After my grand victory over the bonerlord lars rick, I went back to the cave. The people were suspicious of me because of my necromancy, but Ren-kun and his family vouched for me so it ended well. After that, the soldiers, civilians, Ren-kun and my minions all had a meeting. I was very bored so I fell asleep on Tie'sha's lap almost immediately. While I was eating honeycakes in my dreamland, it seems they decided to travel to Larlen. I only drooled a little bit by the way! Only a little, okay? Goddamn it!
Anyway, it seems that Ghesten was a smaller town on the way to Larlen, but it has been completely sacked by the bonerlord. This group I'm with right now are the surviving refugees from Weimar and Ghesten. Larlen still stands proud and strong, apparently. I'm a little bit excited because Larlen has the strong adventurer Grom told me about earlier, the guy with the level of over 600. But at the same time, I'm a little bit scared. What if the old man decides to attack me because I am dead?
This amazing logic of mine leads me to conclude that I must get stronger. However, I have only just registered as an adventurer. I haven't even completed a single job yet! Shaymful disprey!
Of course, the Alyce-chan party conquered a bigly big caravan and we are currently riding behind Ren-kun's black carriage. I am sitting in the front seat next to Tie'sha, and Grom is driving the carriage, deftly handling the two horses hitched to it. In the back of my carriage, I have stored my snacks.
Ahen.
The number of snacks have increased by two, but I think Hal and Áithne have potential to join my future adventurer's party, so perhaps I should save them for later like Grom and Tie'sha. However, the Alyce-chan jury is currently suspending judgment until further evidence has been uncovered. What evidence is that you ask?! That Hal and Áithe are delicious snacks that I should save for later, of course.
Anyway, as our little procession of derelicts is proceeding down the road, snaking its way through a mountain-range surrounded by trees on either side... I am bored.
“Grom, lend me your glowstick.” I ask, holding out my hand. My big dwarf doesn't even question my order and just hands it over like a good, obedient minion. Fufufu, he is coming along nicely even though I haven't shot him with the Alyce-chan beam of corruption yet.
Yes yes.
There will be time for corruption later, for now it's time to liven up this boring road-show!
“Yaaah!” I yell, jumping to my feet and raising the glowing blue sword to the skies. Some of the sleeping snacks in the back awake with a start, but I don't care about them.
“Ahen ahen.” I clear my throat. “Now, my faithful minions. Since I am bored, it is time for the Alyce-chan karaoke! Does anyone know a traveling ditty?” I look around expectantly, only to be greeted by a phalanx of blank eyed stares.
Ah, beard-san is swaying in the wind.
But I don't think beard-san knows any traveling songs. Suddenly, a girl snack raises a hand like she is in class. It's that black haired girl that Grom brought with him from Weimar. Uh... what was her name again? Ravioli? Revan? Riv... river-chan! Ahen. Ah yes, her name was Rivanna, wasn't it?
“Yes, Rivanna?” I say. By now, my stance with the sword held high is starting to threaten my balance and I don't want to fall down and look inelegant, so I reluctantly lower my glowstick.
“Lady Alyce, what... is karaoke?”
Suddenly, my shoulders droop in dejection. “Ah... of course you don't know. There isn't even a karaoke-box anywhere... although Grom's nose sucking in the nosehair sometimes makes a snorting sound, I don't think the beat will be enough for a song.” I say.
“The fuck are you talking about lass, leave me nose alone, I trimmed me beard last night with a dagger.” Grom says.
Swiftly, I reorient myself in his direction and point at him. “How devious! If you trim the beard, then beard-chan has even less surface area with which to absorb breadcrumbs to eat and gain sentience. Cunning indeed. Fufufu, as expected of my hairy meat pie. Good good. Although you should stop playing with your dagger at night too much.” I say, turning back to my other minions. They are all staring at me now, some of them with dislocated jaws.
“I suppose I should give a demonstration.” I say and hand the glowstick back to Grom.
“Karaoke is when you take turns singing! I will start.” I say. For a moment, I deliberate over what to sing because I don't have any background music. In the end, I decide to use the melody for white christmas.
“I'm dreaming of a honeyed cake. Just like the ones I used to know. Where the caketops glisten, and the children listen! To hear flakes of gold, on cakes of old! Ahen... Yes. May all your cakes be honeyed and gold, together we shall travel to the delishas kingdom of old.” I sing, happily swaying back and forth to a melody nobody else can hear. Even I can't hear the melody.
But I am definitely very sane.
I finish my improvised song with a little flourish and a bow. “Okay! Now it's your turn! If you don't know a song just make it up.” I say.
“Like you did?” Grom asks. I feel my face heating up, but I am absolutely not blushing, you know? I'm not, alright?!
“Ah, I only made up the part about the honeycakes.” I answer confidently, nodding to myself smugly as I activate my deception skill.
“Wasn't that the whole song?” Tie'sha asks. My face only grows redder. “Ss-so what! It's not as if you could do any better if you just made up a song on the spot! You would just start singing about how you love late night nugi-nugi or how you like to suck my...” Realizing what I was about to say, I immediately stop. Nugi-nugi is fine, but Tie'sha's odd fetishes are a bit too embarrassing and I don't want my other snacks to know about it. Thankfully, I averted the crisis by clutch-pressing the reset button.
