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I have been blessed by Chaos but all I want to do is chill on a farm
147 – Who Do You Call If You Have A Spidery Problem?

147 – Who Do You Call If You Have A Spidery Problem?

The Holy Light Cathedral was filled with bright and brilliant light. In that holy place, the Divine energy flowed thick in the air. Something truly magical was taking place, yet it still was only midway through. While the casual observers gawked at the developing spectacle in amazement, the mages carried looks of exhaustion. The Summoning Ritual was hungry for mana, and a ritual this grand was especially ravenous. It sucked no less than 1,000,000 MP and it demanded even more.

Still, It was enough to birth a divine portal; it was that tiny ball of concentrated light. However, it needed more to pull the Hero into this world. The necessary mana was ripped out forcefully from the thousands of participants and the Minister of Magic struggled to contain it all. Needless to say, many were afflicted with Sundered, a known side effect of the summoning magic. It was a worse condition than Negative Mana, it prevented mana regeneration entirely, sometimes even permanently.

The participant Mages, especially the apprentice and novice kind, fainted and were dropping like flies in the hundreds. They knew of the risks, and they accepted them wholeheartedly; it was a small price to pay after all.

The tiny ball of light grew bigger, it grew magnificent and radiant, and it was so bright it was almost blinding. By this point, only the most formidable mages remained conscious, however, their job was done and the ritual no longer demanded any extra mana. The glyphs blinked out of existence, and the flying magical text was pooled into the portal with the rest of the stray mana. This was the last stage, the only thing left to do was watch.

“Hero, please come to us!” The Holy Emperor encouraged through the Divine summoning portal. “Come to the Light to expel the Dark. Get rid us of the spidery menace!”

“Hero!”, “Hero!”, “Come!”, “Please!”, various other shouts of encouragement were shouted out by the gathered.

The gesture was entirely unnecessary, the magic just needed some more time to do its thing, but it showed just how much everyone was invested in the ritual.

Unbeknownst to the observers, the Divine Portal was taking its time to carefully consider its magical code. Its job was to pull a soul from another world; no easy feat to achieve even with the Divine magic. Just like water, such magic was always taking the path of the least resistance. Recently deceased or stray souls were easiest to pull, and the proximity to the nearest dimension was also a factor to consider, and so was the prayer it received from the Holy Petitioner. It considered these factors and found a surprisingly convenient solution. Of course, the Divine Portal wasn’t sentient or anything like that, it just did what its code told, and it took the most optimal option pulling the nearest soul available which fit the criteria almost perfectly.

‘Ah! I have outdone myself today, well done.’ – the portal would say if it was sentient. ‘I’ve found the perfect solution to the spidery problem, a hero amongst heroes!’

The magnificent light ball pulsed and twisted, and then with a *Flash* it deposited the Hero the right there on the marble floor.

The gathered had to blink twice and trice for their sight to return, but then it did, all cheered and clapped.

“Hero!” They cheered at the somewhat confused man.

The Spider King found himself in the Fungal Caves, where instead of trees various fungi and mushrooms grew to form a dense forest. He was here to tie the last of the loose threads, soon he would be free from his obligations. What obligations you might ask? You see, the Divine dessert he had eaten with great gusto, the unforgettable Cream Pie, it came with a cost. In turn for the culinary masterpiece, he had to please its chef; not one but all five of the women.

He had worked through that list meticulously, pleasing their whimsical and odd desires. But in the end, he did it. Only one was still remaining – the Myconid Queen. Her request still rang fresh in his mind:

“Mine cave hath grown damp and humid, struggling to contain the tempest within. Methinks it shall soon burst forth. Would thou, O’ King of Kings, deign to scrape my inner walls and expand my fungal cavern?” – He recalled.

“Seems simple enough.” He nodded to himself.

He took good notice of his surroundings. The mushrooms were practically on top of one another. Having no choice, he had to step and squash them as he walked, but only the small ones. There were big mushrooms too, but also giant mushrooms. He had to weave around the giant fungal stalks, and sometimes crawl under or squeeze in between.

“This is no forest. This is a whole jungle!” Indeed the cave was rather overgrown. “I can see her wanting to expand it.”

Afraid of getting lost in the mushroom jungle he climbed atop a giant Fungiwood. By no means the cave was small, as far as he could see there were mushrooms already, and if so, the Myconid Queen had managed to expand it without him.

