27

(Zac Brown Band- Chicken Fried)

Tells

Adam dusted his giant mitts off, having quickly dug a firepit in our little clearing next to the road. Brenden built the fire while we waited for the other two to return. He had a peeved off look on his face, like he was thinking, but things weren’t clicking.

He stopped building and cracked his knuckles. “Did you guys know about her? That she’s a fireblood?”

I shook my head, but Adam turned from grabbing something in the wagon. “We didn’t know enough to be able to spot it. Mother Yearly, or whatever her name was, said some weird stuff, but that’s kind of been how every conversation here has went.”

Brenden overexcitedly shot up and pointed at Adam. “Yes! That’s exactly it! I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore! People are talking to us like we know shit, but we don’t know shit.”

I chuckled. “Speak for yourself, smoothbrain.”

“Bullshit, you’re definitely in the same confused boat as us.”

I made an incorrect buzzer sound and crossed my arms. “Can’t be confused if you’re not paying attention to anything.”

His brows furrowed and his eyes squinted. He was deep in thought, recalling the distant memories of the past week. “Have you talked to anyone?”

“Yeah. Just don’t overthink it lol.”

Adam put a whole rotten bulb of fruit in his mouth, wincing while he chewed and spoke. “I couldn’t understand half of the shit Mother Yemen was saying. She sounded like my babushka with a somehow thicker accent.”

“Don’t diss Santa’s number one elf. She puts in work.”

“I thought Brenden was Santa’s top guy?”

“I’m already so tired of these elf jokes,” Brenden whined.

I shared a glance with Adam and we both grinned.

He slapped Brenden on the back. “Don’t worry Buddy, we’ll get you back to the north pole.”

“I’ll take my chances getting dropped off at the north pole if it means I get to go back to Earth.”

I stroked my chin intelligently. “No, he’s definitely a south pole elf.”

“I’m not a fucking elf! I’m a nyadin or whatever Geren called ‘em.”

I whispered to Adam. “He’s an angry elf.”

Brenden took a deep breath and then broke into a short burst of laughter. “I’m telling Santa on you guys. You’re going straight onto the naughty list.”

“Erm, actually,” Adam corrected, “Santa’s not even real.”

I turned to Adam with a look of genuine distraught on my face. “What do you mean he’s not real?”

Brenden stared at Adam in sheer betrayal. “Are you a fucking Santa denier? Dude, I thought you were cool. And then you go and do this?”

“You guys aren’t being serious, right?” Adam glanced between Brenden and I.

Damn, didn’t think I was being that convincing.

Just then, the treeline stirred as Desmond and Vetia emerged.

Adam whipped around with an awkward smile. “You guys don’t think Santa is real, right?”

Desmond’s expression became a mix of confusion and disdain. “Well yeah, I’ve seen him.”

“Bullshit.”

“You keep telling yourself that, bud.”

Vetia heaved as they both dropped the gutted animal next to the fire pit. “The presents literally say ‘from Santa.’”

Adam’s face fell flat, but his lack of a response showed how bad his ongoing existential crisis was. Brenden snorted a little, covering his mouth with his hand. He coughed and hid his face by staring straight down at the fire he was building.

Adam turned around, eyes locking onto Brenden and pointing. “No no no! You guys are fucking with me, aren’t you?”

I walked away from the fire and the carcass to pat Adam on the back. “Adam, you spend way too much time online to not know that one.”

Adam rubbed his temples. “Kill yourselves, all of you.”

Mischievous chuckles and laughter broke out through our little camp as we finished setting up, cutting up the meat, and building the fire. Our camp was cozy. A couple logs around the firepit with upside-down crates as our tables, logs as our seats, then a barrel of alcohol set by Brenden and Desmond, like a makeshift bar where we could pour drinks and keep the meat that Desmond was cooking. The bar and kitchen was to my left and I shared a log with Vetia on my right, then Adam on his own log past her.

Brenden kicked his feet up on the rocks surrounding the pit, eying us all down while we awaited drinks. “I’ve got an idea. You guys tell the group a secret and I’ll pour you a drink. First one is free, but any more and you gotta spill.”

Adam raised his hand. “Mr. Jace, what if we don’t have any secrets?”

“Then think of something.”

“Damn,” Adam whispered to himself.

“Anyone else have questions?”

“Yeah,” Vetia held out her hand, “why the fuck haven’t you started pouring yet?”

He dunked one of the wooden steins into the barrel of dark purple alcohol, which smelled aromatic and sweet, with a little bit of tang. When he handed it back to her, she sniffed it and raised her eyebrows with a grunt.

“This would be some expensive shit back home. Shiiiiit.” She guzzled the stein with the gusto of a true brexit geezer. “THAS A ROIGHT FAHCKIN PINT, INNIT LADS?!”

Desmond took this as a challenge and reached around Brenden to scoop himself a cup full. He downed it with equal determination, only gagging some up halfway down before truckin’ on through to the end. “BLIMEY-” he halted, holding his chest before releasing a wet, resounding burp. “HOLY FOCKIN ‘ELL MATE!”

