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I have been blessed by Chaos but all I want to do is chill on a farm
149 – From Dust To Dust, From Pie To Crust 🥧

149 – From Dust To Dust, From Pie To Crust 🥧

“[Judgement Day]!!!”

“[Summ…] Gah!”

The entire world turned white, more than that, it felt like swimming in the light itself: it was fluffy and soft like feathers on a baby chick; it was also warm and fuzzy like a hot bath after a long day; It even smelled like vanilla! The white strands of condensed light caressed the somewhat pale skin of the Spider King. They licked and prodded, fondled and brushed, sometimes it was a bit prickly but most of the time just very ticklish.

A message popped into the Spider King's vision.

[You’re magic affinity is Chaos; Judgement Day was negated]

The text faded and the normal colours of the world returned to the Spider King. Regretfully, with the loss of the warm and fuzzy light, the comforting sensation also disappeared. He felt somewhat … disappointed. And just like that he was back in the midst of battle. His opponents were the persistent five: Wizard, Rogue, Ranger, Warrior, and Priest.

With his vision back, he quickly scanned the rest of the room, everyone looked slightly shocked; he wondered why that was.

“Huh?” He realised something.

The persistent five were down to four, and no, it wasn’t the rogue who disappeared this time; it was the priest! Well, there was something in her place – a pair of sandals filled with white dust, or perhaps it was salt.

“Did her spell backfire?” He wondered out loud.

Unintentionally, due to clacking mandibles and the spidery voice, the question came out sounding rather mocking. Scornful looks were now directed at him, but also there were… fear? – No, Terror!

The persistent four were pushing the Holy Emperor away to safety, yet for some reason, he insisted on remaining. The eyes of the Emperor were briefly locked on the pile of fresh salt and then they gazed at the Spider King.

“You Monster!” He accused.

He had nothing to do with the priestly woman's death, that was all on her, but more importantly, “Not monster,” he tapped his spidery crown, “but the Monster King!”

The Emperor slammed his golden sceptre down cracking the floor in the process. Perhaps if he wasn’t affected by Corruption the action would be accompanied by a formidable spell or a skill, but alas, “Just die already!” Simple words had to make do.

Indeed, there was no time to get complacent, the entire platoon of Imperial Guards was making its way towards the Spider King. This was no predicament he wanted to be in, especially not when he also was affected by negative status effects: Negative Mana and Shattered Core.

“We’re done playing games, I guess… ” The Spider King gazed at the running guards.

Fortunately, he still had time to finish his unique ultimate-mega-special-move! After all, he couldn't help but be impressed by the colourful combos of the persistent five, and he didn’t want to be outdone by them.

Seeing that there was some time just before the guards got to him the Spider King began with: “I condemn you all to my: [Unbendable], [Indestructible], [Unyielding] … ” He flourished it with nonsense, none of the spoken perks were real, and he had no mana for that anyway. “Darkness! [Summon Darkness]!!!” He finished with the only spell he could use at the moment.

The Spider King’s deliberate showmanship was not as cringe-worthy as you might think, because at the final words the Imperial Guards staggered breaking their Charge. They were… Afraid!

“Ha-ha-ha!!!” He cackled clicking his mandibles menacingly.

The Spider King’s shadow bubbled and rippled as if alive, and soon blob of condensed darkness took shape. It didn’t end with just a blob, instead, it transformed into a rather voluptuous obsidian-skinned woman all clad in taunt black leathers.

“Master?! It spoke in a strange voice. “Meow!!!” It meowled at the platoon of the guards.

“Darkness, do your thing!”

“I understand! [Summon Minions]!”

The Spider King might not had any MP left but that wasn’t the same for his familiar. With those words, the shadows bubbled and swirled birthing various creatures of Darkness. One after the other they popped right behind the Imperial Guards, straight out of their shadows.

“More monsters!”, “I expected spiders but… wolves?”, “They seem weak, let's kill them.”, the guards reacted quickly.

“That’s just a distraction! Get the Spider King!” Someone more competent issued a stern command.

“Fools, meow! Don’t look down on my Minions. Go Get them!” The embodiment of Darkness issued a command of her own.

“What is this!” A guard swung his sword at the Shadow Wolf, yet it did no damage. “Gah!” A draining tendril wrapped all around him.

