I'm currently riding inside the carriage on a plushy-wushy dark green seat with the boy, Renauld Corneliáves and his butler Sebastian, seated opposite me. The seat is so soft that my butt has disappeared into it. I think its name should be changed from seat to butt receptacle... perhaps that has something to do with why I cannot feel a thing and why the ride is so smooth. The shock absorbant butt receptacle is working hard today aswell, fufufu. It should be happy to be graced with Alyce-chan's elegant tooshie.
I know we are advancing because of the clop clop of hooves on cobble stone that resounds outside the carriage. Although the sound is severely muffled by the luxurious carriage, my ears are long and awesome high-elf ears so I can hear quite well, you know? Alyce-chan is amazing, right?
Unfortunately I've had to leave Grom behind at the gate since he couldn't fit into the carriage. It's okay though, since I told him I will find him later.
Actually, I just dumped him because he's going to be talking to the guards about the Arch-lich threat. The fact that the big bad boner of doom has landed his skeletal troops on the shores of this land is certainly cause for worry, but I absolutely won't let it obstruct my enjoyment of Weimar! After all, this is my first time inside a proper, living town in this other world, so I have to enjoy myself otherwise the god of reincarnation might smite me for my insolence.
If I was a japanese MC, I would immediately go buy slaves with my cheat gold after arriving in the first town. Then I would head to the adventurers guild where a cute female receptionist with huge lady lungs would welcome me warmly and get a crush on me. Then a bunch of rowdy adventurers would pick a fight with me and I would have a chance to show off my cool side and pwn them with my cheat powers in front of the lady with the fulsome funbags. Of course, sometimes another adventurer comes and saves the MC from the baddies making a ruckus at the adventurers guild, and of course that is also a girl. Actually, almost every character of note in that type of novel is a girl for some reason.
Thank god my world is not the world of a reincarnated Japanese MC. Or is it?
… Oh my gah.
What if some day I run into one of those harem-toting protagonists? Alyce-chan might have to kill a living being intentionally, you know?!
… …
Sebastian and Ren are quietly observing me as I press my face against the window and humm hnng at the sights of the city, trying to forget about the possibility of me being reincarnated together with a japanese protagonist. Ah, but when I think about it, doesn't that mean that their meat has traveled all the way from earth or something? ... For some reason, I want to eat a summoned hero now. Maybe later I can find one, but they should be quite a rare delectability so I might have to look awhile before I find one.
”Come to think of it, I have no idea where this carriage is headed.” I mumble, detaching my face from the window like velcro and looking over at my fellow travelers. At my words, Ren-kun looks up at his butler and puffs out his cheeks like the child he is. Sebastian clears his throat.
”My lord will be staying at his family estate in the inner part of the city.” The butler says, his eyes sharp and his tone brooking no argument.
”Hmpf, why can't I go to the adventurers guild now?” Ren replies. ”Because my lord, your grandfather wishes to see you soon. They are no doubt preparing a feast to welcome you as we speak.”
”Grandpa can wait! Doesn't adventuring excite you Sebas? I heard you were one in the past... so how come you won't let me go?” Ren-kun said, swaying from side to side, arms crossed over his eyes and his cheeks puffed out.
He strikes quite the comical pose, not at all mature but then again you wouldn't normally expect a 12 year old to be mature, would you? Come to think of it, he still hasn't farted yet. Why is that? Could I be wrong about his posterior perils? No, there's no way I'm wrong, right? I guess it was a fizzly phantom fart or something... I'm definitely not wrong, okay? Goddamn it!
”What do you think, lady Alyce?” Ren asks me, lowering his arms and dropping the puffy cheek act. Ohoho, he called me a lady. ”Isn't it every boys dream to become an adventurer? The romance of monster slaying, dungeon delving, leveling up and getting stronger! It's an irresistible desire for many.” I say. Ren-kun nods vigorously.
Sebastian clears his throat again... he seems to be well practiced when it comes to throat clearing.
”It's certainly true that many want to be adventurers when they are young, but it's not all sunshine and honeycakes. You can easily lose your life on a job and you drift from town to town looking at the billboards for work whenever monsters appear. It's not an easy life and certainly not something a young lord should be considering when he hasn't even completed the adventurer's academy” Sebastian says sharply.
Suddenly, my expression tightens and I affect a stern gaze, sending an eye-beam of seriousness over at Sebastian and Ren-kun with wide eyes. They both look at me and raise their eyebrows in surprise.
”This is a matter of grave concern.” I say, and although puzzled, my two travelling companions are now rather serious looking.
