Christopher woke up half an hour before the sun rose, threw on his uniform, made his bed, brewed a cup of coffee, and strode over to the firing range.

His eye made the slightest twinge of irritation when he saw Gamer Man had woken up before him. Gamer Man had also stayed up later than him, testing himself in the firing range into the late hours of night.

"Did you sleep at all?" Christopher asked.

"Huh? Oh- Sir yes sir," Gamer Man said, looking up from the targets he had sighted, "I made sure to get a rem cycle."

"Where’s the range master?" Christopher asked.

"Sir, still in bed, sir," Gamer Man said, "He said if I woke him up he'd shoot me."

Christopher looked up at the times Gamer Man had posted. He had nearly tied Jacob Hunter, a name Christopher only knew as a marine who had served before his time. It was a record that had stood the test of time, very few superheroes had the military training to beat that time, and the heroes that did usually had some form of super speed.

Gamer Man wasn’t using his ring of haste. He could, but honestly it felt like cheating. There was also his theory on how the ring worked-

Gamer Man tucked around a corner. Three hostiles, two civilians. He had seven bullets in the magazine, two hit the hostiles as Gamer Man sighted the third. The line of fire had to be tight, weaving between the civilians or forcing him to move and waste time. Gamer Man pulled the trigger, bitting the hostile square in the eye.

Gamer Man's haste ring theory was that it multiplied, or he supposed divided since technically a number was going down, his base stats. He didn't have any evidence for this, and didn't have the time to test it anyway, but simply reasoned that if the ring gave a flat boost to his reflexes and speed the adventurers wouldn't see it as valuable.

After all, if "speed" was-

Three more hostile targets popped up as Gamer Man stepped into a wide room. Two moving in and out from behind cover while the third hung back in the far corner of the room. The first two were a simple matter of timing, and Gamer An fired twice at the far target as he moved for a nearby exit. He had forgotten that third one an embarrassing number of times, and started reloading as he jogged.

Where was he? Right, if "speed" was ten, and the ring of haste multiplied speed by two, then total speed would be twenty. The higher the multiplier, the more a flat bonus would need to be to keep up with it. If the multiplier was three, then a flat bonus would need to add twenty to match it.

The final hallway was clear, Gamer Man had done this enough times to have the layout of an individual run mostly memorized.

“Not a bad time,” Christopher remarked.

“Not any faster than any of my runs in the past two hours,” Gamer Man groused, “I thought I was a bit faster this time, if only by a little bit. Either way, I think I need a new course.”

“What do you mean?” Christopher asked.

“I’ve run this course enough to know which targets are going to be hostile and which are going to be friendly,” Gamer Man said, “I can kind of autopilot through it, but that’s not what I’m trying to do.”

“And what are you trying to do?” Christopher asked.

“Hey, I’ve never told anyone this,” Gamer Man said, giving Christopher an appraising look, the gears in his mind visibly shifting, “But I have a magic ring. It lets me move, think, and react faster.”

“And you got all these scores with that,” Christopher concluded.

“No,” Gamer Man continued, “I don’t want to be using the ring here. It’s a, uh, theory on how the ring works.”

“You don’t know how the ring works?” Christopher asked, “Where did you find this ring?”

“I’d rather not-”

“Will it jeopardize the mission?” Christopher asked.

“No- I mean, No sir,” Gamer Man said.”

“Good,” Christopher said, “Because there is too much at stake here for you to put everyone in danger just because you don’t want to name your supplier,” Christopher said, ”And unless you can afford a couple dozen more of them, I’m not going to care where you got it anyway/”

Gamer Man crossed his arms and rubbed his chin in thought.

“I don’t actually know how many more they have,” Gamer Man said, “I think they have a lot- No, actually, they would sell spare loot. Unless- Unless they can create them quickly? Sir, do you mind if I go check?”

“Permission granted,” Christopher said.

“Sir, thank you sir,” Gamer Man said, “I’ll be right back. Shouldn’t take more than a couple minutes.”

Gamer Man jogged into South Kingshead, looking back to make sure he wasn’t being followed, and ducked into an alleyway. He got out the teleportation scroll, spoke the activation phrase, a peeked his head through the portal.

What he saw shocked him.

