It makes sense now.
The reason Aura never mentions her home.
As I stand behind the redhead native, waiting for her to cast some good light on me and explain how they have it all wrong, somehow, she ends up making the situation far worse than it had been originally.
How?
Let's just say that Aura has a really nasty mouth when it comes to her own people. Why? I have no idea. If I didn't know any better, I could easily mistake the princess as a human picking a cross-species fight after catching a third of her verbal assaults.
I mean, the way she speaks to the other elves is just mean and insulting. Then again, she did become a slave for whatever reason, so... Maybe she's justified in ranting at them.
Or, maybe this is just how elves communicate with each other and I'm actually being welcomed by them. Could I have been mistaken earlier? I mean, it could be possible.
"The Princess has been brainwashed by the evil dungeon!"
Nevermind. They think she's under mind control instead. Great. You know what, I can't do this today. Why is nothing ever as simple as it should be? I need a day off after all that traveling around. What should have been a pleasant experience turned more and more into a choir as the days passed unsuccessfully.
Now that I'm here, I'm already regretting it. I should have just told Edwan "No, I don't want to meet your King." Why did I think this would be a good idea? Whatever, I'm going home. Maybe the elves will have calmed down by the time we return. I doubt it and, once again, I'm screwing over future me by leaving this problem to her.
Poor Abi of Tomorrow. She's gonna be super pissed at Abi of Yesterday. Although, she does kinda deserves it in my opinion.
"Fuck this shit, we're leaving." A quick nod is all the confirmation I need and in the blink of an eye, we're back in Varona. The citizens bustling down the street create a steady racket, but it's a welcoming one and is music to my ears. The sounds of their laughter and joy fill my world, subtly easing the building tension inside which I release with a sigh.
I really thought that visit would have gone better than it did.
"I didn't want to say it, since it sounds a little racist, but those elves are proper dicks. A big bag of dicks... And not the good kind," unable to keep my thoughts to myself, they split out unintentionally. Instead of being annoyed at the hate I'm casting upon her people, Aura bursts out in laughter at my ridiculous reference.
Knowing the elven Princess isn't angry with me, I join in and enjoy it while I can. I doubt she'll be happy when I ask for her aid again, but I'm definitely going to need it. Even if she doesn't want to help me, I still have to ask.
Before that can happen, a forced cough from behind and a disgruntled comment about male genitalia is enough for me to know that Assistant A heard every word that I just said.
"Hey, Me." Knowing full well the ginger ninja has never been a fan of my vulgarity, I quickly try to move the conversation away from my last comment. "How are you today? Is everything OK, or do you need more DP?"
I smile and he lets out a sigh, casting a sorrowful gaze towards the ground before looking to the heavens for assistance. Although, I don't see what the big problem is. He can be as bad as I am sometimes. Plus, he isn't going to find any help looking up there. They're worse than I am those gods.
A big bag of deity-sized dicks is all you're going to find up there, buddy.
"Quite. Kolena wants to speak with you. She's on your tower and is..." Before he can say another word, I've already teleported over to the worst of us.
"You better not be messing with my cuddlies," I announce on arrival, startling the curious so-called Goddess who was definitely just brushing my Direwolf up against her face. Eddie lands on the futon and I glare at Kolena like she's a princess-stealing Dungeon Core. This type of face get through to people, as I've just learned firsthand through experience.
Hopefully, my glaring might stop her unannounced visits to my tower, though it's not likely.
"What do you think you're doing, Kolena? I swear to the... I mean, I've told you before not to touch them." I don't need to be swearing to the gods whilst in front of one. Who knows what the little snitch would do me in for? I'm also 100% sure she'd sell me out in a heartbeat if it meant getting her title back.
This bitch.
"I... I don't think you did." Her reply causes me to pause and I'm certain she's one of the people I mentioned this to. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the third time I'm telling her so. Gods just seem to think they can do what they want, where they want, with whoever they want and, if I'm being honest, in most places that would be true.
Having a God residing in your town would undoubtedly cause the area and people to flourish. Their presence alone would promote so many benefits that humans everywhere would jump on the opportunity if it was presented to them. So who wouldn't want to welcome a deity into their city?
