Ok, do not panic, let us figure what our situation is for now.
Where the hell am I anyway?
Hiss…
Blurb…
And what the hell is making that hissing noise? It sounds like water bubbles running through the insides of a hose.
Slowly, I pry my eyes open.
My vision is blurry, it's like I am looking at a glass wall, but from somewhere underwater. Wait, I really am in water. Or at least in some sort of a liquid substance.
Erm...what did the System say that my current class was?
System: Your current class is [Low Level Evil Minion Clone]
Clone Minion…oh…Bummer...
I think I get it…
I am in a freaking cloning tank!!!
Well, hello there, my glass and cables dear mother, nice to meet you too...sob..
….
This day just gets better and better…
Ok, since the system told me that I got reincarnated in a new body, let’s inspect the goods.
Hands and fingers...check!
Legs and toes...check!
Mouth, nose, ears, eyes...check!
Ok, so at least I am still human... or at least humanoid-like.
I’d better not wake up and find out that I'm a small humanoid, yellow-skinned and shaped like a suppository!
Cuz’ that would take the banana cake!
System: The cake is a lie!
I also do not feel the existence of any extra limbs, or that of a tail.
I cannot actually move any of my limbs, since I seem to be in a paralysed state, but I can still feel the presence of my extremities.
Whatever juice my body is currently floating in, it feels warm and pleasant. It’s probably some sort of synthetic amniotic fluid. The liquid also helps to calm my mind to a surprisingly serene state, since I know that I should be heavily panicking by now, screaming like a child and wondering how, where, and even IF I died back on Earth. All that I could gather from this stupid system was that somehow my “Earth contract suddenly expired”, but to what that actually meant, I had no idea! I might have just had a stroke and died on my keyboard, or the whole Earth might have been sucked into a Black Hole or something, it would still be the same outcome anyway. I was now getting reborn into a new world.
Ok, let’s refocus…”Calm Minds Live, Panicked Minds Die,” is what Earth Dad always used to say...I wonder if he also got reassigned to one of these worlds after he kicked the bucket those few years ago?
Is there a chance he might also be here on this planet?
I could only hope so, but I won’t be able to find that out unless I cook up some way to get my ass out of this tank!
Everywhere around me, I can only spot dim, blue-ish tinted lights through my blurry vision. To my left and to my right sides, shaped like an egg or cocoon, are several more “cloning tanks” or “incubators” similar to my own, with a shadow of a person sitting in a fetal position behind the blurry glass in each pod. I'm going to assume that those are my “siblings”, and this is some experimental laboratory at best, or at worst some sort of “dispensable-minion” production factory.
I try to move my limbs, but they remain unresponsive.
Something is blocking the transmission of the motion signals from my brain to the muscles.
Ok, let’s start small...Fingers first.
First attempt...nothing.
Second attempt...still nothing.
Ok, no problem, I have all the time in the world to keep trying again and again for now.
Or at least I hope I do, and it doesn’t turn out that I’m some sort of defective product from the current clone batch, and that I can’t even move my arms and legs because the cloning process went wrong.
I somehow do not feel hungry or thirsty, or any kind of discomfort for that matter. It must be the doing of this amniotic fluid and the tubes surrounding me.
Let’s keep trying to move those fingers.
How did that nursery rhyme for fingers go again?
This little piggy went to market to become bacon.
This little piggy stayed home to get fattened up.
This little piggy had roast beef after eating the guts of his cow friend.
This little piggy died from going on a hunger strike.
This little piggy cried “Wee Wee Wee” because he realised how fucked up this nursery rhyme was.
AHA!
I felt something moving!
Not much, barely a millimeter, but I’m making progress!
Ok let’s keep at it!
99999 bottles of beer of the wall, 99999 bottles of beer,
If one of them all should happen to fall,
99998 bottles of fingers on the wall…
…
>>
[Some time later]
...
13435 bottles of toes on the wall…
Wait, I hear footsteps outside!
"Mumble mumble, mumble mumble mumble..."
"...not sure if they are ready...the technique transference and implantation has barely been completed. If they are released now they will be like freshly-awoken children, their cultivation roots will be still unstable at best!" Says a grating, squeaky voice.
