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Iakesi: They Call Me Homeless, but I Cast Fireball!
Level Eleven: Of Warriors and Wolfgangs

Level Eleven: Of Warriors and Wolfgangs

Hank had always dreamed of owning a motorcycle, and was glad that his dream was now a reality. Granted, he stole- no, looted. The adventurers told him that was an important difference. He had looted the Harley off of dead thugs, and there was no paperwork to indicate it was his. All he had to prove ownership was his superhuman speed and strength and his magic trident, which Hank thought would be plenty.

The New Adventurers entered King's Head from the South, riding in early in the morning. The new day had brought the New Adventurers plenty of opportunity, but also hungry bellies. Daisy’s Roadside Eatery held the promise of breakfast food, and Alice claimed she could smell sausages from over a block away. Felicia cast some minor illusions over the team, and the New Adventurers strode inside.

A kindly and haggard Daisy greeted them as the New Adventurers walked inside. Felicia marveled at the pictures of Aurumite and Battle Crow on the wall, each with their own favorite breakfast. Battle Crow had little more than black coffee with bacon and eggs, while Aurumite had orange juice with bacon, eggs, and pancakes.

“Anything I can get for y’all?” Daisy asked. Hank noticed Daisy was wearing makeup to cover the bags under her eyes. Aside from lipstick, Hank had never really noticed when a woman was wearing makeup. Unless she was wearing a lot of makeup, Hank figured, but Daisy wasn’t doing that.

“You two know what you want?” Hank asked.

“Ice cream and waffles,” Felicia said, “With syrup, blackberry syrup, strawberries and whipped cream.”

“You are going to ruin your appetite,” Hank said, “I’ll have the Aurumite Special with fried eggs.”

“I’ll take a breakfast chicken fried steak,” Alice said, “With sunny side up eggs.”

“Coming right up,” Daisy said, grabbing menus, “Might take me a bit, though.”

“Money been tight?” Hank asked.

“Something like that,” Daisy breathed.

Hank waited until Daisy was back in the kitchen, pouring batter and cracking eggs, before leaning in with a conspiratorial whisper.

“I think that woman needs help,” Hank said, keeping his voice low.

“You noticed too?” Felicia asked.

“Noticed what?” Alice asked.

“How worn down the poor girl is,” Hank said.

Alice took a long look into the kitchen, watching Daisy as she worked. Noticing Alice’s gaze, Daisy looked back at Alice with a casual wave.

“She seems fine to me,” Alice said.

“Didn’t you see her makeup?” Felicia asked, “Even Hank noticed, and he’s a man.”

“I never considered makeup and hairstyling important in my career,” Alice said, “My goal was to be hired based on actual qualifications.”

“Well, she’s tired,” Hank explained, “Using, what is it, eyeshadow?” Felicia nodded. “Using eyeshadow to hide the bags under her eyes,” Hank continued.

“Maybe she just doesn’t get enough sleep?” Alice guessed, “I don’t see another waiter or cook working here. I worked in the service industry, it can get exhausting.”

“Two burly suits just walked in,” Felicia commented, “Hank, do you think she’s being blackmailed?”

“Probably something more like a protection racket,” Hank guessed, “Who all is still around in King’s Head? I heard that the Executives are out, same with the Underlanders.”

“Wait, really?” Alice asked, “Are the wizards still here?”

“Who knows where the wizards are,” Felicia grumbled, “Hold up, suits are moving to the kitchen.”

“Want me to go sort this out?” Alice asked.

“Hank was trained by the bard,” Felicia said, “I say let him lead.”

“What? You were trained by the rogue,” Hank said, “Why not sneak in there?”

“Because we want to know why the suits are there,” Felicia explained, “Sneaking in there isn’t going to get them talking.”

“Alright alright,” Hank said, standing up from the booth, “Zealot, got ready to back me up. Wytch, move to a flanking condition.”

Hank strode up to Daisy and the two men, catching snippets of some hushed argument, and tapped one of the black suited men on the shoulder.

“Pardon me,” Hank said, “But I couldn’t help but notice that, while I was waiting for breakfast, you two started harassing the fine lady running this place. Now-” Hank felt the man press a gun to his stomach. “What do you say you tell me who y’all work for, then we take this outside. I’d hate to ruin such a cornerstone of American dining.”

