S1E7 - Waste of time, but I'm doing fine
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And so Goddess looked upon her new creation in delight, and Life-Giving Tree grew splendidly, as intended,
And soon its mighty branches were filled with glorious harvest. So brimming with vigor those fruits were,
And when it was time for them to ripen, they fell on the ground, and burst with power, and grew stronger still
And through that power came understanding of the design of their creator, and they took shape according to it
And from this shape came forth First of Humankind, and they fell on their knees, and they said
Praise be the Goddess, for she gave us form, and she gave us purpose
The world is created for us, and we are no guests to these lands of our own
The future is given to us, so we grow in strength, as reach it we should
The warm embrace is waiting for us, driving away our fears of the end
And look - Life-Giving Tree bear more fruits still
And we can nourish ourselves, and thrive, and grow without tedious effort and suffering
Book of Light
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『WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!』
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
『63! Hurts like a motherfucker!!』
*run up* *jump* *faaaaaaaaaaall*
『TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI!!』
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
『64! Five more to go!!』
*run up* *jump* *faaaaaaaaaaall*
Hello, everyone, it's been a minute! As you can see, I'm currently very busy trying to fall down that root-covered hole, with zero results to show for it. Well, I did say before that this splinter-inducing vagina doesn't really go anywhere, didn't I - you just fall through the darkness for a little while, and then you see a light below you, which just happens to be another hole. You fly through it, and what do you know - it's actually the very same hole you just jumped through, only you're flying upwards this time. At least for a little while, because very soon...
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
...This happens. Yeah, as soon as gravity realizes that there's something iffy going on, it decides to put a stop to all this nonsense, rotates you mid-air and slams you into the ground at the edge of the hole. Very pleasant experience, as you can imagine. Anyway, that's jump 65, so let's just bear through it for a bit longer
*run up* *jump* *faaaaaaaaaaall*
『MWAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!』
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
66, just three more!! Of course, there's something more going on here, and you can actually fall through properly - you just need to use a very specific method. It involves a very special item from a very special place, difficult to get in the first place - and after you use it, you have to perform a series of acrobatic stunts on top of it. The end result is beyond disappointing anyway, so I really wish to say that we don't have to do any of it right now, but - amidst all this bullshit, there's a useful item that can save me some grinding time, which means I'll at least make an attempt, probably
*run up* *jump* *faaaaaaaaaaall*
『BULLSHIT TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!』
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
67-fuck-this-shit!! There's no way to acquire the necessary item, but I have a rough idea of what to do, so maybe it's not as necessary as it thinks it is. No promises, but my gut feeling is tingling - and it does it for no reason very-very rarely. Not never, sure, but what can you do?
*run up* *jump* *faaaaaaaaaaall*
『FUCK! YOU! BICHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!』
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
68, I really hope I didn't forget how to count! Can't be off by more than one or two jumps, but this is exhausting with or without my stamina being laughably low. Proficiency in basic numerical operations, don't fail me now!
*run up* *jump* *faaaaaaaaaaall*
『MATH PAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!』
*fly* *rotate* *SMACK!*
>> TITLE ACQUIRED : Moron
>> Persistent actions that fail to bear fruit place a lesser toll on you
『Fuck yeah, I'm an arithmetical genius!!』
My very first title ACQUIRED! And a very fitting one at that - I don't know about you, but I find it really speaking to me on a spiritual level. Persistent actions that don't bear any fruit, huh? Story of my life, if I ever heard one. Also, this particular phrasing gives me some interesting ideas for later
Regardless, if you perform a certain outstanding feat, or just live your life a certain way, it will change something in you - sometimes, on a pretty fundamental level. General flow of soma within yourself, efficiency of certain actions, your relationships with time, space, and probability - list goes on, but what basically gets affected is something you might as well call "destiny". Usually, the change is beneficial, so it can be considered a form of leveling up without, you know, actually leveling up - pretty useful stuff all around, but not very easy to ACQUIRE
Known titles are collected into a database, so whenever an appropriate change occurs, your PLUM can just cross-reference it and present you with a detailed description. If it is something that's never been encountered before - well, your link-providing familiar just scans you really-really hard and tries to come up with something on the spot, to the best of its abilities. Take my new title here, for example - I'm not hundred percent, but it seems to be somewhat unique, with no way of getting it under normal circumstances. I mean, if it wasn't the case, 95% of the population would have been proud owners of that particular moniker already, causing a great inflation and inevitable collapse of a Moron-Title economy
Anyway, this is a good appetizer to a main dish - see that weird looking fruit that crowns a little sprout growing from the roots on a floor a little distance from here? No, it wasn't here before, yes - it appears after a jump 69 along with the title acquisition, yes - it was the main reason for all that nonsense, no - its gastronomical value has nothing to do with it
>> ACQUIRED : Bravefruit [???]
