POV Main

Visually Dee changed a lot. He was bigger. I would need big backpack to carry him. His shape started to change too. Some bulges appeared on his form. If I could guess it was start to forming limbs or something similar. The most startling were his new metallic patterns on surface. Like silver fractals hypnotizing one observing, like mathematical Julia’s sets, complicated yet impressing closeness. Mesmerizing.

Rest of the biomass, that wasn’t used in growing spurt, was formed into some kind of red and brown nest. It looked as beginning of building gothic cathedral.

-= Wow, Dee, you changed a lot. You even started to build a shrine. – I said.

-= Just wash me and take me out of here.

I did just that.

I put him on comfortable chair. I knew we would have long conversation. I even took some notebook.

-= First of all, I can cramp and smooth truth, my new information, a little, to make you more comfortable or tell you bare version. Which would you chose?

-= You know me. I prefer dark truths over half truths. Try me.

-= I am strange existence. It seems, I’m kind of parasitic creature. I’m some kind of biomass nervous system enclosed in stone. By resonating with your, my daevo, my host, nervous system, I’m forming my own nervous system. I use more microelements and electrolyte than animals, so it’s possible that I’m not exactly biological. Not by going by common criteria. – He stopped for a moment. – As far as I can say, I was created as self-consciousness matrix and you were my imprint.

-= Please let me think a little. – I said. I needed to think, if I understood him correctly and then, if he was right in his assumptions.

Probably I wouldn’t be able to understand him, if I didn’t know Elon Musk’s dreams about immortality.

-= Ok, before we go further, I wanted to ask you about some points.

-= Sure.

-= What do you know about self-consciousness and consciousness, to say, that you were this nerve matrix.

-= Each day or night since we were linked, very slowly your knowledge, some part of your memories was copied to my matrix. Even if you don’t remember things, I know that you read “Physiology of animals” by Krzymowski edition IX. You didn’t read it all, but second chapter was about nervous system.

I remembered it. I wanted to impress my ex-girlfriend which was studying on SGGW. I nodded.

-= To make it shorter. Your consciousness is produced by reticular formation and its appendages. Which is taking less than five percent of your brain.

-= Less? Can you be more precise?

-= Yes. It’s about two percent of your brain matter. You can count little more, if you count shared neurons and shared brain matter.

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-= Let me be clear. This, what is making me myself, is two percents of my brain?

-= Yes.

-= Fuck, I was in so good mood before and now I’m depressed.

-= Do you wish to stop for a moment?

Did I? It was such a blow to think, that mystery of consciousness was so easy. No, real blow was when you felt depreciated. You were thinking about yourself, that you were high and mighty, then you uncovered that you were less than two percent of your dreams. I laughed at me, how stupid I was.

I took some deep breaths.

-= Let’s continue.

-= I can see that you are irate. Your blood pressure is very high.

-= You know something that could make me calm down?

-= Maybe. Do you know how your conscious works?

-= I’m just thinking about something, that’s all.

-= Partially. Your brain is thinking all the time. There are different areas, that think or analyze different things at the same time. They send signals to reticular formation and there, you are deciding which are important and should be coordinated through actions on outside reality. Self-consciousness is about expected outcome you could get from your actions.

My brain was defending from this understanding. It was trying to avoid depreciation.

-= So, I’m also rest of my brain that talks to my consciousness?

-= You can say that. But it’s half true.

-= I know, but my ego can’t accept it fully. Can we talk about something that will better my mood?

I felt as Dee send me equivalent of smile.

-= I am done by your image, as Biblia says.

-= What did you say?

-= I’m copying part of your memories, your reasons, your personality, your character into myself. I have some of my original instincts and inborn information, but other than this, I’m your mental copy.

-= Wow. Nice. – It really helped me better my mood. – I think Elon would pay billions of USD for one clear stone with that ability. Ha ha ha.

-= Just don’t sell me.

-= Sure bro.

I felt a lot better.

-= Nameless?

-= Yes?

-= There are two more ugly things I should tell you, but I don’t know, if it is right moment.

-= You know what, maybe it will be better to talk in the morning about hard stuff. Let’s stay on light topics.

-= Ok.

POV Anna

I came back to my city. All Monday there was this song that walked over my head Don’t you worry child by Swedish house mafia. My contact during dreams was getting better. I used a lot of my blood, so I felt tired. I needed another source. At the chemist they said, that I can get blood only in hospital, if I had some rare disease. I knew that it was false, because sportsmen on professional level were using transfusions to lift results and regenerate after intense training. But I didn’t have contact there.

At the evening I went to agricultural market and bought Belgian giant rabbit and cage and other stuff. Earlier at chemist I bought some equipment. I had plans to use some of the rabbits blood, but otherwise care for rabbit and provide it with good life. He was so fluffy and soft.

On Tuesday I was thinking, if this was too much for me. Rabbit wasn’t like dog. It was stupid, didn’t listen, didn’t learn. It was big and I couldn’t drain it for its blood. I needed just a little and was too weakened to help myself. I could say, I was frustrated. I found solution on web. If I haven’t had drugs to put it to sleep, then I should stun it a little.

I took meat mallet. Hugged rabbit closely. It was hurting me with its hind legs. I hit it with a mallet to the head. He started wresting more and more energetic. I hit it another time. And then I snapped. I didn’t stop hitting. Even after some time it didn’t react at all. I stopped with much lower frustration.

I used knife to cut rabbit and pour blood on stone. I needed to hung rabbit over the stone, to make it happen. It took time. Meanwhile I found online nice receipt, how to roast rabbit. When blood draining was done, I cut off limbs and head, removed fur and guts. I cut out best meat portions. It made me calmer.

I went out to throw out trashes and buy spices and vegetables. I was back and ready for roasting.

When I ate roasted meat, it felt like victory. Was this, because for the first time I provided and hunted my own food? I felt that, if I didn’t eat body of creature I killed, I would be evil. I cried after, but I didn’t know why.

Before I went to sleep, I thought, that I had useless cage. I long thought, if I should keep the cage. In the end I decided to sell it. I was too weak to keep rabbit alive. I could only hope, that I can become stronger.