In the end, I couldn't come up with a good enough reason so I threw The System under the bus instead. Telling Elric that I was born that way, he immediately called me out on it.
Then, instead of trying to think of a clever reason or wise anecdote, I just played dumb. "How do you breathe?" I asked, not actually expecting the logical answer he gave me.
What I took from that lengthy explanation was that it's because of his brain. Simple enough. He should have just said that in the first place. That's when genius hit me in the face and I put my foot infront of The System, pushing her at the same time.
I'm so sorry.
Elric found bewitched as we entered the Guard House so he didn't question my logic. He wasn't under any spells, but he was reeled in by the outrageously, good-looking Dungeon Bandits inside. He didn't even spare the poor feature a second glance. Which is a boon if anyone asks me, it's only a tier-two feature still.
The official attitude he had been trying to maintain was destroyed. Blown away with his composure. He pulled a Peaches and his jaw hit the floor. Not literally, but his impression was priceless. Lonely old men really have no shame.
What?
What am I going to do about Peaches? As soon as Elric sees her... Screw it, I'll have to bullshit that bridge when I get to it. There's too much going on to plan anything. Plus, it's definitely not an 'if' situation, she's bound to jiggle into him at some point.
"Welcome, Sir. We are delighted to have you here." Although, with the way his brain works, I could be in luck. "We are sorry about the state of repairs. It is on our Master's upgrade list." I don't miss the emphasis coming from Mira. I know. I said I'd do it. I just haven't had an opportunity yet. And I definitely can't do it with two Categorisers inside me at the same time.
She needs to wait for them to pull out first.
Now is not the time, Abi.
I missed you during my Terrortation, Me.
Quite?
Also, way to go girls. That was a smashing introduction.
"Ah. Yes. It's, er... No problem?" Eric's brain turns to mush and he barely stumbles a response. He must be severely deprived to be that way inclined. Snapping out of it, he manages to compose himself and shake off the attraction. The stoic facade he was previously wearing is nowhere to be seen, but he looks well enough to continue.
I thought they had him then. It almost looked like he was going to collapse. No worries though. There are more babes in this Dungeon than the entire village of Orad. Or at least more than Orad had when I was still there. For all I know, their population could have spiralled since then. Even though it hasn't been that long. Quantity doesn't quality in this game, bitches.
"Normally, I do not fluster so easily. Ahem. When in the presence of such fine company, however, one would be remiss not to be enamoured." Perv till the end. "I don't usually say this early on, but this Dungeon isn't bad. From what I've seen so far, I must say, I quite like it. If the rest of the inspection goes well, we can start talks about your future." Still checking out the Guards as we cross the room, Elric actually gives me some good news. Which would be great if I didn't know what he doesn't know.
They're the words I've been hoping to hear. Although, it would have been better hearing them nearer the end of the tour. After he's seen what's-likely-to-be the cause of my destruction, drooling away happily like the cutie he is.
"I'll be fine, thank you. Surprises are expected in Dungeons." Making sure Dropper gets verbal consent before we continue, we move out of the Guard House and into the Rogues' Village.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
He obviously didn't take her seriously. Strolling out alone, Elric finds himself blinded whilst my Vagabond waits for her eyes to adjust before following him out. So far, Dropper has been the perfect hostess. Even if her client is a lecherous old fart, she hasn't done anything I told her not too.
Which must be taking her some serious effort in her part to maintain. I would have buckled by now. Without a doubt. Guaranteeing to put my foot in my mouth at some point in a conversation. Honestly, it's a good thing these Catergorisers can't hear me. We would be screwed.
No longer able to size Dropper up like a piece of meat, the so-called Expert wipes stars from his eyes before we move into the main room. It doesn't take him long to recuperate, but when he does Elric's seeing stars once again. This time, however, they're Super stars.
"This is where most of us live. After you," Dropper says unprompted, ushering Elric forward. She must know he's been staring at her ass from behind and is using the situation to her advantage.
Clever girl.
