I gently pick up the neatly folded cyan serviette, using it to dab daintily at the side of my mouth where a bit of drool has accumulated.
It is quite unfortunate, but due to how incredibly boring the first part of the evening was, I ended up falling asleep. I woke up with a start when the other guests clapped and the stage performers got down from the wooden podium on which they were writhing about earlier. God, that was a traumatic performance.
By the way, I am wearing a quite expensive white dress that makes me look ominously like a bride at a wedding, along with very nice silver ear-rings set with two small emeralds. I hope I get to keep them, fufufu.
Upon arrival, I overwhelmed Ren-kun with my amazing charm and he was taken away by his parents, face bright red as a tomato and stammering like a virgin. Though I suppose it's only fair, him being 12 and all...
Luckily they had to sit front and center and pretend to enjoy the horrible podium performance of scantily clad men and women performing a bizarre dance and making weird animal noises. I thought I had left that sort of ridiculous nonsense behind in my old world, but it seems that even here... such grotesque abominations exist. It's enough to make you want to commit a little bit of genocide.
Anyway, right now I'm extremely excited because the performance has come to an end and the butlerman has just announced that it's time to feast!
By the way, I have a whole table to myself in the corner... I know what you're thinking. Surely they put me in a corner because I am too amazingly cute and would attract too much attention, but the truth is that due to Tie'sha being an entry level maid I had to compromise.
But it's actually not a compromise... I love this deal!
"Sha, sha!" I shout, waving my cyan serviette drenced in drool at the approaching Tie'sha. I can't help but bounce up and down on my seat a few times because she is bringing a huge tray full of honeycakes... hahaha! Happiness is overflowing.
UNLIMITED CAKE!
Ahen.
Yes.
"Here you go my Lady, the high-chefs goldflaked honeycakes as requested." Tie'sha says, her tone formal. I sense an ominous presence and turning my eye to the shadows. I can see a few ninja-like maids observing Tie'sha closely from the shadows. I narrow my eyes at them and a look of surprise flashes across their face before they hurriedly bow and take their leave. Good good. Go away! Tie'sha is mine alone.
I puff out my chest and raise my head into the air. "Tie'sha, I command you to sit in the chair opposite me and eat honeycakes with me." I say trying to make my tone sound imperious and noble.
Tie'sha once again gains a nervous expression, looking around with confusion for a moment before realizing she is no longer being scrutinized by shadowy ninja-maids.
She sighs and seats herself opposite me. Our table is a small, round thing barely big enough to contain the enormous silver platter on which rests the grand treasure into which I am about to dig!
But that's fine. I've eaten rotten skeleton corpse out of a fulgurite sandbowl... and worse things off of a blood covered battlefield... Whats a cramped table to me, huh? Well, let's not dwell on the past when there are honeycakes to eat.
"Tie'sha!" I shout. "Ye-yes my lady?" My little fluffy-eared maid says, sitting up straight.
"Join me, and together we will eat the honeycakes as father and son!" I say, raising a fist in the air and shaking it a few times.
Tie'sha looks very confused, I grin up at her, showing my fangs and winking at her before I grab one of the honeycakes from the platter. Its golden crust is glistening with a hint of sticky honey and on that sticky honey-covered surface there are golden sugarflakes. Oh my gah! I fight against the drool, but it's a futile battle which I soon lose.
The honeycake is about the size of that thing you put those industrial coffee cups on to spare the table. You know those stupid cups with way too small handles? Even as a woman with slender and elegant fingers in my previous life, I wasn't able to fit a finger through that tiny handle. Truly ridiculous.
Anyway, the honeycake is the size of a small plate, so I hold it with two hands and raise it to my mouth, all the while shaking with anticipation. I can feel the drool running out the side of my mouth like a small waterfall, but there is little I can do about that right now.
I wrap my lips around the edge of the honeycake, a sweet sugary taste already sizzling my tastebuds. The amount of drool increases. I think I might've let out a weird laugh. Looking up at Tie'sha just staring at me with her mouth half open, I shrug.
**Munch**
**Nom**
I bite down and the crunchy yet soft and sticky texture is just too amazing! I let out a little sound. HNNNNG! And continue to eat, to munch and crunch and drool all over the place until nothing is left of my first honeycake.
