*CLONG* *MECHANICAL GEAR NOISES*
*CCCCCRRREEAAAAKKKK*
"FUCK! I KNEW IT!"
The instant the two doors parted open, a huge metal biped walked out of the doors and onto the cavern ledge while shuddering and creaking. As soon as the “thing” which I assumed was some sort of metal golem or robot stepped out, the Library doors also closed behind him, trapping us together with the metal colossus.
*New C.c.c.c.c.c....Clients detected.*
*Zzzapp*
*...C.c.c.c.c.c...Calculating…*
*Zzzap*
*The books you have loaned are overdue by: @#$@%*[ERROR] days.*
*Initiating Library asset retrieval protocol.*
*This unit will now [M̷U̷R̷D̷E̷R̷] all clients and retrieve their assets.*
"AW GODS! AW FUCK! ANCIENT DWEMMER WAR GOLEM! THESE THINGS ARE TOUGH ENOUGH TO SOLO DRAGONS!" Lingfeng yelled over the spark-jittery talk of the shaky golem.
This thing looked like the fucking Hulkbuster, with that tiny round head and everything, except that it was all colored in metallic tarnished bronze-gold. It also had a couple of commercial laser barcode scanners sticking out of each shoulder, a pencil-dispensing unit on the right hand and a giant stapler on the left hand, while it wielded a huge-ass golden ruler as a makeshift sword.
Sure enough, the moment the golem stopped its jittery speech, the Raid Boss Hp tracker came into existence in front of my eyes:
▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ [Defective Librarian Golemn -Boss- Level 55] █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂
[░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░____]
━━━━◥20875253100 Hp - 89% Integrity◤━━━━
"FUCK! LINGFENG! DETONATE THE STONES THEN KITE IT!"
"[Windblade] [Windblade]"
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
As soon as the overcharged spirit stones I had left in front of the door blew up, I saw the ruler-sword fly away from the hand of the golem and embed itself in one of the stalagmites. At least he won’t be cleaving anyone in half with that!
Looking at the Boss’s Hp, I gasped. 20875250015 Hp left? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? SO LITTLE DAMAGE? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING MADE OUT OF?
Having “pulled aggro” by detonating the stones, Lingfeng immediately used his hastening skills to run around the room as the golem started to shoot sharp pencils and bent staples from both of his arms in his direction. Each “launch” of the supposedly-harmless stationery consumables sounded more like a violent shotgun blast, converting the pencils and the staples into veritable bullets and shrapnel that broke against the floor while tracing after Lingfeng.
"[Windblade] [Windblade] [Windblade]"
*Klong* *Klang* *Kling*
Lingfeng’s windblades that had previously decapitated people now seemed to bounce off harmlessly from the metal frame, leaving only minor scratches.
Same thing was happening with all of our arrows and magic projectiles, as the defensive properties of the golem’s metal seemed to be incredibly high.There was no way we were taking this thing down by force, so there had to be some sort of a gimmick involved instead.
I instantly went into Perception Overdrive mode aka bullet-time to give myself more time to think.
Ok, so I could consider my Raid Party as the crappiest of all time, where the tank and healer had already DC’ed, the DPS were all retarded minus that one kiting the boss, and our firepower wasn’t doing shit to the thing.
In conclusion, the only chance that we had of taking down this thing was to find its weak point and “play” the mechanics. Focusing all of my attention back onto the metal contraption, I spotted something that might have been just the object I was looking for. When the golem spun around its upper body to shoot its pencils and staples after Lingfeng, I noticed on the back of its head the presence of a coppery-colored access port that did not fit with the rest of the golem's color theme. It looked like a makeshift patch job that somebody had performed on the giant machinery, and it looked shoddy enough to be exactly what we needed.
*Bzzzaaaawn...bzzzang*
The laser scanners on the metal giant's shoulder suddenly emitted a scanning grid up and down all across the entire room, right before locking onto the frame of a running Lingfeng and beginning to glow brighter and brighter.
*BIP*
*BIP,BIP*
*BIP,BIP,BIP*
*BIPBIPBIPBIP*
LINGFENG! DUCK BEHIND A STALAGMITE! NOW! I yelled, causing the Elder to change trajectory and instantly jump behind one of the columns.
*BIPBIPBIPBIPBIPBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII....BZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNGZZZZZZZZSIZZZLE*
Instantly, both of the laser scanners released an immensely focused laser beam which melted about three quarters of the entire stalagmite's rocky face that Lingfeng had hid behind, causing it to crumble down into hot-molten pieces after the assault was over.
Ok, so that's the one-shot mechanic, and the overall outcome of the fight is based on the limited number of stalagmites that we can hide behind. We have to do something about this golem before we run out of cover, ASAP.
After the laser phase was over, the golem went into a short stun-cooldown-mode period, as it began emitting steam from the many radiator-like ports along the sides of its chest.
