Today, the leafy heroine Shadyna is going to…

_ Mera: ~, could you leave, please~?

…Get kicked from the guild?!

A coup? Is this a coup? Are they going to get rid of me now that I have upgraded their gear and outlived my usefulness? Will I be scheduled for execution and my only hope of survival be some random average dude that got transferred here with some OP titles?

_ Nerin: Stop laughing and explain to her properly you damn maniac! Her grinning is bad news enough. I'm not going to deal with whatever is going to happen when she's upset!

I appreciate the no-nonsense waitress standing up for me, but I have a feeling her reasoning and motives are kinda off…

_ Mera: Okay~ , we need you to go fa~r away, somewhere no one can reach, comple~tely isolated from civilization, and stay put for an eternity~

What am I, some kind of sealed evil god?! You do know the average shelf life for these kinds of seals right? They break the moment some guy with spiky hair is born, or require a cute girl or two every once in a while, and will STILL break the moment some guy with spiky hair is born!

Get me the manager! I want a refund for this faulty product~!

_ Nerin: Whatever you are thinking, that's definitely not it.

Shocked~

_ Nerin: You see, Hessy and Elri are going on a date today as part of the tournament's rewards.

Oh, it's today? I was going to ask them when they would do it, considering it's been a week already. You usually don't have an organizer for dates, so and I decided to leave it to the victor to choose, only that they inform us for paperwork and totally not because I wanted to watch it!

_ Nerin: It was supposed to be a private date between the two of them. However, Mera here warned us that Hessy would try to drag you along to make it less embarrassing.

_ Mera: Indeed~ Hessy is actually a very pure maiden you know~? She has no~ experience in romance whatsoever, and is as dense as your inventory in that regard. I can guarantee you that she will ask you to join them and treat this date like a -escort day. Isn't that ho~rrible?

The only horrible person here is you for smack-talking my weight~!

That said, she does have a point. It wouldn't be different from our usual outings. While that is still fun (for me at least), I doubt Elri would have fought tooth and nail for it. Not when she could just ask me nicely anyway.

_ Nerin: I can't speak for Elri, but she will probably feel the same. Their strained relationship is not helping either.

_ Mera: I know, right~? The only thing they have in common is their love for toying with . If she is there with them, they will not talk about anything but her! That may even make them comfortable, and we cannot have that! Isn't that right, ~?

Uh… I'm pretty sure the original purpose of this date was to provide an incentive for gladiators, not a punishment game for Hessy. I know because I proposed it in the first place!

And can't you phrase it in a way that won't make me feel like I'm in an abusive relationship?!

_ Nerin: Not that having you in the vicinity is boring per se, but we all know to expect that someone or something is going to get blown up. It's Elri's hard-earned day against her own wishes, so I do think we should enjo… I mean, let her enjoy it to the fullest.

Nerin, your thoughts are leaking there…

Well, I see where they came from for the most part, even if their true motives are about as pure as swamp water.

I don't want to be a third wheel on their date. However, being the caring guildmaster and employer that I am, I cannot just voluntarily let those two have an awkward date, can I?

Therefore…

_ Shadyna: Can I have the recordings afterwards?

I must ask for proper compensation, un!

____________

, elven cavalry, the (finally) famous champion of the arena, is surprisingly ascetic when it comes to the absurd wealth she gained from murdering her guild mate in cold blood.

The gold coins were well spent on investing in a [Construction]-oriented guild. is going to build their own settlement outside of Tyrel, and they need someone to handle the boring building parts while they focus on what they enjoy doing, like decorating their own houses.

The dumplings were given to patrons in exchange for a whopping amount of trash materials that filled up 's secret base for two days. They were useless for any meaningful crafting, but her apprentices had a field day (two, in fact) to train their crafting skills, since OP gear does not help much with that. While unrelated, she's also called "Saint Dumplings" now, whatever that means.

She is totally fine with just the fame and honor from her champion title. Just don't think too much about the very real and substantial bonuses it grants. It's not like she can discard it to begin with.

