She-Wolf grit her teeth in a manic grin. She and Lady NightRaven had been driving across the forest for days. The hole behind the bard was big enough to show up on satellite imaging, but sorting through pictures of the forest revealed nothing. Despite that, the detectives were closing in, they had to be! The bard’s stream showed forest as far as the camera could see, which narrowed down the search to thicker parts of the forest. Really, that didn't narrow it down by much, but at this point the detectives would take whatever they could get.

Lady NightRaven sat in the back seat, headphones on and watching the bard’s stream as She-Wolf drove down forest trails. She-Wolf honked the horn on their new off-road SUV, a loud, deep air horn thundering across the quiet forest.

"Her ear twitched!" Lady NightRaven barked, "Wolf! Her ear twitched! We're close!"

She-Wolf honked the horn again, searching the forest floor for streaming setups.

“There!” She-Wolf cheered, pointing off into the forest.

“Be careful, she knows we’re here,” Lady NightRaven warned.

“Grab the gear,” She-Wolf said, “I don’t see a clear path for the SUV, we’re going in on foot.”

Lady NightRaven handed She-Wolf a heavy machine gun with a box magazine and donned a wide brimmed hat before shouldering her own gun. The detectives slunk through the forest floor, deftly stepping between branches and ensuring the bard was in their line of sight at all times.

“A refund? A refund!” the bard shrieked, glaring into her camera, “Unless you plan on returning the potion that- You- Drank! Then you had better rethink the idea of ever seeing that money again! Why do you think I put warning labels on these anyway? No- No! You listen to me, you little rat-”

“Freeze!” She-Wolf barked.

“Get on the ground now!” Lady NightRaven commanded.

The bard turned to look at the detectives, then looked at her chair and feet, firmly planted on the ground. The bard ground her teeth in irritation, tapping a foot to the floor.

“Who are you?” the bard asked.

“She-Wolf and Lady NightRaven, private detectives,” She-Wolf said, “We’re working with the King’s Head Police to bring you in.”

“That’s right,” Lady NightRaven said, “You’re under arrest.”

“First off, you can’t prove I did anything-” the bard said.

“People record your streams,” She-Wolf said, “I recorded your streams.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’d do it,” the bard admitted, “Second off, nothing I did was illegal anyway-”

“You mind controlled people over the internet,” Lady NightRaven said.

“Did not,” the bard said.

“We have reports that you emotionally abused a minor,” She-Wolf said, “By telling him his parents didn’t love him. Our investigation shows you never had contact with this person before, or after, the incident.”

“That’s not mind control,” the bard said, “That’s called being supremely convincing and charismatic because I’m a bard.”

“Is there a difference?” She-Wolf asked.

“The difference is how you resist it. Fighting against mind control is like trying to keep spies out, while fighting charisma is more like fending off an army. With one, you need to stop the invader from subverting your control, with the other you have to find counters to their arguments," the bard explained, “Which that mere child could not.”

"Enough!" She-Wolf said, "We've been chasing you for too long to argue semantics. You're coming with us."

The bard snorted out a laugh. "No," the bard giggled out. The bard hopped from her seat and walked towards the sink hole behind her.

"Stop!" Lady NightRaven demanded.

"I'm warning you!" She-Wolf warned.

"Hey!" the bard yelled down the hole, "There’s a vampire and a werewolf up here!"

"And?" the fighter called back, "There’s horrors from beneath the earth down here!"

She-Wolf strode over to the hole, her gun still sighted on the bard. She couldn't see the bottom of it.

"I just thought you'd want to know," the bard continued, "Vampires and werewolves working together is the start of a vamp-wolf outbreak."

"We're getting close to something really evil," the cleric answered, "I'd like to keep going until we find it!"

"Well, there’s beasts of darkness up here," the bard said, "Don't go blaming me if there's a big outbreak."

"Of course we'd blame you!" the barbarian said, "You're the one up there."

"Yeah, and all of you are down there!" the bard argued, "What if there's more than two of them?"