*munch* *munch* *munch* *gulp*
>> BRAVERY : (E) : 11 + 100 → → → BRAVERY : (E) : 111
I present to you - Original Harvest from the Tree of Life! Very hard to find on the surface, despite never spoiling - unlike certain body fluids from a certain celestial mommy that I won't mention, because I'm a nice person. Considering the effect those fruits provide, the rarity is perfectly understandable, but my ultra-special personal dungeon is a truly magical place, so they are a little easier to come by here. Not by much, but still
Also, there's a seed inside
>> ACQUIRED : Seed of Stupidity [???]
*munch* *munch* *munch* *gulp*
>> BRAVERY : (E) + (1) : 111 → → → BRAVERY : (D) : 111
>> INTELLECT : (E) - (1) : 8 → → → INTELLECT : (F) : 8
Not as tasty as the bravefruit itself, but perfectly edible, despite not being very healthy. It's not poisonous or anything, mind you - seeds of the Original Harvest can - theoretically - be used to grow more superfruits, so anyone attempting to eat those can quickly experience some health problems caused by the rays of love from grateful society that considers these seeds to be some sort of national treasure. If you ask me, society should instead consider putting more efforts into figuring out how to cultivate those fruits properly, because currently, no consistent method exists. Organic branch of the Librarians presents some unimpressive experimental data, and there's a bunch of sketchy historical records about some shady rituals - all in all, very far away from mass producing those juicy power-ups
>> FG-counter didn't quite get the taste and suggests getting more seeds to savor properly
Good idea, little buddy! The chance will present itself soon enough, since we have to get some things from the surface right now, and we will - hopefully - find another fruit along the way. Onward to the stairs!
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Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
*pant* *pant* *pant* *wheeze*
My stamina is shit. My stamina is shit. My stamina is shit. My stamina is shit
*pant* *pant* *pant* *wheeeeeeeeeeeeze*
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*wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze*
...Give me a second to stop dying, and we can proceed through the tunnel we've entered the main shaft in the beginning
...
Yeah, still alive
Anyway, this long corridor, as I believe I already said before, has a little more to it than meets the eye. While walking through it, you may notice - assuming you have high enough perception - that one step sounds a little different from all the rest. If you explore a wall near that place, you can find a secret button that opens a hidden door - and if you have a slight suspicion about whether or not I have sufficient stats for noticing such nuanced stuff, I can assure you that I do not. What I do have is a vague knowledge of where this place supposed to be, so I'm just going to hug the right wall and hope for the best. Wish me luck!
...
Wait, the fuck am I doing? I better go finish my business on the surface first, then I can grab what's behind that secret door on my way back - the last thing I want right now is getting lost in the city or forgetting what I'm doing in the first place. Look at me, thinking ahead for a change - that's right, baby, I'm a brilliant tactician! Fuck yeah!
『Snick, everything you see here is off limits. No access to anyone』
That should prevent anybody from learning what I do here by reading memories of my PLUM. No real reason, just in case. Now, where's the exit?