”You mentioned honeycakes. Where? When?!” I say, almost jumping out of my seat as I struggle to contain my drool. For a moment, my two carriage homies just stare at me blankly. Then Sebastian sighs and leans back closing his eyes and mumbling something to himself. Something rude about immature kids, how dare he! But Ren-kun... is still looking at me with a dumbfounded expression. Unlike Grom, Ren-kun is a pure and innocent child, so I should grasp this chance and exploit him! Fufufu.
I slowly bend forward and present the top of my head to him. ”Go on, do what must be done.” I say, trying to sound serious again. For a moment, nothing happens, but then a small hand pats me on my head and ruffles my hair, his fingers passing through my silky L'Oréal locks. A tingle shoots down my spine and makes me shiver. Were I not undead, I think I might have gotten goosebumps on my arms. What a strange sensation... the energy of the living! I wonder if his blood tastes good... Alyce-chan is not a vampire though.
Clearing my throat, I pull back and look up to find Ren-kun looking at me sheepishly. Now it's my turn to puff out my cheeks. ”Jeez, just how hard is it to get someone to tsukkomi nandeyanen slap me around here, huh?!” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. Their clueless expression is a dart of pain that strikes me deeply right in the heartchamber-chan, but alas I have to endure their plebeian ignorance.
Eventually, we arrive at our destination, a rather large estate. First we pass through a private gate with cool looking, tabard wearing guards outside. They don't give off the 'stop right there criminal scum' vibe at all. I'm getting more of a medieval knight 'come hither and face me if you dare, barbarian!' type of vibe from the tabard-wearing guards, what with their gleaming armor and stiff formal attitude.
We drive through a beautiful garden full of flowers, greenery, small ponds and tiled pathes and finally pull up outside an expansive driveway with stables and carriage parking facilities somewhere off in the distance.
Sebastian immediately opens the carriage door and exits, preparing the way for his young lord like a true master of the butt... butler arts.
Ren-kun looks over at me, his eyes shining with hope as if to say 'you'll come with, right?' I nod. Of course I will! I have come this far, haven't I? Besides, they promised that there'd be honeycakes, you know? What kind of girl can resist honeycakes, huh?
After Ren has left the carriage, I take utmost care to make sure I don't trip and fall and so I can say with confidence that yes indeed, Alyce-chan did not fall this time! Super progress, amazingly goodly great, right? Riiight?!
Anyway, Ren-kun grabs my hand and drags me towards the huge entrance, his butler following close behind. I'm feeling slightly discombobulated by the way he is dragging me along like a new toy, but I guess it's fine. Alyce-chan can endure almost anything if it leads to honeycakes, you know?
The foyer is a huge hallway with a black and green carpet lined by white pillars and sculptures reminiscent of ancient greece. Thankfully these statues don't have micropenises like those greek statues. They are just busts of respectable looking men and women gazing at me seriously.
I look up at the ceiling far above and wonder why they had to make the ceiling so ridiculously high. Maybe I could even fly a kite in here. Ohoho, Alyce-chan joke!
I'm dragged through kitehigh hallway after hitekigh hallway after thigh-high hallway progressively getting smaller as we go, the hallway not me! I am just the perfect size, okay? goddamn it! ... until eventually we end up in a more quiet and modest area of the huge mansion.
”Welcome!” Ren says enthusiastically, arms spread before him. I look over at him in confusion and behind me, butlerman clears his throat. Eh, butlerman? What is that, some kind of new narvel superhero?! Butlerman, butlerman, does whatever a butler can!?
”This is my lord's private wing. Only two rooms are occupied here, my lord's room and mine own, the rest are guest rooms.” Butlerman explains and I nod seriously in response.
”I see, but... are the honeycakes here?” I ask.
For a moment, confusion flickers across Ren and Sebas' faces. ”No, but I do believe there will be some at the feast tonight. My lord you go and dress first.” Sebas says. Ren-kun harumphs but his objection is half-hearted and he soon disappears into his room, an eagerness in his steps.
”So? What am I doing here then?” I ask.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
”Come with me and I will show you to your room. We must attend to your appearance and fit you with some proper clothes for the feast.” Butlerman says and I give him a nod.
It makes sense, you know? After all, I am going to eat honeycakes. It is a monumentally important event which requires a properly prim dress and the affectation of a serious attitude with which to face the challenge of munching down the delectabilities on display.
Or atleast I hope they will be... no. I won't even entertain the faintest notion that the honeycakes will be bad or that they won't be there. There will be a whole mountain of honeycakes, and they will be greatly excellently good, okay? Goddamn it!
