"Well, it's official… all day ferals are insane." Greg shook his head, after finishing dispatching yet another group of the crazy bastards. Thankfully he hadn't run into anything as strong as the cheese grater again, but unlike the ferals that moved around at night, the ferals around during the day had an 'attack on sight' mentality that seemed to disregard any difference in strength. Strangely, they also seemed more inclined to group up than the night ferals. Groups of up to ten ferals moving together like some sort of pack weren't uncommon, though usually these ferals were the less intelligent kind, and they all seemed to have similar mutations, like all being wolfish or insect-like. Greg actually wondered if these packs were animals mutated, rather than humans. Not that it made much of a difference, since they were still batshit, but it might explain the similarities.

Still, the worst ones were the ones who seemed to actually be intelligent. They'd come up, act all friendly for a bit, and then stab you like it was freaking normal! 'Oh hey, how's it going?' *stab* 'Yeah, the kids are great!' *Chews on your arm* 'We should really have you over for dinner sometime!'. It was like walking around in a poorly run mental hospital! Like a prison or something. The creatures running around during the day seemed to just assume violence! Greg was beginning to think it wasn't even a cruelty or asshole thing. They just lived in a world where if they didn't kill you, you would kill them, and there was no in-between. He almost felt bad for them, at least until he got stabbed for the umpteenth time and he was back to 'fuck all y'all' mode.

Unfortunately, Greg also didn't find any leads on just what was up with cheese grater's ability. Whatever it'd been, it was rare, which… Greg guessed was a good thing, but it didn't make getting information on it easy. Maybe he should see if the spider girl had any info on anyone like that? Of course, it'd be best if he could find someone he could observe. Just another fight probably wouldn't tell him much… maybe he'd been a little quick to kill cheese grater? He hadn't realized what the day ferals were like at that point. Honestly, as much as they were violent, they only seemed to hurt each other… kind of a non issue, really.

Greg looked around, studying the remains of his latest encounter, before letting out a sigh. He was getting bored of all this. These fights just weren't satisfying! He wasn't saving anyone, and… these ferals just didn't care! There was no fear, no despair, just savage insanity, throwing themselves into death's embrace like lemmings off a cliff! It just didn't do anything for him. "Man I'm fucked up." Greg sighed, shaking his head, before heading back towards the safe zone.

*

"Good morning, sleepy head." Greg grinned as Tessa stumbled out of her room. While his other self had been fighting day ferals, he'd been busy planning a GURPS campaign with Sarah, Jennifer, and Tina. So far, they'd decided the campaign would be set in a medieval fantasy kingdom, full of princesses, fairies, and cat people… some people at the table had a serious lack of imagination. To give the world a little flair, Greg added that the large majority of civilization was based on the backs of these giant creatures, who provided the residents with both food and shelter. Fairies were actually a part of the creature, acting as caretakers who helped keep the creature healthy. Meanwhile, the humans and the cat people were two different cultures fighting for dominance over the creature. Greg could already see potential in a campaign based around a fairy seeking help in saving the creature from the ravages of the war, as the humans and cat people pillaged resources from it to sustain their conflict.

Tessa grunted, stalking over to him, falling into his lap and pulling him in for a kiss. The entire table froze for a moment, two sets of eyes turning to glare at Tessa, while another just looked curious about what was happening. "Good morning." Tessa mumbled as she pulled away, letting out a yawn as she rested her head on Greg's shoulder. "What have you guys been up to?" She asked, ignoring the others' looks.

"Oh, just working on something for GURPS." Greg shrugged, tapping on his notebook which had everything they'd decided written down. "So far we have princesses, fairies, and cat people. You don't want to add shapeshifters, do you?"

Tessa snorted. "No, I'm good. Though… I've always been a big fan of robots…"

Greg raised an eyebrow at her. "Robots, huh?" He muttered, pondering the suggestion. "Maybe that's what's damaging the creature! People keep building these giant robots to fight each other, and it's causing too much damage, as well as draining vital resources from the creature!"