“Why are you all in a jail cell?” Gamer Man asked.

“Because we were arrested,” the rogue groused, “How else do you get to jail?”

“Do I want to know what you were arrested for?” Gamer Man asked.

“Probably not,” the barbarian said, “Besides, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“You don’t worry about anything,” the cleric said.

“And that’s been working for me,” the barbarian said.

“So, Artificer, what are you doing here?” the wizard asked, “Were you also arrested?’

“No,” Gamer Man said, “But I was wondering if you have any spare rings of haste.”

“We don’t,” the fighter said.

“Could you make more?” Gamer Man asked.

“They took all our stuff,” the wizard said.

“And?” Gamer Man asked.

“And I could put a simple enchantment on more rings,” the wizard admitted, “But what would you pay me with?”

“Look, I don’t have a lot to offer at the moment, there’s a lot going on,” Gamer Man pleaded, “But couldn’t you just do it out of the goodness of your heart?”

“Nope,” the cleric said, “Guards are going to be here soon, and you should probably leave unless you want to be arrested also.”

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“Oh,” Gamer Man said, stepping back through the portal, “Thanks anyway.”

Brain Wave slammed the cell door upon with a scream of “Who were you talking to?”

“No such luck, sir,” Gamer Man reported.

“Scouts reported watching you walk for about two blocks and then turn into an alley,” Christopher said, “Where did you go?”

“Would you believe I made a phone call?” Gamer Man asked.

“No,” Christopher said.

Ascension couldn’t remember ever being this happy. He had Faery Fire strapped to a table, a whole host of ideas for possible upgrades running through his head, just waiting for him to take up his scalpel. Faery Fire, for her part, was not taking it well. She had been screaming for hours about minor things like unethical treatment and evil, and it had gotten on Ascension’s nerves to the point he was forced to gag her.

Really, with how happy he was to be reunited with her, Ascension was surprised she wasn’t the least bit happy to be reunited with him.

Ascension strode over to Faery Fire’s table, it was unsightly to leave her between the cloning vats that created the bulk of Gorestrike’s army, but on such short notice he had no better place to put her.

“If you can keep your voice in check, and not yell,” Ascension said, looming over her, “I am willing to take off the gag. Really, there’s no reason for you to be so difficult. It’s unsightly to see such a work of art snarl.”

Faery Fire nodded, and Ascension reached down to unclasp the gag. Faery Fire did not bite him, she did consider biting, but figured that her teeth would struggle to break Ascension’s skin let alone do any lasting damage.

“There, you see?” Ascension said, smiling down at her, “Isn’t that better?”

“I want to have children,” Faery Fire said quietly.

“And I don’t want you to have children,” Ascension said, “Really, the sight of your perfect body, turned heavy and bloated with child? Revolting! I can’t imagine why you’re so obsessed with it, and I do believe you will come to thank me quite soon.”

“You can’t imagine anything past your own ego,” Faery Fire seethed.

“And why should I?” Ascension asked, “Look at all my own ego can accomplish! One need look no further than you and I.”

“You arrogante-” Faery Fire said, straining against the metal restraints.

“There’s no use in struggling,” Ascension said, “Even if you could break free, which I’m sure I made you strong enough to do so, I set up an auto injector filled with a sleeping agent to help you relax. It’s nothing to worry about, I’ll be putting you under soon anyway.”

“You-” Faery Fire said, “What?”

“Oh yes,” Ascension said, “I am quite tired of your rebellious attitude. It’s high time I did something about it.”

“And what are you going to do?” Faery Fire asked, “Lobotomize me?”

“Lobotomized sounds so crude,” Ascension said, “You are a work of art, you should be spared such crudeness.”

“Then what are you going to do to me?” Faery Fire demanded.

“Is that not clear?” Ascension asked, “I intend to do some exploratory surgury on your brain. I expect it will be very educational-”

“You’re going to cut my brain out?” Faery Fire shrieked.

“Nothing of the sort, nothing of the sort,” Ascension assured her, “All I need to do is master the knowledge of brain chemistry. Think of how you will feel after I’m done! Rapturous with love! Splendorous with grace! Why-”

“You’re gonna-” Faery Fire could scarcely believe it, “You’re going to rewire me?”

