42
(Weezer- Island In The Sun)
Brenden
Why do I even bother trying with Desmond? He can do no wrong, but everyone around him is constantly fucking things up. He’s stuck in a bubble at every turn, doing whatever he wants without thinking of the repercussions. I’m not exactly the best at coming up with thorough plans, but I have to give myself credit for thinking at least. Desmond doesn’t seem to think unless it gets him paid or laid.
After my bath, I went back to the room and to nobody’s surprise whatsoever, Desmond was gone. I didn’t know where he was, but I couldn’t keep babysitting him. I spent the rest of the night thinking about what I was gonna tell Miriel.
Maybe “I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea. I’m not gonna be around much longer anyways.” Maybe I’ll just explain the whole situation and back off and she’ll think I’m just a delusional nutjob. I don’t see a future here, or with any of the people here. I can’t plan for a future that I don’t even have a vague idea of. I’ll end it and move on.
* * * * *
I heard the news about Desmond from Zerick almost immediately after it happened, then went on with my business. To be honest, I was happy to hear it. Desmond with too much time on his hands was a recipe for bad news, whether that be for him or somebody else. Hallax was in a sour mood, so I wheeled the uisukaifo to my room and set it up next to the window.
I was in the middle of playing “Take On Me” when I heard two gentle knocks on the door.
“It’s unlocked!”
I didn’t turn around while I finished out the chorus, but I heard light steps stop not far behind me and the door creak shut. Nothing but silence behind me while I finished the section. I didn’t know if I wanted to turn around. I could tell who it was from the knocks, the steps, and the silence. I was afraid to turn around and look at her.
She spoke first. “I was unsure if you were going to visit.”
“I was gonna stop in after practicing. Came by to get it over with and hash it out? Works for me.” I finally turned around to her. She was wearing a simple silver-colored puffy blouse and a long brassy skirt. Her hair was pulled to one side and clipped in back, the long clip poking up over the top of her head slightly. It was far more casual looking compared to what she usually wore for her medical work. And I caught myself doing it again, admiring her beauty and noticing her clothes like a fool in love. I chuckled to myself and looked down before correcting my face to something more formal.
“Get it over with? Alex, I-”
“Miriel, my name isn’t Alex. It’s Brenden. I’ve been lying to cover my tracks.”
I stayed seated in the stool. She motioned toward one of the chairs at the cluttered table, so I gestured for her to sit. She sat down very properly, and folded her hands on her lap. She smiled at me and turned her eyes back down to her hands.
She started. “I know. Lord Hallax slipped this morning after dealing with Eddie and Dex. He was asking me about it and referred to you as… Brenden. He had Riviera explain the situation to me.” She gazed into my eyes for a moment. “I sympathize with your situation. Being at odds with Lady Simira sounds scary, especially with her tenacity. And, as I have discovered in recent times, there are much worse things that people can hide from you, and do behind your back. Her men almost dragged me the whole way to Poikla before we stopped and I saw what she was capable of. I now realize that it was you and your friends.”
She’s way too nice for me. Even still, I feel like there has to be some caveat. Some “but” that she’s gonna drop out of nowhere. No. I can’t get swept up thinking about that. I have to stay focused on what I planned.
I bluntly said “So, what did Desmond tell you yesterday that I can clear up?”
Surprise and anxiety washed over Miriel’s face. “Desmond, huh. Well, he was very direct with his questions. He wanted to know… how I felt about you. And when I told him, he told me that… you are attracted to me. Of course, he worded it rather crassly and it simply didn’t make sense from a logical standpoint.”
My nerves were welling up inside me. I was so uncomfortable and I didn’t even know why. It was like my head and my feelings were in two different places, but both wanted the same outcome. I took a deep breath and went with the flow of the moment.
“He wasn’t lying, Miriel. I am attracted to you.” My nerves peaked, like I was on the verge of an adrenaline rush, and then strangely, they calmed. “I think you’re a great, smart woman. But… maybe it’s just because you’re the first person I’ve met here that didn’t treat me like an outsider. Or maybe it’s just because you’re the only other nyadin I’ve ever met. Might just be some deep biologic thing.”
She looked like she was unsure of what to think. “Sure… yes, I suppose nature could be responsible for such a thing. But he referred to it in such a manner of sexuality that I was concerned of a developmental disorder within you. Alongside your experienced age and your physical age, it’s alarming.”
“Yeah, that’s Desmond for you. He can’t go a week without sex, and I haven’t thought about it since we got here.” I chuckled to myself.