"Hey! I thought this was supposed to be fantasy!" Sarah protested.

"So we'll make them magic robots. It's just a plot point, anyway." Greg shrugged.

Tessa smirked, before turning back to Greg, narrowing her eyes. "What else have you been doing?"

"I went out into the city to explore, see what the day ferals were like, you know? Met a real tough SOB, had this gravity field power that kept me from actually fighting him. Plus, he had some sort of… I don't know what it was, but it kept my smoke out of his body, so I ended up having to crush him under a concrete slab, which, now that I think about it, probably only worked as well as it did because of the gravity field. Anyway, after that, it became pretty clear that all day ferals are pretty much completely batshit insane, so… we're not helping them. They don't need or want it." Greg explained.

"Well, of course. Only the mad ones are active during the day. Everyone knows that." Jennifer commented with a shrug.

Both Greg and Tessa's heads snapped to look at Jennifer. "You knew the day ferals were crazy?!?" Greg asked incredulously. "Why didn't you say anything?!?"

Jennifer looked taken aback. "I-I thought you knew! Everyone knows! That's why we only go out at night, so we don't have to deal with those crazy bastards! Only the strongest ever dare to brave the day! The day is full of unformed and mad ones, any of whom would kill you on sight!"

"That-" Greg pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing in exasperation. "That would have been good to know earlier." He paused, looking up at her with a curious gaze. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about connecting with nature to increase your power either, would you? That isn't common knowledge too, is it?"

Jennifer frowned. "I have no knowledge of such things…"

Tessa looked at Greg strangely as well. "What is that from?"

Greg sighed. "It's something the tough SOB said. Something about giving into its instincts allowing it to truly commune with nature and grow its power. I have no idea what it meant, but the dude was strong, so he must have been on to something."

Tessa frowned, thinking about it, before shaking her head. "I've never heard of anything like that. Maybe it's a mutation thing? It does seem like the nastiest ferals tend to be the strongest…"

"True." Greg nodded along, before frowning. "Except, it said the force was a byproduct of its ability, not its mutation. I mean, I'm not saying it was right, dude was crazy, but… I don't know, something about it bugs me." Greg sighed, shaking his head. He just felt like it wasn't the best idea to just dismiss it when some powerful dude starts spouting off about the secrets of power, even if the dude was crazy. Hell, especially when the dude is crazy! Crazy people have freaky amounts of insight sometimes.

Tessa pondered it for a moment, before sighing and hopping out of his lap. "Just forget about it for now. Come on. We have a meeting to get to."

"Meeting?" Greg raised an eyebrow as he got to his feet as well.

"Yeah, about Meredith, remember?" Tessa turned, giving him a weird look. "We're all meeting at Jake's place to see whether we should let her into the Squad or not."

Greg frowned. "Huh… I don't remember hearing about that…"

Tessa pinched the bridge of her nose. "Greg, you literally suggested it! You're the one who told Jake about it!"

Greg paused, going over what he'd talked to Jake about yesterday. "Oh yeah… I was just suggesting it though, I didn't know he actually followed through!"

"Why wouldn't he?!?" Tessa threw up her hands in exasperation.

"I don't know! Lots of people ignore my suggestions!" Greg retorted.

"You- just- ugh, lets just go." Tessa groaned, rubbing her temple.

They headed to Jake's place, where Jake, Victor, and Carlos were already waiting. They just had to wait on Casey and Brittany before they could start. The moment Greg and Tessa sat on one of the couches together, Victor immediately perked up, his eyes sparkling. "Oh ho ho, what's this?" He asked with a grin, leaning forward to study the two of them. "I detect a hint of intimacy in the air! Did Tessa finally hit you hard enough for you to get the fucking hint?"

Tessa scoffed. "We literally had an entire conversation about what kind of girl he would want to be with, and he still didn't get it."

"Hey, I have legitimate psychological issues!" Greg protested.

