Novels2Search
Ghoulish insanity (incomplete/finished)
Chapter 32 – Old man, don't steal my candy!

Chapter 32 – Old man, don't steal my candy!

It did not take me long to complete my mission in the church, thus, my exodus from the place of the holy finger worship happened precipitately! Yes, Alyce-chan went quickly in and out, like a ninja. I'm great, right?

Anyway, because I'm so fast, it seems the gang is still purchasing candy from the candyman. I enlist the help of the Raven-chan liutenant I summoned for the street magician, who seems to still be working hard, though he is troubled when my Raven flies over.

Alyce-chan's sojourn through the milling masses is swift and efficient and before long, I have arrived before a small, cozy-looking confectionary candy shop. My whole body tingles with anticipation, and I might be drooling a little bit! However, that is not going to prevent me from raiding the candy dungeon! Yes, Alyce-chan is go!

I break and enter!

Since candyshop-chan isn't a virgin, my breaking and entering doesn't produce any undue destruction and I enter smoothly.

A little bell goes ting ting as I push the door open and immediately, many deliciously sweet smells assault me. Ghoul drool intensifies.

Luckily, my Tie'sha is inside the shop and quickly comes over with a cyan serviette. Meanwhile, Hal and Áithne are trying to pay for a big mountain of various candies stacked on the reception desk. The old, kindly looking woman servicing them seems to be slightly wide-eyed, but her attitude is sufficiently professional to inspire my respect. After all, candy is serious business. Her approach is appropriate! Very good indeed. Full marks.

Although I want to immediately go inspect the candy loot that has dropped in the confectionary dungeon, I resist my impulse and turn to Tie'sha instead. “You've done well!” I say, smiling up at her as she wipes the last of my drool away.

“You too, Lady Alyce. Erm...” Tie'sha goes stealth-mode and bends down to whisper in my ear.

“So, what did you do at the church?” Tie'sha whispers. Her voice and breath tickles my ears and makes my spine tingle. Ah, Tie'sha ASMR is the best! Whisper more!

“Ahen. Tie'sha, I didn't quite catch that.” I say, turning my head to the side and presenting my ear to Tie'sha.

“My lady, why did you go to the church?” Tie'sha tries again. Ah, so many tingly tingles.E ven my toes buzz with fuzziness. “Ti..Tie'sha, whisper again...” I say in a small voice.

Tie'sha presses her lips against my ear. “Lady Alyce, I know you can hear me so just tell me already.”

Ah, Tie'sha's whispering voice is the best! I feel so relaxed and at peace that I could faint in happiness now. Tie'sha will surely catch me and cushion my head with her chest. How nice, how nice.

Unfortunately, I have to cut short the Tie'sha ASMR because Hal and Áithne have finished packing the loot from the confectionary dungeon and are heading this way. Before they can impinge upon my private moment with Tie'sha, I quickly take her head between my hands and pull her down so I can whisper back. Reciprocity is important in a relationship, you know?

I make sure to blow a bit of air into her adorable fluffy ears too, which makes them twitch cutely. “I will tell you everything later, but I made the priests blithely gesticulate rudely to their god. They're happy in their ignorance. I think they will continue the middle-finger worship for awhile and really, really annoy Titon and that makes me happy.” I say, taking a small pause to blow a bit more air into Tie'sha's ear. Her whole body squirms nicely, but since I have her head between my hands, there is no escape! Her tail is wagging wildly too! Alyce-chan domination! Finish the attack!

“I wanted to continue fingering for awhile longer, but I thought Tie'sha might get jealous, so I left early.” I whisper, finishing by licking the tip of her twitch, twitching animal ears.

“Nnnnn.” Tie'sha makes a cute sound. I pat her head, using my amazing HNNG to restore equilibrium to the situation just in time for Hal and Áithne to approach.

“Ahen. I see you've magnificently completed my quest.” I say, turning to Seaweed-chan who is holding the big bag of candy loot. Hmm, that's odd. Their faces are kind of flushed red, and they are bashfully averting their gazes. I wonder what's wrong with them. Even Tie'sha's face is very red, and she has tears in her eyes and is shivering. The only one here who isn't acting strange is my GPS.