“You make it sound so grim,” Ascension said, “Let me administer the sedative, and when you awake-”

“Wait!” Faery Fire shrieked.

“Wait?” Ascension asked, nearly laughing at the demand, “Wait for what?”

“Just- just wait,” Faery Fire pleaded, “Please, for all I know this is going to be my last chance to be me! So please, just- just wait!”

“Why?” Ascension asked.

“You love me, don’t you?” Faery Fire pleaded, “You could have taken any woman and turned them into me! When we went out, women were falling over each other to get to you!”

“So?” Ascension asked.

“So- so there was a reason I was with you, and they weren’t,” Faery Fire said, “I loved you, and you loved me. So please, just wait. You’re going to destroy the thing you once loved! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Very well,” Ascension admitted, “I suppose some time to reminisce would be healthy. To remember my favorite parts of you. You are right, after all. After I’m done with you, you will never be the same. I shall give you one day to remember your favorite parts of me.”

“Are we going to rescue Faery Fire?” Blue asked.

“Of course we are!” Red insisted, “Think of all she’s done for us!”

“She was as close to a mother as we’re going to get,” Yellow said.

“Can we?” Green asked.

“What kind of a question is that?” Pink demanded.

“I just, I don’t know if we’ll win,” Green said.

“We’ve got to try!” Pink demanded.

“We’ve got to win,” Blue corrected.

“Blue, if you try to back out now,” Red said.

“I’m not!” Blue insisted, “Just listen to me. We don’t speak the language here, we don’t know what’s going on, we don’t know where Faery Fire is-”

“She’s in the big castle,” Yellow said.

“Where in the big castle?” Blue ground out, “And last time we went in there, all five of us needed to stop one villain before we all passed out! What are we going to do if she’s still there?”

“Blue! We need to try!” Pink said.

“Pink,” Blue said, “I want you, I want all of you girls, to picture Faery Fire’s face when we lose.”

“That’s not- not fair,” Yellow said.

“Do you want us to not help her?” Green asked.

“Green, I want to help her more than anything,” Blue said, “But you remember what she told us before coming here? Heroes win, but martyrs die. I will not let her watch us lose.”

“Then we just won’t lose!” Red insisted.

“Red we lose all the time!” Blue said, “Nearly our entire magical girl careers, we’ve had to give ground to the Rider Gang!”

“But-” Yellow said.

“No!” Blue barked, “I- We can’t mess this up! We need a plan, we need to know what’s going on.”

“Nobody here speaks Japanese!” Red said, “How are we going to plan?”

“Excuse me,” Gamer Man said, having wandered by, “I think I can help you with that?”

The Sensational Sword Saint Sailors looked at Gamer Man with mouths agape and jaws slack.

“There’s just one thing I need,” Gamer Man said.

“I’ll do anything,” Blue insisted.

“This better not be something pervy,” Red growled.

“It’s just,” Gamer Man said, getting out his lucky, limited edition CD of the Sensational Sword Saint Sailors hit album “Loves, Lights, Swords Tonight”. The plastic wrapping was still on the cover, the clear sign of a collector. Gamer Man had never, and would never, play the CD, content to download their music.

“Could I get an autograph?” Gamer Man asked.

Blue looked at the CD, confusion slowly building in her. This man, this man, could speak Japanese and was their only chance at planning Faery Fire’s rescue. This man was carrying a never opened copy of one of their best albums and said he would help save Faery Fire if they gave him an autograph.

It would, Blue knew, make this CD an highly prized piece of merchandise, and Gamer Man could sell it for quite a lot of money. Something told her, it was probably the shakey, nervous smile on Gamer Man’s face, that Gamer Man would never dream of selling the CD.

“I- I don’t have my pen,” Blue said.

This was true. Each of the Sailors had custom glitter markers that they used to sign merchandise, and none of them had brought their special markers to America, none of the Sailors thought they would be working as pop idols anyway. Blue could sign the CD with a meager office pen, but that would only mar the value of such an item.

“I- um,” Gamer Man said, realizing that Gargoyle was not only looking directly at him but also rapidly approaching, “I bought some of your limited edition markers. I have a set back home. It should only take me a few minutes to go get it.”

“You are such a nerd,” Gargoyle said, “Get moving, command wants to talk with you.”