Once upon a time, there was an Alyce-chan standing atop a cliff, her hair caressed by the wind , wearing nothing but her underwear. She had even removed her big black leather boots because she was preparing to put on new clothes. Her trusty servant, the hairy meat pie, would be bringing her a change of clothing soon and so she thought it would be okay to remove the boots. Her maid, the cute Tie'sha, eyed the boots oddly but the amazing Alyce-chan had no time to add a further appendix to her collection of notes about the strange fetishes of her lesbiotic servant. That was for later.

Right now, the magnificent Alyce-chan was waiting for clothes... her hairy meat pie would be bringing them.

That's how my story was supposed to go, but why is there a veritable army of side characters following Grom?! They are still far away, but they are coming nearer and nearer. I guess I will have to embrace being a flasher.

Ah, it seems Grom has told them to wait near the tree line. Good good.

Still, they can see me in the distance. All the girls are covering the boys eyes. The sea-weed girl is covering the red-haired swordsmans eyes, and uhn... the adventurer kids... I forgot their names.

Actually, I didn't even notice them when I came out of the dungeon. I thought they were just side characters destined to die, so I didn't bother remembering them. I'm amazed they are still alive to be honest, but I guess nothing less could be expected since they accompanied the great me. Of course their survival was guaranteed. I guess I underestimated myself. Tehehe!

Once I am fully clothed, let's try to think about them a little more so I don't forget them entirely. In the future, they might even become important snacks. I could use them as servants in my evil organization after I corrupt their mind with the Alyce-chan special loli beam.

Fufufu, maybe the sight of me has already corrupted them.

Let's make sure.

Walking a few steps towards Grom, I puff out of chest, raise my head to the skies, close my eyes and HNNNG to send out my special Alyce-chan loli beam of corruption. Gaze upon your overloli! Get corrupted so I can use you in my evil organization!

Fufufu, the master plan.

Thus I take my pose, fire my Alyce-chan beam and wait... and wait... and wait ….

I can hear someone approaching, but I keep holding my pose because I have to hurry up and HNNNG corrupt the side characters so they also become my servants. I need more manpower for my evil organization, so that's why... Alyce-chan beam, WORK!

Ah, my Witch coven of unseen death. It's super extremely amazingly cool, you know?

It is not at all a chuuni name, okay? Goddamn it!

In any case, my pose is broken when Grom slaps me. It is only a gentle tap, but it brings me great joy. I spin with it, twirling around like a ballet dancer as I giggle.

“Stop actin' like a mental patient already lass.” Grom grumbles, holding out the Frodo Baggins full of goods from Mordor. Come to think of it, wouldn't the LOTR ring of invijibility be a super overpowered item for a pervert?

Let's make sure Tie'sha doesn't get her hands on such a ring in the future. Who knows what she might get up to if she had such a ring. By the way, doesn't Lord of the Ring sound like some sort of homo-erotic rental movie?

Ahen.

It is time.

Fishing around in the bag, I pull out a skirt, long white socks, mary jane shoes and an elegant blouse with long sleeves and frills everywhere. It is quite nice despite the fact that some items of clothing are remnants from the child corpse cellar. The blouse and nice long white socks are new, but the Mary Janes and the skirt are from the child corpse cellar.

I should expect nothing less of the great me. Even my clothing is a great metaphor for my existence. Partly ex mortem and partly from the living.

Still mindful of the fact that there's an audience in the distance sneaking glances at me, or rather since Grom is obstructing me from view like the gentle hairy meat pie that he is, they are in fact staring at his hairy ass. Not that he is wearing ass-less chaps or anything.

Hmm.

I begin equipping my clothes. First the socks go on, then the blouse and then the skirt.

Bending down, I slip my feet into the mary janes. Stealthily, I sneak peek on my audience.

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They are still looking this way... why do I have to dress with a bunch of kids watching me?!

Is Grom's hairy ass really so fascinating? Well, they don't know if it's hairy or not since he is wearing pants and not ass-less chaps, but if he really has a hairy arsehole, maybe he should've gone to rectum shavers.

Ahen.

The Alyce-chan clothing project has now been completed and my maidenly modesty has been restored to its former glory. What's that you say? That I have no modesty and that I am not a maiden but a 30+ year old woman? Don't make me come over there and choke you to death! I am definitely just a cute loli and not an old woman, okay? Goddamn it!

Yes.

Grom looks more relaxed now that I have clothes on again, and turns around to wave our audience over, although I think it's fine if the side characters stay over there at the tree line, sidelined where they belong.

My Tie'sha is watching me quietly... looking at her intense gaze, I get the feeling that there is something I've forgotten. What.. was it?

Oh yeah, the people below who are under siege by the boner.

“Grom, come!” I say, taking his hand and walking over to the cliff. I'm definitely not using him as an anchor because I am afraid of heights, alright?!

“What's the matter with ye now, lass? Ye better not be thinking about diving off the cliff.”

“No, I'd rather die. I hate heights, you know?” I say, still steady on my feet although my legs are starting to shake a little bit. “Normal people would die If they dove off.” Grom says. “Then again, ye be nae normal lass.”

That's definitely praise from the meat pie, you know? It is an insult to be called normal, so therefore if Grom calls me not normal then that should be praise.