"Yeah, it's called 'Oblivious as Fuck'." Victor rolled his eyes, before turning back to Tessa. "So what'd you end up needing to do?"

Tessa flushed, looking away. "I… may have ended up jumping on him and giving him a kiss." She replied, leaving out the part that came after.

"Then, she threatened to whip her tits out if I still didn't get it. I was pretty sure she liked me at that point." Greg continued the story, causing Tessa to whip her head around and glare at him as she flushed furiously.

"Only pretty sure?" Carlos asked, joining the conversation with a skeptical look. "In my experience, once she threatens to strip, you're pretty much golden."

"Well, I was leaving room for the possibility that it might be a joke. Or that I'd finally managed to fall asleep and this was that wet dream I'd been expecting." Greg shrugged, as Tessa covered her face with a groan.

"Tessa, I didn't know you could be so bold!" Victor cackled.

"Victor, I will stab you." Tessa growled, looking up to glare at him.

"You will try." Victor winked, before disappearing.

Jake let out a short cough, interjecting. "So, you two are, uh, t-together now?" He asked, looking slightly pale.

Tessa gave him a complicated look, before nodding. "Yeah. Yeah we are. Even if he could use some lessons on what is and isn't an acceptable topic of conversation." She turned, poking Greg with a slightly too sharp finger.

Greg paused. "There are unacceptable topics of conversation?"

"Of course there aren't!" Victor announced as he reappeared on the other side of Greg, draping his arm over his shoulders, leaning in to whisper conspiratorially. "Now tell me, how far have you gotten? First base? Second? Third?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Don't answer that!" Tessa growled, glaring at Victor, unable to keep herself from flushing at what she knew the answer to be.

Victor chuckled. "Well, that means you at least got to second. Well done my friend."

"Not your friend, buddy." Greg elbowed him in the side. "And quit aggravating my girlfriend!"

"Wow, together for less than a day and you're already taking her side. I see how it is." Victor complained in mock disappointment.

"Well you see, when she's unhappy, that means I'm unhappy. When you're unhappy, I laugh." Greg retorted.

Victor snickered. "Man have I missed having someone who actually gets it around! This is why we're best friends."

"Whoa, hey, I wouldn't go that far… more like aggravated acquaintances." Greg commented. They both shared a look for a moment, before simultaneously bursting out laughing.

"Oh, god, what did they do now?" Casey groaned as she walked in, followed by Brittany and strangely Emily, who froze and clutched tightly to Casey's arm as she caught sight of Greg.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Greg said he laughed at Victor's misery and Victor seemed to like it?" Carlos explained, scratching his head.

"Oh, that. Yeah, that's normal." Casey shrugged, falling onto one of the couches, absently rubbing Emily's back as she sat down next to her, keeping her calm.

"Hate is an integral part of any friendship." Greg commented.

"Indeed." Victor nodded.

"I still think that's just a you two thing." Casey retorted, rolling her eyes.

Victor clicked his tongue, turning to Greg. "You see what I've had to deal with in your absence? Surrounded by uncultured barbarians."

Greg patted Victor on the shoulder with a consoling expression. "Maybe one day they'll learn the true power of hate. Then, we can all be friends."

"If only." Victor sighed morosely, before they both began laughing again.

"Okay, enough of whatever that is." Jake shook himself with a shudder, bringing everyone's attention to him. "We're here to talk about Meredith, remember?"

"Behind her back? Sounds a little too gossipy for my taste." Victor commented with a grimace.

"Maybe we should go full frontal. Make everything clear and transparent." Greg added with a chuckle as Tessa elbowed him in the side.

"Guys! This is serious!" Jake scolded them with a glare. "Meredith is a potentially valuable asset, but she also carries some serious risks. We need to carefully discuss the pros and cons before we decide whether to let her join our Squad."

Casey cleared her throat. "Before we start, I was thinking it'd be good to hear from someone who actually has experience working with Meredith." She commented, before turning to nudge Emily. "Go on, tell them what it's like to be on a Squad with her."