Yes, unlike her maniac of a guildmaster, is not tied down by materialistic desires. She does not need rewards, so pass it forward to someone else.

Please!!!

_ Fuelri: Why do I have to go on a date with her?!?!

_ Miel: She's back.

_ Mera: Welcome back, Elri~ Did the thought of being able to walk alongside Hessy excite you so much that your brain could not handle it~?

_ Fuelri: More like terrified and shook me to the core! Again, WHY?!

_ Hessenria: *Sighs* Because you won the tournament. Didn't you read the rules before participating?

_ Fuelri: It… wasn't just a taunt? Like those crazy "If you want to date me, defeat me first!" women in movies?

_ Hessenria: , you are getting too much influence from …

_ Fuelri: Anyone would come to the same conclusion! Who in their right mind would seriously make that an official reward?!

_ Hessenria: Take a wild guess. Well, I did sign a formal agreement with both her and . I also appeared in the tournament trailer, so yes, I am contractually obliged to go on a date with you.

For someone about to go on a date, this waitress sure does not look enthusiastic at all.

_ Fuelri: Don't sign it if you are going to regret it!!! Can I decline? I am not bound by any contract you signed right?

And if she somehow is, she is going to ask for a lawyer!

_ Hessenria: That's the same as throwing away food in front of starving people. Of course it's within your rights, but they will never forgive you for that. Also remember that there are a LOT of starving people this time. , mind repeating that list you told me earlier?

_ Miel: Over half of the tournament participants. , Unity of Mankind alliance, Mera, our maid café, the pi… sorry, patrons. And those are just the people who outright confirmed that they would PK you at the first opportunity.

_ Fuelri: Why the heck is Mera also in that list!? And don't call your customers pigs even if you think so!!!

_ Miel: Of course. I'm not allowed to call them that for free.

_ Fuelri: That reason?!

_ Mera: Ufufufu~

_ Fuelri: Stop that! Your usual smile is terrifying enough already!

_ Hessenria: And you really don't want to get a surprise [Mass Recall] from her during an important boss fight.

_ Fuelri: You mean MORE [Mass Recall] during boss fights. Go with her if you want to be on a date that badly! Or even !

_ Hessenria: They will never forgive for that. Can you live with his many deaths weighing on your conscience?

_ Fuelri: WHY IS IT THE SAME RESULT?!?!

_ Hessenria: Double standards, that's why. As for Mera… Sorry, let's not talk about that. Anyway, it won't be that bad. I'll call and…

_ Fuelri: Oh, right, she can also come with us.

The elf might not be the smartest person, but she is sure as hell smart enough not to pry further into topics regarding Mera. Especially if the other person was actively avoiding it!

Having might not be that bad. While there's no guarantee what's going to happen, at least 's date with her biggest rival would be less weird, probably!

_ Mera: is offline today~

_ Fuelri: …What?

_ Hessenria: What are you talking about? I saw her online in the guild menu…

_ Mera: is offline today~

_ Fuelri: Why are you saying that twice?!

Gesturing her hand to open the menu, looks at the half transparent screen, then at Mera who is crouching on the floor trying to contain her laughter. Thrice.

A few minutes later, the hopelessly romantic date is off to a weird start as the tavern's mistress storms out like she has had enough and the elven champion sheepishly follows without further objection. Who could have thought that witnessing whatever caused Mera to be lying dead on the ground with two spiky swords stuck in her head would do wonders in convincing to shut up and get moving?

____________

Now that I was exiled from Tyrel for the day, I'm thinking about spending my day in the secret base and tending the trees. The whole place was being used as a warehouse recently, it's about time I returned it to its original purpose: A farmstead where I can enjoy a peaceful life.

And no, it's not a mine. Perish that thought~

That being said, working the farm took like two minutes with my SPD, so I'm out of the job again. Oops?

Okay, change of plan. Grabbing a folding chair, I [Teleport] to the sandy surface above.

It's time for a heart-throbbing beach episode!