"There's only two of them?" the rogue demanded, "Why is this even an issue?"

"I can only see two of them," the bard answered, "Hold up-" the bard turned to She-Wolf and Lady NightRaven. "Are there any more of you?"

"There’s one more of me," Lady NightRaven said.

"This is so weird," She-Wolf said, stepping up to the hole, "Hey! Can you people hear me?"

“Of course we can hear you!” the wizard shouted, “Why do you think you can hear us?”

“Well, you’re under arrest!” She-Wolf said.

“Do you mind?” the cleric said, “We’re in the middle of digging up something really evil! Come back later!”

“No!” Lady NightRaven said, “Get up here now, or I’m going to blast your friend full of holes!”

“Unlikely,” the fighter said, “Get down here, or my friend will drive stakes through your hearts and swords through your faces.”

“Look, we’ll be up there soon anyway,” the cleric said, “We’re getting really close to this big evil thing. As soon as we finish up with that, we’ll deal with you.”

“This is important,” Lady NightRaven said, “Do you have any idea the damage you caused?”

“None?” the cleric guessed, “And listen, I can sense from here that whatever you’re rambling about isn’t as evil or as dangerous as whatever’s down here.”

She-Wolf looked at the massive hole, her eyes scanning the wide lip of the hole. Rubbing her chin in thought. Something really big, something really evil. The first option was the these people were full of nonsense and were making things up to stall. The other option was that these insane people decided to come out to this specific part of the forest for something that was really deep underground. Right here.

“Did you destroy that seismic tracker?” She-Wolf asked.

“The what?” the fighter asked.

“A big tower out in the woods,” She-Wolf explained.

“Oh, yes, that was absolutely us,” the cleric said, “We expect full recognition for that!”

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That tracker was relatively nearby, She-Wolf realized. Closer to this spot than any of the surrounding seismic trackers.

“Lady NightRaven, I have a hunch,” She-Wolf said, stepping back, “I have a hunch.”

“What is it, She-Wolf?” Lady NightRaven asked.

“I think they’re about to uncover-” She-Wolf said.

“Dire dragon!” the fighter said, “Dire dragon! Battle formations!”

The bard dove into the giant hole as an ear splitting scream filled the air. Dirt and dead leaves shook on the ground, rumbling into the hole as the walls fell away in chunks. She-Wolf and Lady NightRaven ran for the SUV, and She-Wolf looked back as a giant gust of air slammed into her. It was curiosity, it was professional pride, it was a morbid fear that hoped and prayed that she was wrong.

Tremortis flew from the giant hole, thundering through the forest canopy. Atop the colossal beast, who stood taller than whole skyscrapers, who had been the bane of civilization, who had turned whole cities to broken rubble, who’s dull, purple body and resisted all the weapons that modern armies could deploy, resisted superheroes whose power shook the world, were six motes of light, shining with bright purple and gold light.

Tremortis roared, wings of countless tendrils carrying its impossible body through the air, the intent of destruction and chaos clear. If either of the detectives had seen it, they wouldn’t be able to believe it. It went against everything they knew about Tremortis. From those six points of light, Tremortis bled.

Arcane power filled the adventurers, granting them absurd strength and speed. Divine ordinance coated their weapons, inflicting wounds through Heaven’s mandate. Songs of legends and great deeds of heroism filled the air, inspiring the adventurers to push beyond the pinnacles of their skills. The dire dragon’s scales were hard, nearly unlike anything the adventurers had fought before. As swords, axes, maces, and knives met unyielding flesh, the rogue worked a dagger between the scales, driving a wedge in the monster’s armor. The cleric smashed her morning star into the wound, hooking the spikes across the scales and dragging them apart. The fighter slashed at the growing wound, cutting apart scales and pulling up tender flesh. The barbarian plunged his mighty axe into the flesh of the monster.

All this, and the barbarian was only able to cut a mere inch into Tremortis. Yes, all this was more than Tremortis had ever experienced.