“Jorlad can’t understand, but that’s quite normal for nyadin. I’m assuming nobody ever explained the nature of our repro-” She stopped talking and furrowed her brows like her brain was malfunctioning. “What? Since you got here? To Vehfirn?”
“Rhial.”
Miriel’s face went blank for a moment, and then every time she tried to speak, she stopped, like her questions were being answered by everything she knew about me. “What?!”
I smiled. “Jigs up, I guess. I’m actually not from this world at all. If at any point you think I’m nuts and wanna call it, that’s cool, we’re just tryna keep on the down low. But…”
She leaned forward skeptically. “So then where are you from?”
“A world called Earth. Really different from here. We got killed in a car accident maybe four, five weeks ago.” The confusion on her face only grew. “Think of it like we were in a metal wagon that could drive without being pulled, and a much bigger and heavier metal wagon hit us and sent us tumbling down a cliff. Pretty sure we were all killed on impact.”
“What?”
“You know what, I don’t really give a shit anymore.” I sighed. “It’s a world of only jorlad. It’s where I lived, supported my family, went through school. But when we died, we suddenly woke up in the middle of the woods here. Out by Poikla. It’s why we know all those songs that sound so weird, have weird names, and don’t know anything. Learning an entirely new world after you’ve just started figuring out your own is… I don’t know. I feel like a kid who has no clue about anything, just wandering and hoping for the best.”
She hesitated for a moment. “May I… look into your memories?”
“You can do that?”
Miriel’s voice got low, like she was embarrassed. “Nyadin can. We need to meditate while staring into each other’s eyes, but yes, if you are willing, I can confirm these things.”
“Sure. Send it.”
“Um… sit across from me.” She scooted her chair closer and I turned to her. “Now… look into my eyes… and…” a little bead of sweat dripped from her forehead, which she quickly wiped away. “You’ll… focus on your breath and channel jzanmah lightly, to your eyes.”
I breathed in and out, then allowed the warm presence of jzanmah to creep through my head, slowly toward my eyes. My head tingled and my eyes felt like they were shifting, like they were opening, dilating beyond what was normal. Across from me, her eyes glimmered and shifted like glossy pools of pink honey, the pupil growing larger and larger until her eyes were consumed by black voids. Warmth cascaded through my body from her, and from my mind to her. It was similar to the first time I used jzanmah, but natural, like music, like our minds were harmonizing. In her eyes were dreams that she let me glimpse, and she saw into mine.
She breathed slowly, entranced, focused, blank. “Imagine your life prior. Show me the Earth you speak of.”
Home. Earth. The planet from afar. Night sky, pavement. Sidewalk. A street with yellow lines. Streetlights and the condo. Toss an empty Bang can in the recycling bin. I pull out my cellphone, calling Kyle to let me in. Rejected call. He’s coming. 10:30 PM. 30 degrees. Snow all night. Texts from Adam and Rowan. D&D Tik Tok and “Get on for the five stack or your dad’s dead” “He is dead. Making dinner then I’ll be on.” “Lit” Look up at the night sky- tricked out shitbox passes behind me blasting Juice WRLD, Righteous. Smile and nod to the dudes driving by. One leans out drunk as fuck “Yeaaaaaah boi!” Door opens and the shadow of Kyle runs back to bed to keep his tired. Walk in house, set my work bag and dad’s piece that I carry onto the table. Wipe concrete dust onto my shirt. Open bathroom door-
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
I heaved for breath and I stumbled up, falling onto the bed, slowly being reminded of where I was. Catching my breath, my eyes crept back up to Miriel, who was in confused awe. I leaned my head up, confused pity growing on her face. She shot forward and helped me sit, then sat down next to me. “What was… I’m so sorry, I wish I had known.”
“How could you have? Hehe, ah… I guess I’m just saying that I had no idea what I was doing- still don’t- and you were the only one who’s given me the time of day since I’ve been here, so I leaned a little too much on you. Sorry about that.” I sighed and looked her in the eyes with as comforting of a smile as I could muster. “I just wanted to tell you that me and Desmond are leaving here once this whole plan is over and we get our friends back. I won’t bother you anymore and I won’t be around to get between you and Dex. ”
At first, Miriel seemed like she was fighting back tears, but as soon as I finished speaking she was furious.
“Between me and Dex?” She leaned forward in her chair and crossed her arms. “Did Dex do something again? Is he the one who did that to your ear?”
