more customers for tea room

not girl

different humans

two of them

got them both while they were pointing bulletguns at me and being really aggressive actually

all yelling and looking at me

this after they spotted me

and chased me

into an alley

well more like the space between two houses

it had grass and stuff

and also

teleport anchors

had time to place them in this situation

nice neat square portal

probably a bit too big actually

there's some stuff with portal entrance/exit interaction where if the entrance is too much bigger than the exit then there's some

well

i guess let's call it stretching

not great for the old internal organs let me tell you

but oh well

better than lasering a couple of dudes into just smoking boots

which is probably what would literally happen?

man

i turned into a toon so gradually i didn't even notice

anyway

they messed up my tea room

should have maybe taken their guns

although

how could i do that

they were twice as big as me

i mean each one of them was twice as big as me

together they were quadruple my size

yes yes i know i have a robot arm. yes it has insane grip strength. that is not the issue. size is like. touchiness. awkward. explainhard.

touching a person even with a robot arm

nope okay nope

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

stopping that line of thought

moving on

where was i anyway

oh right

trashed tea room

humans are so ungrateful

you'd think in this ant apocalypse people would maybe appreciate a lovely tea room. just a nice quiet place to have a hot drink and a biscuit and relax for a few minutes before resuming necessary survival actions.

but no

apparently not

apparently people just want to break stuff and make a huge mess and shoot a teapot with a teleportal inside it hooked to a hot tea dimension

and get blasted by a stream of hot tea

that was pretty funny actually

although now i have a little dimensional tear in my tea room

really should figure out how to close those things

i mean in this case i just put a fancy box around it and labelled it auto tea dispenser and hid another portal in the catch tray underneath to feed back into tea dimension

but in other cases it might be useful to know how to actually get rid of these things

anyway

eventually they got bored of destroying my stuff

and they pressed the do not press button

and they went out and got instantly eaten by ants

not really

well i mean maybe that's what happened

but probably not

i waited a while then went and tidied up the mess they made

i am a builder not a

whatever those guys are

got my drone buddies to help me. robots are so reliable. a robot would never wreck a tea room. not unless you specifically told it to. or forgot to specifically tell it not to. anyway it wasn't such a chore. kind of nice to take a break from stuff and just fix things. spent ages making the fancy box for the tea dispenser. designed a proper one with the mareo. that was pretty fun.

oh yeah

one thing

think i might have found the suburbland hive

or should i say

dunno

there is some weird stuff going on over there

suburban ants have learnt subtlety or something

subtleurban ants

suburbtleants

nope thought that would work but it doesn't

anyway no great big gaping hole with like ants swarming everywhere. like the mall hive. or the waterfactory biz with holes eaten out of the thing and. again. ants swarming everywhere.

no no

this is

different

want to know the creepiest thing a giant ant can do?

carefully open a door with its mandibles

go inside a house

then close the door behind itself

yick

i mean what is the deal with these insects and their smarts? speaking as someone who has spent time mucking around with giant ant brains i feel like i can safely say. these things shouldn't be clever. the goo inside their heads is not exactly tier 1 thinking gear.

but they do have all those weird sensory organs and crystal junk

there is the possibility that thinking of these giant ants as insects is completely the wrong way to look at it

maybe i should be thinking of them as

robots

welp lots there to noodle over. the main thing i learned on my little outing is that in a suburban house vs laser shotgun deathmatch battle you should probably not place any money on the house. yes this may be the only situation where the house always loses. heyoo just a little casino joke for you there. i am on fire tonight. when i'm lugging around my laser shotgun stuff tends to just burst into flames around me. weird.

anyway not sure what to do about this suburbland ant situation. all these minihives where

oh

didn't actually talk about the anthouses

yeah

those things are

gross

as

heck

so okay. picture with me here an ordinary human house. from the outside it looks perfectly whatever. inside it is crammed full of giant ants. there are gaps between the ants. like tunnels. which other ants can crawl through. and then slot into gaps for themselves. i sent eyespider in to check stuff out. ants ignored it as usual. let me get a really good look around.

so yeah

that's antburg

not sure exactly how many houses are infested. it's not like they take over a whole neighbourhood or whatever. it'll just be like. one or two houses. on a street. are home to nightmares. and the rest are just empty i guess.

didn't see any humans

aside from those two jerks

not sure what they were doing there actually

but

well

hmm

nope i'm bored of thinking about this mystery. the problem is that i don't care. so. hard to go anywhere from that point.

anyway i think right now i want to go do a vaporise/burn/explode combo on some more anthouses with my magical laser shotgun

actually turned down the power a bit. got this variable thing now. uses jump up to 1471 at regular strength.

yay yay

i know my plan was to let ants come and siege and make biscuit fort unattractive to humans

but

laser shotgun too op

anthouses too gross to exist

i feel a responsibility

to use a fun weapon

to destroy these things that creep me the flip out

so

that is what i am going to do