Swallowing the last bit of honeycake, a huge smile spreads on my face. ”Oh my gah! That was so good. Tie'sha I command you to try one of those immediately! Go on, eat. You must eat!” I say, giving her puppy eyes. It looks like Tie'sha wants to say something, but looking at my still smiling face and wide puppy eyes she decides against it. With a sigh, she bites into a honeycake of her own.
Soon her eyes go wide and she starts desperately eating the honeycake like a wild beast. When it's all gone, she looks down at her hands in disbelief, then shakes her head as if she's waking up from a strange trance.
I point a small, sticky with honey, finger in her direction. ”Naive! You must not underestimate the power of the honeycake! What was with that sigh, huh? What kind of attitude is that!” I say. Tie'sha lowers her head, a tinge of red on her cheeks as her ears twitch slightly. Ah, my cyute Tie'sha, I forgib you!
I notice that the background buzz of people making conversation in the banquet hall... has lessened considerably. Slowly, I lower my finger to the table and look out at the room, dread filling my heart. Sure enough, many many people are looking over at me. Some look like they are about to fart, but most look like they can barely contain their laughter, their eyes almost mocking me! How dare they mock me?! I should go over there and eat them. Ah, but the honeycakes...
”My.. my lady...” Tie'sha says quietly, almost in a whisper.
”What is it, my honeycake apprentice?” I say, regaining some of my confidence as the room shrugs collectively and goes back to their own meals and conversations.
”You... on your face... and... drool...” Tie'sha says, her words nearly inaudible.
”My face what? Don't tell me it melted off again? I don't have enough biomass to rebuild it right now--” Suddenly realizing what I'm saying, I shut my mouth.
Tie'sha looks confused, but once more she shakes herself from the stupor and gets to her feet with a sigh.
She walks around the table, grabbing the infamous cyan serviette on the way and turning it inside out, spitting on it! A look of horror comes over my face and I squirm anxiously in the chair. Oh no, it's the grandmother maneuver!
As Tie'sha approaches, she tsks at me. Actually tsks!
”On your nose.” She says, using the spit-laden serviette to clean my nose. ”On your cheeks.”
…
”On your mouth. So many crumbs...” Tie'sha continues. Then she looks down. ”And on your neck... drool.”
...
”And on the dress, a bit too...sticky. Let me get another serviette for you, just a moment.”
...
Tie'sha replenishes her supply of cyan serviettes and continues to wipe off my dress and my face using the age old grandma spit technique, the horror of which I had thought would never again return to haunt me in my dreams.
Fortunately, that which she applies to my face and dress is a cute fluffy-eared maid's saliva, not an old withered woman's vomitous secretions. I guess that's why its bearable, but still!
Once Tie'sha has finished with me, she steps back and admires her handiwork, pride evident on her smugly smirking face. Just you wait... later, I'll nugi-nugi you until you beg for mercy.
I cross my arms over my chest, turn my head away and harumph. ”I... I wasn't that much of a mess.” Tie'sha opens her mouth. ”I wasn't that much of a mess, okay? Goddamn it!” I say, causing the maid to jump and take a step back, but then she starts laughing and walks over to me, patting me on the head.
”You're still a child aren't you, my lady.” Tie'sha says as she ruffles my hair. She seems a bit too pleased with herself, so I look up at her. I make sure to hold eye-contact as I bring my hands in front of my face and slowly-slowly make a nugi-nugi motion with my index and thumb as I just stare at her.
Gradually, Tie'sha's face pales and a small smile creeps unto my lips as I mouthe 'later'. Tie'sha shivers in fear for awhile, but then I decide to relent because there are more honeycakes awaiting destruction on the silver platterfield below.
“Tie'sha, take a look at the war map.” I say, motioning to the silver platter still full of honeycakes. The maid turns her head towards the table with a look of confusion. I get up off my chair and start to slowly walk in a circle around the table, hand outstretched as I gesture towards it.
“As you can see, the troops of the delishyas kingdom are still plentiful! I think that we should resume our attack upon the honeycake troops immediately. What do you say, my advisor?” I stop, looking over at Tie'sha who stands beside her chair gaping at me. Then she shakes herself.
