Book I Epicycles
001. Do you believe in black swans?
POV Main
Once Taleb said that there are this swans that look just like any other swan but they are different. Did you heard about that theory? No. So I say few words about that. It's like that: you live day by day, and each day seems to be like any other, and then you find yourself in some strange, new place. And when you look back you can see black swan, the day that took you on different route. Or can you?
I think that for me it was that Thursday. Normally I would end my remote job at 17:00, watch some horror movies, maybe read something and wait till weekend to meet up with friends and do some stuff. Maybe try to find new girlfriend, It's been some time since I was in serious relationship. But I had urge to make some photos. It's a hobby and I'm not even good at it. My brother who lives in another part of Poland, in Underwood province, city of Whitehill, is good at it. So I know some stuff and I like making photos from time to time.
Oh, I live in War-Saw, capital of Poland. That means, I need to get out of the city to have nice places where I can take pictures. I like nature, I came from Underwood province which is mostly countryside with lots of forests and fields, and it seems that nature do calm me down. Now that I think about it, there was some urgency in me. How you call it, loon or geas.
So, it was evening, which made me hurry. I choose to go to Kabat's Woods, cause it was easy by tube. Lots of people like to go for a walk to Kabat's Woods. It's quite safe place. Well, Poland is safe country. Yeah, strange country but safe at the same time. Till you provoke people here, then retailing can be severe. It's because of history and wars.
So, I was walking through the woods, taking some pictures. It was spring time and was really nice. I wanted some photos of dusk, so I went out of the tracks. There is a slope through War-Saw, because of river Viswa. I wanted to be at the slope, even if there was no premade tracks at that part of wood. I made it right on time. Sun was setting itself. I don't really care for sun that much. I like clouds and colors. Even more clouds than colors. But this civilization of ours is living under roofs. You need to find places where you can see things which are not under roof. And I did.
I was sitting on the slope, taking pictures, thinking about this different things i have or not have in life. Then sun set itself completely and air started to become colder. It was time for me to go under roof.
I was going back when I saw it. Part of slope went down by erosion showing some unusual stones under the sand. You know like pagan ones with symbols. It didn't impress me much. For your knowledge, terrain of Poland is known to be mainly atheistic even in pagan times. It's said that about 80% of Poles are part of catholic church, but it's kind of surface faith. I wanted to make some point not digress. There was no sacrifices in pagan or Christian history of this lands. We do not care much about stones or bones. There are traditions, pagan or not, but we care about them by doing them and not by setting them in stone. So I would went on, my thinking that weight of stone is a dead weight, if not for bit of silver shining. Money, we care about money,
One of the stones had some silvery presence to it, so I took it. I did picture of a place and stones, because you never know, and then took it. It was stone with two symbols, silver veins, big as a grasping hand. Now I know, stones are bones of the earth.
Well, I need to slow down because my hands are shaking. I should tell you things in order. I need some time to get myself together. In meantime I will feed you some information found by others or you can read Chesterton's The Man Who Was Thursday, if you are cynical.
POV Matthew K., place Bottom Silesia, info from his pages
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I can not soundly sleep. It's like a voice you can not hear clearly, but buzzing won’t stop. Just as you start to dream it haunts you. It took me few days to get information that healthy sleep deprivation can lead to death. After one week of nap times instead of good night sleeping I felt wrecked. I am scheduled to sleep deprivation specialist in two weeks since today. It's on NFZ (citizens health system), and I'm starting to think about going to private clinic which is expensive. Really. In this state of mind I am, I am of no use. No use on going to university because I don't remember in the evening what I was learning in the morning. My part job is threatened. I have problems with communicating with my parents and siblings. It seems i started conflicts with my friends, who cared. This who are talking to me on daily basis, are scam who don't care about studies or career. These are party and shit people. I despised them and now they are only ones who hang out with me.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
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There was this party. And some shit happened. Dave and his goons had problem with Mike. It's a long story of problems since primary I think. Then, in the middle of partying, somehow I was used to even the score. That part ends with me fighting with bare fists against Mike. We kind of both lose. Mike went home, and I lost respect. Now there are really only scam people around me. Dave took care about me after fight. To show others that I was winning side in fight he prepared some drugs which I took. There was no pain after and I stayed at the party, but i was not completely me. But after that I slept well for a first time in two weeks. I hope, father won’t find out about fight, he's short tempered miner after all.