“Sir, steel isn’t working!” Someone said the obvious.

“And the Mages are all Sundered.” Someone added.

The Guard Commander frowned rather deeply. “They are monsters of the Dark, and are you a Paladin or not?” He frowned at the incompetence of his men. “Just Smite them!”

“[Smite]”, “[Bless]”, “[Sword of Light]”, and other various Light skills were used on the shadow creatures. It was super effective!

But just like the Guard Commander assumed this was a distraction. While all of this was happening the Spider King used yet another trick from his proverbial sleeve.

Protected by Darkness he had some time for, “[Magical Inventory],” he reached in to retrieve the items.

“What is that?!” The ranger exclaimed at the unknown spell.

“Wait…” The rogue began sounding bewildered. “Is he eating cheese?”

Indeed, numerous wheels of Centauri Cheese were retrieved and promptly devoured by a very-very hungry spider’s mouth.

“Why is he eating during the battle?” The warrior questioned.

“Maybe it has some special properties like a potion?” The wizard guessed.

Bingo! The wizard was right, the Spider King here was recovering his HP, MP, and STA without any drawbacks of Toxicity. Better, some of the food granted temporary perks and boons. Wanting to stack up on all of the buffs he promptly switched to a wide range of dishes consisting of: Centauri Cheese, Drider Eggs, Draw Milk, E-Honey, Forbidden Sauce, and many other exotic ingredients.

“Stop him!” The Emperor demanded.

“That’s easy for you to say!” The rogue shot back.

And he was right, their enchantments were broken and the use of skills locked by the curse. The only saving grace was the fact that there were no Shadow Creatures near them, likely due to lingering Light-infused mana; an aftereffect of priest’s sacrifice.

“Tch!” The Holy Emperor clicked his tongue in frustration.

“I can try…” The ranger aimed.

Her bow was just a bow, her arrow just an arrow, yet she still was a Ranger. The mundane arrow flew straight and true and then it knocked a peculiarly blue pie out of the Spider King’s spidery hand. The food fell and splattered with all its wetness on the marble floor.

The Spider King turned to look at the offenders. “How dare you! This was the last piece of the most Divine food ever, the Cream Pie!” He yelled out enraged. “Do you know how much it cost me? The things I had to do?!” He took a step forward.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

The party of four plus the emperor took a step back.

One of the Imperial Guards had made it successfully past the Minions. “For the Holy Empire!” He launched himself at the spider.

“Shut up!” The Spider King swung his arm enraged.

The power behind that punch was something out of this world because with a sickening *Pop* the head went right off.

“…”, “…”, “…”, “…”, the four were speechless.

“This is not right! That kind of power is unnatural!” The Emperor wasn’t having this, he pointed his sceptre with authority. “I should have done this from the very beginning!”

“Do… do what?” The ranger questioned.

“Isn’t your Imperial Authority sealed just like all of our skills?” The rogue asked with a tinge of fear in his voice.

The Emperor scowled at the rogue, he wasn’t supposed to mention that mind-controlling skill, it was an imperial secret! And yes, his skills were sealed, so he wouldn’t be able to command everyone to charge the Spider King in a suicide-sure-way. Anyway, it wasn’t a skill he was going to use, not exactly.

“It just happens so,” he shook his sceptre, “that the divine grade items tend to be immune to all sorts of destructive magic. My sceptre is still enchanted with the divinity of the Holy Light itself.” His face was full of resolve. “Spider King, you might have snuffled the light, but only temporarily. Brace yourself!” He thrust the sceptre towards the approaching spider. “I free thee from thy chains, come hither to me, bathed in the sacred glow, [Holy Light]!!!”

The golden sceptre exploded into a shower of shrapnel, taking a chunk of the hand holding it.

“Urgh!” The emperor winced in pain.

But the chant was completed, and the divine essence of the Holy Light was set free. It came forth in the form of an all-cutting beam; a massive one. In that fraction of a second, a radiant flash illuminated the entirety of the cathedral, returning it to its previous brilliant glory. At the presence of the overwhelming light, the shadow creatures ceased to be all at once. But that was just an after-effect of the aimed beam.

The beam struck the Spider-King, moreover, it reached way past beyond his spidery form evaporating a hole in the distant wall. A huge scar in the marble floor was scored all the way through, it burned bright with molten stone lava. Yet still, amongst the devastation, the spidery figure remained standing; slightly singed but somehow alive.