The beast shrieked, in rage and in fear, as its armor, a tiny sliver compared to the giant body, was sundered. Tremortis pitched into a nosedive, crashing into the ground with such force that She-Wolf and Lady NightRaven could feel the distant rumble even with the miles the beast had already flown. The crash had dislodged the adventurers, yet they sprang to their feet in the wake of such carnage and charged. Tremortis leapt to the air, taking to the skies in a hope to escape, but the very air bent around the creature and the adventurers leapt onto it.

Acid spewed from the creature’s mouth, up into the air to coat Tremortis. Acid so caustic and destructive it had eaten everything it had touched, so terrible that small towns became unending lakes of the vengeful bile. By the will of the wizard, the horrid acid was transmuted into water. By the will of the cleric, the water was made holy. By the will of the bard, Tremortis was branded an enemy of the gods and all that was good and holy. The water washed over and rejuvenated the adventures, but burned and blacked Tremortis as the dire dragon flew through it.

Tremortis dived again, its claws tearing up the ground as the giant monster landed and started to burrow. The dire dragon began burrowing to escape the adventurers, heaps of dirt and stone thrown into the air as Tremortis shook and rolled to dislodge the adventurers. The fighter, barbarian and cleric caught the massive bulk of the beast’s thrashing wing as it threatened to crush the wizard, armor and muscle holding fast against the monster’s girth.

Arcane lights surrounded the wizard, his face transfixed in spell casting, and in a singular burst the power the wizard gathered was unleashed.

“Massive Explosion!” the wizard declared, thrusting both hands towards Tremortis’ head. The ringing burst of magical power blasted against Tremortis, coating the creature’s head in burning fires. The adventurers redoubled their assault, digging at the monster’s flank as it tried to shake off the daze.

“Cut off its tunnel!” the fighter ordered.

The wizard began to gather power once more, but this time Tremortis turned on him. It swung a huge claw, intent to rip the wizard, and the stretch forest around him, to bloody shreds. Divine protection surrounded the wizard and the fighter readied his shield to meet the colossal strike. The rogue hurled a knife, hitting Tremortis in the eye, the flinch forcing the creature to relent, even if only barely. As the wicked talons of Tremortis closed in, the fighter swung his shield with all his might and more. The claws raked through the ground, tearing apart heavy rocks and tall oaks, but missed the wizard by mere inches.

“Gigantic Laser!” the wizard shouted, pushing a beam of arcane power out through his hands. The laser slammed into Tremortis, sending it crashing through the ground in an unending wave of force. As it plowed through forests and power lines, Tremortis dug with all it had to escape the adventurers, and as the adventurers chased it across fields and through hills they stopped.

Vanguard Squad, the greatest of the greatest of superheroes, had arrived. Aurumite floated to the ground, descending in a golden aurora of power as other members were deployed from Battle Crow’s signature jet, the War Rook.

“Brain Wave, what’s their plan?” Aurumite asked.

“It’s strange,” Brain Wave responded, “They have very similar neural activity.”

“They’re controlled by a hive mind?” Champion asked.

“Not quite, it’s not a perfect match,” Brain Wave said, “But they’re all thinking the same thing. They think that we’re only here as an obstacle that they struggle against, but ultimately overcome.”

“They’re- what?” Battle Crow asked, his voice cutting in over the radio.

“I’m reading their memories,” Brain Wave said, “They think that about a lot of the people they fight.”

“What do they think about the rest?” Battle Crow asked.

“That it won’t be much of a challenge,” Brain Wave warned.

“Aurumite, arrest them now,” Battle Crow commanded.

“Battle Crow, have you lost your mind?” Aurumite asked, “Tremortis was running from them. We need to be working with these people.”

“Aurumite,” Battle Crow said, “These people were seen colluding with Gorestrike, distributed memetic hazards, we have records of them psychically attacking minors over the internet, and they’re a band of murderous lunatics who live out in the woods. What they can do doesn’t matter here, what they’ve done does.”