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『Well, that was quick! Did Lord Hero get cold feet, or was there nothing much to look at?』
『Lotsa stuff. Cool and awesome stuff, too. Blew my mind』
『...My, sounds exciting. I'd love to hear about this "awesome stuff" in more details, if you don't mind sharing』
『Forgot. All of it』
『That's... regrettable, to say the least. Wait, are you alright?』
『Fine. I'm fine』
『Are you really now? Because you don't look very alright to me, dear - if anything, you look...』
『Stupid?』
『...That's one way to put it』
『Totally fine. Just a phase. Not for long』
『Maybe you should try and get some rest, Troy. I heard that it's easier to just sleep through some, erm, phases』
『No time. Busy』
Right. Time, dungeon, different. Personal dungeon - especially different, so Jess is still standing here, by the entrance near the statue. For her, it would probably appear as if I've entered the fog and then came back almost instantly. For time to progress properly in the real world, some significant stuff has to happen in my dungeon while I'm exploring it. Getting my first title doesn't qualify, I guess
『Lord Hero sure is a busybody all of a sudden. Are you going back there?』
『Not now. City first. Then I go back. And I want you to do something』
『Oh my, orders from Lord Hero himself! I'm getting nervous, you know *giggle*』
『Call your boss. This dungeon is about Hero. HAIAI has... they can... They are in charge』
『...I'm not sure the Guild will see it that way』
『Guild can eat a dick. HAIAI will protect the entrance. Don't let anybody get in my way. World saving stuff』
『They will at least have to do some preliminary investigations, so I'm not entirely sure it would be possible...』
『They can't. Only I can enter. Details later. Now, one more thing』
『Lord Hero is a slave-driver, huh?』
『Food. Mana recovery. I'll be back in an hour. Get it ready』
『That... might not be possible, I'm afraid. You already have the stamina buff from sandwiches, so getting another one is...』
『Expired. Can get a new one now』
『Well, in that case... Wait, expired already?! How long have you been down there, exactly?!』
『Forgot. Have to go. Trust you with the things. Please』
『...Should I start calling you Lord Headache from now on?』
Originally, the Guild would've spent the whole week dry-humping the entrance and not letting anyone near it, except for Librarians. That would've been fine by me, initially, but since my plans have changed - as I said, they can eat a dick. A bag of dicks, actually. I'm not waiting around with a thumb up my ass for those bellends to make a shocking discovery that they don't exactly know what to do with this dungeon. And what's there to know, anyway? Nothing. As in "you will do nothing with this dungeon, because it's mine". Mine! Mine-mine-mine!
Tourists go home. And I go to the train station - let me grab my bag and then we can take a short trip to visit a Black Market
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...Lucky for me, everything is automated nowadays. I still managed to forget which station to get off, but that just goes to show that it's impossible to foolproof everything. Hey, I have a title to defend, alright?
Welcome to the famous Gakivalara District - a giant flea market of tech oddities, pervy stuff, pop-culture merch, and underhand dealing. All conveniently located right in the middle of Vitalberia - where else do you hide a place to buy and sell some illegal stuff, if not in the midst of a notorious tourist attraction? Never-ending crowd of weirdos makes for a good cover, plus provide some occasional traffic in addition to your regular customers. And the authorities don't have to look too hard when they are in the mood for another crime-fighting publicity campaign - so it's a win-win for almost everyone involved
I mean, as long as there are regulations in place that force everything coming from the dungeons to go through the Guild, there are always be individuals trying to bypass those regulations. IDEA knows it, and it doesn't much care about it - if general flow of Power Gems and artifacts remains undisturbed, then all is good in the kingdom of dungeon diving. Shady guys can even have their funny little secret auctions all they want, provided they keep it in moderation - and to ensure that, the Guild cracks down on them from time to time, just as a friendly reminder of who's running the show. Smugglers try their best to show complete and total understanding of established hierarchy, IDEA put their hands on some new confiscated toys, public gets reassured about the efficiency of crime-preventing methods - and then it's back to business as usual for everyone, including smugglers
Back (or is it forth) in my days of Heroing, I participated in a few of those crackdowns - just a little PR-stunt orchestrated by HAIAI to help solidify Heroic Image in the collective mind of all the law-abiding citizens. And now we're going to visit one of the future targets - as soon as I figure out in which seedy-looking alley his cover-up shop is hiding. Is it this one? They all look the same, fuck!