It's definitely praise, alright?! Guu!

I clench my fist tighter around Grom. His hand is huge, so I can only grab two of his fingers at once, but that is enough to bring me a sense of security.

Grasping Groms hairy sausage... fingers... in my hand... gives me the courage needed to walk to the edge of the cliff.

“Lass, if ye don't like heights, why the fuck are ye walking over here.” Grom asks, still confused.

“Just come.” I say, biting my lip as I draw close to the edge. Getting a bit dizzy, I lean into Grom and hug his arm as I peer into the abyss. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.

“Uguu~” I make a strange sound, but after a few moments of dizziness, my vision clears and I can make out the people and the boner-kun army in the distance below.

The rear part of the convoy is under attack by skeletons, and people are dying. It seems a bunch of soldiers decided to be brave and hold off the skeletons while the civilians flee further up the hill with a reserve of guards.

How brave of them.

Their deaths... It definitely isn't my fault.

I need clothes to go to battle, you know? The Alyce-chan story is already rather dangerous. No need to make it more dangerous by engaging in battles naked.

Although... bathing in blood sounds kind of cool. Maybe I will install a blood bath in the Sanguine lair...

Uh, I'm dizzy. I hate heights. Why am I so distracted and ditzy?

What was I talking about again?

“That barnacle ridden pasty white rattlecage of a drum stick bastard!” Grom shouts. His delicious swearing echoes out into the valley below. Momentarily, the combatants freeze and stop fighting.

Chance!

“Grom, don't you dare let go of me, okay?” I bite my lip and move even closer to the edge so I have the best view possible.

And then I draw deeply on my mana reserves, imagining a huge fire wall. I powered up a lot in the dungeon. A gain of 400 int isn't something to sneeze at, you know? And I am level 99 right now to boot. Level 99 but not 100. System-chan, I won't forgive you!

Suddenly excited at the prospect of killing some boners in defiance of system-chans mockery and leveling up to reberu wan handred, I HNNG focus and cast, stretching out my hand towards the skeleton army and dumping a lot of mana into my spell. Thick waves of mana emanate from me, making the air feel a bit like jelly. Small rocks rise off of the cliff and float in the air as though I am a super saiyan in dragon ball. But let's not Kamehameha. Instead, let's FIREWALL!

[Firewall]

Sparks fly from my finger tips and ignite in a roar.

Below, a long, thick line of orange is drawn across the landscape. A moment later it roars towards the skies in a blaze of glory. I focus my fire manipulation and pump more mana into my fire wall, making it even thicker.

Fufufu, it must be atleast 30 meters tall and 5 meters thick. Alyce-chan is amazingly cool, you know?

The soldiers seem to realize that this is their chance, and hurriedly retreat up the hill.

A few of the deceitful little boners are trying to skirt round the edge of my magnificent wall. We can't have that.

Focusing intently with a HNNG, I extend the sides of my firewall and also curve it around the skeletons. It looks a bit like a huge tsunami wave of fire and it's very cool!

Yes. I will build a great wall! Fufufu.

HNNG! I pour even more mana into it. It's so magificent and cool. The wall grows higher, wider and hotter every second. I think I can hear the fire roaring from here. Ah that gives me a good idea.

Focusing with another HNNNG and even more mana, I transform the Alyce-chan wall of fire into a tsunami of fire. It seems my fire manipulation is stretched to the edge, but I push forward, furrowing my brow. After all, Alyce-chan not only protecc, she also attacc, okay? Goddamn it!

It all comes crashing down in a spitting, roaring blaze of glory as fire washes over the boner-kun army, decimating the front lines by bathing them in a magnificent ocean of fire.

Suddenly, the dizziness is really really bad and I lose control of my legs. They just give, and I collapse like jelly to the ground.

Thankfully, my faithful servant catches me and pulls me away from the abyss.

Falling to the ground on my tooshie of a butt, I watch the world swirl around me in a dizzying haze for awhile. But thankfully, there is no fainting this time, only extreme dizziness. This too, will pass. Thus spake Alyce-chan, and it was good. But still, it seems the further away I try to cast my spells, the more mana they will require to work. Last time's mana exhaustion was dangerous, so let's be a bit more careful this time. I really don't want any more mana exhaustions.

Un.

Once the headswirlies finally recede from my consciousness and I am able to see straight again, system-chan unleashes her secret ambush backstab attack on me and the Alyce-chan brain sustains critical damage.

Ping! You've slain x19 skeleton soldier of Arch-Lich Lord Lazarik.

Ping! Congratulations, you have leveled up x2

Ping! You have reached the first milestone, level 100. Third job class available! +1 trait point +1 talent point.

Ping! Through expert use of fire manipulation, you have created the spell. Great Firewall. It merges with firewall

Ping! Fire manipulation has leveled up!

Ping! Great Firewall has leveled up!

Ping! Congratulations. Due to use of magic at extreme range, you have gained the passive skill: Artillery Mage 1. Reduces mana cost of spells cast at extreme range by 2%

This time, I am unable to retain my consciousness. Darkness bleeds my vision away and sends me into the dark abyss, even though I tried so hard not to fall.

Goddamn it!