xx48.11.02 / 12:23 / Tuesday

Today was, without question, the worst day of my life. I was laughed at, shouted at, pushed around, SPAT ON, reprimanded by the school staff and had my guitar confiscated.

But none of that even compares to this next thing. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me, the worst thing that ever COULD happen to me, just the worst thing in the history of all worst things throughout all the ages of history:

MY POWERS ARE GONE.

All of them. COMPLETELY. No more super-strength, no more phase-shifting, and no more super-agility. I'm just ... just NOTHING now! You know something else? Getting hurt HURTS!

I suppose I should start at the beginning. I don't really want to but I feel kind of compelled. Besides, what else do I have now that my powers are gone? Just me and my Opal, alone against the world, recording the daily life of a no-power nothing.

So depressed.

Okay. So. The morning. My amazing entrance scene. It started off okay—I leapt into the open doorway of the main corridor with a blazing power chord, an Em for Emtrance (I know that's awful but the mood I'm in I kind of WANT 'awful'). My portable amp didn't put out quite the amazing sound that I wanted, but at least people were looking at me. I stepped through the doorway with a simple Em to G to Am progression, then as I began increasing my pace down the hallway and people started to move out of my way I cut into my solo, just simple to begin with but building towards awesomeness as I broke into a run ...

And someone TRIPPED me.

Seriously.

Now, if I'd had my super-agility then I would've turned the fall into a kind of awesome flip, I might have even twisted in mid-air to run along the lockers for a bit or something, I don't know, I didn't get the chance to do ANYTHING because like I already mentioned MY POWERS ARE GONE.

So what actually happened is I fell flat on my face. On to my nose, actually. That's when I discovered my super-strength was gone, and with it the associated super-toughness, because it felt like the front of my face had exploded. I've never been hurt before, super-toughness is a secondary power, sometimes called an 'intrinsic', so normally it's 'on' all the time, but now that MY POWERS ARE GONE I felt everything.

Pain SUCKS. Seriously, it's the WORST. How do normal people stand it? I felt like I was gonna die! For what seemed like hours I couldn't do anything except lie there. Maybe I was making some kind of pitiful sound, I don't know. When I eventually managed to pick myself up I realised two things—first, that there was a huge pool of sticky red blood where my face had been pressed against the floor. Gross and weird and it almost made me throw up, especially since it got all in my hair too. My second realisation was even worse: everyone was laughing at me. Like, REALLY laughing. Like, POINTING and laughing. At me. AT me. Not just laughing, either, some horrible person actually SPAT at me, on to my arm.

I'm trying to resist this honesty curse so hard right now, I really am. I want to just stop writing but I can't. I have to put this down.

I started to cry.

I didn't choose to. I didn't want to. But with that new pain (and my nose STILL hurts) and everyone laughing and things going so wrong and blood on my face and in my hair I just couldn't help it.

Then, guess what? Things got WORSE.

First this woman came bustling up, a staff member, maybe a teacher or secretary or something, I don't know. She pushed through the students to get to me, at first I thought she was going to stop them laughing but she just started yelling at me, about being stupid and even BRINGING a guitar to school and getting blood on the floor and then she started ranting about health risks and blood diseases and I don't even know what else because now I REALLY couldn't stop crying, and she grabbed my Fender from where it was lying and threw—actually THREW!—a you-got-in-trouble ticket at me, I don't even know what to do with it, she didn't tell me, and then she bustled off again. Her being there actually did stop the other students laughing at me, and some of them started to move off after she left, but that just cleared the way for the worst person I've ever met to show up. I know I haven't met a LOT of people, but still, she's EASILY the worst. She came swaggering up with about twenty girls behind her, everyone parting to let her through, and she stood right in front of me as I sniffed and snuffled and gingerly made sure that my nose was actually still on. For ages she just looked at me with this little smirk at the corner of her mouth, then she said:

"Quite the first impression, Fumbles."

Fumbles. That's my name now, here. Fumbles. I seriously just wanted to sink through the floor, I tried SO HARD to get my phase-shift power to work then, I didn't care if everyone knew I had powers, I didn't care if I got trapped underground forever, I just wanted the whole thing to be over. It wasn't, though, and my powers didn't work, of course. Because they're gone. Maybe forever, I don't know. All I know is that I didn't sink through the floor, and the girl—Veronica, I found out her name later, Veronica Flux—spoke again:

"I don't know what kind of 'look' you were aiming for, but one thing's for sure—you missed."

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And everyone laughed. She looked around, just totally pleased with herself, then she looked at me again and clucked her tongue like I was some kind of disappointment to her, like I was her personal responsibility and I'd let her down, and she said:

"Peel yourself off the floor and go wash your face. Angelica, escort her to a bathroom and make sure she's presentable." Then she looked at me again. "Should she take you to a boy's bathroom or a girl's bathroom?"

And she said it with TOTAL sincerity, like she was just SO concerned but honestly couldn't figure out if I was a boy or a girl. I'm not a boy! I don't look anything like a boy! Maybe I'm not the prettiest girl in the world but I have long eyelashes and my hair is long and girly and okay so I don't really have breasts but that's because I'm athletic, athletic girls don't have any spare fat, that's allowed, that's okay, and besides all of that I was wearing a GIRL'S UNIFORM!