Wait, what does that signboard say?
>> Tears of Lackremoar <<
Nice! Before we go in, though
『Snick. Nothing happens in this place. You see nothing, You know nothing』
A small shop with barely enough space in front of a small counter for two people to squeeze in - and a shifty guy in his early thirties manning it. As all good merchants have to, this one also has some croc blood in him - not enough for the scales and the tail, but enough for the eyes and the teeth. Clifford... Bleszinger, I think
『Hello there, pal! Are you looking for something specific, or did you simply get lost?』
『You』
『What about me? Ah, you're looking for me, is that it? Now, that sure is very flattering, but there seems to be some sort of a mix up. I'm not someone important enough for people to go looking for me for any reason whatsoever, so you probably got the wrong guy. What's the name of the fellow you're trying to find, maybe I can help you out? I know pretty much everyone around here』
『Cliff』
『...Can't say I heard of someone with a name like that. Are you sure you're in the right place? Who did you hear that name from?』
『Gzagrin』
『Doesn't ring a bell either. As I told you - you seem to be in a wrong place, pal』
『My PLUM is modified. Same way as yours』
『That's good to know. Also, not very legal, if true. Is there anything else?』
『...』
『Not looking too good there, pal! There's a nice little park nearby, so why don't you go and take it easy on a bench there. It's not that hard to find - you just exit this store and then...』
Fuck, what was it again? Something like... this?
『A 69. Revvy Eclair. Can kick. An 84. Viewick Lordvessel. Ass. Any day. At least. In a... In a... Fuck』
『...Alright-alright, kid, you can stop now. Even my head is starting to hurt just by looking at all your efforts. OK, I get it - you've been properly introduced, and all that. Now, lets get down to business, shall we? Keep in mind that I don't have much in stock, so if you want something special, it might take a couple of days to...』
『Selling』
『Looking to move something, eh? Sure, let's take a look at what you've got, kid』
『This』
『...』
『This』
『...This day just keeps on giving, huh? Where exactly did you get something like that, kid?』
『Does it matter?』
『No, not really. Just being curious, since... But you're right, let us talk price instead』
Well, you can keep being curious, pal, because I'm not in a mood for telling you that I got it from the Noob Dungeon - the third and final treasure from the tomb of whatchamacallit. Wanted to sell it at the IDEA hub at first, but then decided to stash it between my diving gear and take it with me - in case I might need some cash in the future. Seeing how it all played out, I think I will need a tech support to take look at my status and correct some minor spelling mistakes - something's wrong with how the word "Genius" is spelled in the title category
>> Power Gem (Diamond - Extra Large) [ULCA Dungeon]
Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a main reason for all that world-wide dungeon diving fuss - the only known type of inorganic matter that's capable of storing and condensing magical energy within itself. Those shinies are the essential components of Rechargeable Universal Magical Power supply elements - and RUMPs, in turn, are the essential components of every single magical device, from kitchen ovens to airships. We can't exactly strap a highly trained mage with big enough mana pool and magic recovery skills to every single piece of magitech junk - that would be totally impractical, since individuals like that are better off spending their time diving into dangerous labyrinths and getting more shinies for our collective benefits. Or die trying to do so, but needs of the many produce enough resolve for society to bravely accept that sacrifice
Those needs also dictate the price tags on those power-hungry jewels, which are high enough to encourage those who are not very concerned with improving their rank through contributing to the greater good into joining this death circus for pure monetary reasons. This Extra Large beauty right here weights slightly above 10 kilos, despite being not that much bigger than my palm - a shiny that big would easily land you at the 100K selling price, even for the Power Gem of lowest quality. This one is Diamond grade, though - highest purity grade possible, which means it can be used in a production of Tier 5 RUMPs and automatically shifting its price towards something akin to half a million V-coins, if you're selling it at the IDEA hub. Don't forget 30% cut the Guild is going to keep as a membership fee, but even after that, it can be considered a pretty good haul for one dive, even among veterans
Here on the Black market, the price will be minimum five times that - and that's just at the beginning. This item will change hands several times, before finally arriving at the actual buyer, and during this shady process, the price will skyrocket beyond any semblance of modesty. Probably. Not that I would know anything about this whole underground business - I'm Hero, an Ally of Justice, remember?