Sensing my feelings, she throws a smile in my direction before following Elric. Who is trying his hardest not to act like he's having a stroke due to all the beautiful women around him.
"What?" Lost for words, his jaw hangs limp as he led from woman to woman until a crowd is gathered around him. Offered greetings and compliments, Elric thanks them one after another until a glaringly-obvious fact shakes him from his stupor. Above his head, high in the sky, is a bright, yellow sun. Contorting with many emotions, his face finally settles on confusion.
He looks to Dropper, who responds with, "The System," and that's was it. Or so I would like to say. The many questions erupting from him sound like mirror images of my own and I cant help but sympathise. "I know, guy. I agree. Why don't give her a piece of your mind for me."
Dropper has already relayed my words before I realise I said them out loud. As though as he's about to strike us all down right now, the Catergoriser looks furious. To make it worse, she doesn't even stop there.
"I don't see why you're getting angry with me? It's not like I put it up there, is it? It's a sun." Her words cause him to redirect his annoyance and he looks to the Dungeon roof, which is actually a sky above the wall that runs around the room. I'm feeling mortified because I knew my mouth would get me in trouble. Fortunately, Dropper seems to have saved the day with a simple and blatantly-obvious fact.
Don't worry, we get it. Who would expect a mountain to have its own miniature-sun inside of it?
Not me.
I only found out about it yesterday.
The population around him begin chatting amongst themselves as Elric tries to process his reality. A fact that has no business being processed. It's nothing major and only small talk, but the Catergoriser still finds himself draw in to the conversation closest to him. That's right. It's best to ignore the unprocessable. Just move on and ignore it. That will be the staple of this Dungeon tour.
"What do you think Ali is going to make for dinner tonight?" Mystique questions Rocky, who is gathered with Coral, Baluka and Lucinda.
Hearing the melodious voice, his gaze drops to the bustling beauties chirping away and Elric finds himself paralysed.
"I dunno? Whatever it is will be amazing though, you know Ali," everyone else nods along in agreement. Elric is doing his best Peaches impression again, but this time his eyes are even bulging out of his skull.
"I hope it's Boar again! That's my favourite," Mystique clenches her fists. Drooling slightly.
"Don't be silly. Even though that Boar stew was delicious, it's nothing compared to the Rabbit we had last night. That... Was heavenly." Cleaning Mystique's face, Coral gives her take and everyone else to agrees.
Seeing and believing are not the same thing and Elric has to rub his eyes to make sure he isn't dreaming. In a Dungeon, feeling the warmth of the sun and surrounded by beautiful women, the Expert is truly lost for words.
It's probably the best Dungeon he's ever been in. Everyone engaged in the conversation over Ali's culinary excellence could be a contender for Miss Tironia. A magic wand even begins to appear in Elric's pants.
I knew he was a pervert.
"Yeah, that was... Master!" The girls finally notice me, even though I've been here all along. Bouncing over in slow motion, they leave Elric alone with Dropper. He doesn't even seem sad as he watches them go.
The cutest chorus on Tironia calls my name and I'm sure my Core changes colour as they salute me. Which must look really strange to Elric since he still doesn't believe us. To him, it probably looks like theiyre saluting each other whilat standing in a circle.
I feel a little flustered. Is it hot in here? It's a good job I don't have a magic wand. Someone might start calling me names.
That was nice and it didn't sound to bad on the metaphorical ears. I even find myself wanting to bask in the attention they're showering me in. I want ro revel and indulge like a good Core should. Unfortunately, during one's moment of judgement, they should be partaking in such debauchery. Hopefully, my life gets a chapter two. Then I'll revel, bask and indulge, as much as I want.
I love these girls.
"No one said the Expert was such a hottie," Mystique takes it too far as Elric is still unable to formulate sentences. He tried, but it was just garbled sounds now that his composure's been broken. He does manage in the end and even if it is just a single word, the sly fox is still in there somewhere.
