There in the Holy Archive, a brilliant bright light was illuminating a tired wooden desk. The desk was very old, if it was aware it would celebrate its fifth century today. Atop the desk there were piles and piles of old and musky scrolls, some were so old that calling them ancient didn’t even come close.
That was precisely the reason why the Master Archivist was copying the almost disintegrated scrolls. There was old wisdom in the texts and such treasures had to be preserved for future generations. With the utmost care, he picked up a particularly ancient scroll, it was so fragile that if he didn’t have the Archivist class it would have crumbled right there in his fingers.
He turned the scroll to check for a specific mark only known and visible to the wielders of his class.
“A copy!” He exclaimed in surprise but also in a nerd-like glee.
The scroll was at least a millennium old and even so it was a copy of a copy of something even older.
“What a find!” He was positively ecstatic. “It will be my honour to reincarnate you, o’ ancient scroll.”
He took hold of a freshly pressed parchment and the imperial-quality ink, and then he used Scan on the old text. The more he scanned the more his brows furrowed.
“What is this?” He interrupted the skill to read the text with just his eyes.
“This can’t be…” He read it again and again but there was no doubt.
“I have to let the Holy Emperor know. But first, [Scan],” he had to finish making the copy of a copy of a copy...
===
A very special type of magic was taking place in the secret laboratory of the Spider Kingdom. The laboratory was filled with various devices and implements, some for magical purposes others for alchemical. There in that room, some liquids boiled while others cooled, and various substances were changing forms and shapes; everywhere you looked there was a type of transformation taking place.
Considering the place one would expect the magnificent spiders to run the laboratory, however, this secret place was staffed entirely by women, and very beautiful women at that. Excessive usage of KelpCream aside, the women here were gathered for something truly revolutionary.
Lady Crimson, a petite woman with fiery red hair and a huge bulge on her stomach (pregnant), was leading the experiment.
“Drow Assistant, do you have your materials ready?”
Drow Assistant was actually not a drow, not anymore, but a drider instead; she kept her old name for convenience's sake. As a drider she was a half-woman half-spider and hence a very popular woman in the spidery Spider Kingdom. Yet it was not the beauty, popularity, or her smarts that she took the post pride in, it was her rare and exotic Drider Eggs. She even had the slogan down: the freshest of the fresh and the bestest of the best!
“Please temper them according to the previous experiment we devised.” Lady Crimson advised.
Drow Assistant took a glance at her notebook and did so carefully following the written-down process.
Lady Crimson moved to a side to retrieve something out of a box. “And I will prepare the materials procured by the two who couldn’t be present.”
“Do you need a hand?” A melodic-sounding voice offered.
Of course, such a beautiful voice could only belong to Mer, and to be more precise, to the Day Sapphire the Mer Princess. The aquatic beauty was swimming inside the large tank. She moved her fish-like tail, and with those subtle motions her blue scales shimmered only to increase her otherworldly aura of enchanted beauty.
“I’m fine thank you.” Lady Crimson dropped a large sack and a bunch of vials on the laboratory table. “You just concentrate on purifying the water.” She instructed the mer.
“Aye-Aye, [Hydrokinesis]”.
Water swirled inside but also outside of her tank. If one looked carefully one would notice black pearls tumbling inside the magic-manipulated stream.
“By the way,” Day Saphire began, “who are the other two ladies? Have I met them?”
Lady Crimson scooped a generous amount of the mysterious powder out of an equally mysterious bag to measure it on an alchemical scale. Only after she was sure that she got the right amount did she reply:
“I don’t think you have. It’s the most beautiful rabbit girl I’ve seen called Ever, I would adopt her if I could. And the other is… a mushroom creature named the Myconid Queen.” Clearly, Lady Crimson had her preferences.
“I would love to meet them! Both of them.” Day clapped her hands.
The Drow Assistant was done tempering her materials and moved to retrieve one of the flasks. “You’ll meet Ever eventually, but the Myconid Queen might be a bit more challenging.”
“Day, send me some infused water.” Lady Crimson asked.
Day manipulated a generous glob towards the Master Alchemist. “More Challenging?” She asked retrieving a black pearl from the glob.