Of course, V-coin transactions are not exactly possible in those types of deals - for obvious reasons, so it's either cash or barter. Which is fine by me, since I actually am looking for something specific, and I think that trustworthy citizens can help me out with that. Well, he better
『10 Desert Coins』
『Say what now?』
『10 Desert Coins』
『...OK, kid, you're obviously very new to this, so let me give you a quick lecture on how it all works. First, I need to take it with me to check if it's genuine...』
『No』
『Well, you can't expect me to just cough up a mil on the spot for a product that I'm not even sure is an actual product...』
『It is』
『How am I supposed to know that? It's not like I can tell just by simply looking at it...』
『You can』
『...』
『...』
『...Heh, you're right, kid, I totally can. But even still, 10 seklu is a little bit too steep, don't you think - not much point in me buying it, if it puts me in the red as a result...』
『It doesn't. 10 Desert Coins』
『Well, sorry, kid, but before making such a considerable investment, I'm going to need a little more solid reassurance that I can make good on it, and a simple...』
『You can double it, easy. 10 Desert Coins』
『Is that right? Why don't you move it yourself, then - if it's as easy as you say, then you don't really need me for...』
『Maybe I just sell to others』
『Other, what others? You're telling me that you have an army of merchants on your wait list, begging for an opportunity...』
『Vormak. Farmero. Hroll. Need more?』
『...Damn, I was really starting to like you, kid - and then you have to go and bring up those greedy assholes. 5 seklu』
『10』
『What, do you think I'm one of those snake Pharaohs, or something? That there's a secret treasure room behind the store, filled with ancient gold coins that went out of productions ages ago? Even those five I don't have on me, so I will have to borrow it all over the place, which...』
『10. I believe in you』
『Aww, please stop, I'm tearing up - it's that touching! Since you hold me in such high regards, I'm willing to go above and beyond - 7 seklu. Can't go higher than that, I'm afraid - even if you shake down every single bastard in this dump, you won't find more than...』
『15』
『Look out, everyone - a genius of commerce is making his first move! Sadly, he's going in the wrong direction right from the start - you go low, kid. I go high - that's the usual dynamic in these types of situations. You see, the main goal is for both of us to meet in the middle, so why don't you try again and...』
『15 minutes』
『What's that now, we're on the clock all of a sudden? Exciting! Do go on』
『I go take it easy on the bench now. I come back in 15 minutes. There is you, with my Desert Coins. Only you. 10 coins. Anything else - the deal is off. I go sell to others. Any questions?』
『...Just one, really - have you ever considered changing your occupation, kid? Extortion seems like a good fit - you could make full use of your diplomatic finesse and your outstanding ability to reach mutually beneficial compromise. Whatever it is you're doing now - your talents are wasted』
『Practice on you first. Then I think about it』
『Ha-ha, someone's got a lip on him! Doesn't look like he has much strength to back it up, though - but what do I know? Still, I wouldn't recommend this to be your go-to approach, in case you plan on continuing getting involved with a questionable lot - not all of them are as understanding as I am, and...』
『Thank you. See you in 15. Good luck』
『Yeah-yeah-yeah, I'll see what I can do』
While we wait for this guy to finish his coin supply run across the market, should we also take a quick tour around this lovely nest of cultural degeneracy, technological oddity, and artistic deviancy?
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