But she waited. She waited for me to answer and everyone waited with her and maybe I wouldn't have answered, maybe I would've been able to think of something clever and biting and non-humiliating to respond with except for this STUPID CURSE, this curse that made me say in the weakest most pathetic most pitiful little voice:

"Girl's bathroom."

And she kind of cocked her head to the side and gave me a pitying look and did this little head-shake and pursed-lips thing and when she spoke again it was with arrrrgh I don't even know WHAT to call it I can barely write now remembering it but she said:

"Oh, you poor thing."

And then she flounced off, her dozens of followers going after her, and someone grabbed my arm and pulled me up and got me to a bathroom and left me there, and I managed to wash my face and get most of the blood out of my hair and after a while I got my nose to stop bleeding, and that's when I noticed that ALL down the front of my uniform was stained with blood, the cute white bow and everything below it, I can't even believe how much blood came from one little nose (actually my nose isn't that little, it's long and straight and arrrrgh SO not in the mood for this stupid curse right now!).

Deep breath.

Sigh.

Another sigh.

So there I was, in the bathroom, trying to clean up. What could I do? WHAT could I do? The bell had already rung for morning class and I couldn't exactly get changed, they only gave me one uniform and I was already late ... so I went to class. I was expecting gasps of shock and horror and probably for the teacher to yell at me, but nobody said anything. Nobody even looked at me, not even the teacher. There were a lot of students in the class but there were some empty desks at the back, so I went and sat down in one but someone poked me and hissed "Not there!" but I don't know why, I don't know why not there so I stood up to find another seat but then I didn't know what to do, I didn't know which seat to take so I kind of just stood there frozen, just staring at the seats, and then the teacher DID notice me and he said "Just anywhere, just sit down anywhere!" so I sat down at another desk and he sighed and shook his head and I kind of stared at him and then he said "Not THERE" so I stood up again ...

Let me just get this out of the way right now: I cried again. Not as badly as before, but it was still pretty bad. I managed to kind of half-hide it as I sat down at a third desk, apparently this one was okay because after that everyone ignored me again, thank GOODNESS, and I got my crying under control after a minute, except then my nose was kind of bleeding a little bit again so what could I do? I had to get up again, and now everyone was looking at me, and the teacher stopped the lesson (I don't even know what it was ABOUT, I don't even know what SUBJECT it was, now that I think about it I'm not sure I was even in the right CLASSROOM) and just LOOKED at me with this mockingly patient expression on his face while I stumbled out. I hit my leg against a desk when I was almost to the door. That I managed to catch myself before I fell over is probably the best thing that happened to me today. And that's so sad I think I'm going to cry again.

I found a bathroom and tidied myself up, and kind of stared longingly at an open window leading outside for about ten minutes before I went back to the classroom again, when I got back everyone was hard at work doing something, I could see them through the little window in the door, I don't know what they were doing because I just couldn't make myself go back in. Instead I went back to the bathroom and I locked myself in one of the toilets until the bell rang for the next class. I thought maybe I could get a fresh start with something new, that I could put everything that had already happened behind me and forget my 'entrance' and the horrible class of shame and everything.

So I unlocked the toilet and I left the bathroom, and someone recognised me from the morning like INSTANTLY and then suddenly everyone was calling "Fumbles! Hey Fumbles!" and pushing me from one side of the corridor to the other, and actually it's kind of lucky I DIDN'T have my powers at that point because some people could have gotten seriously thrown through a couple of roofs. As it was I just ... just did nothing. What could I do? What COULD I have done? I just took it. I took it and I just tried to get to my next class in time, which somehow through some amazing miracle I managed to do. Through another miracle nobody noticed me and I found an empty desk which was apparently okay to sit at, and the teacher even smiled at me a little although I wasn't really in any kind of state to appreciate that, and the software they use at this school is the same as I used at home, I already have it on my Opal and the coursework is the same as I did like three years ago and all my old work is still in here so maybe academically at least I'm not going to have any problems ...

But somehow that 'good' class just made everything feel worse. I couldn't handle lunch, I couldn't handle afternoon classes, I couldn't handle being normal and I couldn't handle people. So after that class I just ran away, back to my apartment, where I'm hiding now, with the door locked and the curtains drawn as tight as they can go, sitting under the covers of my bed with my only friend in the world; my Opal. I already tried for ten minutes to get an outside connection, any kind of connection that'll let me call my family, my Mum and my Dad and even Daniel, I miss them all so much and it hasn't even been two days ...

I'm going to stop writing now so I can have another cry. A really good long proper one. Tomorrow can't be any worse than today was. Maybe everyone will have forgotten 'Fumbles' then—or, even better, maybe I'll get a call or a message or SOMETHING from my family to say they've found me, that they've fixed the problem, that Daniel's done some genius thing to his teleporter and it'll be able to pluck me from this stupid apartment in this stupid school in this stupid town and bring me back home, why did I ever leave? Why did I ever WANT to leave? I just want to go home!

But I'm stuck here. Stuck here in this stupid awful school and I don't even have a clean uniform now. I should go find out where to get it cleaned and maybe where to get another one.

But first, another cry.