“Impossible!” The Emperor could not believe it. “How are you still alive?”

The answer was simple:

[You took critical damage], [-1,000,000HP]

[Perk Undying was activated], [Warning! You have 1HP]

“This was dangerous!” The Spider King summarised.

Due to all the buffs his health was ticking back up to a healthy number, but he wouldn’t want to repeat the experience. It was nothing like the Judgement Day, this was mighty unpleasant!

“Yeah…” The rogue sighted. “I’m out!” And just like that he was running.

“I can’t even cast spells anymore. What use am I? Bye!” So was the wizard.

The ranger gave the warrior an unsure look.

“I’ll protect you, my Holiness!” The warrior stood firm, no, even firmer.

“I guess I’ll stay.” The ranger nocked another arrow.

The unenchanted arrow hit the mark right on the chest, but… it simply clanged off the spidery obsidian armour.

“I tried…” She sighed.

The Emperor dropped to his knees, his hands were clutching his head, he had that maddened look in his eyes, and his mouth was mumbling something incomprehensible.

“What the two of you are doing? Get him to safety!” The Guard Commander yelled out.

The Imperial Guards finished surrounding the Spider King.

The Spider King stood firm in his singed spot. “You even killed my Darkness…” He resigned raising his hands. “That’s it, I surrender!”

None of the guards approached to do the deed. They were simply cautious, and not still afraid, no not at all!

“Ha-ha-ha!” The Spider King cackled. “Just joking. [Summon Darkness].”

And just like that the dreadful thing was back at his side.

“Sorry, Master, meow! That light killed all the minions!” The Darkness apologised.

“Yeah, they had a hidden ace, or two. But I guess they’re all out of tricks.” He grinned like a true villain. “But not me. [Multicast], [Magical Inventory]!” Portals opened all around the Spider King.

“Fire!” A plethora of fiery and angry puppets popped out of the portals.

“Earth!” Heavy and earthen puppets jumped down right after.

“Water!” Flowing and sleek puppets landed one after the other.

“Air!” Dexterous and quick puppets desended.

“And let’s not forget. The man, the myth, the legend… one and only Aang!”

A puppet-like no other walked out of the final portal.

“Get them!” The Spider King commanded.

There were just as many puppets as there were guards. But those were only puppets, many times smaller than a guard and somewhat cute in their designs. A distant observer might laugh at the sight where a mighty Paladin was pitted against a mere puppet, however, no one was laughing. The Imperial Guards eyed the summoned monsters with suspicion.

“Sir?” Someone asked unsure how to approach the situation.

The Guard Commander raised his sword. “Just kill them!” After all, what else could be done?

“[Smite]!” Someone tried but that wasn’t that effective.

“[Arach Dominus]!” The puppet set fire to not one, not two, but all five of the nearby guards.

“[Arach Dominus]”, “[Arach Dominus]”, “[Arach Dominus]”, the puppets exploded dealing their elemental damage.

The space around the Spider King burned with fire, and at the spot where there was no fire, it exploded in eroding elemental water, or cracked into unnatural fissures shaking the ground beneath the guards, or blasted them off with powerful gusts of magical wind. And once again, it was Chaos.

“Let’s get out of here.” The Spider King urged his familiar.

“Meow!”

“[Shadow Walk]”

“[Shadow Walk]”

The two disappeared without much opposition. But they didn’t go far, only past the encirclement.

There, still in the HolyLight Cathedral, but also the shadow realm: the place accessible through the Shadow Walk; the realm filled with darkness. In both places at once, the Spider King spied on the nearby souls. He was looking. Looking for the culprit of this farce.

The realm was shadowy and dark, not much of colour was in there, with one exception of course. Souls of various colours burned bright in their bodies. With not much surprise, most souls here were burning bright in white, some brighter than the others. Mind you, it didn’t have much with the person being good or evil, but more with their magical affinity. After all, the spiders were just the kindest bestest creatures and their souls burned black! Anyway, he found what he was looking for. A soul burning brighter and bigger than the others.

The Spider King broke the spell. “Found you!” He manifested right in front of the Emperor.

Strangely, that holy aura the man held was nowhere to be found at this moment. He was being dragged away by two guards, and rather forcefully at that.