“Jeez, you guys are hopeless if you fall to such meager attacks.” I admonish, wagging my finger at them. “Come now! We must find a good place where we can enjoy our loot, but ah, I also want to visit the adventurer's guild. It's pitiful that my rank is so low. I should be at least SSS rank, right? Ohoho!” As I say this, I grab Seaweed-chan's free hand and lead her out of the confectionary.

That's right. Now is the time to make friends with Seaweed-chan since she is carrying such important loot. I wonder what goodies this bag contains. Alyce-chan can hardly wait to roll for the loot! Although I will roll with loaded dice and take anything I want! Fuhahah. This is why I am the evil overloli.

Once outside, I freeze because I have no idea where to go next. Of course, such things are beneath me. That's what you have minions for, right? Thus, I urge seaweed-chan to take me to a place where I can indulge in the loot.

Seaweed-chan looks confused for a moment before her eyes light up and she smiles. Not at me, but rather over at Hal. “We should report to the guild. After all we've been through, don't you think that old bugger will increase our rank?” Áithne says, the enthusiasm making her hands tremble. I can tell because I am still holding her free hand.

Which reminds me. I still need to sort out my coven and then start the recruitment. I have my maid-witch Tie'sha, and I want an Ice-witch healer with seaweed colored hair. However, I am not sure I want a sand witch, but perhaps such a thing is inevitable.

As long as it's not an Alyce-chan sand witch, I can tolerate it! But the Alyce-chan sand witch is forbidden territory! I will never relinquish it! Only my closes aides may indulge in the Alyce-chan sandwitch!

Ahen.

What am I saying? Let's press the reset button.

Yes.

Okay. Now that my dark past is behind me, it is time to proceed to the Lalaromp adventurer's guild. I am kind of shaking with excitement. Palms sweaty, knees weak system-chan spaghetti! There's Tie'sha sauce on my sweater already!

Ahen.

“My lady, you seem very excited.” Tie'sha asks me as we are walking down a cozy-looking street. There are antediluvian-looking street lamps hanging in rows on the half-timbered, squat houses, and it's such a nice environment that just oozes coziness and atmospherically smokey chimneys.

“Yup! I'm a little bit pumped up. After all, isn't that strong wizard guy the guild master?! High-leveled people are cool, you know? I want to meet him!” I say. I'm walking down the street with a spring in my step, like Benny from the Olsen-gang, though I'm not tall, but small.

It's noot noot like anyone will get that reference, but a woman can dream, you know?

Anyway, so it came to pass that the countess... I mean, the Alyce-chan, with a spring in her dubstep, made her way to the Lalaromp adventurer's guild. The guild is on its own street, and we walked for awhile, passing by taverns and inns with a lot of armored people outside inside out, living la vida loca and drinking moca.

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Hal explained that there is an entire district dedicated to adventuring, which sounds exciting! But it also means that there are lots of lowly beasts that think they can compare to the overloli. Sure, they might out-rank me now, but soon, the overloli shall rule supreme and trample the world beneath her feet! Of course, Tie'sha might get jealous of that, but it can't be helped since her operating principle is toes before hoes and she is a bit perverted.

Strange, since they say that dogs take after their master, but I am definitely not weird or perverted, you know? I am just a normal overloli that is very excited to eat her candy, okay? Goddamn it!

By the way, drool keeps coming out, but luckily, Tie'sha's cyan serviettes continue to appear from her cleavage. She is an amazing tissue dispenser. As expected of my supreme maid, fufufu.

Yes, I am proud. My Tie'sha is the best, alright? I won't have anyone saying otherwise! If anyone badmouthes my Tie'sha, I will kill them and eat their face on a piece of toast dipped in their blood! Resistance is floccinaucinihilipilification!

Yes.

I think it best that we get this guild business over with, since I can then eat candy. However, meeting the high leveled guild master is also exciting, so I am a bit torn about what to do. Maybe the confusion and distress shows on my face, because many people look at me askance as we enter the huge main guild building. Again, it is quite cliché. There are lots and lots of leather clad men and women equipped with various implements designed to inflict pain. However, this is not a German BDSM dungeon, but an adventurer's guild! Fufufu. Had you fooled there, didn't I?