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for a relaxing sunbath in the backyard as much as anyone else, but staring at a dark crystalline ceiling trying to get a tan doesn't seem like a good sign for my mental stability.

It's lonely sitting here by myself though… While a beach episode can totally go without the beach despite its name, the audience will revolt if the creators even think about forgoing the cute girls in swimsuits!

And I'm not seeing anyone in swimsuit!

Is this water shark-infested or something? I mean, this is an MMO. It will actually be weirder if the water is not shark-infested. But since when has that ever been a problem be it in game or real life?!

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_ ???: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

As I was lamenting the lack of bikinis, a weird man launches out of the water and lands in front of me with a "Splat!", just like a mermaid from fairy tales!

_ ???: GUH!

…Was he supposed to make such sounds?

_ ???: Uh… Have any res?

[??? - Dead journeyman warrior - HP: ……….]

Look, I know not all fairy tales have a happy ending, but aren't we skipping way too many steps here?!

And where're my cute girls in swimsuits?!

_ ???: KYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

*Splat*

Another one, this time passing my head and dropping behind me. A lady in chainmail.

[??? - Dead apprentice blacksmith - HP: ……….]

I said cute girls IN SWIMSUITS, darn it~!!! Alive, too!

_ Dead blacksmith: …Oi, leader, did you leer at her or something?

_ Dead warrior: …No?

_ Dead blacksmith: Then why was she staring at you like you were a misplaced food order and should be in the trashcan?

_ Dead warrior: Dafuq?!

For the record, I'm not thinking the latter, okay? I'm just thinking that he isn't cute, in swimsuit, or a girl for that matter!!!

*Splat*

Something resembling a scaly sea serpent with long fins lands on my head before bouncing off to the side.

Dead too.

How did this keep getting worse and worse?!

A heavily-armored middle-aged man runs up from beneath the waves towards us. Why is the "dead" part the only one getting fixed…?

He leaps forward with a two-handed war hammer! An assassin?!

*WHACK*

…He swings it at the warrior instead of me?!

*WHACK*

Then the blacksmith!

_ Armored man: On your feet, soldiers! The boss is not gonna kill itself!

Rather than turning into a pixelated censorship after such treatment, the two are actually getting up!

_ Formerly dead warrior: Took you long enough. Let's go!

_ Formerly dead blacksmith: OH!

And back to the sea they go. What the heck did I just witness…

[??? - Journeyman priest - HP: ======.]

Let's not think too deeply about that man's profession, un.

Now that I'm alone once again on this beach without weirdoes distracting me, I finally remember the existence of the eel-like boss at my base's front door.

This water is really shark-infested huh…

____________

_ Hessenria: So… do you want to PK people, destroy buildings, or grind attributes using Mera's corpse?

_ Fuelri: Too extreme!!! How in the name of Sateri-chan did you even think those activities would be suitable for a date?!

The elven knight wasn't expecting much to begin with, having never been on a date in real life and all that, but even she knows destruction of property is not what people do on a date! And the last one is just the waitress holding a grudge!!!

_ Hessenria: I thought you didn't want this either?

_ Fuelri: I don't, but I also prefer having a town left after we are done.

_ Hessenria: …Got it. Kill Mera again it is then.

_ Fuelri: You don't get it at all!!!

is not that concerned about the carefree maniac's safety per se. That woman won't die even when killed. However, if what happened earlier is any indication, the strong and courageous elf is definitely going to be traumatized for the rest of her life because of what she is about to witness!

She has to think of something, and quick!

is out of reach, and her guild mates probably (most likely) won't intervene as long as it doesn't involve them. As such, she needs to ask someone else while contemplating the reasons for staying in this guild full of maniacs in the first place.

_ Fuelri (PM): ! What do you usually do for a date?

Desperate times require desperate solutions! Asking primary schoolers is not the best idea ever, but it's not like she has any better idea!

_ Fensen (PM): Uhm… What's a "date"?

