xx49.07.30 | 20:57 | Still Wednesday

I'm alone. I still feel sick. Everyone's talking about important things without me. This was supposed to be an amazing evening, but it turns out I'm allergic to copying too many powers at once. Worst of all, I said some awful things to my best friend.

I am NOT in a good mood.

Also, it's cold up here! All of this bare concrete and stuff. I'm eight storeys above the conference room. That's to get me out of 'range' of all of the supers down below. Motoplasm gave me a shot of the power-diminishing drug after he and The Force and Shade arrived. It got me out of my state of unconsciousness and made me puke, but after that I felt a little better. For a while, at least. Apparently Chass helped Motoplasm modify it. That's why they're late. Also apparently, Chass predicted that this would happen to me. Do NOT ask me how he knew. Also also, Chass has custody of Little Mercy now. I cannot see how that's going to end well for anyone. I guess it's better than leaving her alone at Motoplasm's base.

Also also also, this sucks.

Also also also also, I suck.

I guess I'll write down what happened. It's not like I have anything else to do except sit here and shiver. This dress is amazing but it's not doing much to keep me warm.

Anyway. I missed Mr Falchion's speech, I missed Trigger Harpy's dramatic appearance, I missed ShyFire and his son showing up, I missed The Force and Motoplasm and Shade arriving, I missed all of the amazing discussions that have been going on over the last hour, and now I'm missing Motoplasm telling everyone what's going on with the gangs. He suspects a supervillain connection. Although most of the information he's working on comes from Chass, so, whatever.

Big long sigh. I hate missing out. I especially hate that even before anything has happened I'm already a liability to this super-team. Stupidly, naively, ignorantly I thought that I'd be the most valuable member of the group, able to use EVERYONE'S power, like a kind of multiplier or something, but it turns out that's not how it works at all. Also I'm totally defenceless against an organised supervillain attack, if they want to get rid of me all they have to do is get a dozen different supers within twenty metres of me and I'll just throw up and pass out. That's the lamest weakness ever, I miss the days when mandatory honesty was my big flaw. Although that's no picnic either, PERFECT evidence of which can be found in my conversation with C2 earlier. Ugh. Still don't even want to THINK about that.

Let's go back a bit further—I've got time to write, especially since even after everyone's powers wear off I'm still stuck up here. If I go back down I'll just get sick again. At least I got ten minutes with everyone thanks to the power-killing drug, although even that wasn't great. I got stuck at the 'kid's table' with the other 2nd Gens and New Powers. TOTAL Sidekick Town. Not that there's anything wrong with being a sidekick, it's just that I am definitely NOT one.

Anyway. After Motoplasm gave me the drug and I was feeling well enough to stand up, I got shuffled over to the younger group. At first I was excited to meet everyone, I mean these could be my future fellow superheroes, right? But I've got to be honest, not too much superhero potential in that lot. They were actually having an argument about it when I first joined them, about who'd be the most useful—mainly it was Morgan and Jesse doing the arguing. Morgan came with Envy Death, he's seventeen years old and just about the most obnoxious person I've ever met (with the possible exception of Veronica Flux). He's got 'future supervillain' written all over him, he even has an evil goatee! Actually he kind of reminds me of Daniel a little bit, except without Daniel's excellent grasp of social etiquette and natural way with people (yes, that was sarcasm). Oh, and his power is probability calculation, which he mostly uses to be the most irritating person on the planet.

"Your argument is entirely flawed," Morgan was saying to Jesse, who has got to be the staunchest ten year-old ever to exist. "And if you'd listen to me, you'd agree. Super-strength is ONLY useful in a combat situation, or I suppose in certain 'rescue' operations, lifting heavy debris and that. My power has applications in all kinds of situations—"

"You're forgetting one thing," Jesse drawled, and if you don't think a ten year-old can drawl, you've never met Jesse Django.

"I can guess what you're going to say but go on, say it anyway."

"Comes down to it, I could floor you without even trying."

