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I want to Fall in Love, but I'm Gay.
Chapter 09(2/2):  The Candid Thoughts I’ve Never Mean to Convey. . . .

Chapter 09(2/2):  The Candid Thoughts I’ve Never Mean to Convey. . . .

>> Afternoon:

“Sorry, I suddenly got plans for today. I contacted Ella already, meet him at the lobby.”

Just as the time our class ended, Kristine suddenly left the classroom. I know already that this will happen. A setup like in any other story wherein, I get stood up by my friend from someone who is kind of love interest.

And she knows that this will happen because I met her friend. “This is ridiculous. Bailing out from the moment you asked that friend of yours to hangout?”

I just sigh in resignation, for I know there’s nothing that change after this. I mean, there’s nothing I can do if she wants to bail out from this setup.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with her, asking that guy to hangout and left out of the blue.”

I left the classroom and proceeds on the lobby to check where Ella is. Arriving the rendezvous point, there’s no one waiting... except from a girl who stands at the corner.

The same girl I saw that night scopes my view. Wearing cotton graphic tee and jeans shows the elegance of her beauty. Her hair neatly flattened down at the back and a beret cap worn on her head.

A chain strap sling bag hangs on her right shoulder. She’s gazing faraway, seems to be thinking something. I slowly move forward to look; there’s something in me that I want to clarify.

That’s the time I realized, as she turns to look at me. “Hey.”

The voice she gives. “Hi...” I greeted. I almost got deceived again. This woman is a man. Arellano, also known as Ella, is here. “You wait too long?” I brushed the embarrassment and called.

“No. I just arrive here...” he answered. What does he mean, ‘just arrive’? “You remember that I work as a freelance model, right? I just got off from work.”

Oh, yeah. He said that before. “And if you wonder how I entered the campus? I used my ID.” He added and smiles at me.

I’m not planning to ask that, but thanks for answering anyway. “Should we go?” he asked. “Yeah, sure...” I answered.

Leaving the campus together, we walked side by side near the University. Some students gathered in groups, chatting and exchanging banters. Some are doing photocopies of lectures in class.

However, the odd thing is those students we passed over tilts their head to follow Ella. He really is pretty despite of being a guy.

“You sure are pretty; letting all girls and boys look at you.” I mumbled while walking.

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“It’s natural because I’m pretty. And that’s also the reason why I hooked you up, right?”

What the...? I jolt out of surprise as his head tilts at me and smirks after speaking. My face suddenly feels hot after his retort. “Y—you deceived me. I never wanted to see you again actually...”

I stopped from walking after telling those words. Ella stops as well and looks at me. “I am a lesbian. I love girls and—”

“I know. That’s why you got mad at me that night, right?” before I proceed, Ella interjects. “You know that already... so I think this is time for us to—”

I passed over her and walk away. There’s no reason for us to be together, though I want to try knowing about him. However, he grabbed my hand.

“I want to know more about you.” Those words halted me. Turning sideways to look at him, I saw the profoundness on his expression. “Huh?” I asked.

“I want to know more about you. I want to know what kind of person you are. All about your hobbies and things you like and dislike.”

What’s wrong with him, asking me these kinds of stuffs? “Uhm...” I groaned. “So, I want to be closer to you. Is that all right?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” I asked.

“I want us to be closer like lovers—"

“Whoa—you. What?”

“What do you mean, what?” He asked. His eyebrows fuzzed together. “You’re asking me to be closer to you like lovers. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m all right. And I mean it. I want us to be closer as lovers.”

Those words give a chill throughout my body. What’s that supposed to mean?! Just because we had a one-night stand doesn’t mean I’m easy to get. And I’m into girls.

“Sorry, dude. But I don’t comprehend what you’re trying to imply.”

“You said you want to ‘do it’ with me again, right?”

That sudden, deliberating those exact words that came from my mouth earlier gave a destructible impact. What the...?!

I bellowed inwardly after heeding it.

“Huh?”

“You’re a lesbian, and right now I’m a pretty girl. Hooking up with you is not bad.” He smiles at me. What’s this cross-dresser saying now!?

“You’re spitting nonsense. I know what I want. And that’s not your—”

Ella then grabs the zipper of his pants, attempting to open it. “Hey! What’re you doing!?”

“Well, I don’t know what you want to say... you don’t want my dick?”

What’s wrong with this person!? “Hey! Stop that!”

“Stop what...?” he asked. Is he really serious about this? “Just because you’re pretty doesn’t mean I will swoon on you.”

That’s it. There’s no need to play on his antics. I made a mistake once. There’s no need to add another one. “You already deceived me before.”

“And I’m sorry for that.” Ella’s grip tightened from my hand. He then strides as I dashed together with him. “Hey! Where are you taking me?”

“Somewhere where no one can see us.”

What? Is he trying to portray the stories where someone abducts a girl and goes to the secluded place like dark alleys or public toilets?

“Are you planning to drag me where anyone can notice us while we doing it?”

Ella smirks as he glances at me. “So, you’re looking forward to do it with me?”

“What—No way!” I answered immediately. We just keep walking until arriving at the nearby park where a black Mercedes Benz car is waiting.

He opens the door from the backseat and asked me to come inside. He follows immediately and closes the door. “To my house.” From the driver’s seat is a person wearing a suit.

Starting the engine, we left the place immediately. “Where are you planning to take me?” I asked. “I told you, somewhere where no one is around.”

“And you think I will believe on it?” I asked again. This time, Ella turns to face me and smiles. “You are too tense, let me calm you for a bit, okay?”

“Huh? What are you—”

Before I speak further, he grabs my head to lean forward. Our lips suddenly connected, surprising me from the sudden kiss. His soft lips entangled on me. I tried to push him away but his grip is too tight.

From there, his tongue slips inside my mouth. I moaned from the sudden happening, but slowly beckons to his actions. Both our tongues played inside our mouth, causing my head go fuzzy.

Slowly, Ella loses the grip from my head with our tongues out, a string of saliva intertwines. My face feels hot, and my body turns sluggish from that kiss.

“You really are cute, Jessie.” Ella utters to me. “Huh? No, I’m not cute—whaa!?"

Leaning further, he starts kissing my neck. I feel ticklish; his breathe sooths through my skin. This is totally wrong; this isn’t what I want but my body can’t push him away.

“Stop—stop it! You’re not my type—"

“But you enjoy it, right?” Ella whispers in my ear. His voice made me shivers and my body arouse. I shouldn’t feel arouse but this is something beyond my imagination.

“I feel sorry for deceiving you, but I can’t help myself wanting you...”

“Huh?”

“I desire you, Jessie. I desire you to be with me, and take all of you.”

Ella looks straight in my eyes. His face show glimmer, beckoning me not to look off of him. Cupping my face with his hands, he leaned again and kisses my lips.

I should resist; I should object this moment, yet my body slowly accepts him. I slowly succumbing on these addled feelings starting to bloom inside me.

I might be... accepting Ella with my heart.