“He was mad at me for overstepping, so I-”
“Overstepping what?!” I had never heard Miriel sound so indignant before. She was like an aggravated teacher questioning the fuck-up student. “Listen to me Al-” She sighed her anger away, but it was still poking through. “Brenden. I am not angry at you. I’m angry that Dex will not listen to me. There is nothing between me and Dex. There is nothing to overstep. In fact, I have made it clear that I will never accept his advances, but he is a very… possessive creature. That’s how dorstun are raised to be.” She sat a few feet from me on the bed. Her eyes started calculating again. “Is that why Ed- Desmond attacked Dex? Because of your ear?”
“Probably. Most likely. Haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet, and I’m not actually that mad. If it ain’t the police or something, he’ll throw down with just about anyone over small shit. I guess it’s good news that he’s finally beating the shit out of people again. When we got here, he was so focused on survival. I guess being around people in a big city got him feeling normal again, for better or worse.” I got sidetracked again. Something about talking with Miriel just made me want to keep talking. “So now that he’s normal again, we’re probably good to get this plan moving along. Get done with it, get going, and let you get back to your normal.”
“Normal.” Miriel turned to the floor dejectedly and muttered something silently.
“What?”
She looked up at me with a pained smile. “I don’t want my normal. I’ve been traveling aimlessly for the past several years since my sister died. A fireblood killed her on the outskirts of our hometown. I only survived because I can heal. After that, I left early for my traveling years. I left with Al’Li and then met the others and went from place to place, dragging them with me into each noble house on after the other.” She gazed around the room and sighed. “I’ve been growing to hate this place over the season, like all the others. And then you came crashing in like an incredibly capable yet strangely oblivious burst of life and music. Somebody that I couldn’t stop myself from being drawn to.”
How do I respond? Is she confessing? Is this how being confessed to feels?
My heart raced and my face was flooding with heat and embarrassment. “Wh- um- what do… you mean?”
“I spoke with a very nice stranger yesterday. She didn’t speak much, but I took your advice and asked her for her opinion. I was so afraid of getting swept up in jorlad days, I didn’t realize I was already caught in them. I may not move at a pace you’re used to, but I wouldn’t mind spending some time with you. To see if these emotions are just instinctual, or something worth getting to know further.”
My eyes catching anything other than the floor threatened to kill me with embarrassment, but I took a breath and put my hand on top of hers, finding the courage to look back into her swirling pink eyes. “We don’t need to worry about how fast or slow it goes. Like you told me when I first met you, we’ve got plenty of time. I’d be happy to learn what your… our nyadin days are like.”
Not a thought went through my mind for what felt like forever staring into her eyes. She finally ended my hypnosis as she clasped my hand. “Hand.”
“Hand?”
“It’s the first thing you said to me. You pointed to your bloody hand and said ‘hand.’”
“Oh, yeah. A real good first impression I made. You probably thought I was a total idiot.”
“Initially, I understood the shock pain can bring, but admittedly I was very worried by how little you knew. I now know why you knew nothing, and I’m glad I don’t have to be worried about your development because of it.”
“I’m just gonna be honest, Miriel, I am pretty stupid. I’ve only made it this far by luck and the people I’ve been with.”
“So… you appeared here? Like that? From being a jorlad before?”
“Yeah. Five of us. I didn’t get it all that bad, all things considered.”
“And that was what, a few dozen days ago?”
“Yup.”
Her face wrinkled like she was trying to make logic of it, but couldn’t.
I sighed. “You’ve told me all about this place and all I’ve really done is keep secrets. You wanna know anything about Earth? I’ll tell you everything I know.”
Her eyes lit up at the idea of learning about another world far away from here. I told her as much as I could about the countries of the world, some general history, but what she was really interested in was technology. The idea of devices being powered by electricity enthralled her. Everything being autonomous without the need for sigil energy, but instead natural resources, the wind, the sun, oil and coal. She was enamored with the idea of computers, phones and the internet, kicking her legs back and forth cutely while listening. Everyone being able to use them too, without needing some special prerequisite they were born with.
Miriel was glancing around rapidly, like she was calculating again. “And that device that you were holding, you could speak without delay to any one of your friends at Amien Manor, no matter how far away they are?”
“Yeah. And I had these cool things called earbuds. You could put ‘em in your ears to listen to music, or use them to talk without even needing a wire to your phone. Oh, and that thing you saw those guys pass by in, that metal machine, that’s a car.”
She laughed and put her hands on her lap. “Part of me really is worried that you are crazy and imagining all of this, and yet I saw a glimpse of it and… it simply doesn’t make sense any other way.”