And Morgan held up his Opal, which had 'I could beat you without trying' on the screen.

"I, er, I don't really see what that proves," said Sonny.

"So says the incredible 'melter'," Morgan said. "Go bend a spoon, the grown-ups are talking."

"Jesse's only ten," Sonny mumbled.

"Yes, she's a ten year-old girl and STILL more of a man than you, how unbelievably lame that must make you feel."

I honestly thought Sonny might cry, but he just muttered something and shrank into himself and then went all quiet. Sonny is ShyFire's son, kind of cute, kind of awkward, kind of annoyingly polite. His power is matter bending, it SOUNDS cool but then you see him use it and you realise it's actually pretty useless. Domino was a supervillain with the same power except HE could do stuff like turning the ground into spikes ... actually that's pretty much all he could do but it was enough to kill BigBad and HE had limited invulnerability! Sonny's 'use' of the power is to make stuff bendable. Like a plate, he demonstrated on one, bent it into kind of an L-shape then bent it back. Maybe I would've been more impressed but it took like half a minute for him to do it. I have to agree with Morgan, I honestly can't see Sonny's power being of any practical use whatsoever.

"Back to the point," Morgan said to Jesse, after he'd crushed Sonny's spirit, "perhaps you could defeat me in a straight fight but that's not something that's going to happen, is it? We're all on the same side here, and the way I see things we've got to judge by strength—and by that I mean, y'know, flexibility, diversity of application, general usefulness. Outside of fighting, you're dead weight, Jesse—and given our limited numbers, we should be avoiding direct conflict in any case."

Jesse looked Morgan straight in the eye, then she spat at him—past his ear, a really solid wad of spit.

"Didn't see that comin', didja," she growled, then she stalked off to glare out the window.

Seriously, staunchest little ten year-old that ever was.

Anyway, after that the argument was over and Morgan went off to be snarky at Envy Death, who's probably the only person in the world who's amused by Morgan rather than irritated by him. This could be because Envy is immune to sarcasm.

I should probably mention that at this point I was hot. I mean burning up, my face all flushed, sweating and also shivering (I don't know why, my body's doing weird things). Basically not an attractive person, despite my dress. So WHY Sonny chose that moment to hit on me, I have NO idea.

"Er, Charlotte, isn't it? I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, WHAT ABOUT?"

Okay, so probably I could have reacted better than that, but I wasn't exactly in the best of moods. I was sick! I was feverish! I ... still probably could have behaved better. Sigh.

"Um! Um! You're fifteen!"

"Almost sixteen but yes, your point?"

"I'm fifteen too! Almost sixteen also!"

"So?"

"I, um! I thought—can we talk?"

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"What do you think we're doing now? Sonny, right? ShyFire's son? What do you WANT?"

"I don't know, I just, I, I um, I wanted—"

His stammering went on for a while. I don't know where C2 was at that point, maybe talking to Dr Tsezch, he loves her. If she was nearby she might've rescued me, but there was no one nearby, it was just me and Sonny alone in one of the circular pit things. Fifteen year old boys are pretty useless, I must say, even when they're almost sixteen. I guess it might be hereditary shyness—I mean it's right there in ShyFire's superhero name, 'Shy', although apparently it's kind of a double meaning thing, 'shy' meaning 'throw' or something, like a coconut shy I guess.

Anyway, eventually Sonny got over his stammering fit and I guess I kind of calmed down too, and realised that I was being unnecessarily mean to him ... actually, now that I think about it, maybe it was one of my powers that made me like that, maybe Envy Death's? She can stir up negative emotions in others, I wonder ... well, anyway, he kind of apologised to me, I don't know why, and I accepted his apology, seems kind of like it should have been the reverse but anyway, and then he started again.

"Er, I'll start again. I'm Sonny, I'm ShyFire's son, I'm, er, I'm the same age as you and ... and I, I wanted to know, I mean ... I wanted to ask, are you really lonely?"