“I’ve got a deal for you,” the man said in a growl, “How about you leave before I smear you across the walls. Don’t play the hero, I’m sure you’re smarter than that.”

“So, you’re not going to tell me who you work for?” Hank asked.

“The only thing I’m to tell you,” the man hissed, pressing the gun harder into Hank, “Is that your tombstone is going to read ‘He died just as stupid as he lived’ if you don’t leave now.”

“Alright,” Hank conceded, “If you’re so set on a fight, could we at least take this outside?”

The suited man pulled the trigger, unloading the pistol into Hank, and Hank grunted as the bullets dug into his stomach. From his doubled over position, Hank sprang back with an uppercut that sent the man flying through the air. The second thug turned on Hank, only for Felicia to hurl a spell that sank into the thug’s gun. The gun started to smoke as it turned glowing red, and in a moment of quick thinking Hank shoved open the back door and kicked the gun outside. Alice dove across the kitchen and bodily flung the man out after the molten gun.

“Get down,” Hank bellowed, tackling Daisy to the floor and wrapping himself around her. A crackling explosion erupted from behind the diner, digging holes in the back of the kitchen.

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“Ammo fire!” Hank yelled at Felicia, releasing Daisy.

“Huh?” Felicia asked.

“You set a loaded gun on fire!” Hank seethed, “You caused an ammo fire.”

“Oh, um, sorry about that,” Felicia said, “I got excited. I just wanted to cast a spell. Next time I won’t make that mistake.”

“Are you hurt?” Hank asked Daisy.

“No,” Daisy admitted, “Um, you seem to have a number of bullet holes in you.”

“Zealot, could I get some help over here?” Hank asked, waving Alice over, “Now ma’am, would you mind telling us who those men were?”

“Sure,” Daisy said, watching in confusion as Alice starting pulling the bullets out of Hank’s torso, “Some time ago I came into a large sum of money. Some folks paid me in gold coins. I thought, well golly looks like I’m going to be rich. And I was, for a time. Till that rat Wolfgang caught wind of it. Thinks that I have more of it squirreled away somewhere. He’s been sending men over here, driving off customers and making a mess of my diner. I already gave him the money I got for the gold, if this keeps up I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“We can take care of it,” Hank said, relaxing as Alice pushed a surge of healing magic into him, “How often do Wolfgang’s men come around?”

“Twice a day,” Daisy answered.

“More will be coming soon,” Alice said, “Wolfgang will wonder where those two went.”

“Maybe he’d think they took the money and ran?” Felicia suggested.

“Not likely,” Hank said, “Daisy. I think maybe you should take the rest of the day off. Just a precaution I assure you. The New Adventurers will handle this, you have my word.”

“Alright- I- thank you,” Daisy muttered, wrapping Hank in a hug, “I don’t- I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell you what,” Hank said, putting his hands on Daisy’s shoulders, “You go home, lie down, maybe read a nice book. If we’re still here tomorrow, then breakfast is on you. Sound good?”

“Thank you,” Daisy said, letting Hank go, “Before I go, just know that I’ll be at the diner bright and early, ready to serve up the best darn breakfast you’ve ever had. Best of luck.”

Hank waited until Daisy had driven off before turning back to the man on the floor, rubbing his chin in thought.

“Felicia,” Hank said, “Do you want to loot the corpse outside?”

“The guy I exploded?” Felicia said, “Gross, no. What’s he going to have, anyway?”

“A wallet,” Hank said, “And, just to make sure you’re more careful with your spells, I thought you should loot him.”

“Alright, fine,” Felicia groaned, stepping out the backdoor.

“Alright, now,” Hank said, turning to Alice, “You have one of them medical degrees, right?”

“I have a masters in chemical science,” Alice said, “Why?”

“Nearly a decade ago I read a magazine article about the price of organs,” Hank said, “And I’m looking at this guy and thinking, he may have a couple dollars in his wallet, maybe a gold tooth, maybe a silver filling-”

“You want to know how I feel about organ harvesting?” Alice guessed.