“Ah yes... ermm... I think we should shu-shyume the att-attack.. lady alyce.” Tie'sha says, her face growing a nice shade of pink though it's hard to fathom why. My behaviour is perfectly normal, so there should be no problem, right?
“Well then, I shall garrison my Tie'sha reserves on the northern side, and take up command of the southern attack force myself.” I say, motioning for Tie'sha to sit down as I walk over and also sit.
We sit in silence for a few seconds before I realize that my faithful subordinate is waiting for her general to give the order to attack. When I notice this, I immediately raise my hand in the air and point with one finger. Then slowly, slowly let my finger drop through the air and when it hits the side of the plate with a dull thwonk I say “Attack!” And quickly grab a honeycake.
I'm happy to see that Tie'sha does the same.
We eat honeycakes in silence for a time, listening to the dull buzz of conversations all around. I'm glad we're in this corner away from the main party so that I can focus on eating honeycakes. After about ten, Tie'sha looks quite stuffed and her face is sticky with honey and crumbs sticking to it. My own face is no doubt the same kind of sticky mess as hers. I smile at her and she smiles back, then she starts swaying, holding one hand up to cover her mouth just before she burps and starts coughing.
“It-it's nothing, lady Alyce. Just a bit thirsty...” Just when Tie'sha says that, there is another clappy clap and announcement from butlerman in the background. Soon after, servants appear like a horde, carrying trays to all of the guests. When we get our tray, I see that it's filled with two large cups of some purple fruity liquid and beside the drinks there are some faintly glowing grapes.
“Eh, radioactive fruit?” I ask. “Nevermind, it's probably magic.” Tie'sha nods, but says nothing as she quickly grabs one of the drinks and gulps it down like a seasoned mead guzzler. Her eyes go wide and she makes a small noise. “mmm, this is really good Aly- I mean Lady Alyce. You should try it!” Tie'sha says with a smile, now slowly cleaning herself up after the battle of the delishyas kingdom against the elite honeycake army.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
The whole room seems to be toasting and drinking the purple liquid, but my battle has yet to come to an end!
With small trembling hands sticky with honey, I reach for another honeycake and munch hnng. After about 10 minutes I've achieved total victory over the delishyas kingdom's honeycake troops so I quickly lick my fingers to get the most sticky honey off, then I grab the big goblet with the purple fruit liquid and glub glug it down.
...
...
...
Due to Poison immunity, you have resisted the level 8 Jarvice sleeping draft!
My eyes widen and I quickly spit out what little of the purple liquid I have left in my mouth and drop the goblet. As I look up, I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's been 10 minutes since everyone drank this... Sure enough, I look up to find that Tie'sha has completely passed out, her head lolling to the side and her arms dangling limply.
Shit! I bend over the table and pretend that I'm also falling asleep, but I turn my head sideways and glance out at the banquet hall. It seems most of the guests are out.
This is bad, real bad. Ren-kun and his noble family are all unconscious and so are the servants and guards. I don't know what that drink was about, but it was some sort of traditional toast to good health so everyone participated. Out the corner of my eye, I spot butlerman staggering towards a door, his hand gripping a dagger, but it doesn't look like he will make it.
Before butlerman reaches the door, it opens by itself and a cold chill spreads into the room making me shiver even though I'm sitting in the corner far away from it. Wait... why the hell are there no emergency exits near me! I'm totally hemmed in here, fucks sake.
I clench my fists to keep them from shaking. No way in hell I'm being captured again. Never again. My basement days are behind me, or should I say, beneath me?
Then I hear the rattling of bones and from the door I see the first skeleton clacking its way into the room. It's not carrying a weapon, but that doesn't make the situation any less bad. Everyone is asleep!
More and more skeletons pile into the room and two for one, the skeletons grab the sleeping people and carry them back through the door. They've only taken a few old fat noble men and women so far, but they'll soon be at Ren-kun's table. I wanna fight them... I wanna help... but can I do that? I narrow my eye at the weaponless skeletons hoping to get a level prompt or something.
D rank, lvl 62. Skeletal servant of Lichlord Lazarik
D rank, lvl 61. Skeletal servant of Lichlord Lazarik
Hmm. It looks like they are in the level 60 range. Wait, this inspection thing... why can't I use it on people but only on those monsters? I look over at the sleeping Tie'sha, narrow my eyes and try it again, but to no avail.