Someone who knows how they think on a deeper level, that's who. Seriously, who in their right mind would give the Lazy God permission to live in their city? Certainly not me. That guy is way too picky about off-handed comments that he doesn't stop to think. He just acts and... Well, look at where that got him. He's probably waiting for his avatar to fix as I speak. Is that even how it works?
Hold on a minute. Why don't I have that skill? Where's my avatar? Shouldn't I have gotten it when I took his domain? Crap. The Queen of Question strikes again with another pile of unanswerable bullshit.
"Well... I've told a lot of people and you hear more than they do. These are mine. I'll make you your own if you want, but these are mine! There's no ifs and buts here. Being from another plane of existence also means nothing. Most of these guys come from Syndicate requests, so they're all originals. I can recreate anything though and I will give you some, so for the last time please don't touch these." Otherwise, you might have to take an unplanned trip home. Back to wherever the hell it is you came from whilst you wait for your avatar to heal. Hell, you can even discuss philosophy with your lazy-ass colleague while you're there.
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I know I'm being petty with my self-centered request, but do I care? No. They're only stuffed creatures and I can easily recreate them, but they hold sentimental value to me. In their own way, each one represents not only a mission but a reward. The Direwolf, for example, is the first cuddlie I obtained way back when. Eddie is priceless, if only to me.
"I'm... Sorry? I didn't think you would mind that much" You'd better be sorry as well. There are some lean, mean, God-killing machines in this dungeon, I'll have you know.
"Well, I do. So if you please." I motion for the Goddess to move aside and then quickly go over my collection. Ed, Ned, Ted, Deb, Seb, Fred and Jeb, are all fine.
No one is missing and I can breathe.
Life's good.
"OK. Me said you wanted to see me. What's up?" I feel much better after making sure she hasn't secretly stolen one of my treasures, but I still don't feel like I can trust Kolena. At least not completely.
Just the fact that the former Goddess of Beauty is from the same realm as the God Light killed completely overshadows the good work she's doing in the reformation department. Teamed up with Hana, Mira, and Samantula, the latest Lazy God is not as reserved as her moniker would suggest. She's also a far cry from the title's predecessor.
Not that she was known that way before, but I have long since claimed the right to be the Goddess of Beauty. Plus, I've been banging on about making people beautiful being my superpower since day one. Now that it's confirmed, there's nothing I like more than rubbing it Me's face.
That's what happens to naysayers and non-believers, you know?
They get told.
"You said that I would become even-more beautiful by staying here. That is not happening. I want my title back." Pfft. Tell me another one, Kolena. That almost made me wet myself it was so funny.
"And I want to bitch slap you back to the divine realm, but only with a great amount of effort am I managing to restrain myself." Through gritted teeth, Kolena doesn't notice the internal struggle conflicting within me and continues to babble on about her unjust life.
Little does she know that I don't give two fucks about how unjust she thinks her life is. She damn well hasn't had it as hard as me, or half the people on Tironia for that matter, that's for sure. Lazy-ass loafers who are no better than the nobility and wouldn't know a hard day's graft if it slapped them in the face have no reason to complain about anything.
Was she turned into a Dungeon Core after witnessing a sight no true maiden should ever have to witness?
Is she forced to stay inside the confines of herself unless she knowingly makes herself larger?
Does she have to listen to Assistant A banging on about her language and constantly reminding her to tone it down?
I don't think so!
"I'm only going to say this once, Kolena, so listen closely and, for the love of everything you hold dear, pay attention. Go down to Talia's and tell her that I said you can have as many Jacks as you want on the house. Then, find a nice young man and go home with him. That's all. If, however, before you do any of that, you mention another damn word about how bad your life is, I will personally send your soul through the reincarnation cycle myself. Goddess or not! Understand?"
Kolena's quite pale as far as skin tone goes, but her colour whitens until it matches that of her clothes whilst she processes my words. Slowly - and with as much grace as a reappointed God can muster, she disappears from my sight. Hopefully off to do exactly as she was told.
She needs it that one.
Kolena is way too high-strung for her own good. Which is probably what most of the deities are like. I imagine there are more like Kolena than The System's creator. Although, since he created the dungeon-making apparatus, doesn't that mean he wasn't that lazy once upon a time?
