It's been a week since I lost my hearing, I was worried about a possible infection, but there's no pain or a major discomfort. So, it seems that for now, everything is fine. However, I must say that a silent world is sad.
In any case, during these days, I've been making progress in my study of magic. There are still no promising results, but I feel like I'm getting used to it. Well, my body is getting used to it, and today in my training session, I was able to suck more energy from the environment. The difference is barely noticeable. Still, seeing progress put me in a good mood.
There's certainly something hindering, blocking my progress, but I don't know if it's my body, my ignorance of this energy or maybe my mind unknowingly refusing to let this strange energy take control. It's like when you meet a new person and feel uncomfortable if that person tries to get too close to you; well, at least that's my case. So, it wouldn't be strange if I unconsciously fear magic.
Today's progress restored some of the confidence I had lost. Also, I've been thinking about how to make practical use of magic, and it's clear that I need to automate the process; I can't just meditate all the time, that would be impractical. So, I need a method or an organ to handle the process, thus ensuring constant access to magic.
The problem is, based on my past experience, I feel like any of my organs are incapable of handling that task, or at least not at the power level I need. So I thought 'what if I use my whole body like a solar panel?' I mean, from my meditation sessions, I know the energy is everywhere, so why not mimic frogs and absorb that energy through the skin? But of course, automating the process like a solar panel.
The question is, how to achieve it?
My idea is, instead of forcefully sucking in energy like lungs do with air, I could use the method cold-blooded animals use to warm their bodies. But of course, I still need a foundation to work with; I mean, animals use their blood, but I'm not sure if using blood would be correct in my case.
Having said that, for the first time, one of my ideas isn't a dead end. Though certainly, the way out of this situation is thorny, as I need to locate where I'm currently circulating the energy, and of course, I also need a heart, an engine to keep that energy in constant circulation. Difficult, but I feel it's not impossible.
A dragon rebuilt my body with its blood; why couldn't I create a new heart?
However, the first step is to locate those magical veins in my body, which I was trying to do but failed. It's strange; I feel they're there but I can't find them. It's like being in complete darkness and hearing noises around you; you know something is there but you can't see it. It actually reminds me a bit of when my body was being rebuilt.
Even though I spent the whole day meditating and now I'm lying down watching the night sky, both my body and mind are completely exhausted. It's time for a well-deserved rest, and I must say that sleeping after having fulfilled your duty, or at least being in the positive numbers, makes sleep more enjoyable. That said, the distance from where I am to the vault isn't short, and although I can certainly move, my body feels heavy.
I could stay here to sleep, and while I admit that sleeping under the stars is amazing, I've decided to move completely to the Vault, as I discovered this week that my mind rests better in that place. I suppose knowing that there's someone else besides me in this place plays a crucial role in that fact, and when I wake up, I feel more positive. Solitude can be dangerous.
With a bit of effort I made my way to the room and as usual, Danamus is sleeping. To be honest, I feel guilt because he is in that state from helping me and I worry that he may not wake up. However, I don't think he would have done what he did if it was dangerous for his life, so I want to believe he won't die. I hope.
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In front of me lies the only thing in this place I can call mine: a bed made of green leaves. It's fortunate that the temperature here is constant; otherwise, all I'd have to cover myself with would be leaves, and I don't think they'd make good thermal insulation. Although if the temperature were to suddenly drop, I suppose I could take advantage of the dragon's sleeping body heat.
While my mind tried to imagine a bright future, I surrendered myself to Morpheus hoping to have a good sleep and being able to recharge my batteries properly.
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A new day and everything is silent. There's nothing I can do about it, so I started my routine for this week which has been breakfast, exercise, shower, meditate until nightfall and sleep. I have a purpose in mind, so it's not boring, but I must say that the fruits don't taste as good as they used to. The flavor is the same, but it's just not the same anymore.
Having said that, today a surprise awaited me, and I realized I wasn't awake; I mean, I was seeing myself meditate.
When I came out of the castle I saw him, or rather I saw me. There I was meditating with my eyes closed in the usual place, totally focused on circulating the magic. As my footsteps stopped, my heart raced, the information I was capturing with my eyes was shocking.
I'm not surprised to see myself; I know anything can happen in dreams. I mean, I'm here because of a damn dream. What was shocking was that I COULD SEE IT, I COULD SEE THE PLACE WHERE ENERGY IS CIRCULATING IN MY BODY!
It's a thin gray line flickering as if it were saying, "Look at me, here I am!" Of course, what I was seeing was happening in the body of the me who was meditating.
But it's strange. Certainly, when I meditate, I feel the connection to the ambient magic is established with the heart. But what I'm seeing looks like a line tattooed on the skin or in the flesh?
I can't see in detail from this distance. I quickly snapped out of my stupor and ran towards my dream self, but the more I tried to approach, the further it seemed to move away. No matter how fast I ran, the distance didn't decrease, and the city around me began to crumble as if it were a mirror. The dream is ending, or rather, I am about to wake up, so I sped up in the hope that I could get there before the darkness erased everything.
However, it wasn't enough. I couldn't see what that gray line was, and darkness swallowed my dream.
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I woke up sweating, feeling like I had just run a marathon. Beside me, Danamus was still asleep, but I didn't stop to think whether this was a dream or reality and hurried out. I still remember the gray line and where it is located. If what I saw in the dream was real, I don't want to miss this golden opportunity. I was in a hurry, but my subconscious told me 'don't try to meditate in the vault or there will be problems'.
I was agitated and unsure if I could calm down enough to meditate, but it didn't matter whether I could or not; I had to be able to do it. Dreams are often forgotten, and if I forget the exact location of that line, I don't know when I'll be able to find it on my own, as it was incredibly thin.
I wanted to replicate the dream, so I headed to my usual meditation spot.
*ieefff*
*uuffff*
*ieefff*
*uuffff*
*ieefff*
*uuffff*
*ieefff*
*uuffff*
*ieefff*
*uuffff*
*ieefff*
*uuffff*
As I tried to calm my body, in my mind I was reliving the image I had seen in the dream, but I couldn't calm down.
"Water, I need water"
I was so excited that even though my mind wanted to calm down, my body didn't respond, and as seconds passed, I started to panic. Maybe I'm being paranoid and I can take it easy, but I've been stuck for so long that even if the possibility is almost nil, I can't allow this revelation to slip away because of that tiny possibility.
*Cough cough
*
"Fuck"
In my mind there wasn't any doubt as to whether what I had seen in my dream was real.
Whether it was because of the energy I had spent running, because of the water or because of luck, but I made it, it was difficult, but I made it. The familiar feeling of freshness penetrating my heart became present along with the mental map and I feel the energy moving through my body. I have the sensation that if I try to observe my interior, I will get the same result of the lethargy. But in a flash of inspiration, I remembered my dream.
In the dream I was seeing myself in third person, so I used the mental map as if it were a drone and tried to move away, to get out of my body. It was just an idea that came from wanting to replicate the dream.
"Hahaha"
I don't know how, but it worked. I managed to see myself from a distance and saw the same gray line on my body flickering. The line flickered as the environmental energy tried to force its way through, but the gray line is very thin and it looked like it was going to break at any moment. But before this happened, the gray line disappeared.
That was the first time I had real contact with the energy of this world; it was where everything truly began.