"How?" It's the same question Katrina posed and one that's probably going to be asked quite frequently when people learn of our existence. The sunlight alone is enough to warrant it, but the heavenly sights below beg an answer.
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
I would also like the answer. Want to 'fess up yet, System? Didn't think so. There's more that I don't know than I do, which doesn't make me very helpful, even though I'm charge around here.
Having not gotten an answer yet, the Catergoriser looks to be lost in thought. Not taken back by beauty like he should be, which isn't a good sign. When he reaches what ever conclusion he's arrived at, his brows furrow and I dread the next words to leave his mouth. Instead, shit gets worse. In the window of Ali's home, Elric locks eyes with a shaken Katrina and his entire facade is washed away.
Without a care for the women I sent back his way, jealousy had already shown its ugly hand as Elric all-but sprinted across the road. Pounding on the door, the demeanour of nobility is lost on the aggression of man. Dropper appears next to him, but he ignores her until she reaches out to stop him. The moment she does, a wave of purple mana erupts from the Catergoriser's body and spans the entire length of my Dungeon.
I can only watch helplessly as, one after another, people start dropping like flies. All across the Dungeon, everyone collapses on the floor. Dropper manages to raise her head, but only to watch me disappear as I'm forced out of my Manifestation.
In my overview, screens flash to life as images of Elric and Katrina show me everything. Panic is racing through me and I dread to think about what will happen. How did it turn into Shit's Creak just like that? It was going so well.
"Katrina Kartova. You have been charged with entering a dungeon unlawfully." With the way Elric's banging on the door, I'm surprised it hasn't given way yet. "Come out and accept your judgement!"
What the hell?
"M-Master..." Dropper sounds weak as I watch her trying to crawl. The others aren't doing any better either and the images I witness only serve to work me up. Trying to activate Manifestation only causes more pain and I'm scared that if I push, it's bye-bye, Abi.
Seriously? What do I do?
Me?
Me!?
ME!?
With our connection severed, I'm worrying more than normal and wanting to wail a great deal. I can't reply to Dropper, let alone get a response from Me and the anger I'm suppressing towards the giant prevent is starting to leak out.
Stupid Dungeon. Shit! Why can't I do anything?
"Come out now and I may be able to convince Lord Aldar to show you leniency over your inconvenience." My worrying stopped the moment those words left Elric's mouth. Replaced by anger, a red mist rises from the floor. The light begins to fade and the System-created room is plunged into darkness. How dare he say what happened to her was an inconvenience? Like it was something he had to take the time out of his day to deal with.
What a fucking cocksucker.
Ominous, clouds fill the sky and the sound of thunder reverberates throughout the Dungeon. Flashes of lightning illuminate the malicious expression of the Catergoriser as he pounds on the door.
"I'm not going back! And I don't to be your apprentice. Eric can have it. I just... Want to put my mind at ease." Shouting back from behind the door, Katrina's words fall on deaf ears. The so-called Expert has already shown his true colours and there's no way she's going to fall for anything he might say.
"This Dungeon gives me what I need, so I'm not going to leave. It's amazing here!" I feel quite overwhelmed at her last statement even if I am the only person who hears it. It makes me think that my unrealistic goal isn't just nonsense. Even we do joke about it. It even shaves off a fraction of the anger I'm emitting. Katrina also jumps up to a 99% approval rating and is now my new favorite person.
What a gal.
"Let me help out with your problem then." Sadly though, that brief happiness is cut short by a gigantic penis as he finally manages to kick the door in.
Grabbing Katrina by the hair, he throws her out into the street before taking a deep breath. Ali is on the floor inside, but he barely spares her a second glance as he storms towards the apprentice. Removing a hidden blade from up his sleeve, the twisted grin of her would-be murder is all she sees as he drives the dagger deep into her abdomen.
"No!" Screaming at the top of my lungs, the entire Dungeon groans and rumbles. Looking pleased with himself, the Catergoriser loses his balance and ends up on the ground as the floor shakes violently. The Dungeon Mist thickens into a blanket of fog as the apprentice's robes soak in blood. Cradling the weapon preventing her bleeding out, my anger swells to heights unknown and I struggle to contain myself.