She's going to need to explain from that part huh…

____________

I've returned to my secret base. Believe it or not, staring at an empty ceiling sounds much saner when the alternative is sitting at an empty beach that randomly rains corpses on top of my head.

The cute girls in swimsuits, I can provide, but I don't think I can un-provide dead bodies that like to use me as a landing beacon.

And despite coming from the ocean, most of those weren't even fish!

Oh well, let's deal with the problems one by one. Starting with the cute girls!

[Summon]!

At my command, my daughter, wife (?), and soon-to-be wife appear.

…Drawing the family tree is going to be a huge pain in my cute butt, isn't it?

_ Sateri: Hello again, . What's the matter?

The Goddess is probably a tad confused after being summoned again so soon, since I just prayed to her upon logging in.

_ Shadyna: Un, I'm under house arrest today so let's have fun together!

If they weren't confused already, they definitely are now. I wonder if that was from the strange predicament I am putting them in, or their lack of processing power to understand what I am saying in the first place.

Then again, aren't they the same thing…? AI programming sure is hard…

_ Aenilie: Milady, could you be more specific?

Good question! Should I start with giving them swimsuits? Wait, can they even switch outfits in the first place? Gelly and Lutena don't change their appearance when I give them new equipment, so I'm not sure if NPCs do.

Speaking of which, I should give them the new equipment crafted during the great spending (upgrade). Even though I greet them every day, it kept slipping my mind as I don't really use them in combat. Not that this pacifist me needs to fight anything in the first place.

I really want to bring them on a field day every once in a while, but there's a small problem…

No, not their firepower. Even a level 1 beast will wipe the floor with almost everything this game can throw at them as long as they have my equipment.

The problem is that they WILL wipe the floor with almost everything! Since I cannot directly control them like with my tamed beasts, the kind and caring Goddess won't hesitate to decimate anyone looking at me funny. NPCs' damage does not go into the play records as far as I know, thankfully. Being a true advocate of peace however, means that I must not actively cause violence if I can help it.

…To be fair, my bodyguards from the cafeteria are a bigger hazard to everything in the vicinity.

Nothing can be done about it though. I may take on a bonus boss, but even I am not THAT suicidal!

_ Shadyna: Specific huh… Can you become [Symbiosis]?

Since tamed beasts can be [Symbiosis], it wouldn't be too far-fetched to assume that NPCs can do the same, right? I don't really need an invincible shield with healing spells, which will be hard to use without direct control anyway. All I want is for them to not attack. Is that too much of a request?

_ Aenilie: *Sweatdrops* I'm sorry, I don't get it…

It is too much of a request. Sad~

_ Sateri: It's possible.

Yes, yes, you have not implemented it. I was just aski… Wait, what?

_ Shadyna: Really?!

_ Sateri: Yes, it's a spell called [Ethereal Form]. Unlike beasts, sapient species are not born [Symbiosis], and therefore has work cut out for them to achieve this state. However, it is not impossible. By channeling a large amount of mana…

Am I hallucinating? The sadistic Sateri who gave clues so vague that sent me on a wild chase in all directions until the last moment is actually explaining a new feature in details for me? Is hell finally freezing over? The end of the world? Should I run to Tyrel and warn everyone of the great apocalypse to come?

…Was what I was thinking, until I realized that the lecture in imaginary magic theory wouldn't end anytime soon. She failed to kill me physically, so she's now trying to kill me mentally!!!

…

By the time the mental torture came to an end, most of her explanations had gone in one ear and out the other. According to some words that remain in my head, I need a lot of… everything? She definitely said something about materials, souls, essences and other collectible stuff.

_ Shadyna: So uh… Could you write it down for me please~?

It's just precaution in case Sateri misses something and totally not because I have no idea what I need to do, un!

_ Sateri: , you didn't listen at all, did you?

_ Shadyna: I did! I didn't understand, is all!

She smiles wryly. Very sorry~

_ Sateri: Bring anyone you want to learn [Ethereal Form] to me, and I will tell you what you must do. The requirements vary for each individual, so I cannot provide you one fixed method of obtaining it.