Which kind of stunned me. I guess I've never really thought about it, I don't know if I felt lonely so much as I just wanted to get out into the real world. Of course I'm totally happy now that I've got C2 as a best friend (or that I HAD her as a best friend, more on that in a bit) and that I've met (well, kind of) all these legendary supers and I'm not at all averse to being around people, it's just ... I don't know. I never got lonely, not really.

But Sonny really, really did. He went on for ages about how he can't make friends and it's so hard because his dad's this totally famous superhero even though he never makes a big deal about it—after The Event ShyFire went back to his home town in Free Paradise, it's really close to the wildlands so they have constant trouble with giant ants, especially fire ants, so you can see how someone with control over fire could be useful there. He never had to hide his ability even with all the anti-super nonsense that went on after (and before and during) The Event, everyone accepted him and his son (I don't know what happened to Sonny's mother). Except maybe they didn't really, because Sonny never made any friends and he's been pretty much alone for his whole life. I guess it must be hard when you're surrounded by people—living in a normal town I mean—but still alone except for just your dad. Having such a lame power must be tough, too. Apparently he uses it to make sculptures. Don't laugh, I think it's kind of sweet. After I'd listened sympathetically for a bit (well, as sympathetically as I could considering the fact that I was still feeling really prickly and nauseous and tingly) he even confessed that he doesn't want to be part of this at all, he just wants to be an artist or something. Frankly I think everyone would be better off if he did exactly that. I probably shouldn't have said that to him, though. I think maybe he wanted me to say something like 'oh no, you'll be really useful, a valued part of the superteam' but nope, my honesty curse wouldn't let me tell such a huge lie.

Anyway. I think what I said must have hurt him, because he stammered something and scuttled away.

That's about the time my head exploded.

No of COURSE not literally, it just felt like that. It sounded like it too, this horrible, horrible sound. Apparently I screamed quite a bit. Apparently I totally freaked out Glen and Malon. Apparently C2 burst into tears while she was trying to get me to calm down. Apparently Dad went totally white. Apparently Mum yelled some stuff at Dr Tsezch and Motoplasm that she maybe probably shouldn't have. I guess she was desperate.

Anyway. That's what led me to being up here. Away from everyone. 'Safe'. C2 brought me up, I recovered from my little episode after about ten minutes and although I don't remember this apparently I begged for C2 to be the one to do it, take me away I mean, I wouldn't let anyone else even touch me, not even Mum, not even Dad. Which is ... I don't know. I guess I was a little hysterical and a little disorientated, and C2's the person I've been closest to lately, so ... also, I really think that copying all these powers is doing weird things to my brain. Anyway, that's how it went, she brought me up here, looked after me, talked to me, and then of course, because it's me, I said exactly the wrong thing to her.

It started off okay, we came up here, probably higher than we had to, just to be sure that I was out of range of everyone. Then C2 sat with me, and offered me some food she'd brought with her, fruit mostly, although I definitely didn't feel like eating. She also gave me a pill, which I haven't taken. It's from Chass. I was unconscious at the time Motoplasm gave me the injection, if I'd been awake I definitely would have refused it if I knew that guy was involved. Although if I'd been awake I wouldn't have needed it, so ... I don't know, kind of a complicated situation there.

Anyway. I think I asked C2 to talk about something with me, my memory is fuzzy—which is such a weird sensation, I'm used to remembering recent stuff completely clearly but everything around that time is totally blurry. I don't remember what she started off saying but eventually we talked about my power, she had some ideas but it hurts my head just TRYING to remember her theories, then the conversation turned to the pill she gave me and how it could make me feel better, and she tried to get me to take it, and I refused, and then that led to something really weird happening.

"I know it's untested, but Mr Johnston and Chass wouldn't give you something harmful," C2 said, or something like that.

"Motoplasm wouldn't, but Chass DEFINITELY would. Besides, I'm not even sure that it IS copying all the different powers that's making me sick. Maybe it's something else."