Yes, let's continue while ignoring that.
“Grom would sing about his daily battles with beard-san or how many ways he could kill his sister and present her to me as a snack. For example.” Nodding to myself, I feel like I have finished something important so I turn around to face Ren-kun's carriage in front, and sit back down with a satisfied feeling in my tummy.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
I can't help but smile a bit to myself as I am not bored any longer. However, Ren-kun's head is now poking out of the side of his carriage. He is staring wide-eyed at me with a cute blush on his delectable little cheeks. I still kind of want to eat them because that soft white flesh just seems so delicious, like juicy cotton candy.
Ah, since he is still staring at me, now might be a good time to surprise him. Quickly before he can look away, I attack him with a tehepero. His eyes widen further and the blush deepens. Fufufu. Next, I pull out my secret weapon, the ahegao double peace!
My old friend does not disappoint and soon, Ren-kun's eyes go all white and roll back as his head disappears from the window. Perhaps.. the ahegao was too much? Or double peace-sama was too cute? Ah wait...
I wonder if butlerman did something to Ren-kun in the carriage? Yeah, he must've. That... definitely wasn't my fault. I only set the Alyce-chan beam to 10% of its destructive power! It's fine, you know? I did not corrupt the shota, okay? Goddamn it!
Ahen.
Now, I wonder why my minions are silent. My karaoke should've induced them to start singing for me but they are all silent and stuff.
“Ah, I wanted karaoke to ameliorate our condition of quaint silence but nobody is singing.” I say, leaning back. Behind me, Áithne speaks up. “My lady, your voice was amazing. I thought my singing could compare to the siren's song but... now I have no confidence left.”
Ah, even though I am just an amateur, seaweed-chan was kind enough to praise my clumsy attempt at singing. Ehehe, Alyce-chan is a little bit happy.
“Alright! I've decided.” I say. “When we get to Lalaromp city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, we will make an adventurer's party and many a traveling ditty! Seaweed-chan and Battousai, what do you say? Do you want to join the dank side of the dwarf?!” I ask excitedly.
Of course, they don't answer immediately. Such a serious question needs to be considered carefully before they can give me an answer. Of course, I also need to sort out my Witch coven. The first member is going to be Tie'sha, but she is still a fresh young teenage mutant ninja beastmaid, so she requires some training in the dungeon before she can satisfy me.
After I make Tie'sha a witch in my coven, I would like to grab a seaweed flavored snack. She has nice healing abilities and her favorite element seems to be water. I can make her the main water witch, and I will be the fire witch... hmm, or maybe death witch? I don't have that class though, so maybe I will stick with fire. After rebelling against the evil tyranny of system-chan and breaking past level 99 into level wan handred, I could set my third class. According to my status table, I only have one class slot left.
The trouble is that I don't remember when I get to choose the next class! It is probably at least after I reach level 300, so I have some ways to go. Therefore, let's appoint the Alyce-chan as supreme fire-loli witch in addition to her role as overloli. Yes, that sounds goodly good.
Lost in my ponderings, I teleport up the road conveniently until I see smoke rising in the distance. It seems we're coming up on the smoldering ruins of Ghesten. Several soldier guards on their horses mumble sadly to themselves about their losses.
I can indeed relate. No doubt Ghesten also lost their candy apple seller and maybe even their honeycake cook! Boner-kun really did commit a terrible travesty. It was good that Alyce-chan crushed and ate the boner, yes yes.
I wonder if it's Alyce-chan's turn to commit an atrocity? I am not sure we are currently strong enough to delve into the depths of this world's moria and slay the evil firebreathing dwarf dragon queen, so I will probably stop over at Larlen to level up my minions and solidify my witch coven in the mean time. I just have to be careful. This world definitely has a church and any medieval church no doubt has inquisitors! Please stop the witch burning, goddamn it! Come to think of it, perhaps I should destroy the church of the god of light or whatever that bastards name was. You know, the fucker who dared to curse me?! How dare he curse me when I am just a cute little corpse-loli!
Hmm, yes. I have many goals. Many things on my to do list. But the first condition is to become stronger, and to make my minions stronger as well.
Riding in to the still smoking wreckage that used to be Ghesten town, our procession is quiet. We've traveled for awhile and it's night-time. The soldiers are debating whether or not they should camp here. Oh, butlerman emerged from the Ren-kun carriage. It seems he is taking charge.
After they talked strategy for awhile, our big group decides to camp on the outskirts of Ghesten, so we ride through the destroyed city and emerge on the other side.
In the distance, the moon hangs brightly over snowy mountain-tops, bathing the big titties of mother earth with it's gentle, lambent silver disco lights. Agepoyo agepoyo, it's camping time!
“Grom, I command you to steer our mighty vessel away from the plebs so we can make our own campsite!”
Of course, my minion obeys. Meanwhile, Hal and Áithne take the minor snacks to the big camp and liberate some tents from them to carry back. I take this most opportune moment to thoroughly Nugi-nugi Tie'sha. “My, my lady! Nnnh.” She squirms and wurms. The minor snacks return with our tents just in time to catch Tie'sha's bright red face as she excuses herself, running to the treeline to powder her nose.