“Huh… So why did she ask for my help?” He wondered.

That was when his eyes landed on a large mesh-like mycelium patch on the distant cave wall. He had to strain his eyes, but he saw that the patch was leaking water, no, it was plugging an underground river; just barely.

“Ah, so this was the ‘damp and humid’ part the queen mentioned.” And the tempest would be the river itself. “No wonder she had to stop her expansion.”

But redirecting subterranean rivers wasn’t exactly his forte either.

“Either way, it's best if I talk with her.” He spied further.

In the distance, there was a large patch of tamed mushrooms, to be exact it was a mushroom farm, or culture if you wanted to be specific. That was the end of his destination. Knowing the right direction he wasted no time reaching the farm. Soon he emerged from the overgrown myconid jungle into a culture of familiar crops.

“Chicken Of The Woods, Beefsteak Mushroom, Shrimp Russulas, Lobstery Caps…“ He named them in passing.

There were so many, and all were delicious.

“Hi!”, “Hi-Hi,”, “H-Hi”, the myconid farmers greeted giving a cute wave.

“Hello.” He greeted each and every.

The little goomba-like fellows were creatures of few words so the King didn't pester them further. There were no tall mushrooms here to block his vision so the Queen’s Alcove was within his sight already.

As he approached the alcove he was greeted by a mesmerizing display of bioluminescent fungi. it was casting an ethereal glow that illuminated the surroundings. The alcove itself was also made out of a type of fungus and it was porous in many places. The pores were spewing spores of various colours and which almost magically pulled together to form clouds of their colour; separate and unviling to mix with unmatching colour.

The Spider King took a cautious breath in. “It seems the spores have no adverse effect.” The air just smelled moist and earthy.

He walked further into the alcove. A majestic throne carved out of old and gnarled Fungiwood caught his eye. The fungal theme was there, but the reason it caught his eye was the carved design of the throne. It was adorned with intricate carvings depicting spiders. Moreover, the throne was right in between two statues of magnificent spiders. They were almost like heroes protecting the Myconid Throne. Garlands of coloured moss and vibrant necklaces of multicoloured shrooms adorned the carved spiders. The Spider King recognised the two spiders, after all, they were rather unique.

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“Mushroom Spider and Stone Spider.”

No doubt, the spiders did something heroic to deserve such an honourable spot by the throne.

“O’ King of Kings! Thou hast come.” She greeted in a noble and refined tone.

Of course, the main figure here wasn’t the throne or the two statues, it was the Myconid Queen herself. Her base was still rooted to the ground, but from a quick glance, you wouldn’t be able to tell that at all. The form she had taken during her evolution did it well to hide the fact. Her lower half was covered by a white fungal mesh mimicking the plump and puffed skirt of the dress perfectly. The pristine white fungal pattern went up all the way to her chest where it ended rather abruptly leaving a scandalous cleavage. Needless to say, the Queen was rather well-endowed, and the imitation dress she wore gave the impression that her feminine charms might spill out at any moment.

Her hands were gloved by white gloves right up to the elbows, but they weren’t gloves at all; it was part of her body, a type of leathery fungal flesh. Atop her head, just like a mushroom would, she had a giant hat, however, it didn’t detract from her charm because it was elegant and very lady-like. Her facial features were delicate and soft, her nose was cute and small, her chin narrow, and her eyes were round with big eyelashes. She had that undeniable aura of nobility but also of elegance. Moreover, she mimicked human appearance so well that you wouldn’t realise that she was a mushroom-woman at all.

“Myconid Queen,” The Spider King greeted with a bow of his own. “It has been a while, but it seems you’ve grown even more beautiful.” He admitted in full honesty.

“Verily, the Cream thy subject hath invented is of the utmost wonder. But let us not be swayed by frivolous pleasantries. I do presume thou art present to lend thy aid to my humble entreaty.”

“Yes, I am here for that.” He looked in the direction of a barely contained river.

She beamed a warm smile. “Let us not be hasty, for patience oft leads to better outcomes.” She clapped her hands. “How hast thou fared, tell me all.”

With those words, a fungal stool sprung out of the ground and the little myconids came running carrying trais laden with various fungal delicacies. He felt the urge to entertain her with the most recent gossip in part because she was bound to this cave and hence unable to experience finer things of life, like needless drama.

“Well,” He began. “I guess I have a second wife. Sort of…”

“Oh! Oh?!” She exclaimed with barely contained intrigue.