Butlerman takes me to a large room and leaves me to my own devices, promising to send someone that will help me with my clothes. To be honest, after coming to this world I half expected that the quality of life would be lower, and perhaps it is for most people... but this room has a huge bathroom attached to it with a nice pool and mirror covering the entirety of one wall.
Slowly, my lips pull back from my face and I grin madly at the empty bath, vowing that it shall soon be empty no longer! Ever since I first stepped foot in this new world, it seems like I've been bathing in blood, guts and rotting corpses... so a bath... oh my gah an actual bath. AAAAH!
I quickly ditch the worn clothes and walk over to look at the shining gems embedded in the wall. Near the pool, there is a red gem, an orange gem and a blue gem. I shrug and press the red gem with a slender little finger and soon the bigly big natatorium wannabe tub-pool starts filling with steamy hot water! Gosh, I can't wait to get a proper bath... in a big bathtub no less! Alyce-chan is excited!
I used to love soaking in hotsprings and bathtubs in my old life. One time when I was in hokkaido, northern japan, I spent an entire week in one of those outdoor hotsprings where bare-arsed monkeys watched me and my friends. We would occasionally bring snacks for the monkeys and it was quite a fun experience.
This bathroom doesn't have any bare-arsed monkeys except for me, and the tub is nearly half full now. Walking over to the huge mirror on the wall, I smile and say ”Magic mirror on the wall, who is the greatest overloli of them all?” Of course, I receive no reply, but a reply is unnecessary because I already know the answer, fufufu.
Shaking my head once, I observe how my long white hair sways when I move my head. It reaches almost all the way down to my hip. By the way, the genital situation is fine now thankfully.
What really catches my attention are my eyes. I haven't had time to look at them up until now, but... I see, it was like that after all. I close my eyes and recall the message from back then.
Congratulations. You have successfully used Flesh manipulation (unique skill) to craft Demonic Eyes of Deaths Pursuit (Grade: Legendary, unique.) Nobody else possess eyes that are quite like yours. +10 perception.
One of my eyes is blue, but it has a glowing purple circle in the middle around the pupil. The other eye is a crimson, evil looking eye that reminds me of vampires... and ghouls I guess. My hair is like moonlight... and my chest is flat like a washboard.
Yup! I nod to myself and the figure in the mirror does so as well. She looks so damn cute! But yup indeed. I have become a chuunibyou-like anime character, but I will fight with all my might against the destiny of being picked up by the protagonist in the adventurers guild as the loli part of his no doubt considerably extensive and constantly growing harem of mindless dolls.
Suddenly my toes get wet and I look over to see that the bathtub pool is filled to the brim and water just keeps coming out of it and spilling onto the floor. Oopsie doopsie.
I hurry over and tap the big red gem, hoping that it will recognize my desire to turn it off. Thankfully, the flow of steamy hot water stops. So although I've made a bit of a mess, it seems like I am now finally ready to bath. Bathy bath! Bathilda bathory. BATHory. Bath... story...
Just as I reach the bathtub and place my hands on it preparing to vault myself into its steamy hot depths, I sense a disturbance in the force and look towards the bathroom door.
It is open and in the doorway is a young girl with fluffy animal ears on her head! She has fuzzy brown curls of hair falling down to her shoulders and wears what can only be described as a maid uniform. She is quite adorable. In her arms she holds a big bundle of various articles of clothing. Her mouth is half open and her eyes are wide as she just stares at me.
I wonder why the girl is staring so much. Not only is she a young teenage girl, but she is also a servant of this mansion, right? So surely that girl has undergone professional maid training? Why would she freeze when she sees little old me?
Maybe it's the fact that I am extremely cute, but... well... she is still staring at me, her face growing redder and redder so perhaps she is of the lesbiotic predilection.
With a sigh my hand drifts away from the bathtub. "Soon my darling, soon" I whisper neath my breath, gently rubbing the side of the bathrub with my hand for a few seconds. Soon! That is what I vow in my heart of hearts as I turn to the animal-eared maid and clear my throat.
"Ahen, yes what is it?" I ask, trying to sound a bit like a noble. Suddenly the animal eared maid throws out a bow, almost folding herself in two like one side of a square. Unfortunately, the floor is still a bit wet. She slips and stumbles forward, her feet sliding in the water as she tries to not get the clothes she is carrying wet.
Despite the fact that I can see her stumbling, I can do naught but watch as she flails her way towards me.
"Aaah!" she shouts, her feet finally sliding from under her as she falls down, hitting the floor with a small splash and a slappy sound.
"Are you alright?" I ask, walking over to where she lies prone on the floor. All of the clothes she was carrying have been dropped onto the watery bathroom floor. I can hear sniffling sounds coming from the maid. So I walk over and place my hand on her quivering shoulders.