“Fine then,” Aurumite muttered, turning back to face the adventurers, “I am Aurumite. You six are all under arrest, anything you say can and will be used against you-” the bard grunted in amusement. “If you start a fight, Vanguard Squad will be the ones to end it.”

“Listen and listen good,” the fighter growled, “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care. We were instructed by a goddess to save this place from a great disaster, and as far as I care you just let it get away. Stand down or be cut down.”

“Your orders, sir?” Brain Wave asked.

“Be reasonable here,” Aurumite pleaded, “I can vouch for you. If you cooperate, I can help to lighten your sentences. You could do community service instead of rotting in a cell. Your lives could be a benefit to the world! Yes, your homes have been destroyed by villains, and sometimes it seems like evil walks the streets freely. Yes, these years are dark indeed, but now is the time when we must band together. Together, I know we will make it, but apart we can only fall apart. Please, what do you say?”

“Our homes weren’t destroyed,” the barbarian said.

“You sure about that?” the wizard asked.

“Yeah, cause we don’t have an official residence anywhere,” the barbarian said, “Besides, we died when a mountain fell on us. Any of you have any idea what he’s going on about?”

“I don’t,” the bard said.

“I don’t like how shiny and gold he is,” the rogue said, “You think if I scrape a bit off, it’ll keep the luster?”

“Eh, probably not,” the fighter said, “He strikes me as one of those really annoying wizard types. The kind that enchants all their stuff so only they can use it.”

“That’s not-” Aurumite said.

“You mind if I speak for us?” the barbarian asked.

“Go right ahead,” the bard said, “I like how gruff and abrasive you are.”

“Right, scram you glittering goblin,” the barbarian said.

“This should be a time for unity!” Aurumite said.

“Yeah,” the bard said, “And our weapons will unite in your head. Until you have something important to say, I say you get lost.”

“Everytime,” Aurumite whispered, “Vanguard Squad! Prepare for combat!”

The fighter and barbarian squared off against Champion, dressed in clean, white martial artist robes, the wizard faced down Brain Wave, dressed in her blue and white unitard and cape outfit, the bard and the rogue wondered what to do about the jet, and the cleric stood in front of Aurumite. The cleric looked at Aurumite, then Champion, then Brain Wave, and rolled her eyes. The barbarian swung at Champion, and the peerless warrior brushed the barbarian’s axe aside with the back of his hand. The rogue threw a knife at the War Rook, embedding the blade in the cargo hold.

“Wait!” the cleric shouted, the first moments of violent combat rolling around her.

“For what?” the fighter demanded.

“They’re not evil,” the cleric said flatly.

“Cleric, they stopped us from killing a big thing,” the rogue said, “And now they’re fighting us.”

“I know, I know,” the cleric said, “But they’re still not evil.”

“Everytime,” the fighter muttered, turning to Aurumite, “You golden guy-”

“Aurumite,” Aurumite said.

“Whatever,” the fighter spat, “All the drivel you were going on about before, what did you want?”

“I strive for peace and-” Aurumite said.

“No, not that nonsense,” the fighter said, “You came here to do something other than fight us. What was it?”

“Arrest you,” Aurumite said, raising an eyebrow in disbelief, “Vanguard Squad was dispatched to arrest you. Are you feeling alright?”

“Fine, sure,” the fighter said, waving him off, “We surrender or whatever. Do your arresting.”

“He’s being honest,” Brain Wave said, “The rest of the team agrees with him.”

“Okay,” Aurumite said, feeling unsure of what to say for the first time in a long time, “Well, all of you are now prisoners of the United States. Do you understand this?”

“Taking prisoners is a waste of swift justice,” the cleric grumbled.

“I’ll call in another jet,” Battle Crow said, “I don’t want them messing with my tech.”

“Fair enough,” Aurumite said, “How soon can you have transport here?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later, the adventurers had been handcuffed, for all the good that would do, and were sitting quietly in the back of a plane.