Why is he doing this?
Glaring at the screens, hate invades my world and dominates my thoughts. Even questions that plague my mind on a daily basis fall silent, no longer interested in answers. Crude and vile slurs leak out from me and all my animosity is aimed solely at Elric as screens shatter, rebuilding themselves only to break again.
Lightning streaks across the void as thunder drums throughout my overview and the darkness is replaced by Dungeon Mist. Taking shape and form, it depicts the event taking place on the first floor and figures appear one after another. Weakened and begging, all unable to move, I feel my Core break as I watch their helplessness. No better than my own.
"Finally. Finally!" The Catergoriser takes form, a second dagger in hand. "I'll rid myself of you here and now. Then Eric is guaranteed to obtain my position. That is the natural order of the world."
Having lost all composure, Elric laughs as he takes aim at his objective. The horrific event, no longer broadcast only by monitors in my overview, details itself in a hue of red before me. Screens fall to the side and I'm left to witness the scene of misery as though I'm there with them.
An immobile and limp Katrina is the last one to form. In the firing line of the Catergoriser, she barely moves. With body too weak to defend itself, she can only watch on in despair as another human sullies the reputation of humanity.
The dagger is launched through the air and I feel useless. Aimed at my new favorite human, a kill shot is guaranteed as slow motion kicks in. My summons can't help her. They're still trapped in the Categoriser's spell. I can just about sense their will. They want to help. They want to fight. They just can't. Unable to move, a circle of endless torment keeps them in pain continously. Physically unable to do either, I may aswell be paralysed with them.
At the last second, I raise a Stone Monolith from the floor infront of Katrina and the blade deflects off it. It was the first time I've used Divinities Creation and, because of its one-use-a-day limit, my one and only trump card has been used. Gone. All because of how the events turned out after Elric saw Katrina.
Not that I had a choice.
"You! How did you do that?" Finally inspecting Dropper and the rest, the Catergoriser's surprise in evident. "No. Don't be fucking ridiculous. Dungeons don't create people." He rants at the Vagabond whilst my Core cries in pain. Moving over her, a third knife is removed from this robe as Dropper struggles to free herself.
The sky flashes brighter than before and a light show illuminates the entire room. The sound of thunder rings out and I let my will run wild with hate for the Categoriser.
"Why do you protect her? Even if she is a monster, she should protect you. Not the other way around." Even if I was still able to communicate with him, I would only tell him how much of a bellend he is. Not after what he just did, or what he's about to do. The only thing I want him to hear is how much I hate him.
All I want to do is scream and that's exactly what I do. Cursing him out with everything I have, I don't want to look at the screens or the projection.
To my surprise, the loudest noise I have ever heard emerges, not in my overview but, in my Dungeon. I didn't even start small. All of a sudden an ear-shattering sound, that I was not expecting to produce, brought the Catergoriser to his knees. Clutching his ears, blood leaks between his fingers as he screams in pain.
How the hell did I do that?
As much as I enjoy the fact that I managed to hurt him, I'm not sure if Katrina's OK. My summons should be OK since they're protected against friendly damage, but I can't connect to them to find out. The human I'm not offended by is a different story though. The last thing I want is to be the end of her life.
Elric quickly downs a potion of as I try and absorb what just happened.
Roar of the Dungeon?
That would be such a cool name. If I somehow get to stick around and keep it. It's just a shame that I'm not as clever as I like to make out I am.
Realising that my Roar will have alerted the men loitering around outside, the feeling of invaders rushing into me is almost enough to make me sick. It's the first time so many people have come in me at once and it feels super icky. It was inevitable after what just happened and in my state of grief-stricken rage, the scenario my mist plays out is even worse than I was imagining.
Black-hearted murderers, dressed like Knights, slaughter they way down my halls. Killing everything that doesn't fit their standards, they clear floor after floor until they arrive at my Core. Elric, on the other hand, is vile. In my imagination he takes turns destroying the spirits of everything I love. Everything I hold dear.
