Out of nowhere I remember something, am I always a person who love to provoke other? I go down my memories library and it seems that I was always that type of person. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why many people hate me? Whatever, there is no way I can change that. Even if I know that it’s a bad thing I still can’t change it. Just like how I know that not eating vegetables and fish are bad for my body. Can all of you answer this question “can you stop your sneeze when you get a cold?”. If you can then you must be a superhuman, since I can’t. In the same way I can’t stop overthinking and being a jerk. It’s something imprint into my very soul. You can’t remove a heart and a brain. You do can replace a heart though. But the brain on the other hand is impossible. Until the medical technology advance to that level then stop asking me to not thinking too much. Just like how you can’t control symptoms of your disease, I can’t control my brain to not overthink. I forgot the topic of why I write this chapter now…. I’ll be right back after I read last chapter. Ah whatever let just write what I think at the moment. Do you know that all chapters until now are never edit? That’s right I write whatever come to my mind and don’t bother to change anything at all. I write what I feel and currently thinking about. When I was a student, my teacher said that if only I change my personality I would become a perfect man. Do you know how absurd that sounds? Every human are born with flaws, if we go into Christianity then it’s because of we are sinner. Why did I go into Christianity all of a sudden? Because I can’t find the answer for that question beside that. If you tell me the bible have all the answers because of it, I’ll tell you this back “when you throw 1 million rocks at the same time at one basket, some of them would hit its target.” Just because some of it are correct doesn’t mean that it’s a book of facts. But obviously there is no way of debating about that with believers. That’s why I created the rules to follows. Debating with people who already make up theirs mind is a waste of my time. Unless I care or interested in you, I would never bother to debate with you.

But most people in my life doesn’t realized that. In fact I am surrounded by people who look down on me. Even my own beloved mother look down on me. Am I angry at her for looking down at me? Nah, that’s on me 100%. You see being someone who is young and don’t finish highschool really have it’s own consequences. You don’t get the chance to show your skill to others. Because the first thing they see is you being a failure, a disappointment, a loser who give up and a poor bastard. I don’t have the rich privilege of being stupid. There are so many privilege in this world and I don’t have any of them. That’s why I only believe in money. Because only money could help improve my situation. Only when I’m successful that my voice could be heard from those surrounding me. You never give me the chance you give others and you are wondering why I don’t like you? No, that’s not direct at you readers. I just write that down because I am thinking of a certain someone. Are there any of you who play chess or know anything about chess? What do you think is the most important piece on chess? I hope to see some answers in the comments section. When we are talking about one dimension we could only see dot and line, in two dimensions we can see more shape of this dot and line. A square that you see in 2D could look completely different in the 3D and when you take it one step further into the 4D you can see that the cube you see in 3D become a tesseract. Are there any of you understand what I’m trying to say here? Many people in my life only look at one part of it and already finished judging me. How arrogant of you? Even this story is only a part of it. Even when I write how I feel and what I experience down, all of you can’t come to the correct conclusion of what kind of person I am. I am directing this to a certain person “how arrogant of you to say I have no experience because I’m young and a driver? Do you know what I learned when I was a Grab rider? I learned about people true nature. They all let down theirs guard and show a big chunk of theirs nature that they didn’t show to those who are close to them. Every one wear a mask but when you are dealing with unimportant person that you would never meet later in your life, you let down your guard and show some part of your true nature. I can confidently said that I meet more people than 90% of 22 years old out there. You see, I have many secrets and like it or not I also learn many secrets that you will never know. Do you know what is the most important skill for a writer? It’s characters analysis. I hone that skill for as long as I can remember. You will never heard the truth from them because they want to acts good in front of you. But I am different, they don’t need to pretend in front of me. I am someone where people could stop pretending. Everyone are actors. This is a universal fact that I learned all this year. I dare you to bring another 22 years old who knows as much as me, brave like me that could say what I think in front of your face without a care. If you want people to only agreed with you then you should fire me asap because I will never forced to agree with something I don’t believe in. You don’t even know what they laugh and joke about during buffet without your presence. Those you keep in high regard don’t care about you as much as I do. I’m obsess with you because I really want an apology from you.” There are two kinds of people that I still remember till today, those who heals my wound and make good memories with me and those who stab me with a knife and leave scars behind. I can’t recall many people name but I could easily recall your full name if you belong to these category. Those who stab others don’t remember which place they stab but the one who was stabbed do. Because you leave scars behind that never heal on my body. How could you listen to someone that only work for you only a month and never ask for feedback from me who works for you 4 years? Why do you think I never try to get a GED and attend college? I managed to save up 3000$ at one point. Yes, 3000$ with the little salary I have. No it’s not lost in investment. It’s not like I can pass the GED test either. The only reason I don’t have a GED is because I choose not to. 🙃

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I have so many secrets and most of them are hidden from everyone. What kind of person do you is the scariest to deal with?

Someone violence?

Someone crazy?

A smart person?

A genius?

Someone with power?

My answer to that question is someone who pretend to be a fool. ☺️

What kind of person do you think I chose to be? Why am I a cheapskate and hide my money? Why did I work as a grab rider for many years? I hope that you manage to read this.

Never trust any information that you can’t confirmed. In mathematics study, it’s only able to call fact when you can prove it.

Hahaha, you are someone who love to talk and I’m someone who can only listen.

“Know yourself and know your enemy and you will never be defeated.” You believe that I’m not worth your time. And I’ll make that to be your biggest mistake. I am always someone who was look down upon by others. Don’t blame me when I’m this twist. You should never trust anything at face value because people tend to make themselves look good and downplay others. Even if you heard it from the person you wish to know ahout.

You only know the information that I let you know. So don’t think that you will be able to comprehend all my actions because I don’t want to explain everything. A man full of secrets is what I thrive to be.

Do you know my way of revenge is? It’s clearly not violence since I hate it. I take revenge on people I hate by being kind to them, when someone judge me and I’m bothered by it to the point of obsession I will take revenge. Don’t worry I won’t harm you. I’ll just kill you with kindness. I hope that you can sleep at night when you read this. I love to provoke others and prove them wrong. That’s the truth or maybe not? Sometime you don’t even know yourself fully so how can you explain what type of person are you to others? I always ask everyone around me to describe what type of person I am. And I’ll show you the side that you want to see to you except a certain person. I don’t really care what do you think of me since you already make up your mind like you know everything about me.

How arrogant to say you know everything about someone? Even if you spend your entire life study someone you can never say you know everything about them. Because just like physic and math, it’s only become facts when you can prove it, otherwise it’s call theory. Just how my theory about God, it’s not fact but my own personal theory.

Communication is extremely hard even when you speak the same language. How can a bird know the fish hardship? How dare you tell me how I do my job when you don’t even know all parts of it? Don’t use the word “arrogance” when you don’t even know what it means.

You call it arrogance for fools but you call it confidence for wise man. That line is so blurry.

You are call a hero when you win and a villain when you lose.

The winner write history after all. Just because most people believe it doesn’t mean it’s facts. And this is direct at those who think their god is the one and only god because there are many followers in this world.

Until you can prove it like math and physics then I’ll continue calling you “fool”.

Am I just a crazy person or someone who is extremely smart?

Am I just arrogant or just confidence?

I’ll let you answer that question.