"Don't mind it! It was my fault that the floor was wet. So stop crying okay?" I say, patting the downed maid on her back. Twitch twitch. Something is twitching... I look down to her butt and find a fluffy animal tail sticking out of her uniform. It's a bit like a wolfs tail, yet brown like her hair and ears. Oh my god!
Quickly, I grab for the now slightly swaying tail. Once I catch it, I gently squeeze my hand around it and stroke it once. The maid on the floor starts writhing about oddly, so I stop the tail stroking and walk back towards her head.
"Hey, are you really alright? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" I ask. I'm actually getting a bit concerned now. I mean, there's still a bit of water on the floor so she could be having a hard time breathing. Well, if she dies I will have a nice snack before the main dish of honeycakes, but the Corneliáves house might get suspicious.
It doesn't seem like she's dying. I decide that this issue must be resolved before I can take a bath. It is unfortunate, but this poor little maid needs looking after before I can plunge the depths of bathtub-chan.
I reach down and grab her shoulders. With my newfound physical strength, it should be no problem to pull her to her feet again and get her fixed up so that I can take my bath. Squeezing her shoulders slightly, I hoist the colors high. The maid emits out a cute little yelp of surprise as I hoist her up.
Unfortunately, Alyce-chan is short. But then again, that is the price you must pay if you wish to become an ultra amazing loli.
However, due to my height being slightly, just slightly mind you! But still a bit too short to stand the maid up straight, I end up putting the maid on her knees in front of me, which is kind of awkward. Just imagine if I was a 15 year old mentally challenged JP protagonist in this situation.
A dog-eared maid girl would be on her knees before me, wearing wet see-through clothes with her head at crotch height... as things stand, the only thing she is faced with as of right now is my washboard flat chest and we're both girls so the wet clothes don't matter. Phew, dodged a bullet there.
So why is she so distressed?! Alyce-chan is not that good with people, you know? I had a hard time unlocking my real life social skills in my previous life, alright?!
The maid is staring at me wide-eyed, the front of her uniform is all wet and so is her hair and her fluffy ears. At the corner of her eyes, I think I see a few tears.
"Oh no... I'm so..sho-shorry! I can't believe I dropped the clothes! Mistress will be sho mad." She says, her eyes moist as she looks at me. Since she is on her knees, her head-height is lower than mine so I pat her head like a big sister. "There, there. I'm sure it'll be alright."
The maid sniffles, but accepts my headpats obediently. Of course, my true aim is to nugi nugi her ears! Which reminds me... last person I nugi nugi'd was Zan, my imp summon. I wonder if he is having fun? ahaha... there's no way he's the one that has been visiting virgins in their beds at night, right? Alyce-chan is right, you know? My summons is definitely not in possession of a special skill called hymen-destruction, okay? Goddamn it! Come to think of it, do I have... no, let's not even go there. Although I probably do have one.
Ahen.
"What's your name?" I ask the still kneeling maid, in the hope that I can somehow fix the situation and get in my bath. "I am Tie'sha, my lady. A-at your service." The maid says, lowering her head.
"Nice to meet you, Tie'sha." I say, also bowing my head slightly and taking a step back from the maid. She finally gets to her feet, although she is still wet and water drips from her.
"What a mess..." Tie'sha mumbles to herself, looking down.
"Ah well, I'm not sure how to handle this, I just want a bath!" I say. Grabbing the side of the bathtub, I fling myself into the hot waters with a little squeal of delight, followed shortly by a nice big splash.
After spinning myself around under the water a few times, smiling from ear to ear and maybe looking slightly... just slightly crazy, I emerge above water again to find that Tie'sha is inspecting the clothes.
"Can they be salvaged?" I ask. In truth, the only reason I care about the clothes is because it will be hard to go eat honeycakes at the feast without them.
Tie'sha shakes her head slowly. "No... I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. How can I face mistress when I fail like this on my first day after training..."
Cocking my head to one side, I ask. "Can't you just go and get some new ones? Tell her that I didn't like these clothes. You don't have to tell her you got them wet."
Tie'sha looks at me, her ears twitching slightly as she fiddles nervously with the hem of her maid uniform. "Uhm... wouldn't that be lying?"
"Not at all! It is merely an interpretation of reality, nothing more, nothing less! Just a tiny bit of a prevaricative equivocation, but definitely not a lie, alright? Nevermind those clothes anyway, aren't you also a mess? Do you have a spare uniform lying around?"
Tie'sha once more looks down, embarrassed. "I don't..." she says, her voice almost a whisper.
"You know what Tie'sha?" I ask, suddenly sitting up straight in the bath and giving her a big smile. Tie'shi slowly shakes her head.