No!!!
Why the fuck am I thinking about shitty, depressing shit like that?
I don't want that to happen to the people I create.
The ones who complain about features.
The ones I cherise and hold close.
This is my family and I'll die before I let you hurt any of them!
Not caring about his back up, rushing through my entrance and down the tunnels to join the Catergoriser, I picture myself next to him in the mist and scream in his ear. Using my new skill, I wail on the dickhead who thinks he can come in me and pull this shit.
My Roar doesn't do as much damage as it did the first time, even though I'm sure I got closer. Not that I know how the skill works. Bubbles made of purple magic protect his ears and it seems he took precautions against me after the first attack. He also seems to have healed up quite well.
Shit.
With my wiles back under a fraction, if control, I look to see how close the others are to reaching the Catergoriser. Strangely though, the intruders seem to have disappeared which I'm not sure how to take. Did they teleport? Emotions are flaring as I scan screen after screen, but come up empty.
Where the hell did they go?
"MASTER! I am here to serve!" The very words that were driving me nuts this morning return on cue. As though they could feel my frustration, my anger and most importantly, my fear. Finally, a different emotion adds itself to the mix. Pushing its way through and kicking sadness off her tower. Hope is back.
As though as he had been there all along, Noir is standing between the Catergoriser and the rest of my family. With a smile across his face and a magnificent shaft in hand, he points at the source of his Master's misery as a circle of golden light appears in rhe darkness. Ejected from within Noir's pocket dimension, a torrent of blood and Boar were released at the Catergoriser. Painted him red, Elric seemed unfazed until the severed head of his son washed up at his feet. Seperate from the rest of its body, the dull and lifeless eyes of the only person he ever cared about caused hysteria to take him.
That was all she needed. Sagging to his knees, Elric's once-beautiful son watched lifelessly as Carrie appeared behind his father. Drawing an arc through the air, a single swing was all it took and father joined son on the floor of the Dungeon. Joining men and Boar alike in what could only be described as a massacre.
"Master, we came as soon as we heard you scream." Hearing the urgency in Carrie's usually-cold tone, which matches the icy demeanour she gives off, warms my Core and releases me from the rest of my rage.
Abi!
Me!
After seeing the familiar script of my trusty companion, the Dungeon Mist is swallowed by the floor and the dark clouds start to dissipate. Leaving a blue sky in their wake, sunshine fills the room and the future feels a little brighter.
I'm so happy you're back, Me. I'll never be mean to you again, I promise.
Quite. Rather, it is my fault for not realising the Catergoriser could paralyse us as well as your monsters.
With the return of my companion, more of my sanity and the only two Shadow Walkers in my Dungeon, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly happy. More so than any other occasion so far during my second life. Even with these joyous feeling, however, I can't quite shake the shock of what just transpired.
It was going good, then it was absolute terrible, before it was over.
Just like that.
One strike from Carrie was all it took to put an end to the threat that was perving up my home. With it, the fear that was momentarily clouding my mind was also taken care of. Noir, for how amazing he looked arriving from nowhere, served as the best distraction I've ever seen
I mean, who releases a tsunami of blood and body parts? Not only were there a shitload of Boar, but it was alps made up of the men that had accompanied him.
My shock is because I've had my fair share of battles and even some harrowing escapes, so I know how difficult of a task I have set the created beings of my dungeon. Yet, they surprise me at every turn. I'm worried about what repercussions The Expert's death will bring. The fact that Carrie finished him off with a single blow is blowing my fear out of the water and replacing it with hope.
Not the ideal I was picturing before, one built on wishes and promises. A new type of hope has just shown its face. Based on the strength I personally witnessed firsthand from someone I summoned myself, if all my Rogues grow to Shadow Walkers, or better, then I won't have to worry about the next time someone comes knocking to give me a classification.
Next time?
Shit!
Katrina!