The skeletons carry off another pair of nobles... I'm running out of time here and I don't know what to do! To be honest, it feels like I can take them, but I don't know if there are more waiting outside the room or if bonelicker Lazarik is waiting outside.
No, this should be a stealth operation. They wouldn't want to start a big fight in the middle of a settlement like this without their main forces. That's why they used sleeping draft and are kidnapping these nobles, perhaps for ransom...
Goddamn it Alyce, what have you gotten yourself into?!
I look over at the sleeping and defenseless Tie'sha, the unconscious Ren-kun and his parents and I make a decision. Taking a deep breath, I prepare for battle, making sure to delegate my notifications for later so I don't get ping overload in the midst of battle.
If worse comes to worst, I can use my summons to distract while I retreat, but for now Alyce-chan is going to destroy some boners! I force myself to smile as I slowly get to my feet. The dumb skeletons take no notice of me as I single them out as targets. They are only D rank, no + marks next to them like I have. I've got 4 + marks and I'm hoping that means I'm a lot stronger than normal.
Still, I can't attack them frivolously with fire and AoE spells in here or I will hurt the nobles and set the building on fire...
I reach out both of my small hands and point them towards the two skeletons carrying off an old maid lady.
[Drain life] [Drain life].
Two dark red rays shoot from my hands, moving like whipsnakes towards their targets with a strange buzz of power. When my spell hits the two skeletons, they immediately freeze and drop the maid. I continue channeling the two drain life spells and soon notice that my red rays are sucking out some pale green energy from the skeletons. After a few seconds, the first of the skeletons falls to pieces, the second following suit right after.
Then the energy hits me and I notice it. It feels the same as before. It's death energy. I feel full of vigor, but I also feel that my mana has been drained pretty quickly. A costly but effective spell against low HP noob minions. In starcraft these skeletons would be like workers I think.
The other skeletons take notice and drop their cargo, charging at me with raised skeletal fists. There's... way too many of them for my drain life spell. Gritting my teeth, I dual summon.
[Summon Rare imp] [Summon Raven] And will my two most powerful summons to come. My original Raven-chan GPS pops out of a distortion in the air and Zan appears in a firey flash, bringing with him his characteristic sulfuric smell.
“No time to explain, go hold them up for me!” I shout, and my summons obey, flinging themselves out to meet the charging skeletons.
Death energy is what makes those skeletons move... Should I try that? Zan and Raven-chan looks like they can hold them for awhile, so it should be okay even if I fail.
[Death Energy Absorption] [Death Energy Absorption] I dual cast on two skeletons that are trying to sneak around Raven-chan's flank. Almost immediately, the green death energy is sucked from the skeletons. With my will, I drag the energy from the skeletons and draw it into me, merging it with my mana the same way I did before. Bereft of the death energy holding their bones together, the two skeletons fall to pieces.
Zan smashes a couple of boners with his fists. It seems he's realized it's not a good idea to use fire indoors when we're trying to save a bunch of people.
[Death Energy Absorption] [Death Energy Absorption] I take out another duo of skeletons and draw their energy into myself. Wahaha, this is pretty good. I don't even have to use mana for this since it's instantly replenished by the death energy I absorb! Too bad you brought undead to fight me. Alyce-chan is overpowered vs undead, you know?
But definitely not a mary sue, okay? Goddamn it!
Raven-chan hacks at a skeleton with her beak and the skull explodes, splintering to pieces. Wow, raven-chan is pretty strong too. As expected of my original GPS, it's the best after all.
“Yes, keep up the good work! Destroy the unworthy boners!” I shout, casting another two [Death Energy Absorption] [Death Energy Absorption].
Soon, the banquet hall fills with silence as all twenty skeletons are reduced to piles of bones on the floor. Uhm... they were lvl 60 and yet it was so easy to kill them. I guess level isn't everything in this world. It seems skills and stats help a lot and since I have... quite a few points in int, that buffs my magic beyond what a normal low level should have.