“Spiders… The Holy Light… Corrupted… Error, Error, Error!” He was mumbling some nonsense.

The guards yelped at the sudden presence of the Spider King brandishing their swords towards him.

“Help!” One of them shouted in alarm.

“Sorry for this.” The Spider King pushed his spidery claw forward. “[Disintegrate].” He winced dipping at the negative mana again, but this was necessary, or he had told so to himself.

A rather simple scene unfolded. The two guards together with their armour, and then the Emperor himself were turned to course dust. Just like that, without much fanfare, it was simply death – it came at the most inopportune moments and claimed people at their weakest.

What? Did you think he would let the Holy Emperor go? No way! He was a nuisance! And would have remained so! Sure there were better ways to go around this, but the Spider King was still at disadvantage. Just like the HolyLight Cathedral, the outside of it was positively stuffed with guards and other capable fighters. He could take a platoon or two, but not an entire army, not without a proper plan.

So without much further ado, “[Shadow Walk],” he disappeared before the nearby swords could get him.

It seems that the Holy Empire had summoned something truly out of this world; more than they bargained for. Perhaps it was hubris, or ineptitude of their mages, either way, the Holy Capital paid dearly for it. Much of their most powerful mages were rendered Sundered, a lot of the nobility were killed in a strange blast, and the survivors were left debilitated with a strange curse of Corrupted. Worse of all the Holy Emperor was dead! It was a very dark day for the Empire.

The monster they summoned, the Monster King, or rather the Spider King, simply disappeared nowhere to be found. Many people feared for him to reappear, so the paranoia was through the roof. Some were fleeing the capital altogether, others holed up in their homes and mansions. The Imperial Guards were doing their best to keep things together but honestly it was hardly working. Without proper leadership the Holy Capital fell to the curse of Chaos. Some even began questioning the Holy Light itself! A blasphemy which wouldn’t be allowed to go on in better times, but now… Anything seemed to go.

The true survivor of the battle, a man from the Hero’s Party, the Warrior, he was walking in a somewhat dilapidated Cathedral. The recent battle stripped off much of its previous beauty: the stained glass windows were smashed into fragments, the marble floor was cracked or outright melted, many of the plentiful pillars were missing, there was a massive hole boring all the way through the distant wall, and much of the otherwise beautiful art didn’t survive.

Yet, it was still a Holy Cathedral, a place for those who still believed to gather and pray. Sadly, due to dead priests, missing authorities, and persistent chaos, it remained somewhat vacant. He spied only a few people praying, but surely give it a week or two, and more people would come to their senses.

Admittedly, he wasn’t here to pray so he wasn’t the one to talk. He was here to better understand what went wrong in his battle. Yes, he was here to improve as a Warrior, he was here to glean some wisdom from the signs left behind. And there was a lot to be learned. He walked around tracing his steps and thinking how and why he had failed.

He was at it for a while and for no other reason than his rumbling stomach, something unsightly caught his eye. It was the splattered mystery food the Monster King left behind, the one the Ranger knocked with her arrow.

“Ha!” He chuckled. “He didn’t like that. The monster went berserk!” He remembered with a smile.

Indeed, he was a positive person taking little victories whenever he could.

“But thinking about it… I didn’t even land a single hit.” He shook his head. “How could I do better next time?” He questioned himself trying to reflect.

However, for some strange reason, his eyes often wandered back to the squished and messy pie.

“I wonder…” He paused. “No, I really shouldn’t.” He said so but his arm reached for it.

The battle happened yesterday but the pie seemed fresh like baked a minute ago, albeit a tad bit crushed. He looked around to see if no one was looking, then he jabbed his finger through the crust scooping some of that gooey mess. And into his mouth it went!

“Delicious!” Tears welled into the corners of his eyes. “I never had anything this tasty before!”

He was eating splattered pie from the floor, in other words – trash; but not a single cell in his body regretted that decision.

“Huh?” There was more to it.

[Error!], no, not this one, he was still Corrupted and the System was doing that occasionally.

[Congratulations! The System was overwritten]

[Welcome to the Monster System!]

From the sudden surprise he fell back on his ass.

“M… M… Monster System?” He stuttered slightly afraid but mostly he was intrigued. “Oh!”