I have to say, Goddess-mode Sateri does have the patience of a saint. She is not complaining, throwing a tantrum, or physically abusing the floor despite my behaviors. Gap moe is nice and all, but now I'm worried about how she is going to punish me when she switches back to her other mode!

_ Shadyna: Can I learn it too?

_ Sateri: I'm sorry, it is incompatible with my other blessings, and non-sapient creatures.

Considering how many of the spells and titles refer to the Goddess' powers, is that her way of saying that players and pets cannot get it? Then again, players acquiring skills allowing them to be invincible may be a tad bit unhealthy for the game's balance… It's a pity though~

_ Shadyna: It's alright. Please teach Ophilie and Aenilie then.

_ Ophilie: It will be my pleasure.

_ Aenilie: Milady can count on me!

_ Sateri: Very well, please fill up these orbs and activate them when they are full. If you have any question, don't be afraid to consult me.

[Received Hollow Ethereal Anchor x1]

[Received Hollow Ethereal Anchor x1]

Quest items, get!

How do I fill them though? [Inspect], your opinion?

[Hollow Ethereal Anchor : An empty anchor. When filled and activated, it becomes a tether keeping an unbounded ethereal entity from losing their form. It also acts as a dimensional storage for the physical body for safekeeping.

Progress:

- Soul - 0/500+

- Any - 0/500+]

…I must have crafted thousands of items by now, and yet I have no idea what that [Soul] material is supposed to be.

Actually, I do have an idea, and I don't like it. The last time I had to collect something that qualified as souls, a nearby bishop mysteriously died.

500 times!

If this was some movie with a handsome detective solving the case, the mystery would be how someone managed to die that many times instead!

_ Shadyna: Uhm, Sateri, about these [Soul] materials…

_ Sateri: Ah, yes, they make up the bridge between the material and immaterial. You can collect them by being close to any living being in their last moments. It is regrettable that it has to be this way, but such is the price for crossing the boundary between worlds.

Yup, it IS the same murderous request again! Sateri is the big boss behind the (one-man) murder cult led by that crazy bishop after all.

And before she pretends to care about the moral issues of live sacrifice rituals, shouldn't she do something about the efficiency first?! Why do I need to accidentally bump into hundreds of homicides (which I totally did not cause!) to unlock a spell for ONE person?! Not to mention that it's only the bare minimum.

Yes, I did notice that it was "500+" instead of "500". Gotta learn something after being tricked by the honest and straightforward Goddess for the umpteenth time!

_ Sateri: While it pains me to say this, the more souls and materials you bring, the stronger the ethereal link it will establish, giving the users more benefits than just the spell's intended purpose.

Ah, yes, welcome to fantasy worlds, where indiscriminate genocides are not only allowed, but also actively encouraged! Makes one wonder how any civilization manages to be endangered by external powers before destroying themselves first!

I can treat the [Any] material part as another hotpot crafting, but getting thousands of dead bodies for the souls will be a pain.

Putting Sateri into a poisonous pit to farm souls is right out. Even though this cute little pacifist may tolerate war crimes, domestic violence is a line I shall never cross.

After all, hitting my (soon-to-be) wife is against the spirit of pacifism!

_ Sateri: , I don't think that is the problem…

Don't mind don't mind! And are you sure you can't read my mind in that form…?

Jokes aside, let's see how many hundred deaths I have to witness in Aenilie's case.

[Progress:

- Soul - 0/10000+

- Any - 0/10000+]

…

Correction: In CSF, genocides are not encouraged.

They are mandatory.

_ Sateri: *Smiles awkwardly* Aenilie's body has undergone tremendous changes since she inherited my powers. Therefore, you have to provide a lot more to accommodate her.

Look here, just because you smiled kindly and said that it would vary doesn't mean you can make it THAT different! Yes, even for super rare stuff! That's negotiating in bad faith, and you of all people should understand faith more than anyone else!