Whatever. It would seem an easy life is still too much to ask for and a long way away. Then again, if we're being honest, I'm not much help in that department either. Forever leaving the problems of today for my future self to clean up, I'm more of a culprit than anyone for making messes for myself to clean up.
I've really got to get my shit together soon, but at least I'm not dumping it on other people anymore.
That's good, right?
From the top of my tower, I watch as the people below take pleasure and enjoy the city that I created for them. Even with the frequent greetings I receive and the acknowledgment given from the church, I still feel like an outsider sometimes. Which is strange since I'm the one that created this place.
Not that I ever envisioned Varona would turn out the way it has done. In hindsight, it was the foolish idea of an even more foolish person yet it came together magnificently. I couldn't have predicted Gorn's destruction and in no way am I happy that it happened, but without those tragic circumstances, I wouldn't have half as many citizens as I do now or a fully-functioning city that takes care of itself.
Yes, the council has their part to play, but even if they disappeared with me Varona would keep on going. Citizens work hard to guard and keep food production going - even though there's no real need as my fields produce way more than they require, it's a nice sight to see nonetheless.
Plus, it's better to be active than lounging around all day. Idle minds tend to wander and so do souls. With that thought, I grab an arm-full of Eds' and close my eyes. Fully intending to go to sleep, my futon begins to adjust to my body and comfort envelops me. I let out a peaceful sigh and then the moment is ruined.
"What are you doing?" Me's voice disrupts my relaxing vibe and I can't help but let out another sigh. This one, however, is far from peaceful and carries many curse words I chose not to voice.
Maybe I should send Me to be Kolena's drinking buddy.
"What now, Me? I've only just gotten rid of of one problem. Can't I just have five minutes for myself?" Rather than looking at him, I make the pink troll, whose name is Ned, do it for me instead. With a little magic, he even cocks an eyebrow at Me. Which goes completely unnoticed, causing a further bout of sighing from myself and Ned.
"Unfortunately, there are a few other matters that require your attention today." His words break my heart. Wasn't the whole reason I formed the council so that I could palm these matters off and live peacefully? I know damn well they were, so why do they keep swinging back my way?
It was then that the answer to my problems appeared beside her senior. Surely You had arrived to voice her own opinions and suggestions, which are always dungeon-related, but before she gets the chance, Abi the Delegation Queen strikes again.
"You. I'm glad you're here." My clone, which is currently occupied by You's consciousness, looks skeptical and my words don't inspire her the way I thought they would. It doesn't get any better as I go on either.
"I've thought about this a lot," Obviously, I haven't, "and I've decided to put you in charge of anything and everything that requires my attention." I still haven't opened my eyes, but I feel a smile creep across my face.
If only I meant it.
"What!?" You pales at the monumental task I've just dumped in her lap. She shakes, tears up, and then looks to her senior for aid. At first, he looks off into the forest. The area that needs filling with monsters daily. He crumbles when she doesn't let up, however.
"Abi. You can't delegate everything to You. She's still quite new and is still coming to terms with how you operate." Me's such a pushover when it comes to Assistant B. I wonder, if I was offering her his job, would he have a different opinion on the matter? Either way, I was only joking. I know I can't palm this shit off on You.
If I was going to delegate the task to anyone, it would be Deputy Mayor Sacha. Then again, that's not such a bad idea. Maybe there's some vacation time in my future after all.
"I wasn't really going to dump it all on You. Relax, Me. I'm getting better at handling and seeing things through these days." With You off the hook, she looks a lot better now that my responsibilities aren't hanging over her head. I don't even know why she's worried. It's not that hard being the Dungeon Core.
"Then why are you laid up here and not in the elven capital?" As per the norm, Me's words are a slap in the face that call my bullshit out regardless of the subject. Seconds was all it took for animosity to return and my mood to be ruined. Reluctantly, I open my eyes, sit up, and glare at Me.
Stupid, hateful elves. Why do they have to be so mean? Aura didn't help the situation either with her choice of words and it would've probably gone better had I not summoned her in the first place, to be honest.
Still, I'd like to see him do a better job.
Huh? That's not actually a bad idea eother.
"I'll tell you what, Me. Tomorrow, you can try speaking with the elves instead..."