Drow Assistant uncorked a flask and a small cloud of spores spilt from the container. “She lives in the Mushroom Caves where she is bound to the ground, but also, she is a bit of eccentric, that’s why.”
Day Sapphire nodded in understanding. “Oh… so I assume those flasks came from her?”
Lady Crimson took hold of one of the many flasks. “Yes, without them this experiment would be impossible.” She toppled it into the mix of mysterious powder and infused water. “Myconid Queen is rather masterful with her fungi magic,” she added.
Aside from the idle chatting three, there was another woman, a shy and reserved centauri who was also a companion to a man best known simply as Bareth. The Centauri Assistant here was an individual with the lower half of a horse and the upper half of a rather well-endowed beauty; well-endowed was putting it only mildly.
She put a steaming jug on the laboratory table. “Mine isn’t as good as our Champion’s, I’m sorry.” She said with self-depreciation.
Lady Crimson swirled the creamy liquid and a pleasant smile flashed across her face. “Have more confidence Centauri Assistant, yours is just as good if not better. Master Bareth must be a very happy man.” She praised trying to uplift the shy centauri.
“…” The Centauri Assistant simply blushed at the comment.
Lady Crimson took the steamy jug and walked towards the Drow Assistant who was done with her part of the experiment.
She gave the Centauri Assistant a meaningful look. “The Drow Assistant will show you how to condense it into a higher form.”
“Yes, it's rather simple.” She poured the steamy liquid into one of the alchemical devices. “We’ll separate it into two forms, one light and one heavy.”
“I see…” The Centauri Assistant eyed the device curiously.
“We also need a solid state, for the base I’m currently making.” Lady Crimson added. “And for that, you'll have to Churn it.”
“Churn?” The Centauri Assistant asked with panic adding, “I don’t think I know that perk. I’m so sorry!”
“Oh,” Lady Crimson waved it off, “It’s nothing special. The perk is very easy to learn.”
“I’ll show her. Come.” The Drow Assistant took Centauri Assistant to yet another device.
The time passed and the necessary materials were coming along well, and with those the Final Formula was close to completion.
“But, Lady Crimson,” The Mer Princess addressed, “Shouldn’t we add Slug Jelly to it? It would make sense, no?”
Lady Crimson gave a knowing smile. “I understand why you’re suggesting this. But think about it a bit more.” She paused to give Day time for thought. “The jelly makes everything taste good, you could add it to dirt and it would make it taste like ambrosia.” She added a hint.
“Oh, I get it!” Day jumped halfway out of her tank. “The jelly would render our efforts mute. We’re trying to make something amazing without relying on it.”
“Exactly!” Lady Crimson pointed her finger high. “However, I fear we might fail without the necessary sweetness. This is why…” She put a large clay pot on the desk.
“Oh, what is it this time?” Day asked curious.
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Lady Crimson scooped a drop of golden substance with her finger. “I believe it’s called Honey. Have a try.” She offered it to the Mer.
“Yum! So sweet!” Day licked her lips. “Where did you get something like this?”
“I’ve bought it from spiders.” She frowned but only for a short second. “At a rather exorbitant price…”
“Makes sense, they love the sweet stuff.” Day reached for the container.
“And by the looks of it so do you.” Lady Crimson slapped Day’s hand protecting the precious ingredient. “Day, you must refrain. We need it for the Final Formula.”
And also they needed the material the two assistants were working on at the moment.
*Churn, *Churn, - the creamy liquid sloshed inside the wooden device.
“Keep moving your hands, like this. Up and down, up and down.” The Drow Assistant demonstrated.
“I think I’ve got this.” The Centauri Assistant gripped a wooden shaft of the device and was driving it just like the drider had shown.
“Faster.” The Drow Assistant encouraged. “Faster. Faster…”
“Won’t it break?” The centauri looked at the wooden shaft with worry.
“It's IronOak, it won’t. Go harder!”
*Churn, *Churn, *Shlosh!
“Oh, I’ve got it!” The Centauri Assistant smiled broadly. “I’ve got Churn. [Churn],” she invoked straight away.
*Churn-Churn, *Churn-Churn, she moved her hands vigorously in a rhythmic and almost hypnotic motion.
