery. She doesn't work, and misses a lot of school. He was never the type of brother to give a shit about what his sisters did, but Juno doesn't know a lot about life, and this gets her into trouble.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

There aren't many people at the cafe. It's a small area that Ciel frequents often. He used to bring Calypso for lunch every once in a while; that's why he chose it. He's meeting a woman named Nicole, who sits already at a table in the corner of the cafe. He's not really interested in dating, but everyone insists he should get out and meet new people. He met Maria through mutual friends, who'd seemed adamant that they'd get along. He supposes they were right. Maria had no business marrying him.

"Hi, Nicole?"

She's blonde, like Maria was. When Ciel was a kid, he was blond too. He sits across from her at the table, shoving his hands into his pockets. "How are you?" Sometimes it's hard to seem interested in the lives of other people. At least he tries to put effort into this. Nicole knows him as Adam. They've spoken for a week or so, which gave Ciel enough time to come up with a convincing life story. He didn't always pretend to be someone else. Ever since the accident, life doesn't seem to have meaning anymore.

When Ciel mentioned his date to his best friend, Scott, he was told he just needs to get laid. Maybe this is true. Maybe it's important to let other people into your life, but it's not something that seems like a priority. Ciel has friends. He's been neglecting them for months, and most of them have given up on him.

Nicole smiles. She's not hot, but she's not ugly either. It's frustrating, comparing everyone you meet to a woman who's dead. "Hi, Adam." It should make Ciel feel guilty, lying about his identity. It doesn't. Names mean nothing, after all. His mother could have named him anything, and he could have done the same. "I love your hair. How do you keep it so bright?"

He didn't always have colored hair. One night, on impulse, he got drunk and dyed it pink, and he's just sort of kept it since. He can hear Maria's voice in his head telling him it doesn't suit him at all. "I touch it up a lot." In a previous conversation with Nicole, she mentioned she works as a florist. For some reason, this wasn't surprising at all. "What's your favorite flower?" Maria liked tulips and peonies. Her grave is filled with them.

Calypso went to the zoo for her fifth birthday. She loved polar bears and elephants, and cried when wild animals were mean to each other. She wanted a pot bellied pig, and probably would have gotten one if they'd had the space.

Nicole is talking about orchids. Ciel missed the beginning of her story, but he's gotten alright at pretending to pay attention. He's not a bad listener. At least, he didn't used to be. Maria used to say he heard the parts of conversations that meant something to him. He still isn't completely sure what this means. For a date that means almost nothing, it doesn't go terribly. Conversation is friendly, and Nicole is open about her life. No one wants to know about Ciel's life. Adam, his identity of the day, is twenty seven years old and works at a casino. Ciel's spent enough time at casinos to know how they work.

"Would you like to come over?"

When Ciel proposed to Maria, it wasn't a surprise. He's not a romantic, and he certainly doesn't go all out for special occasions. When they married, she was three months pregnant, a fact that was still a secret to her family. Ciel's in-laws never liked him. He knew this, even if they never said it to his face. This was probably for the best, anyway. They weren't wrong to blame him for what happened.

Nicole looks hopeful. It's pointless to dwell on the past; everybody knows this. The dead don't come back. Juno said once that they're always around, even though they can't be seen by the living. This is stupid. No one in their right mind would want to hang around after death.

"I'd love to."

After the accident, Ciel wore his wedding ring much longer than he should have. It was only a few weeks ago that he finally removed it, and this wasn't without much nagging from Juno. She's young, and has never had to deal with many adult responsibilities. She's never had a job, or supported herself financially. He shouldn't be here, for more reasons than he can say. Nicole's house is larger than he'd expected. The walls contain a lot of artwork and photos of her with friends. Recently, Ciel took down the photos from his walls. His tongue feels heavy, and tastes like salt. When Nicole asked to kiss him, he didn't say no.

"She looks like you," Maria said, when Calypso giggled and played with her stuffed animals. "She has your smile and your eyes." It was Maria's idea to name her this. Calypso was a nymph in Greek mythology, and Maria loved the story.

"I'm sorry." Ciel pulls away, standing abruptly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I can't do this. I can't be here." He's not good at explaining himself. Women always want too many details. Nicole looks hurt, but doesn't get up from the couch. "I'll text you later," says Ciel, even though he won't. It's snowing. Shuffling to the door, where his shoes sit by the carpet, he pulls on his winter gear and walks out without another word.