I spot two shadows passing right in front of my tank, one short and hunched-up and one large and straight. I still cannot see well outside, everything being reduced to a blur, and the sounds are muffled severely by the amniotic fluid, but I can still catch some of the general details.
"The Sect Master demands that this batch be ready as soon as possible!" Says a gruff voice coming from the taller man. "These new clones will play a major role in taking down the Hero of the Sun! They have been specially designed to target his weakness! If we cannot stop his advance at this external laboratory base, it will be the end of our entire Moon-Devouring Demonic Sect! Do you want the sect to end BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T DO YOUR JOB PROPERLY?"
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
I can hear the sounds of something sharp whipping flesh.
"ARRGH, NO SENIOR, MERCY! I WILL DO MY BEST! I WILL HASTEN THE PROCESS! THEY WILL BE READY BY THE END OF THE WEEK!"
"Harumph! They had better be...or ELSE!"
"Yes Senior, this lowly one understands!"
The two proceed further away, and keep inspecting the other containers.
The sounds of their discussion becomes much too muffled for me to understand anything.
I feel a shiver go down my spine!
Ok let’s review what I just found out!
1: There’s Cultivation, and Cultivation Roots! It means this is a Xianxia or Wuxia or whatever the hell similar setup from Asian novels kind-of-a-world! That’s bad! Minions in those sort of stories get butchered by the millions without even an afterthought!
2: The cloning pods belong to a Demonic Sect, and my “siblings” and myself are supposed to be some sort of “fatal weapon” against this “Hero of the Sun” dude. That’s double bad, because it means that I will become forcibly tossed in front of the Hero to try and kill him sooner or later, and since this is a Demonic sect, I will probably get no mercy and wind up insta-gibbed the moment he sets his eyes on me!
3: The guys in charge are, of course, a bunch of morons that dare to think that a few petty tricks will stop a “paid user account” like the Hero probably has. They will, of course, get squashed BADLY, and I do not want to be around when that happens!
4: I can still only move my fingers a few millimeters at a time, so I have no idea how in hell do these guys think I will be effective in a fight!
The only upside I can see to this whole thing is that this barely-matured clone body of mine comes with some already awoken spiritual roots, which puts me one step ahead of the curve, that is, above normal “mortals”.
What the hell those roots are, and how do they function in this specific context, I will have to figure out fast, since my life might depend on it.
Ok Me, start squishing out all of that cultivation knowledge from inside your head that you have accumulated over so many years of online procrastination reading those silly novels!
First things first:
...
Feel the Root!
...
Become the Root!
...
I am GRoot!
...
Ok...that did not work...Let’s try a different approach!
If I can feel my hands and legs, then there should be some sort of proprioception organ for this Spiritual Root thingy too!
System: [Turn your mind to the inside, and look for the Source, Young Padwan!]
Aw gee, thanks a lot Timmy!
Yeah you heard me right, you goddamn system companion, I’m calling you Timmy from now on, and there's nothing that you can do about it!
System acknowledges the new designation.
System will now appear as: Timmy
Erm...right...
Let’s go deeper...
Humm...ok...that’s a weird sensation…
There’s like a block of memories somewhere inside of my mind that has been forcibly placed there. They feel like my own memories, it is how I can sense and access them, but at the same time I logically KNOW that they CANNOT be my memories, since I am a meager clone that is still suspended in a tank. So I’ll just assume that these are the pre-loaded memory package-bundles that come with the clone territory.
I mean, if you want to have a functional minion clone body right out of the tank, as any self respecting Evil Overlord you must have some sort of a way to write down a series of memories for the clone to function with. Stuff like general language, body balance, common sense, and directional awareness. No minion is going to be useful, if it can't understand and execute orders right out of the assembly line.
I begin to sift through these memory fragments, trying to find something that might come in handy.
There is a lot of stuff in here, from basic cultivation knowledge, to general history and geographical awareness, some Demonic Cultivation techniques, and some shattered fragments of someone’s life, most likely of the cultivator that the original memories used to belong to.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Character Sheet” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Attributes” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “World Map” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Lore and History” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Physical Skills” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Magic Skills” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Crafting” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Trainer” tab in your interface.