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I needed drugs to sleep. Sleep deprivation specialist did not help much. I have to go to visits to neurology center but they are few and far between. I started to take drugs but am short of money. I'm stealing things from family and people around me but it's not much. Dave is cutting its share and is not showing me source. He is even smiling at me. I even suggested some sexual stuff, but he is straight and have no relations to that kind of people.
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By some wicked chance I found on web people with similar problem with sleep. There will be meeting in War-Saw in a week. I'm going to go.
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I attacked Dave. I needed drugs so meet with him. I did not had enough money, even if before this was enough. I was a mess. He was saying things about me and my circumstances. Not a nice things. I was crying and begging. He clearly had his fun out of it. I would do anything, but he said that he will teach me how to be a good dog. And I would learn gladly if I get drugs out of this. But no. He laughs. I can hear him even now. Then he showed that he had drugs on him. I snaped. And then he was laying with some blood on the floor and I had drugs in hand. I took half that moment out of fear. Then checked that he was alive and not severely wounded and left. Two days to the meeting. I hope he won’t go to the police.
POV Main
I started having problems with sleep. I did not notice it was since I took the stone. I found some books on rocks. This veins could be silver or even platinum but more likely they were something not moneyable, books said. I wanted to check. I did not have any tools, so I tried by knife and screwdriver to get sample. Failed. Problems with sleep started growing into life problems. I'm from Underwood so I bought some herbs and it relived some symptoms. No drugs, we're healthy maniacs there.
I was feeling stronger so I got back to the stone case. I used this disk with artificial micro diamonds as a sandpaper to get very tiny sample of dust. I get some scratches on hand in the process but was happy having job done. I was ready to visit chemist laboratory.
Then, that very night, I heard whispering in my sleep. It was fucking creepy. I even told some friends about it.
Next night was the same part of whispering and more. Whoever was whispering add that I should not talk with friends about it or possible I would be in troubles. It was fucked up.
I was thinking about myself as a reasonable person, still think that. But, you know, interactive dreaming could mean two things. First, I was mentally ill. It was highly unlikely, in history of my family there was some mental problems but totally not from this direction. Second, there was some poison on stone or some radioactive shit. I planned to put stone into tight container and test sample. So I put winter gloves and went to the drawer. Well, I put stone to container. But it was spooky. I remembered that few blood drops went on the surface of stone in some random places, now all of the blood was covering one of the symbols. Non panic, as they said in hitchhiker's guide to galaxy. So I sat down. I stopped thinking about running to some hotel. I stopped thinking about throwing the stone out. I stopped thinking about visiting some asylum. I was fucking horror lover. I stopped thinking about putting some of my blood on second symbol. It was late evening or early night, so I didn't call anyone. I'm grownup, aren't I? I'm kind of atheistic person, but I like in horror when something unexplained happens. And I love survival horrors as you're next or the hunt. To be clear, I'm straight and I don't wanna be woman. Now I'm telling you all that stuff, but in that moment I felt little. Don't misunderstand, people are lying to each other, people are lying to themselves. I'm not different. I will lie to you, sometimes I lie to myself and I know it. Truth is good not because it's true, but because ignoring truth will lead to painful outcomes. So I'm sorry in advance if I will lie to you. I want to be seen as better than I am.
I was afraid. But there was no wolf behind the door, no lion in the garden. Where was danger exactly, what could I do? I didn't know. So it was decision done by inertia. Following day I would do test and possibly talk with people. Stone was locked up. I was high on adrenaline so I could not sleep. But after few hours I got tired and fell asleep.
In fact, that was my first dream when voice was really clear. From the beginning he was tempting me. That night he told more. Probably he was lying a lot.
So, do you believe in black swans? Dreams that are not dreams? You can tell me, I can tell you. You can help me, I can help you. Easy deal. Try me.