I raised my right hand. “Hand to God, everything is real.”
“God? What’s that?”
“He’s- like, God. The one who created everything.”
“You discovered what created everything?”
“Not exactly… there’s no proof but also nothing saying it’s wrong. It’s something a lot of people believe, though. We don’t actually know for sure. Most people where I’m from believe there’s this one God above us that sent his son down to Earth to live among us and then die so that we’re forgiven for our sins and have eternal peace in Heaven, after we die. People believe other things in other places though.”
“That’s… comforting, though. What about you? Do you believe it?”
“I…”
I can’t say anymore. Reality as I know it is completely different in this place. If Christianity was right, then we should’ve been sent to Heaven or Hell. Unless this is one of those… probably Hell. But I get the sense it’s not. Was it God who sent us here? A god? Or something else entirely?
“I don’t know anymore. If I was on Earth, yeah. But now I’m in a completely different world that would have seemed like a fantasy show to me back then. Even then, there were tons of gods in history, and I’m sure there are different things here. Here, it feels like anything could be real, and now, because of that, I believe more and less at the same time, if that makes sense. Like I’m realizing that I just don’t know anything. And I can’t know everything. I still wake up expecting to be back home. I reach for my phone. I expect a buzz from my pocket. I find myself wondering what happened in all the shows and games I loved. I wonder how my friends and family are doing and I want to call. I feel like I should be so close to my family, but I couldn’t be farther.”
She lowered her eyes. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ask something so heavy.”
“Oh, hah, it’s fine. It’s all I really think about anymore.”
“Well, don’t be too harsh on your own mind. You’re one person. You don’t have to know everything, have all the answers, to simply be happy.”
A poignant silence hung in the air for the first time since we started talking.
She cleared her throat. “When are you performing next?”
“Every night after today. Apparently there’s some big meeting between the Viscounts that me and Desmond are gonna be playing at. Hallax wants to use it for… uh… the plan.”
“Well, I’d like to attend a few of your performances. Tell me where they are before you go, and I’ll come if I can get out of doing work.”
“Oh shit, work.” I looked at my empty wrist and then out the window. “It’s gotta be midday by now. I was supposed to rehearse with Desmond. Sorry, but I have to get going.”
“Wait a moment.” She grabbed my face and my spirit left my body. I didn’t know what to expect, but she created a sigil in her lap and then raised her hand to my ear. “How are you going to play well if you can’t hear the music perfectly?” The pain in my ear disappeared as her hand gently prodded several parts of it, the muffled ache dissipating.
“Thank you, Miriel.”
“You are welcome any time.” She stood and walked to the door as gracefully as she always did. “And don’t forget to tell me where you’re performing.”
“I will. I promise.”
“I’m excited.” She smiled at me and shut the door behind her. I grabbed the straps on the side of the piano and pulled it down the hall to Hallax’s office.
“You’re late, Brenden.” Hallax’s voice echoed throughout the chamber as I backed in.
“Sorry, Lord Hallax. I got caught up. It won’t happen again.”
“You’re not in trouble Brenden, but you have several performances before you play in front of the Duke and everyone beneath him. I too have a stake in this, as I recommended you to him, alongside it being an integral piece of the larger project.”
I wheeled the uisukaifo over toward Desmond, who seemed smug as ever.
“Sup, B?”
An irritated smile grew on my face and he caught it. “Shut up. It’s rehearsal time.”
* * * * *
We rehearsed that afternoon, and then Desmond went to guard duty for most of the night. The following evenings were hectic and draining. I used the Flare sigil to alter how Desmond and I appeared. With some finesse, it could change our colors and shapes enough to be unrecognizable. Desmond’s skin appeared darker and we made him a little fatter, gave him some makeup and a massive black wig. I used Disapparate to hide my ears, Flare to become more silver than gold and to conceal my eye size. With makeup and a lot of frizzing done to my hair, I was like a wildman from a silver mine instead of myself. I became Alex, and Desmond became Eddie, a hideously clownish cross of 80s hairband style and Triali gild. The sigils weren’t horribly taxing, but stacking them with performing definitely left us drained. Night after night, we worked our way up the chain of Madam Diona’s establishments. We went from some generic taverns with crowds that grew throughout the performance, to a really fancy theater-looking-place that had some high end people in it. Our reputation was spreading like wildfire around the Hallax Quarter. And then, it was time for the big night, where we would perform in front of the big wigs of the entire area. I quickly forgave Desmond so we could go into our big night without any hiccups. After all, we had some new stolen heat to debut.