Timmy: You have unlocked the “Collections” tab in your interface.
Ok, so Timmy seems to not acknowledge that certain things exist unless I use or recall them at least once.
These memory fragments are scattered and incomplete, with only the essential information being left behind. It’s like someone took a full-length feature movie, then chopped out all of the unnecessary parts, leaving behind only the conclusions and the aftermaths. Some of the fragments also seem to have been intentionally blocked off, disallowing me from accessing them.
In the end, I do find the thing that I was looking for, which is how to feel one’s Spiritual Roots.
Ok, let’s follow the memory's direction and check out my Roots!
Timmy: Awakened Spiritual Roots have been found.
Adding [Spiritual Roots Growth Progress Bar] to your list of personal statistics.
Root Type: Neutral-Attributeless.
Current Growth: 0.54567%
I check inside myself with my “mind’s eye”, and I can “see” a root-broccoli like thing inside of my head, sitting there doing nothing.
Huh, so these are the so called Spiritual Roots? Are these things inside of my ACTUAL head, or are they only some sort of virtual representation of my current status that the System cooks up? This does not look like any organ or brain component that I can remember back from Earth. I can feel like the roots are a part of me, but that part is off somewhere in another dimension, looking down upon the rest of the world from there, If that even makes any sense.
Still, what is up with these seven blotches on the root? Are these the extra modules that the system has installed?
How the hell do I check my own status anyway?
Timmy: Think [Status] to bring up your character stats menu. Duh!
Ok let’s try that:
…
F...bloody hell! AAARGH! Visual burn!
…
Character Sheet:
Name: [Currently Unnamed Evil Clone] [Tap here to set your Name]
Level: 0
Cultivation Stage: Qi Refinement Stage 1
Root Type: Neutral-Attributeless.
Spiritual Root Growth: 0.54567%
Body Age: 13 years, 5 months, 23 days due to [Accelerated clone growth]
True Age: 23 days
Birth Sign: The Brothers
Race: Homunculus - Human Race Base
Sex: F
Class: Low Level Evil Minion Clone
Height: 145 Cm.
Weight: 55.3 Kg.
Main Guild/Sect: Moon-Devouring Demonic Sect
⊞Tap here to see more Guilds.
Faction: Refiner Mountain 25th Laboratory.
⊞Tap here to see more Factions.
True Alignment: True Neutral
Displayed Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Religion: N/A
Current Buffs:
Amniotic Fluid⊞ 100% - Enhanced Growth Factor. Pacification Factor.
Current Debuffs:
Spirit Subjugation Obedience Nail ⊞ (2.35%) - Qi Regeneration Disabled.
Paralysis 97%
Waaaaaaait a fucking second!
Scroll that shit back up!
OOOHH NO! OOO CRAP!
Sex = F?
As in Female?
I’M A FUCKING GIRL?
What the hell Timmy, I did not sign up for a gender-bender!
I’m a STRAIGHT MALE, you dumbass circuit board!
How the hell am I supposed to create a Harem now? I do not want a bunch of stinky, greasy men chasing after me at every corner!
Timmy: Sorry, this was the only body available that could remotely host your soul, with all of those external fancy modules of yours -cough- that you did not buy from our company -cough-. You’ll have to make do with it as it is.
Sure enough, I drag my attention to the spot between my legs, and all I feel is the feeling of emptiness.
Junior is missing, he has been decommissioned!
This can’t be happening!
Seriously, what the fucking hell Timmy! No refunds AND gender-bender?
Come on, I’m sure we can figure something out...this clone body is not complete yet, right? It can still grow one, surely!
Oh man this is so fucked up!
Timmy: You are now experiencing the five stages of grief!
Timmy: You are now on [Stage 4: Depression]
Timmy: Man up and move to [Stage 5: Acceptance], because you’re stuck in this body until you find a better one!
Fuck you Timmy! Fuck YOU!
Timmy: Cannot feel insulted because he lacks an emotional module!
*BZZT!*
You do not have enough remaining funds to purchase one!