Actually, maybe that's not what I said. It seems wrong, now that I've written it out. But I said something about how I didn't expect to get sick ... about how I thought all of the powers would just get weaker, and then I said about ShyFire's power, about flame control, and I said:

"Right now I bet I couldn't get more than a tiny flicker of a flame."

And I raised my hand with one finger pointing up, and flames just EXPLODED out. I can still see where they scorched the bare concrete roof.

And C2 stared at me, and I stared at her, and then I tried again, much more carefully this time, with The Force's power, but all I could get was a little ball of purple energy, about the size of my head, and even that I couldn't maintain for more than a few seconds before it warped and vanished, leaving me panting for breath.

"Please take the pill," C2 said, after that. "Your copied abilities dangerously unstable and unpredictable. If you take the pill you will at least feel better—"

"How many times do I have to say it, I don't trust Chass! Anything from him is AUTOMATICALLY sinister!"

C2 was silent for a while, then she said:

"I respect him."

In response to which I just kind of gaped while she went on:

"He is not promoted, but he fights those who are. Mr Johnston told me several stories. Scientifically promoted individuals are becoming prominent within gangs around the city. It makes sense that those with promoted abilities would rise to leadership positions within such strength-based power structures."

I think that's pretty much what she said. Anyway, I said:

"That's got nothing to do with anything, that's not, I don't know, it's not relevant."

And C2 was quiet again. Then she asked me this:

"Is the reason you neither trust nor respect Chass that he isn't scientifically promoted?"

"No, of course not!" I said, then instantly followed that with, "Yes! Yes, it is! Argh, this STUPID curse—but don't you think it's just creepy, the way he is? He has no power and yet he drove off Little Mercy and all of her gangers without any trouble at all, that's just so wrong."

Okay yes this is all very clear. Thanks, brain.

"You seem to be saying that promoted individuals are inherently superior. You seem to be saying that there is a class divide between those with promotions and those without."

"It's not that simple, it's more like ... more ... okay yes that is what I'm saying but don't you agree? It's true, isn't it? I'm not saying non-powered people are useless, of COURSE I'm not, but ... but they're the ones we're supposed to protect, that's just how it goes, superheroes fight supervillains in order to protect ordinary people, that's just a basic rule of the world. Chass is, like, going against that."

"Isn't it a good thing that ordinary people can protect themselves and others?"

I remember this part really clearly. I wish I could forget.

"No, that's not the point—argh, you just don't understand, you're not a proper ... you're not a proper super—C2, I'm so sorry I just said that, I really didn't want to—"

"Because I am not second generation? Because my parents are 'mundane' and my ability is the result of spontaneous scientific promotion? Do you believe that this makes me inferior to you?"

"No, no of course not—see? I don't think that, I can't lie about it, but it's just that you don't understand—"

"And that I am not a 'proper' superhero. By your definition. Nor can I ever be. By your definition."

"C2, no, I meant you're not proper yet—"

"I believe that I should think about this before the discussion continues. I believe that you are well enough that supervision is not required. You have food, and water. If you require anything you can send a message to myself or to your parents via your Opal."

And she left. And I can't blame her at all because I am such an awful, awful person. I can't even blame my honesty curse, all that did is make me tell C2 what I thought. And part of me wishes that I could change it, because it hurt her so badly, even if she doesn't show it I know, I always know what she's feeling ... but there's another part of me, a deeper part, that just KNOWS it's true, there's a natural way of the world that C2 just doesn't understand. Superheroes fight supervillains to protect ordinary people. That's how it works. And someone like Chass, who isn't a super, that he can fight supers and win, it's just ... it's disgusting, I hate it, it's so WRONG. I can't change how I feel, right? But if how I feel hurts my best friend, if what I believe makes her feel so bad, then what can I do? What CAN I do?

Just sit here.

Writing.

Feeling miserable.

...

...

Bing, my powers are back down to 'one'. Just C2's and no one else's.

I should be feeling better now.

But honestly, I feel just as bad as ever.