"I command you to come here and scrub my back in the bath. Forget about the clothes for now, just poke your head out the door and yell for another servant and explain to her what I require. And tell her to bring along a spare maid uniform for you. Problem solved, right?"
Tie'sha looks uncertain for a moment, but with a sigh she nods and goes back to perform the task like a dutiful minion should. Hopefully I don't need to build additional pylons to get an extra probe **cough** I mean maid.
I take a deep breath and lean back, submerging myself in the steamy hot water. Soon, a profound peace fills my heart and I can't help but smile. Not a wild crazy mad Alyce-chan smile, just a little smile of pure enjoyment and relaxation and peace. My little slice of heaven.
My spine tingles as every part of my body relaxes. From my head all the way down to my toes, I feel a great relaxation sweep over me. Closing my eyes, I just lay there on the bottom of the bathtub, enjoying the sensation of being submerged in the glorious hot water, the faint smile lingering.
... Suddenly, a hand breaks the surface of the water with a splash and I open my eyes just in time to see Tie'sha the maid grabbing at me, a desperate look on her face.
Oh... goddamn it, I forgot normal people breathe and stuff. It must look like I drowned or something.
I grab Tie'sha's hand and let her drag me up. "My lady!"
She shouts, pulling me towards her.
"I'm fine. I was just enjoying the bath. Please stop pulling on my arm or it will come off!" I reply. Tie'sha looks slightly abashed, but her brow furrows as she stares down at me. Oh dearie me, it looks like she is going to go into child scolding mode even though she's just a teenager and a newly hatched maidling at that.
Sure enough, she raises one finger in the air. "Now listen here young lady-yaaahh!"
I have no patience for that kind of thing right now, so I grab her wrist and pull, causing her to fall into the bath with a splash.
Tie'sha flails her arms around as she struggles to the surface. She just looks at me, her face blank. I reach out and subdue her with a quick nugi nugi on her ears, making her squirm slightly.
After petting her for awhile, I cock my head and ask. "Have you calmed down yet?"
Tie'sha nods obediently, still saying nothing.
"Well then, off with your clothes! It's time to scrubby scrub and clean ourselves. You'll be at the feast, right?"
At that, Tie'sha pauses. "Uhm, actually I'm not allowed... it's only for nobles of high standing and important guests like high ranked adventurers and mages from the tower..."
"Bummer. Aren't there servants at the party?" I ask. And Tie'sha nods her head.
"There are, but only the high ranking servants. I'm a newbie that just finished my fundamental training and I'm still leveling up my maid skills."
I cross my arms over my chest. "We will see. I think I'm gonna ask them if they could make you my personal servant at the party. I rather like you." I say.
And I like your ears and tail, they are so cute! I silently add in my head. This Tie'sha girl shall be the substitute for the sheep I saw at the entrance to Weimar. If I can't mofumofu the sheep, I can nugi-nugi the maid's animal ears instead. Yup.
I smile at the girl, and I can feel my face twitching slightly. Tie'sha's eyes widen and she leans her body away from me. "my...my lady?" It... it couldn't be that Tie'sha sensed a disturbance in the force? I thought I hid my devious nature quite well. Alyce-chan is a master of deception, you know?! I'm definitely not a clumsy airhead okay? Goddamn it!
"Ahen. Now then, why don't you help me get clean? It's been awhile since I've had a bath and to be honest I haven't been going to the cleanest places as of late."
Tie'sha leans over the edge of the tub, fiddling with a cabinet from which she manages to procure some pinkish goo in a clear potion-like bottle with a heart-shaped stopper. It looks like it smells of strawberries. Maybe it's made of sugar, spice and everything nice. Ohoho.
She hands me the curious powerpuff potion with a nod. "You've been travelling a lot Lady Alyce?"
"Uhuh, it feels like I've been travelling forever... but not without reason like some wandering samurai, you know?" I say, unstopping the soap potion and upending it over my head, letting the pink goo drip into my hair. It releases a sweet strawberry scent... and is that a trace of honey? With this, maybe Alyce-chan will become a powerpuff girl? Fufufu.
That trace of honey... serves as a great reminder of what my true mission here is. I cannot get distracted by the cute fluffy-eared maid. She is but a secondary quest objective in the grand scheme of things, a potential minion.
Tie'sha reaches over to wash my hair. As she scrubs, bubbles quickly form and duplicate themselves until they are everywhere.
Tie'sha giggles, sounding more like the teenage girl I knew her to be at first glance. "Hehe, lady Alyce you look so cute with bubbles in your hair." Tie'sha says, smiling down at me as she continues to wash my hair.