Despite the success, the Centauri Assistant had a deep and pensive expression. “Hmm… but why is it a part of Cooking perks? Also, I’m level 2 now, yay!” The smile returned and she doubled her efforts.
Drow Assistant made a note in her notebook. “That’s the part we’re also confused about.”
“Yes.” Lady Crimson agreed. “This is clearly Alchemy. Just look inside dear.”
Centauri Assistant opened the churning device. “Oh, I made it hard! How curious.” She commented on the contents.
“Precisely. The rhythmic motion hardened it, but in other words, It has been transformed! It should be Alchemy yet still…” Realising that not everyone was so interested in the minute details of the craft she didn’t finish. “Anyway girls, with that we’ve got all the ingredients.”
“Yes! Now we can complete the Final Formula!” The Drow Assistant celebrated rushing to gather all the ingredients to the assembly table.
The Centauri Champion inspected her fruits of labour again. “I still can’t believe I’ve made this. Churn is amazing!”
Lady Crimson grinned naughtily. “Oh it is, it is very amazing… Just go easy on the Master Bareth later, okay?”
“…” The Centauri Assistant simply blushed at the comment.
…
A tiny messenger spider tippy tapped right to the rather messy-looking bed.
*Tap, *Tap, - the spider tapped the King rousing him from sleep.
“You’ve got mail.” It chirped handing a folded note.
The Spider King blinked the sleepiness away. “Thank you spider.” He retrieved a slightly damp note.
Judging from the wetness the culprit was obvious, yet still, he was curious about what sort of a shenanigan she was trying to pull off this time. He turned to observe the still-sleeping wife. She was sleeping in a deep slumber with her mouth wide agape, as a consequence a small puddle of drool had formed right under her head.
“Safe…”
He ignored the encoaching river of drool and unfolded the damp note.
===
My Dearest,
How long has it been?
No, seriously, you’ve been missing for weeks and everyone is worried. Confining yourself to the bedroom isn’t a healthy thing, you should come out and get some fresh air at least twice a day. And how about our morning swimming sessions? Where did those go?
So anyway, we’re all worried and would like to have a small chat. You see, in your absence, we’ve been discussing certain things, things involving the future of the Monster Realm. You still care about that, don’t you?
To entice you to leave your confinement we have prepared something very special. Something you’ve been dreaming about for a long time. Yes, that thing! We’ve made it possible. Don’t ask how just come and see us.
We’re all be waiting you know where.
With all the love in the maiden’s heart,
Your Swimming Instructor
===
He crumpled and disposed of the note casting Entropy on it.
“Swimming Instructor my ass…” He remembered something unpleasant.
At one time, while he was rather deep in the lake, Day Saphire had snatched his breathing apparatus, the Deep Lake Delights, where at that moment he had to resort to rather unorthodox practices to obtain oxygen… His swimming ‘trainer’ giggled and chuckled at her ingenious idea to make him do something he shouldn't. Oh well, anyway this was in the past and no one saw, so what happens in the CreamKelp fields stays in the CreamKelp fields.
He shook the memory away and pulled his clothes out of the Magical Inventory. It was time to go to the ‘you know where’ to see the ‘that thing’ and hear about ‘certain things’…
The ‘you know where’ wasn’t that far, it was right here in the Spider Palace, or to be more precise right under. It was a basement area reserved for improvised experiments of often dangerous nature. It was the place to test/showcase the spells, scrolls, explosive potions and other things of that nature.
Anyway, a meeting where the future of the Monster Realm would be discussed was exactly the reason he needed to make the excuse to leave his royal bed chambers and his ever more demanding wife. The wife would be fine if not for a certain supplement she was taking.
“I curse you, Fertility Potion! Whoever invented it is a madman!” With that whisper-shout, he left the room for good.
There at the ‘you know where’ he was met with broad smiles and excited gazes.
“You came!?” Day Saphire exclaimed sounding surprised.
“We’ve finished it, the Final Formula!” The Drow Assistant announced with pride.
“…” The Centauri Assistant simply blushed at his presence.
“From your subjects to you, our Spider King. Here, your Dream Come True!” Lady Crimson pointed at the certain something standing on the decorated pedestal.