Now I understand why the beautiful bully that is the Goddess was genuinely willing to provide guidance without tormenting the innocent half-elf child that is me.

The quests themselves are the torment. Sateri, you slave driver~!!!

_ Shadyna: *Sighs* In that case, please give me your quest item too, Sateri.

Since this is going to take quite some time, might as well receive the quest as soon as possible. I'll also need a proper plan on how to do this, otherwise violations of labor laws will be the least of Sateri's problems when I am done, or die trying!

_ Sateri: Uhm…

…Why are you hesitating? It's not going to be something like two million right? That number should be reserved for bosses' HP you know?

_ Sateri: I have the spell already, since I created it.

That explains the absurd unlock conditions. Genocidal Goddess, confirmed~

____________

_ Fuelri: …If you have something to say about the plan, spill it.

At the suggestion of a young but experienced (?) elementary schooler, the two useless grown-ups have arrived at the marketplace. Love is totally… not in the air, unfortunately. Then again, it's already a miracle that the two are not killing each other.

_ Hessenria: Not really. A shopping trip is not a bad idea at all, but…

_ Fuelri: But?

_ Hessenria: How is this different from a date for normal couples?

_ Fuelri: …

Judging from that stunned look, she probably just went with whatever idea she had and left the consequences for later.

In fact, the proposed plan was shopping for clothes, eating at a nice restaurant, and going to a movie. Needless to say, the last one was out as it's not immersive. So was the restaurant, since, well, that's just 's day job.

If that seems indistinguishable from a normal date, that's because it IS a normal date!

_ Hessenria: Looks like your brilliance is limited to combat huh.

_ Fuelri: Shut up!!!

--- Topic: Human sacrifices? ---

## Fire mage of Justice

According to a participant in the tournament I was talking to, Black Mantis was really performing human sacrifices during the event. (￣□￣;)

Being a model citizen and ally of justice, I would like to know exactly what she did so that I can avoid it! (^_-)

##

## Newbie Charisma build

How horrible, indeed! (°o°) We must fully document this atrocity and make sure it will not happen again!

##

## Silver Merchant

Pretty sure at least one of them got eaten, literally. Wanna start with that?

##

## StoneHoarder

o_O

I'm also interested in how she came to the conclusion of needing to eat another player.

##

## Nearseeing Sage

Got a compilation from players who managed to witness it here [Link]. Not complete, since corpses apparently have trouble turning around to look.

Summary for the faint of heart: There's this thing called crimes against humanity. A long list of cruel, horrendous acts which are never to be committed under any circumstances. They are to remind us that there are standards to follow even in our darkest moments, lest we as a civilized species lose sight of what we fight for, and our humanity in the process.

Then there's my girl who thought it was a shopping list and went straight for a speedrun. (≧ロ≦)

##

## Shining Knight

That's a long list!

Ya know, I'm beginning to think that she did it on purpose. (`･ω･´)

##

## Maximus Archery

Or acted on impulse and was not thinking at all.

@Nearseeing Sage: What are you up to, giving information away without charging an arm and a leg?

##

## Nearseeing Sage

If you have an idea on how to sell this "(Almost) Complete Guide on Corpse Defilement" without your whole guild being branded an evil cult of genocidal maniacs, I'm all ears (@_@)

##

## Fire mage of Justice

Holy Sateri-chan… (ﾟдﾟ)

I'm not sure I should be amazed or terrified by that list. Black Mantis is a complete monster just by thinking of those, let alone committing them in quick succession!

So… Does anyone have the recipe for the lube used in this ritual?

##

## CuteIsJustice

Well, you can say that our precious half-elf is… inhuman. (^_-)-☆

It's also too much for me. My morality wouldn't allow it.

…Considering how many items she used, maybe a purely theoretical discussion near the shopping district is more convenient?

##

## Manly Warrior

Ba dum tss (≧∇≦)/

Shopping district sounds good. Be right there.

We are all going on a watch list, aren't we? (^_^;)

##

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