Emily took a deep breath, pointedly refusing to look Greg's way, before beginning her explanation. "Meredith is- the biggest issue she has is that she needs to be the center of attention, always. If no one is focused on her, she starts causing problems, because she just wants attention, period, whether it's negative or positive. The more you react to her, the more she'll act up, because that's what she thrives off of. And you can't just ignore her either, because then she'll just go to greater and greater lengths to make you acknowledge her. Or, she'll drop you completely, refusing to even acknowledge your existence. The only world she's willing to accept is one that revolves around her." Emily's eyes flicked to Greg, before immediately looking away with a shudder. "You guys seem to have something she wants, so she may behave, at least for a little bit, but… she can't live without attention. Eventually, she will act up."

Tessa leaned forward. "You've been in her Squad for a while, right? How do you deal with her?"

Emily turned to Tessa, but she couldn't look at Tessa without seeing Greg, so after a bit of conflict, she eventually settled on looking at the floor. "You- you just have to give her what she wants. It's… it's sort of like taking care of a toddler. When they insist that they're a princess, you play along and tell them what a beautiful princess they are. If you don't… they throw a tantrum. And Meredith can throw some vicious tantrums. She- she's never let anyone die… but she will let you suffer."

Jake nodded. "Thank you, Emily."

Greg's eyes brightened. *That's her name! Okay, remember it this time. Emily. Em. Ill. Ey. Emily.*

"That was very… illuminating." Jake continued, before turning back to the rest of the group. "So, what do you guys think? Is it worth it?"

"That depends." Tessa turned to Jake, frowning slightly. "If we stick to our current methods, then no. There's no reason to bring along a healer we need to constantly protect if we're just going to run the first time we hit a snag. The only way this would work is if we would actually use Meredith. If we were actually willing to get into fights! No more running."

"Unless you run into a cheese grater. Then run like hell, if you can." Greg added.

Tessa turned to frown at Greg. "Greg, I'm being serious."

"So am I!" Greg protested, before suddenly realizing his mistake. "Oh, right, not a cheese grater, like the kitchen appliance, cheese grater the feral that controls gravity and wants to crush you. Well, not it specifically. It's dead. But a feral like that who is way out of our weight class. I mean, I'll be fine, but you guys probably won't be by the time I figure out how to actually kill it."

Tessa blinked at him, before turning back to the rest of the group again. "Okay, yes, that we can run from. But we're not going to avoid fights just because we're scared of drawing attention to ourselves."

"You named it cheese grater?" Victor asked, leaning in to whisper, clearly amused.

"It's what it looks like." Greg whispered back. "I'll show it to you later if you like."

"Bet." Victor nodded, before turning to the group. "Well, I'm for it. I'm kinda sick of doing all this work and then pussing out right before we get the goods."

Carlos nodded. "I've been feeling like an accessory. My power is only good in a fight! What's the point in bringing me if all we do is run?"

"Ditto." Casey agreed. "I want to burn some fuckers! I'm a war machine! Let me war!"

Brittany hesitated, before nodding as well. "I can't say I look forward to fighting, but… I'm tired of having to struggle back to the safe zone alone. All of you have ways to defend yourselves, but… all I can do is hide and pray nothing breaks my illusion."

"I actually kind of enjoy the walk back. Very peaceful. Very zen." Victor commented with a chuckle, causing Brittany to throw a pillow at him.

Jake frowned, before turning to Greg. "Well, what are your thoughts? You're the reason she wants to join, so you're going to have to be the one who deals with her if she does."

Greg shrugged. "I don't really have an opinion. She doesn't really affect me, you know?"

Tessa frowned at him. "I thought you were worried about her tempting you into bed."

"That was before. I'm with you now. No temptation will break me." Greg replied, grinning at her. Tessa snorted, rolling her eyes, but she also snuggled a bit closer to Greg. Greg chuckled at her adorableness, before turning back to Jake. "Either way, it seems like everyone wants to be more active, so having her on the Squad would be a huge help, probably enough to outweigh the annoyance of dealing with her personality issues. I say we go for it."