Plus, those skeletons were just cargo transport minions similar to workers in starcraft. They probably possess no real combat ability. I mean, they didn't have any weapons or armor, so yeah I probably shouldn't feel too good about dispatching them even though they outlevel me by a bit.
I walk over to Ren-kun's table and quickly check his pulse, ignoring his parents. If he's alive they should be too, and thankfully he is. “Zan, Raven-chan, stay here and protect them. I will chase...” I trail off as I see butlerman staggering to his feet and coughing, looking around with glazed eyes for a moment before he spots me.
Butlerman narrows his eyes and starts towards me, dagger in hand. Quickly, Zan and Raven-chan move out towards him, detecting a threat. “Wait, wait Raven-chan, Zan, don't attack.” At the sound of my voice, butlerman and my minions freeze, though butlerman is still on guard.
I look over at him hoping that I wont have to fight him. He seems way, way stronger than the skeletons. I remember he used to be a former adventurer, so maybe that's why.
“They already took a few of the nobles, maybe we can still catch up to them since the skeletons move slowly.” I say, walking out infront of my minions to meet butlerman. He looks at me warily and I stop before him. “Why... are you unaffected? This deception... you're with them?” He says, narrowing his eyes. I sigh.
“No, Sebastian. I am not with the Lich. I would've killed you in your sleep if I was. Plus, if I was with the Lich why would I fight the skeletons, huh? Don't be stupid now.”
Butlerman frowns at me, blinking a few times and probably trying to clear his head. He nods. “Yes, makes sense. But why are you not unconscious. That sleeping draft even took me out and I've got poison resistance level 3.”
“I'm immune to poisons... and that was something called Jarvice sleeping draft level 8, so if you only have level 3 resistance it's no wonder it got you.” I remark as I stroll past him. He lets out a grunt but I can hear him following behind me. Then I realize I have no idea where the skeletons took the other nobles and turn back to Sebastian. “You know the way better than I do.” I say, motioning for him to take the lead. He does so and I turn back to my minions.
“I'll be fine, just make sure to guard Ren and Tie'sha. Take them away if you have to but guard them with your lives, okay?” I shout, then turn and follow behind Butlerman. I am saving ren for later, and I think Tie'sha might make a good minion. I need a personal attendant, you know?
Butlerman leads me through several corridors before we come to a fork, a meeting of two corridors. Butlerman frowns and looks to me.
“I can't sense their tracks well enough to tell which way...” he says, his voice strained. “They could either have gone deeper into the building to try and get out the back way... or go straight towards the main exit. Hmm.” Butlerman muses.
I close my eyes and reach out with my senses like a Sith master, trying to feel the death energy. I feel it most strongly from the left corridor. “That way.” I say. I get a quick raised eyebrow, but butlerman seems to accept my decision and we move swiftly onwards.
As we run down another corridor towards the main exit, I begin wondering if I sensed it wrong. After all, those skeletons can't have moved that quickly, though the battle did take awhile... but still. Soon we reach the exit and outside I can feel the death energy from the skeletons more strongly.
We burst out the door. Some 30 odd skeletons are in the large driveway loading sleeping nobles onto an eerie looking cart like they are dead bodies. Two rotting horses stand ready to drag the nobles off to who knows where, and the driver, an ominous black hooded figure waits for the last noble body.
When they notice us, some of the skeletons draw weapons while the weaponless worker skeletons ready their fists. As they unload the last noble, the hooded driver cracks a whip and the zombie horses neigh as the cart starts moving.
Butlerman seems to panic. “NO!” he shouts. “We can't let them get away! Those nobles are our responsibility, if they get away the Corneliáves family will get the blame!” Sebas starts suicide sprinting towards the horde of skeletons in a desperate attempt to reach the driver of the corpse-cart.
He won't make it in time. I don't really care about the Corneliáves family, but Ren-kun took me to eat honeycakes so I owe him a great debt and these skullfuckers almost stole my Tie'sha, not to mention the way they interfered with my Lintball expedition. Therefore, I am not inclined to let them do as they please.
“Don't think you can get away so easily!” I shout, stretching both my hands towards the cart.
[Fire wall] [Fire wall] [Fire wall] [Fire wall] I spam cast Fire wall and pour as much mana into the spell as I can, a maniacal smile on my face as I realize that the moon is out and that I'm at full power. In the distance, an enormous curtain of flame rises from the earth and encloses the area, making it look like the horizon is burning.