“My dream come true?” He approached closer, still unsure what ‘that thing’ was. “Oh! Yes, I remembered asking for something like this.”
The Drow Assistant nodded knowingly.
The item was a type of baked goods, something like a pastry of sorts. Yes, from the looks and smell of it, no doubt this was a pie. However, the girls had made a mistake and instead of putting a mesh-like crust lattice on the top, they closed the pie completely. However, that only made him more curious.
“I wonder what's inside?” He reached for the nearby knife to cut at the pie.
“My Dearest, we filled it with our love!” Day announced shamelessly.
“Yes, well said. It is just so, my King.” The Drow Assistant nodded in agreement.
“…”
“Jee, leave me out of this. I have my husband.” Lady Crimson blushed at the bold statements of the two. “I’ve only guided the process as a Master Alchemist. And the most materials came from the girls here.”
“I see…” The Spider King cut the pie thinking about it.
Indeed, a good pie needs eggs, butter, flour, yeast, sugar and other minor stuff. All of which weren’t exactly common in this whacky magic world; how backwards!
“Is this, is this… a cream pie!” He exclaimed observing the thick ooze leaking from the sides. “This is amazing!” He had craved something like this for years.
No doubt the eggs were Drider Eggs; the fine baking flour was actually the Clover Flour; the dairy products must be Centauri Butter, Centauri Milk, and Centauri Cream; the baking reagent must have come from a certain mushroom royalty, so likely it was the Myconid Yeast, plus a souring agent to curd the cream was probably a derivative of the Forbidden Sauce. The source of the sweetness was however still a mystery, it wasn’t the Slug Jelly nor the TomGrape Syrup. However, what mattered the most wasn’t the ingredients but the result, and if he could rate the taste it would be 11/10, or in other words the best thing he had ever tasted. He felt like he was in heaven!
“Oh-hhh”, he let out an undignified food orgasm. “Oh, god…” He gobbled one piece after the other.
So good was the cream pie that the use of cutlery was entirely forgotten and he simply gobbled the pie up using his bare hands. From the sidelines, he looked like a starved beast ravishing his prey – totally barbaric. But no one in the room minded, actually, the girls took the King’s unhinged gluttony as a compliment.
“Oh, he really likes that!” Day observed with a smile.
“We should bake him another.”
“…”
“I wonder if my husband would like this just as much.”
Moreover, the cream pie wasn’t just an overwhelmingly delicious pie, it was so much more.
[You have consumed Dream Come True]
[All Negative Status effects cleared], – he felt Drained no more.
[You have recovered your HP], [You have recovered your MP], [You have recovered your STA], – He felt the zest and vigour return to his blood, soul, and body.
[Max HP +200], [Max MP +200], [Max STA +200], – and that topped him up pretty well; very welcome!
[You have gained: HP Regeneration+, MP Regeneration+, STA Regeneration+], – all much needed for the next session with the wife.
[You have gained EXP +1000] x6, – times six because 1 pie = 6 pie slices; meaning that the pie was supposed to be shared. Oh well…
[You have gained: Detect Magic, Increased Stealth, Overwhelming Force, Agile Manoeuvres, Charming Voice, Energise, Heightened Dexterity, Fully Satiated, Bee Buzz], – a plethora of active and passive perks.
All of the above had a timer for the next 24h.
The Spider King looked at the now empty pedestal, not even a crumb or a smear of the cream remained.
“Sorry I’ve left you none.” He scratched his head awkwardly. “But more importantly, did I detect hints of Honey? Where did you get that?!”
“You noticed,” Lady Crimson said knowingly, “as expected of the Spider King. It came from the Dark Forest via the spiders.”
Somehow this discovery sneaked past him undetected.
“Enough about food.” Day Saphire waved it off. “Let’s get real now… We’ve made your Dream Come True and now it’s only fair for you to make our Dream Come True.”
All of the girls looked at the Spider King expectantly, their gazes were so intense it was almost as if the entire future of the Monster Realm depended on the next actions of the Spider King.
Dream Come True? Somehow he suspected that a simple cream pie wouldn't be enough here. For him, the pie meant the world, but ladies here wanted something much more than some mere baked goods... But what could they possibly want from him?