Jake hesitated for a moment, clearly uncomfortable, before letting out a helpless groan. "Fine. If- if that's what everyone wants, then- okay, we'll take Meredith. But! We need some ground rules! We can't let her turn us into the next Phoenix Squad, unable to control her because we rely on her power too much. And, since Greg is the only one who can't actually be corrupted by her, I say we put him in charge."

Greg shrugged. "Sure, I can manage her. I'll give her a good smack if I notice any manipulation or pettiness."

Jake shook his head. "Not of Meredith. Of the Squad. I think you should take over, as our leader."

Greg froze, blinking at Jake a few times. "Excuse me? I'm not- I literally just got here! Why would you want to make me the leader?!?"

Jake sighed, slumping into the couch. "First off, I can't be in charge with Meredith around. The only reason I wasn't in Phoenix Squad is because she never tried to recruit me." He admitted. "I'm too scared of getting hurt and too weak to… uh, well, you know." Jake flushed in embarrassment.

Greg nodded. "I can understand that." He commiserated. If he was a single man with no reason not to, he'd jump into bed with Meredith in a second. Hell, even with everything he knew about her, he almost went for it, before Tessa interrupted them. What a mistake that would have been.

"Secondly," Jake continued, "you're just a better fit for the job. Even without Meredith, I was considering suggesting this. With your nightly excursions, you have more experience dealing with ferals than any of us, you know your way around the city, and frankly, you're the strongest person here. You probably don't even need the Squad. We do barely anything to help you, while your presence helps us immensely. It only makes sense to put you in charge."

Greg frowned. "Just because I'm strong and useful, doesn't mean I'm a good leader. I'm not detail oriented. Even when I'm trying, I forget things, and my threshold for 'fuck it' is way too low. Hell, I've forgotten… Emily?" Casey rolled her eyes and nodded. "I've forgotten Emily's name so many times it's ridiculous!" He then turned to Brittany. "And I have no idea what your name is. I think it starts with a D? Debbie?"

"Brittany." She corrected with a frown.

"See? I suck." Greg sighed, turning back to Jake. "Hell, the only reason I remember your name is because the first thing that occurred to me when I heard it was Jake the Snake and that stuck."

"How'd you remember my name?" Carlos interjected, sounding curious.

Greg shrugged. "I don't know many Carlos's. I guess it just stuck. Plus, you kinda look like a Carlos."

"He does, doesn't he?" Victor turned, giving Carlos an evaluating look.

Jake frowned for a moment, before shaking his head. "That doesn't matter. Being a leader… you don't need to micromanage, you just need to give direction. Let people know what they need to focus on, what they need to prioritize, and then let them do the rest. They'll take care of the details."

Greg's frown deepened. "I still don't think I'm the best person for the job. Why not make-" Greg paused, looking around the room. Victor was out. As much as Greg liked the dude, he would purposely annoy people if he was in charge. Carlos was out too. He'd have as many issues with Meredith as Jake would, if not more. Casey could probably do it, but he didn't think she could do any better than he could. Plus she could be a hot head sometimes. Brittany? No idea. He'd barely interacted with her. Tessa? Greg glanced at her. Tessa could be a good leader, right?

Tessa noticed his look, before shaking her head. "Absolutely not. People are too frustrating. I don't have the patience to deal with Victor mouthing back every time I say anything."

Greg frowned again, turning back to Jake. "Huh… I guess I am the best one for the job. That's kinda sad guys."

Victor snorted. "Do you really think we'd let Jake the Snake be in charge if we had a better option?"

"That's not my name!" Jake protested, glaring at Victor before shooting a resentful glance at Greg.

"Hey, don't blame me, blame my brain. I don't make these decisions." Greg commented, raising his hands.

"That… that doesn't make any sense!" Jake complained.

Greg shrugged. "Does it have to? Brains are weird. I should know, I have two of them."

"Was that a dick joke?" Casey asked incredulously.