I realize that I am grinning madly, staring out at all the adventurers, while I have a conversation with myself in my own head.

But... I am definitely still sane! Very sane! Sane in the membrane.

I feel I am in danger of aggroing some unwanted attention, so I squeeze in-between my minions and let them escort me up the aisle of the adventurer's guild to the desk with the receptionists. Most of the staff members are female, and most are quite young. However, I do see a couple of male staff members and we are heading towards one such staff member.

By the way, staff member is not an innuendo, okay? Goddamn it!

Ahen.

Áithne and Hal report to the male... staff... member... and then after a brief explanation of their circumstances, all hell breaks loose! Many guild guards appear and surround us, and we are taken to a side room. I must be honest here and admit that I wasn't really listening to the explanation. I was busy staring at the bag of candy.

My fingers are tingling with a creepy crawly feeling, kind of an itch really. Alyce-chan cannot hold it. I am not like Porkins. I am no angel. I cannot hold it!

Aaargh, shut the fuck up!

Stop talking already.

Gimme the candy.

Gimme now, goddamn it!

Uguu~

”Wait here. The guild master will be with you shortly.”

Ah, these stupid ants mumbling about stuff. Alyce-chan can't hold it, you know? I can't!

If I really wanted to resist, I would HNNNG and pass the time with a nugi-nugi distraction. However, the truth is that I am a sinful overloli. I don't want to resist it. I want to give in.

That's why I lunged for the candy bag. Seaweed-chan didn't see me coming. She is oblivious to my struggle and all her attention is on the people from the guild. She is talking seriously, but she is wide open! Alyce-chan is going to ninja loot!

HNNNG! I throw myself forward at Áithne, with my hands outstretched. “Candy bag, gimme!” I shout as my warcry, launching my super amazing secret ninja loot attack!

Just as my hand is about to reach the goodiebag, something slams into me and I am flung sideways into the wall with a crash. My skull whiplashes into the wall with a wet crack and I slide down the wall to the ground. However, my vision is clear. It was nothing compared to system-chan, so there is no way I'd faint from something like this.

I rise to my feet and dust off my dress, slightly miffed that my ninja-looting attempt failed. Hmm. Something wet is running down my back. It couldn't be! My brains, don't leak! I need you! I know I haven't been in touch lately, but seriously don't go! Noooo.

Drip drip. I look down. Ah, it's crimson. Thank god it's not my brains. I need my brains for later, so I can't let them leak so casually. Good that it's only blood. I am about to close my eyes and use flesh manipulation, but even before I can do that, it's already healed up.

Fufufu. My body is amazing after all.

I notice that the whole room is silent and that everyone is staring at me. Nothing unusual then. But still, their eyes are looking at my body! I know my body is amazing, even though I am washboard flat and all. But that is part of the charm! Still, stop this leery lecherous gaze! Close your mouthes! You don't need to widen your eyes at little old me, okay? Goddamn it!

“Wuh-what are you all looking at me for?” I ask indignantly, puffing out my cheeks.

This seems to break the spell and set the room into action. I thought they would all draw their weapons on me or something, but instead, a meaty looking soldier guy in leather armor steps forward. He has a sheepish look on his face. “Ah, sorry bout that. Are you alright?” He asks.

“Of course I am. But how dare you intercept me! That loot is mine, you know? The precious loot!” Even just saying that, my drool starts overflowing again.

Just as I am about to walk over and reclaim what is rightfully mine, the door opens and a very deep voice asks. “Oh? What's this about loot? Ah, little Áithne, welcome back.” The voice is very... deep. Even deeper and cooler than Morgan Freeman's voice although that is sacrilegious to say.

Tap tap. Into the room walks an old, white-haired man with pitch-black skin. He is wearing a robe and has a bejeweled walking stick that I can only assume is his staff. By the way, Alyce-chan is not interested in an old man's staff, you know? I am just admiring it because it's adorned with dangling jewels.

Who is this old man who so daringly displays his staff and dangling jewels to me!? His hair is long and frizzly, crazy and unkempt, and I can see deep wrinkles carved in his leathery face. He is a man of much experience, I assume, so perhaps this is the rumored guild master.

His attention is currently on Seaweed-chan, but I bow in his direction.