I'm a bit cool.
My firewall is almost 10 metres tall, it's awesome! But it's a bit thin and cartman is not slowing down, so I focus on the area where he is aiming to break through and cast a few more [Fire wall] [Fire wall] behind my original firewall, making that area into a no-go zone of firey death.
Even though I'm at full strength, the blazing fire wall inferno that I've created has taken more than 50 percent of my considerable mana pool and made me feel a bit dizzy-wizzy... I used a lot, but I guess that's why butlerman is staring at me with his mouth hanging open. Che, this isn't the time to be admiring me, butt man! There are still 30 skeletons about to rip our faces off, you know?
“Hey Sebas, tank those skeletons for me will ya?” I say and he nods, turning back to towards the charging skeletons and brandishing his dagger. It's a jagged thing, looks like a kris. Butlerman seems to be more of a rogue type, but that's fine since these are only low level 60 skeleton minions. The warrior skeletons with weapons and shields are in the 80 range though, but there are only about 10 of them. Still, butlerman doesn't look too confident so let's give him some help, shall we?
I point my hand at a spot near my feet infront of me [Summon fire Elemental], quickly, flame spreads on the ground drawing a pentagram, and a being of fire answers my call. There is little time to admire the swirling being of flame because Sebas is about to engage 30 skeletons by himself.
Do you wish to bind the fire elemental Elishmael the living flame to your service? Note, with your skill level you can only have one fire elemental bound to your service.
Yes! I quickly will myself to accept the prompt and as soon as I do so, I feel a link between me and the swirling ball of flames. As I watch, it takes a more humanoid shape. It looks more like a small human made of flame, without legs or face. “Go after the cart guy!” I say. The hooded man is doing something and trying to erase my fire wall with some black smokey magic. The flames of my elemental respond with a roar and it sets off to disrupt cartman's magic and prevent his escape.
The 30 skeletons are now upon butlerman. He weaves and dodges and kills one here and there with swift stabs of his jagged dagger. As I thought, he is quite good but he still looks like he could use some help against the horde of boners descending upon him. Cocking my head, I look over my skills and smile. Alyce-chan is amazing after all, you know? I've got so many good spells. This is a nice time to try some more of them out.
[Curse of Weakness] [Fire Enchantment: Target Sebastian's dagger]
An eerie howl rips through the air and an orange haze appears out of nowhere, clinging to all of the skeletons. I feel a lot of my mana disappearing. Damn, I'm down to only 20 percent, but it seems like I managed to use Curse of weakness AoE, neat!
Sebastian starts one-hitting skeletons left, right and center with his now flaming dagger. The frontline of skeleton warriors are crumbling, but a few are off to the side flanking Sebastian. He should be fine. But just as I think that, Sebastian turns his back fully on the skeletons and continues to lay into the others. Does he not see the squad of three skeleton warriors coming towards him?
I don't have time to shout for him to beware. The skeletons are already at his back, their swords moving to stab him. Gathering as much mana as I can, I reach out to the three swords heading for Sebastians back [Telekinesis] [Telekinesis] [Telekinesis] I triple cast for the first time, willing my mana to take control of the swords like I did with the grains of sand. I can feel mana pouring from me in thick, hazy waves and I can taste my power in the air, but the swords have stopped mere inches from Sebastians back.
My vision starts to darken at the edges, but I will my mana to expand from the swords to cover the entire body of the three skeletons. Slowly it creeps towards the skeletons, covering them with a shining sheen of my mana like the creeping frost of winter.
My brow is furrowed as I strain, I'm very dizzy and can't see straight. I can't see Sebastian or the skeletons, I can only feel my mana around the three skeleton swordsmen. I'm out of juice, no more mana. It's all there around the skeletons, holding them in place.
I reach out my hand and concentrate all my efforts. With a grunt of effort, I swipe my hand to the side, flinging the three skeletons away at high velocity.
I fall to my knees, dark swirls eating at my vision. I can feel myself fading... I look over to see three skeletons smashing into the side of the building at extreme velocity, their bones splintering into a thousand pieces.
Then darkness coddles me in its sweet embrace.