"LINGFENG! Keep kiting it until it does its laser thingy again. I think I have figured something out!"
"Ok, but you'd better hurry, I cannot keep up this pace for much longer!"
[Fungus, after the golem shoots its next laser, we are going to have a brief window of opportunity to get next to it, so I want you to give me a boost and help me climb on top of its head. Jin and Xibei, you are coming along as well. I suspect that your fire skills will be essential for taking down this monster, Flameboy!]
"I will need your glow to see what I’m doing, Car. Once we rush in, follow behind us all!"
"Aye!"
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
[Are you fucking crazy? I am not going anywhere near that thing! My flames aren't doing jackshit to its frame, I have barely shaved 100 hitpoints off of it so far!]
[That's because you are not hitting it in the right place, moron! Now shut the Hell up and do what I say, or I will let that clunker squish you first!]
While he was kiting, I suddenly saw Lingfeng get clipped by one of the staples inside one of his legs, causing him to tumble down into the dirt because of the inertia. Immediately, he stood back up with practiced ease and then ducked behind one of the stalagmites before the golem could fill him full of pencils and staples. But now, having lost its primary aggro target, the golem began to look for its next victim, and all of us that were preparing to go near him were absolutely exposed. If it decided to turn its body back towards us and shoot at us where we stood, we would have stood no chance.
"UNCLE LIFFY!" Liliam immediately charged from behind a pillar with her zither while screaming bloody vengeance. Fortunately, Liliam also picked up the aggro slack, as she tossed her zither right in the golem's face, to divert it's attention away from the wounded Lingfeng as she began to run as fast as she could under the effects of her own haste pill while dodging and ducking the incoming spray of pencils and staples. Before the speed-pill ran out, the golem went into its laser phase once more, and shot it's bright-red plasma beams straight into the stalagmite that Liliam had hid behind.
As the golem went into it “stunned” cool-down phase again, the rest of us immediately ran behind the giant's frame, with Fungus immediately helping me to climb on top of the imobile golem, where I immediately extended my branch tentacles into that coppery-looking port, to see if I could freeze or melt it while re-enabling my bullet-time mode again. The instant when I tried to redirect all of the thermal Qi away from the copper plating, I noticed that there was no object in the proximity that would be able to take it's Qi, since all of the other golem’s components seemed to have some sort of spiritual shield around them that looked strangely similar to the walls of my Dantian and meridians, which literally prevented my spiritual roots from manipulating them.
Fuck! If dissipation won’t work, then I guess I will have to take the “overheat-and-melt” approach!
"Fungus, toss Jin up here!"
*YELP!* *Thud-ssscreee*
"Ok moron, listen up! I want you to pour all of your fire Qi into this coppery-looking plate and turn it into molten slag, so we can access the internals of the golem."
"But I do not know how to raise the temperature of metals! I’m not a Smith!"
"What do you mean? Just pump your fire Qi into it!"
"How?"
"Ugh, nevermind! I'll do it for you, just let me have all of your fire Qi! Here, just pump it out of your hands and let it loose in the environment! Don't struggle against what I'm about to do to you!
"But...won’t that harm you as well?"
"NO, IT WON’T...DO AS I SAY, NOW!"
I entered into Qi-vision mode, and I saw how Jin was redirecting all of the Fire Qi from his dantian into his hands at an incredibly fast rate, leaving me to feel like I could barely keep up with him even with all of my branch-tentacles extended out of my navel. Jin was a literal immense battery of Fire Qi, and I have no idea how he could hold within himself so much of this volatile stuff without blowing himself into pieces. I also noticed that all of his meridians and dantians had already been opened, which could explain why he was so high-level in the first place. The moment the Fire Qi came pouring out of his body, I grabbed all of it with my branch tentacles and I stuffed it inside the metal coppery plate until it could take no more, as it began to turn into liquid slag and pour down on the floor and inside of the mechanisms of the golem. Having depleted all of his internal reserves, Jin literally fainted and fell off the back of the golem, forcing Fungus to catch him before he broke his neck by falling onto the floor.
Because I was still in bullet-time mode, the entire process had seemed to take a lot longer from my perspective, but it couldn't have taken more than 3 seconds in real life, which left me with about 2 more seconds of “shutdown time” before the Golem resumed its rampage.
The moment that copper plating had melted, it had exposed what looked to me like the core of the golem, which was now glowing like an immensely bright light in my Qi vision while sporting the same spiritual shield like the rest of the components. Knowing out of my previous experience that a violent enough discharge of Qi could actually harm even those types of membranes, from when I had hurt my own spirit-branch-tentacles while overcharging one of the spirits stones, I chose the most violent type of Qi that I had available on me, which were the Lightning stones.
I immediately took out defibrillator paddles, then I placed some 100% Lightning-charged spirit stones in each socket and went EMT on the golem core.
"EAT THIS!"
