xx48.11.28 / 22:36 / Still Monday

I'm not sure what to write here. I think I may be in some kind of shock. My hands keep trembling and I can't make them stop. Maybe I should have a cup of tea.

...

That didn't help at all, I spilled hot water on my hands. Luckily I didn't get burnt, but that's the only good thing that's happened tonight.

Ray tried to ... well. To do things with me. Maybe I should write out the whole thing. I don't particularly want to relive it, but I'm too agitated to sleep and my heart's still beating too fast, and I feel sick and wobbly and kind of empty. Writing it down might help. If it doesn't I can always delete it.

Things started okay. We went to dinner at our place, it's an outdoor restaurant near a small lake, they light lanterns at night, it's very pretty. Even from the start Ray was a bit strange, but I didn't think anything of it. He told me I was pretty a lot, even more than usual, although he didn't say anything about my new dress. Then after we finished eating we went for a walk along the lake and sat down on a bench and looked at the lanterns. He held my hand, which was okay, although after a while it gets kind of sweaty.

"You're really pretty, you know that Fumbles?" he said. He still calls me Fumbles but I thought it was cute. Like a cute nickname. When he said it I didn't mind. Not then, anyway.

In response I giggled. I did that a lot, when I was with him. Giggled. Not any more.

"I guess I tell you that too often," he said.

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"I don't mind," I said. "You can tell me I'm pretty as many times as you like."

I think I'll skip the rest of my embarrassing chat with him. Let's go to the part where things went wrong.

"I know I'm not meant to do this," he said, "but you're too pretty."

"What do you mean?" I asked, but he was already putting his hand on my leg. I pushed it off, but he put it back.

"This isn't wrong," he said, but that wasn't the point, I didn't want him to touch me there so he shouldn't touch me there. I pushed his hand away again, but he put it back again, so I told him:

"I don't like that, stop it."

He did stop it, but instead he tried to touch my breasts. I REALLY didn't want that, so I told him again, "Stop it. Don't do that". He didn't listen, so I tried to stand up and get away, but he grabbed my arm. I pulled it away but he's got really big hands and he's strong, so I said, again, "Stop."

"I thought you liked me," he said.

"I don't like this," I said. "Let go of me."

He didn't. He just kept looking up at me. I looked back at him, then I pulled my arm away really hard. Since I was standing and he was sitting, and since it turns out I'm actually pretty strong even without my powers, I managed to get free of his grip.

"Come on," he said, as I stepped back. "I just want to have some fun with you."

"I WAS having fun with you," I said. "But this isn't fun for me."

Then I ran away, I didn't even want to be near him. I don't ever want to see him again, I feel so ... so hurt and dirty and betrayed, I thought he was nice, I thought he was good! He seemed really, I don't know, wholesome or something, like the kind of person ... I don't know. I don't know anything, that's the big lesson I'm learning every day I'm out here in the real world, I don't know anything and anything I did know was wrong and I'm stupid and I'm blind and I was scared, I was really scared when he held on to my arm and I didn't think I could get away, I didn't know what he was going to do, and if the situation had been different then maybe I wouldn't have been able to get away, maybe he could've done something, maybe I wouldn't even be here safe in my room with the door very definitely barred writing this.

I want my family. I want C2. It's too late to call her, though. And I can't call my family.

This is the most alone I've ever felt.