I’m currently having lunch, I think I calm myself down already. When I was young I never know what is wrong with me. I can’t realize my own mistakes unless someone tell me. I don’t know about the fact that I annoyed and hurt many others. I was always wondering why I don’t have many friends despite I am smarter and not violence. You see I have only get into a fist fight when I am under 12. And each time I lost. It hurts so much that I developed a fear of violence. I finally realize that I have so many emotional scars… maybe if I got therapy help, maybe if I use writing as a coping mechanism I wouldn’t turn out so twisted. I really can’t imagine how my life would turn out. I wonder if I have siblings and father, would I developed ADHD? But considering 3 other of my relatives were diagnosed with mental illness, I highly doubt it. If I have children, would my curse pass on to them? That thought scared me so much…

I don’t know how to move forward… I have no goal, no future, no relationship besides family at all. That is why I decided to not make any friend. If I don’t have one then I can’t lose one right? I make a few rules that I must follow.

Never attempts self harm ever again.

Don’t use substance and alcohol as coping mechanism.

Don’t get too close to people, don’t try to know them too deep.

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Don’t help those who refused help.

Don’t dump your worries to people you know personally, a therapist and the internet are there for you to dump it.

Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes and seek help, even if you could live forever there are still many things you can learn. We barely scratch the surface of the universe.

Don’t argue with those who refused to listen.

Don’t waste time with useless things.

Don’t follow anyone blindly, don’t love or hate anyone blindly. This world is full of many colors. Human have many complex colors.

Don’t be afraid of getting hurt, critics are free teacher and editors.

Use everything to your advantages, don’t do anything for free, free here is a loose definition so think carefully about it.

Take advantages of any situations, all problems have solutions. You just haven’t look hard enough if you can’t find the answer.

Always yearn for new knowledge, it doesn’t matter what it is. This is the age of technology so you can learn many things at the tip of your fingers.

Life is a great teacher, it teaches you many things.

Live your life to the fullest don’t wait for miracle or expect help from anyone. In short don’t be an entitled brat. Don’t expect people charity.

Always be polite and thanks people and say sorry when you are wrong.

Do not burn the bridge of relationship with people you care about, this might sound ironic coming from me but do not use your feeling to do anything. Always be calm and coolheaded.

Do not panic in any situation because panicking will only cloud your judgement.

Well this are all thing I try to do, there are more but I can’t think them all at the moments.