*ZAPP*
The moment I shocked the golem’s core, it's entire body began to shudder, as it's arms began to twist back towards us in a slow and jittery motion to try and pry us off.
"Fuck! That's still not enough! The spiritual shield just healed itself back up! I need more juice!"
"Fung, toss Xibei up here!"
"Waaaah!" *Thunk*
"Ok, Xibei, shoot all of your Lightning into this orb thingy! Maximum output! Don't hold back even one bit! Our lives depend on it!"
"YES MA’AM!"
*Bzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhttttttttzzzzzzzz!*
"Yes, that's it! Keep going! You're almost there!"
"RAAARGH!"
*Bzaaaaaaaaangzzzzzz!*
*Crack*
*Crack* *Crack*
*CRUNCH*
*Wa.wa.wa.wa.wa...Warning! Unstable power source detected. Core chamber shielding has been breached! Catastrophic core failure imminent. Core shatter inbound in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5…*
"RUN!"
The instant that the golem began it's countdown, we all ate our haste pills and ran like all of the devils from Hell were chasing down at our heels, as we all ducked behind some of the stalagmites.
*3, 2, 1...*
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
The entire golem detonated with the power of a mini-nuke, blasting molten shrapnel away from its metal frame into the entire room with impunity and ruining all of the stalagmites that we had hid behind.
Fortunately, there had been enough of those to spare for everybody as protections, including the now unconscious Jin and Xibei, which had been dragged over-and-behind-cover by Fungus, allowing our entire party to survive.
"OI...BLOODE HELL…! I CANTS FEEL MEH EARS!"
After a minute or so, Jin and Xibei also regained consciousness, but were still unable to hear anything, as we all probably had ruptured ear drums from that final blast.
[Fuck, did we win?] Jin asked in a daze as he sprung back on his feet.
[Oh my GODS! Did we just take down that thing with only our low-level group?] Liliam perked up and began to jump up and down like a child on a sugar-rush candy overdose.
[Holy shit! Look at all of this experience!] Fung gave me an approving nod and a thumbs up.
[What a bounty of providence, comarades! I even leveled up a few times!] Xibei chimed in.
[Oh my Gods, that was insane! How did you know how to look for that weak spot on its head?] Jin gave me a totally confused look while clutching his own chest.
[Did I not just tell you exactly that a few minutes ago? There will always be some way to get out of shitty situations, you just need to use your head and find the proper solution to get away from trouble. In this case, it was that coppery access port that did the job.]
Looking back at the remains of the golem, I felt a pang of loss in my greedy little chest. Ah, if only there had been some sort of way for us to keep it intact. It could have been an invaluable treasure. But NOOO! Momma System won’t allow for shit like that to happen, because it would be “too cheaty” to run around with a nigh-indestructible golem as your guardian and trash all opposition.
I immediately swallowed my “if” thoughts, and resumed inspecting the wreckage. Maybe there was something that we could salvage in there. Some of this tough material could surely be repurposed into something else, like a shield or the tip of a spear.
As I was sifting through the debris, I noticed that right where the golem had blown up, a large round sphere with a crack in the middle could be seen lying on the ground amidst the still-cooling liquid metal of the former golem’s frame.
Wow...the core survived somehow. This thing has to be incredibly tough.
I rolled the ball out of the molten slag, and as soon as I touched it, Timmy began to yell.
Timmy: Unowned Spatial Treasure detected. Do you wish to access it right now?
FUCK YEAH! SHOW ME THE BOSS LOOT!
Timmy: This [Cracked Dwemmer Golem Core] contains the following items -
1334555894078 [Sharp Pencils]
5789378234677 [Strong Staples]
2333447645997 [Eraser Gums]
2878998 [Heavenly Library Admission Tickets]
78993453 [Empty Undying-Spirit-Beryl Jade Tokens]
10234555 [Blue-Jade Empty Discs]
21782638 [Letter Paper Stacks]
38716253681 [A4 Paper Stacks]
2342342341231 [Blank Scroll Vellums]
1283569 [Envelopes]
1278936178182381 [1-Copper-Valued Expired Ancient Stamps]
2312313 [Double-Sided Rulers]
1231231 [90° Multifunctional Measuring Triangles]
1231213 [Expired Underline Markers]
89 [Heavenly-Oil-Cans For Self-Maintenance]
123 [Dwemmer Golem Spare Parts]
1 [Mysterious Ancient Key]
5 [Old Pre-Censure Confiscated XXXXX-Rated Angel Porn Magazines]
59998 [Grand Spirit Stones]
Great...so we just earned a lifetime supply of stationery products? WTF! Where’s the real loot? AAAARGH! MOTHER SYSTEM!
Hrr!
I went back to the Library door, and then punched the Konami code on it again.
As the doors creaked open once more, I wondered what actually lay hidden behind them that would necessitate such a heavy security.