Where did we left off last time? Was it about my broken English skill? Oh right today is my birthday. Since I write everything straight from my head I don’t edit anything at all. So, deal with it. Hmmmmmm, let me think first which part I left off last time… right it’s the part about me skipping school. You see after a 4-5 times of my continues stunt my mother had enough and come to school. She begged the manager at that time to transfer me to c1. How long do you think it takes for my mother to come to school? It’s almost a year. I don’t remember how but despite skipping school so much I got a best friend. Someone who was left behind like me his name is H.C.N. What? Do you think I will give you his real name? I have no problem giving you my real name but other people name is out of the question. Since, I don’t care what happened to me and I’m too unimportant and busy to care about people doxxing me. I have no problem giving you my FB if I feel like it. Ah right I love money. I would give you all my information at the right price. So if you’re interested you can contact me. Shit, I’m getting off track again. After a year of me throwing tantrum by skipping school, my teacher decide to fulfill my wish(?) of transferring me to c¹. At that time I’m entering grade 7 and changing school. And I have to left one other best friend from the public school because c¹ study at a different middle school. I don’t know whether I was happy or sad at that time. See people! It’s impossible to please someone. You keep him in c³ he was throwing tantrum but when you decide to transferring him to c¹ he became sad and later on blame your decision. It’s better to ignore that toxic person. Unfortunately that toxic person is me. God, looking back I wasn’t just a smartass, teacher’s pet and cunt, I was also fuxking toxic. Hmmmm will this be taken down by all the swear word? I never understand why people are against swear words but half nude, genocide, lolicon anime are okay. What a difficult world to live in. My new school is a private school where most students before we came are middle class. What do you think happened when you suddenly cram 30 new students into a classroom of 14-15 students? Yes, it’s chaos. It’s like we wage war in the classroom. At this point in time I was so mature that I have the mentality of a teenager. Yup despite being 12 I have the moody rebellious attitude of someone 17, I’m still cringe at that moment. You see until recently I believe that grade 7 is the most regrettable year of my life. I spiral out of control during this year. My ADHD was in full swing during those time. I really wish I know and take medication at that time. Trust me kid, taking mental health medication is really important. Unless you are born in a third world country like me then you should diagnosed for any mental health from when you’re young. Sometime you aren’t just moody because you’re going through hormones. Wait, did my ADHD in full swing at that time because I was going through puberty? Probably since I masturbate so many times per day during those time. Oh, the good old days when I still have lust. I remember my favorite genre at that time since it’s how someone I consider brother use to stab me. Remember, never lend your phone to anyone if you have porn on it. Your search history could be your most embrassing memory. I really wonder why at that time I care too much about what people said? Gosh this is something I should realize early on. Because I care too much about what others said I hurt the only person who was always there for me. Who was someone who love me from the beginning, she’s my mother. When I was in grade 4 she had a surgery to remove a mass at her neck. Since I’m too lazy to search for the correct term then you need to deal with this. Because the doctor afraid that it could be cancer they had to remove everything, including the sack for storing calcium and hormones (? Not sure about this term in English so if you’re a doctor you can correct me on this part), her immune system and health deteriorated. So she can’t work well as before anymore. Oh right did I tell you that my mother remarried? I probably didn’t. She remarried a solider who I hate. You see I really hate the idea of stepfather. He never hit me or my mother, he wasn’t abusive or anything. I just hate the idea of it. When he was drunk he talks so much though. I really hate him at that time but I never realized that people would hate me too if I talk too much. I was a chatterbox with the correct people. I annoyed everyone around me because of how I act. I don’t need to be drunk to be a chatterbox. I’m naturally one. Everything was so scary during this time for the first three months at the new school. Because I was study at a different shift than my old c³ buddies, I was incredibly lonely. Despite still having a crush on my first love, I fell for many people during this time. No, I don’t want to sleep with them because I watch porn. I was drawn to the pretty things around me but it wasn’t sexual. Looking back I don’t think it was love, it was just loneliness. I yearn for affection so much that I mistaken it for romantic love. Remember the asshole that use my search history against me? If you are reading this then let me tell you one thing. I still fuxking hate you, you are the reason I detest those who wear a smile mask and scheme behind people’s back til today. But I also want to thank you for teaching me this important lesson from when I was 12. It’s better you don’t share personal secret with others unless you are half crazy like me. Since I don’t make friends anymore I don’t really care much. I have no reputation to hold and nothing to lose. Apparently you can t lost anything if you have nothing. Like they said “you can’t lose what you don’t have”. No, I don’t want friends on the internet, and your definition of friend and mine are probably different. I do need people who listen to me on the other side though. In a sense all of you are wall and garbage can that I throw all my worries away that I can’t with anyone in real life. And friend aren’t use as garbage can for your emotions. If you can afford it you should go to therapy but the internet is another option. But being stupid on the internet tend to lead to trolls. Should I just finish it here and continue another night where I can’t sleep? Probably since today I took a sleeping pill so I’ll be going to sleep first. Goodnight if you are reading it at night.

Stolen novel; please report.