“I mean, he’s already dead,” Hank said, “And the adventurers said that being able to thoroughly loot someone was important. That mercenaries make most of their money looting battlefields and towns, and how adventurers need to be able to get the most profit out of a quest to advance their career. Afford better gear to take on bigger jobs.”

“I have a friend who went into medicine, he works at the Duke Albert’s Hospital,” Alice said, “I can give him a call.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Felicia to pick up some coolers,” Hank said.

Hank stepped outside, taking a moment to watch Felicia poke at a very dead man with a stick. Alice’s throw must have done more damage than Hank thought, and the thug landed almost perfectly on the gun that Hank kicked out the door. Then, the bullets in the gun exploded, turning a good portion of the man into roughly chopped beef.

“Anything?” Hank asked.

“I got six dollars out of his wallet that weren’t blood soaked,” Felicia said, “And he had three gold teeth. I’m trying to think of what else I can take from this guy, but I’m drawing a blank here.”

“Right, well could you run down to a corner store and pick up some coolers?” Hank asked.

“Why?” Felicia asked.

“Well, not really a nice way to put this,” Hank muttered, “Alice and I were going to try our hand at organ harvesting with that other guy.”

“Okay,” Felicia said, “Woah.”

“Hmm?” Hank asked.

“We got really desensitized to this,” Felicia said, “Do you think we should start seeing therapists?”

“After we strike it rich,” Hank said.

“Alright, I should be back in ten minutes,” Felicia said, “I’ll get some ice as well, see if you can find salt in the kitchen for the ice. I don’t know how cold organs are supposed to be kept, and I’m a bit worried to ask the internet.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Hank said.

Felicia cast invisibility and haste on herself, jogging off to pick up coolers and ice.

“Hank,” Alice said, “We’ve got a phone call.”

It took Felicia eight minutes to get to a convenience store, where she happily bought a stack of coolers, as many bags of ice as she could get her slender arms around, and a small bag of chips for a snack. Getting back took longer, having to focus on levitating objects instead of speeding herself up. When Felicia returned to Daisy’s Eatery, she saw heavy black SUVs parked in front, a large group of black suited goons surrounding Hank and Alice.

Felicia smartly snuck in through the back, dumping ice into the coolers and gently placing organs inside, grabbing them off the cooktop. Alice had told Felicia about her friend who worked at the local hospital, supposedly he got a degree in business management and worked somewhere near the top of the hospital hierarchy. Making sure the place was adequately supplied. He was probably who would be buying the organs.

“Still,” Felicia wondered aloud, “How much could long intestines even sell for? Kidneys and livers, sure, but stomachs? I should probably check on Hank and Alice. Ooh, no, Gladiator and Zealot! Hah!”

Felicia crept to the front of the store, hearing Hank arguing with someone.

“-Carved up one of my men like a psychopath!” a shorter, gaunt looking man said, “I just- Why?”

“First off, that was self defense,” Hank said, “He shot me several times in the stomach, attacking me with lethal intent. I merely responded in kind.”

“What’s going on here?” Felicia asked, sidling up to Alice.

“Wolfgang is accusing us of being organ leggers,” Alice explained, “Hank’s trying to explain the situation to him before we start folding his men like laundry.”

“But that guy was dead already,” Felicia protested.

“That’s what I keep saying!” Hank said, “We’re just trying to maximize profits. Besides, it’s not like your boy was going to need them.”

“I would be angry enough if you only killed one of my men,” Wolgang seethed, “If you only interrupted my business. The fact that you act like you're proud of this-"

"Look," Hank demanded, "Does this somehow make him more dead? If anything, I'm in the right here. I'm bringing hope to people who need new organs."

"I'll have you know," Wolfgang said, "Even I have standards. I know what I do hurts people, and I know that what you are doing is just sadistic. You're a sociopath among sociopaths. What’s next, are you going to start spinal tapping people?"

“What’s that?” Hank asked.

“Nobody say anything,” Wolfgang ordered.

"Are we going to fight or what?" Alice asked, “I wanted to pick up my mail some time today and call the bank about a loan.”

"How convenient, I also have business to attend to,” Wolfgang remarked, clicking on loud speakers inside the car, “I can assure you, this will not take me long.”