“Who may be this blessed lady?”

“Day Sapphire, the Mer Princess.”

“Never met her…” She said regretfully.

He looked back again at the plumbing issue. “With some work, we might make an underground channel so she could visit.”

“That would be most wonderful, indeed.”

They talked about this and that. The ready-to-burst river wasn’t the only issue the Myconid Queen was having. Apparently, the Myconids were involved in their own War. Not a big issue really, just some trouble with the Centipedes. During the cave expansion, they had burst into one of the infested tunnels leading to some challenges.

He looked back at the tray he was eating from. That was when he realised that the steamed meat bites served next to the mushrooms were likely of the centipede variety. It was delicious!

“The war is of no great matter, a minor thing really, we have methods to handle troublesome insects.” She swirled her finger and the nearby pink spore cloud floated right next to it like an overeager puppy. “However, a modest enchantment in mine strength would be most welcome. Would you kindly…” She paused looking embarrassed. “… kindly grand me thy seed.” She dispersed the red cloud right in his face.

She put it rather funny but he knew what she meant. “Monster Core? No problem.” He waved the purple cloud away.” “Give me your hand.”

“Huh? Will just a hand be enough? Aren’t those matters meant to be more … involved?”

“I assure you, a hand will be enough.” He took hold of her appendage, it was squishy but oddly pleasant to the touch. “[Seed Core]”

At a forceful injection of mana, the Myconid Queen made a funny face; the expression was full of bewilderment but also … pleasure.

The spell took effect within seconds. “You don’t mind if I?” He asked curious about one thing.

“For thee? – Anything. But what hast thou in mind?” She still asked.

Sensing that she wouldn’t mind. “[Inspect]”, he was interested to see her status.

Monster Race: Myconid

Variant: Queen

Magic Affinity: Nature

👑

🎆 🍄 🎆

⛰️

HP:50

MP:1100

STA:50

Active Perks

[Grow: Mushroom], [Spore Cloud]

Passive Perks

[Synthesise: Forbidden Sause], [Synthesise: Alchemical Spores], [Spore Mastery], [Fungal Command], [Mycelium Roots], [DeepCave Adaptation]

Resistances

[Fire Weakness: Medium]

With that 50HP she was even more delicate than he had previously thought. And with that MP pool, she was clearly a glass cannon, that is if you considered her many spores as an attack magic. Those mostly did various debuffs and negative status effects.

“Thank you, O’ King of Kings. I feel stronger already.” She bowed in gratitude.

Seed Core didn’t drain much magic, actually, it just shrunk his own Monster Core temporarily. Yet for some reason, he felt incredibly weak and woozy.

“My liege? Art thou unwell? Thou art pale all of a sudden.”

[You’ve been afflicted with Drained], the system message told him that something was really off.

“Perhaps, it’s the mushrooms I’ve just eaten.” He reasoned.

“My liege?”

“…”

He felt something seriously wrong within his body as if a force was trying to rip him from inside out.

“What is this mana surrounding thee? It is so bright!” She voiced in alarm.

Maybe it was blindingly blind, but by this point, he’d lost the proper vision, the only thing he could see was the System prompts:

[Congratulations!!!], the message screamed inside his head. [Welcome to the System!]

[Error!], it buzzed in red.

[You are being Summoned]

[Error!]

[You’ve gained a unique perk: Universal Translation]

[Error!]

[You’ve unlocked a new class: Hero]

[Error!]

[You’ve gained a new blessing: Blessed by the Holy Light]

[Error!]

[You’ve …]

[Error!], [Error!], [Error!], it blared insufferably.

[The user is part of the Monster System]

[Chaos Blessed activated], [Attempting a workaround]

[…]

[You are being Summoned]

[You’ve gained a new blessing: Blessed by the Holy Light]

[You’re magic affinity changes to Light], [Chaos Blessed activated]

[Your magic affinity changes to Chaos]

[You’ve earned an Achievement: Isekai’d for a second time!]

With that last message, the world shrunk back on itself and the Spider King found himself in an unknown location.

“Huh?” He looked at the many-many unfamiliar faces all staring intently at him.

But perhaps, worse of all was the fact that he was ‘teleported’ here completely naked!

‘Curse you, Chaos Blessed!!!’ He screamed internally at the awfully mean joke. This was some sort of a prank, right? Right?