POV Main

Before we would talk about following matters and meeting of stone-bonded, I should make clear few things. I was working on different things. When I tell you for example about stone feeding it does not mean I’m not doing other things. It’s just that I don’t want to jump from topic to topic.

From the moment stat page was shown to me I was hell bend to master magic. I know it is not real magic. It’s just so different from science and common knowledge, that I call it magic. Some call it extrasensory or quantum-force. Whatever. Main point is, if you could use it. Once you can use it, you will have advantage over these who can’t. If you know about poker philosophy, you know that even the smallest edge over time would become outcome changing force.

So, from the beginning I was trying to harness [Will resonance] and [Flow bending]. Problem was that Dee didn’t have much knowledge about training. It seemed that he had general directions and ability to tell if one was going in the right direction, but not coursebook. So I experimented a lot.

Directions for [Will resonance] were clear. All things that you could do under mind-pressure was beneficial to [Will resonance] training. But it was not that easy. Human brain and body had coping mechanisms that disrupted training of will.

For example if you used pain as training vector, after few minutes your body would produce endorphins which would destroy your benefits. You could increase pain output, but it was with the price of destroying your body and nervous system. So it was dead end.

You could use psychological pain, but then you had no control on effects on your personality. And you would need people who would bully you or close people who would hurt you. And to reap benefits you should steel your will and overcome your adversaries which was not given outcome.

Since I had stone, Dee, I was under psychological pressure. I had hard choices to make, which was part of the training by itself.

I found other methods. One was working on senses. For example for sight, you can find word maze on searching engine online. You could find some big maze which, when you looked at it as a whole thing, you would have that impression, as if your brain couldn’t comprehend what you were seeing. Don’t try to find a way, let your eyes wander. There were also that visual illusions. When you could get to this state, where you were under illusion and at the same time you could feel and think how it works in your brain. Or impossible objects pictures. If your brain, your will, could overcome that your senses was misled, you were working on your training.

For hearing it I think it depends on person. I was listening to some fluent music and then some baroque dissonant pieces, as Biber’s war of ten (battalia a ten). It was to great effect to me. I thought that others would prefer for dissonance to hear screeching on the blackboard. The point is to put proper defense in your mind against that kind of disruption.

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There was also exercising your body to the limit. At the limit there was this will pushing moment. If you pushed too much, body would produce endorphins which would destroy will training effects.

There is also winter swimming and oxygen chamber which are helpful at both [Will resonance] and [Flow bending]. If you would winter swim just use neoprene socks on feet and some good pants on crotch. You shouldn’t swim, just stay in water with hands on head and water on breasts level. If you would go to oxygen chamber, first you should do some sessions of special breathing. It could be deep see divers breathing exercise or Wim Hof version. You shouldn’t fall asleep in the chamber. You could try to do breathing exercise inside.

I also tried floating session, but it didn’t work for me.

There was also exerting will on others as an exercise. And I did it. After some time I could feel their minds adjust to my suggestions. I won’t write much about it here, as it borders criminal activities.

[Flow bending] training was more difficult for me than [Will resonance]. Maybe I couldn’t find good way to move with it.

General direction I got from Dee, was to have effort with intent. So I started with physical exercises and it was not working. I was researching [Will resonance] at the same time, so I was happy to find out that winter swimming and oxygen chamber were working, even if intent was like stay longer, breath better. Unexpectedly cryochamber was working good, but not working with [Will resonance].

I tried few different things as it was not working well. Archery was helping somehow and meditation outside too. I felt as if my [Flow bending] had problems in development, because I couldn’t really see what it was. It could be few very different things, but I couldn’t find common element that was linking them. I also tried bending spoons by will and starting flames in air, without much results. I was throwing dice with intent and counting results, they were inside bound by standard deviation.

My [Flow bending] was changing. I could see my stats page. But I couldn’t feel it, as if with [Will resonance] development. There was no special ability which I could show to myself and told myself, this was what you got out of your efforts. I was frustrated.

I started to research occult, yoga, some pagan believes, even satanic essays. After few days I resigned and distanced myself from these ways. It was all shit. It was like hearing muddled guy who tries to sell you your own donkey. And satanic thing was even more stupid.

Luckily I had some results in other areas. Otherwise I would be depressed.

So I was doing everything that worked even a little. I had some little victories and some little setbacks. I couldn’t see it clearly at time, but I had aim, feeling of purpose. I was locked before on some raft, and after that occurrence I had oar. It was so much better than drifting.

To help me, Dee said, that creating complex constructs in mind or training reaction time can be helpful. Even if it would not help directly, it would make my mind stronger. I started to play some board games on board game arena online, see some clever brain teasers and riddles. Even watched some mathematics and physics videos on Youtube. Feynman’s short films were great. Then watched history of Earth from beginnings, on PBS Eons and others. Normally I wouldn’t have time and energy, but I wanted to know, I wanted to do, I wanted to grow. Something changed inside of me. There was this feeling as I could grasp life better.

On the other side, I isolated myself from people. I had Dee, but he was not enough somehow. I was part of karaoke night, and shortly meet some friends on weekend, but that were just shallow meetings. I felt a little different from others because of my relation with Dee.

Sometimes I even thought, if it was some kind of tutorial on what would become of my life. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t get back, because for a first time in a long time I felt alive.