“Lass, don't be too hard on her will ye?” Grom mutters quietly. I get a sudden, violent urge to eat candy apples in front of Grom with my tongue, but thankfully I am a master of self-control, so I suppress the urge. Good thing too, because there are no candy apples here! Ah, I lament for their lack.
“I know, I forget that not everyone is dead. You know, when I was in Weimar at the honeycake dispenser house, I got to take a bath! But I forgot that normal people breathe, so I submerged myself in the water long enough to make Tie'sha panic. I think that was the first time I worried her.” I tell Grom. Tie'sha is coming back now, but it seems Rivanna and the other kids want to go too.
They are staring at me and waiting. Go! Why are you waiting for my approval? I am not your school master. Hmm. But I guess I am the overloli, so perhaps it makes sense for them to look to me for guidance.
I try waving my hand in a queenly manner. It's good to practice my wrist movements for later.
“Go on then.” I say.
Grom gets off the caravan cart thing we've been riding on to go and help put the tents up. I go as well. Crouching down beside my bearded minion, I grab myself a field-camping package and happily tot tot over to an empty lot to begin the assembling procedure.
“Wh-what the hell is this!” I shout. “The goddamn sticks don't fit together, and what's with this canvas thingie huh?” Frustrated, I grab a stick and try to fit it to the canvas, poking the stick into the canvas again and again to no avail. “Why won't you accept stick-kun, stupid canvas bitch! Accept it! Accept it!” I say, struggling to piece the tent together. With trembling hands and the clack swish of sticks and canvas, I struggle in vain...
A wild Tie'sha approaches. She is smiling smugly at me with her cute red lips, and her ears are twitching. “Gah, this thing is harder to assemble than fucking Ikea furniture!” I tell her.
“Do you need help with that, my lady?”
“N-no, not really. I was just checking the tent-kit! Who do you think I am? Of course, the great Alyce-chan overloli would not debase herself by attempting to assemble a camping tent, you know?”
Tie'sha walks over to where I am kneeling, and with a smile she reaches down and pats my head. “Yes yes, Lady Alyce. You're as insincere as ever. So cute” Tie'sha says as she absentmindedly rubs my head and ruffles my hair. Then her cheeks redden. “Ahh, I mean, uh... What, what's ikea furniture?!”
Hmm, for a moment there, I thought Tie'sha admitted that she was a lesbianism because she called me cute. I guess she was just wondering about Ikea furniture.
“Ahen. Listen well Tie'sha. Ikea furniture is a great puzzle. Something made by the evil god of furniture to confuse and confuzzle unwary souls. You see, sometimes parts are missing! Other times, there are too many parts and you don't know where they all fit. It's a hell!”
“My lady, I don't really get it, but here, let me take care of our tent.” Tie'sha says. I think she just casually dropped something dangerous in there, but I could be mistaken. Our tent, she said. Will... will Alyce-chan be assaulted? It, it is a risk I am willing to take! After all, Tie'sha will be a good pillow. And she smells very sweet and delicious after a day of travel. Not that I am starting to become addicted to her smell. Alyce-chan is a very pure and innocent woman, you know? I am definitely not a pervert, okay? Goddamn it!
Anyway, it seems Grom gets a tent to himself because he is so big. Maybe he will use his dagger again. Like me and Tie'sha, Áithne and Hal are also going to share a tent. Perhaps Hal intends to practice late night battoujutsu on seaweed-chan.
Ahen.
As for my case, they say you can't put the same shoe on every foot, but in Tie'sha's case she wouldn't want to do that. Instead, she would want to take the shoes off. Ah, perhaps she will indulge in the late night one woman DJ show after she has unveiled my feet? Let's ignore that possibility!
It is risky, but my Tie'sha is nice and lovely and smells mouthwateringly sweet after a long day of travel. She is also a soft and nice pillow, so this time I shall allow our cohabitation. If I cling to her really tightly, then she won't be able to do embarrassing things, right? That's why... let's hug her tightly tonight and sniff her surreptitiously. I-I mean... uh, re-reset button! I quickly press it, so stop looking at me like I am a dubious woman. I am perfectly normal, okay? Goddamn it!
“O-okay Tie'sha. It is after all a maid's duty to attend to her master, so I will allow you to be my pillow tonight.” I say, accepting it.
It slightly annoys me that Tie'sha is so quick to erect the tent. It took her all of a couple of minutes! Oi, Tie'sha! I know I should be proud of my lovely servant's proficiency, but still! You're outshining your master here! Naughty Tie'sha. Perhaps I can sneak in a quick nugi-nugi before bed, but I have to be careful not to aggro Tie'sha too hard, because if I get her into the enrage phase, there is no telling what kind of embarrassing things she will do to my body while I am asleep.
It is important for Alyce-chan to get a good nights sleep, because who knows what kind of amazing honeycakes the future holds? Lalaromp city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty, is my next destination, and it definitely has something delicious for me to eat! It definitely has, okay? Goddamn it!