Tessa sighed in exasperation. "No, it wasn't. He literally has two bodies now."

The entire group turned to look at Greg in surprise, with the exception of Emily, who seemed to be hyperventilating as she searched the room for a second, hidden Greg, as if he would pop out and attack her at any moment. Greg frowned at her. Was their spar really that traumatizing? "Don't worry, the other me is currently in the city. Also, if I wanted to attack you, I'd just do it, you know? It's not like anyone here could stop me." Greg assured her.

Emily's eyes widened in horror, only Casey's firm grip keeping her from bolting out of the room. "Why would you say that!?!" Casey hissed at him, before turning back to Emily. "Emy, baby, he's not going to hurt you! He's just an idiot!"

"It's true! I'm dumb as fuck!" Greg agreed, giving her two thumbs up and smiling like an idiot.

Emily stared at him wide eyed for a moment, before taking deep, calming breaths, trying to get herself back under control. While she did that, Victor turned back to Greg. "So… two places at once, huh? How does that work?"

"Basically, I make myself a new body out of my smoke, and it thinks for itself. But, since it's my smoke, we're still connected somehow, sharing thoughts, or at least memories, so it's still me." Greg explained. "Basically, the true me is smoke, and any body I make is just… an avatar. A vessel for my being to interact with the world through."

"Hold up, any body?" Carlos chimed in. "As in, more than two?"

"Uh, well, as long as I have enough smoke, I can make as many bodies as I-" Greg paused, glancing at Emily, who seemed to be completely paralyzed by the idea of a theoretically infinite amount of Gregs running around.

Casey glared at Greg. "Stop breaking my girlfriend!" She growled.

"I'm trying but she seems opposed to my very existence!" Greg retorted in exasperation.

"To be fair, conceptually, you're a monster." Victor commented blandly. "You eat people to make yourself stronger."

"Hey! My smoke dissolves things! It isn't eating!" Greg protested.

"To-may-to, to-mah-to." Victor waved him off.

"Why are you ignoring the people part?" Emily asked in a small, horrified voice.

"Uh, well, my smoke only lets me turn into things I've dissolved… so, you know, all the ferals I can turn into are people I've… well, you know. Technically, he's not wrong." Greg explained sheepishly. "I did kill them first. Well… most of them."

"Do you have any filter?" Tessa asked incredulously, pinching the bridge of her nose while Casey struggled to calm Emily down again.

"What? She asked!" Greg protested. "Look, she already knows I'm dangerous. We need to focus on convincing her I'm friendly."

"And how is telling her you eat people going to help that?" Tessa replied, raising an eyebrow at him.

Greg paused. "It shows that I haven't eaten her yet?" He offered tentatively.

"Yet." Victor added menacingly.

"Not helping!" Casey yelled.

"Not trying to." Victor retorted with a chuckle.

Greg sighed, turning to Emily with a serious expression. "Okay, look, I get it. I'm a scary guy. But at some point, you just have to accept that I am not trying to hurt you! I have no reason to! You're one of my best friends' girlfriend! If anything, I'll protect you! It's what I do! Literally, every night, I go out and find people who do hurt people, and stop them! So just… settle down, alright?" He explained, fixing her with a stern glare. Emily froze under Greg's attention, before nodding jerkily as he finished, though Greg suspected she would have nodded at anything he said. The woman was terrified. Greg leaned back on the couch with a sigh. "Fuck it, freak out, I don't care." He grumbled, before turning back to the rest of the group. "Are we done here? Can I go?"

"Wouldn't that be up to you, our glorious new Squad leader?" Victor asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, shit, right." Greg frowned. "Uh… well, I think me and Jake need to talk about a few of the things I actually need to do, but the rest of you can go." Greg paused. "Hell, I can go." He muttered, sending out a mini cloud of smoke which turned into a fairy sized Greg standing on Jake's coffee table. "You two can talk, we're gonna go." He announced, standing to his feet, pulling Tessa after him, heading out of the room, soon followed by the rest.