“Pu-pleased to meet you!” If I have to say so myself, then my bow and formal greeting was top knotch. As I raise my head up, I find the old white-haired wiz looking at me. After a few seconds, his brow furrows. “Who might you be?” He asks.

“My name is Alyce. I came here to eat candy! Ah.. I mean, I came with seaweed-chan, I- I mean Áithne, and, and... it's not like I admire you or anything! Your level might be a bit high, but I will soon trample you underfoot like the others. Ahaha, yes, that's right! Bow before your overloli! Ohoho”

Ugh, I ended up saying something weird again. I even did the ojousama laugh as I covered my mouth with my hand! The old man looks at me with a puzzled expression, his brow still furrowed. I am not sure the reset button will cut it this time.

After a period of awkward silence, he clears his throat. “Ah, I see. My name is Bertram Wright, guild master and A rank adventurer. It is my pleasure to meet you, little lady.” He says. The words are normal, but this old man... I can feel his gaze. It is not ordinary. There is something weird about it. His eyes move from me, to my companions and back.

Oh no! Could it be that he is aiming for the candy? Shit! I should've ninja looted it before we got here. But if I move now, then perhaps I can still make it.

Unfortunately, while I am deep in thought, strategizing about how to reclaim my loot, the old wizard man, Bertram Wright, walks over to Áithne and takes the bag from her.

Of course, my eyes narrow at him and I suppress the urge to growl and bare my fangs at him.

He has the gall to look amused as he hoists the candy bag up and down, seemingly trying to gauge its weight. My eyes follow the candy bag intensely as he bobs it up and down arrogantly. The cretin!

“Quite a lot you got here, little Áithne. We might have to sort through it with the guild.” He says, still smirking at me.

“G-guild master, with all due respect, that is not mine.” Áithne says. Ah, seaweed-chan is cute. She looks desperately between me and Bert, trying to mediate. But it is already too late. A matter of life or death! Nobody will steal my candy!

“Don't be modest now, Áithne. You've earned it. We will even increase your individual rank in addition to your party rank, so you should accept your rightfully earned loot.” Bert continues.

“Th-thank you very much Guild master, but still, that isn't mine.” Seaweed-chan says. As I thought, she is a good snack candidate after all.

“No! It's mine goddamn it! Give me!” I shout. My patience is at an end. My stomach cannot wait any longer. I must have sweetness, sugary goodness! Maybe they even managed to find honeycakes in that confectionary shop? Oh my oh!

Help, Alyce-chan is having an involuntary body movement. I am moving towards the old wizard man, hands outstretched like a zombie. “Candyyyyyy.” I say.

Bert grins and holds out the bag. Good, good, the old fart has finally accepted defeat! Whoever heard of an old man stealing candy from a little girl anyway? Although I am nearly 34 years old, but still! That is no age for an overloli! I am not a cheese.

I reach for the candy bag, relief coursing through my veins as I relax and smile. “Thank you, finally candy.” I say, a little bit exhausted.

It seems that with victory in sight, I was naive. The old man cruelly hoists the bag into the air away from me. Why are you so tall, you stupid wrinkled leather dummy! Gimme my candy, goddamn it!

Alas, it is futile. I cannot reach.

I've had enough. My expression changes from slack to serious. I haven't stored any spells with premeditation, but I can still cast quickly and blow shit up.

“Alright, alright, wait a moment!” Bertram says. His amused grin has disappeared and his voice became serious. Che, what a bothersome fellow.

“What?” I ask. The tone of my voice, is of course, quite flat and cold. After all, I am currently a bit annoyed. I have no compunctions about killing a few adventurers. After all, they will probably taste nice.

“I'll give it back to you on one condition.” The guild master says. There is no more messing around. I can tell he is serious, and candy is at stake here so I cannot afford to goof off either.Thus, I face him seriously.

“What is it then? Hurry up and say it so I can eat my candy.” I say, crossing my arms.

The guild master has the nerve to chuckle! “Come clean with me, you little monster.” He says. The way he stresses the word monster, sends a chill down my spine.

“Everyone out, I'll talk to them alone.” The guild master says.

Once everyone has left, he turns to me with a serious expression. “Well, out with it. Who are you really?”