Vetia reeled in place for a moment, reaching across me to shove her stein in Brenden’s face. “OY BRUV, AH FINK AH NEEYD ANUVA O’ YA POP’S A DROWNIN’ PADDY!”

Brenden returned an equally loud and mocking accent. “I AM A PADDY YA SHINY DOMED BASTARD! MOVE YER FOCKEN PINT OUT ME FACE OR I’LL KICK Y’OUT WITCH YER OWN GAY BOOTS!”

She recoiled back in dramatic defeat, her horns sticking in the ground as she laid awkwardly over the log. I snatched the cup out of her hand and joined in. “YOU GOT A LOICENSE FO’ DAT PINT?”

Adam pointed with his mouth wide open. “OY OY OY! AIN’T GOT A DRINKIN’ PERMIT NEIVAH! BOBBY, TOSS ‘ER INNA THAMES!”

I grabbed her ankles to hopefully swing them up and flip her, but all I did was shift her from being on the log to laying flat on the ground with her legs over the log. Brenden passed me two steins, one of which went to Adam.

Desmond stumbled over and slid flat in the grass, wildly slapping the ground three times and yelling out like a wrestling ref while Adam cheered. “ONE! TWO! THREE! B-” he accidentally spit up some wine, but kept it going. “-RIT VAMPIRE IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT YET AGAIN! THE HONEST ABES TAKE ANOTHER MASSIVE WIN!” He shot up and celebrated with Adam.

Dizzy and confused, Vetia looked back at me. “Does being a vampire make me a Blood?”

I channeled my Jamaican roots. “Nah mahn, you jus a regulah blud.”

She giggled wetly, probably fighting back her own vomit. “O shuwa blud! Put it right dea mahn!” We fistbumped and I pulled her back onto the log.

Desmond tripped back to his seat. “Bro, this fantasy wock got me fucked up!” He impatiently held out his cup. “Fill ‘er up, elf boy.”

Brenden blocked the barrel of wine. “Give us a fuckin secret and I will.”

“Uhhhh, my smell is really good.”

I made an x with my arms.

“Fuck. Um,” he really racked his brain. “I can hear damn near everything around us at all times. Like I can literally hear your heartbeats.”

Brenden nodded. “Good enough.” He scooped and passed the stein.”

Vetia was mortified. “Does that mean-”

Desmond frowned at her. “Yeah. I heard you bangin’.”

“We didn’t even-”

“You really don’t need to share with the class. The fact that you almost bagged a noble is a little impressive, so we’ll just leave it.”

Brenden shook his head. “You get an extra just cause you had to hear that.”

“Raah! Let’s go!” Desmond drank even more eagerly. “Oh yeah, I can see shit like really far with mah binocular eyes.”

“Another.”

“I am so good at this!” He used sticks to pull the greasy sizzling steaks off the rock in the middle of the fire, dropping a couple fresh ones down. He handed the first ones to Adam and me.

Vetia cleared her stein and held it out. “When I was a kid, I had a recurring nightmare that I would walk into a Family Guy episode and then Peter and the others would say, ‘Brian, we need to count your bones.’ Then they would pick me up and chant ‘Reveal his bones!’ while they carried me into a room with a kiddie pool full of acid that was called the Bone Revealer.”

Brenden was baffled. “The fuck does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s a secret.”

“Yeah and I used to have nightmares that I was a cat getting chased by Alf. That secret sucked.”

“Uh, you guys didn’t know it.”

“Okay, fine, it counts.”

“Then pour me a drink.”

“No.”

“The fuck you mean, no?”

“You started at minus one point because you’re a woman.”

She glared at him, then shared a look with me, shaking her head. “He’s just making up rules now.”

I nodded. “We were too funny. God knew we’d be too perfect as dudes if our bodies were better. He had to nerf us.”

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that.” She held the empty stein to her lips, then looked down disappointed that it was empty.

“Yurrr.”

I glanced down and finally sipped the wine. It was surprisingly less sweet than I was expecting. A supple and minty aftertaste followed the balance of sweet and tangy fruit flavors, which was almost like a combination of raspberry and blueberry. It paired well with the smoky, tender meat. It was similar to venison, although less rich. The wine was a little strong for me at first, but it went down easily. Strangely, as soon as the wine hit my stomach, I felt a similar hot twinge in my gut like when I got stabbed by the fireblood’s tail in the woods.

Adam finished the steak, gristle and all, in less than a minute. “That’s some premium meat right there.”

Desmond glanced up at him, his dilated eyes struggling to find their target as he had been chugging through his second stein. “That’s what your mom said.”

Brenden high fived him. “Ayo!”

Adam ignored him. “Dude, can I have some more?”

“We’ve been running out of- of-” he burped, “of food so quickly. You can’t be eating as much. We’re not back on Earth where we can just run to the store real quick. We gotta hunt this shit down.”

The next slabs of meat were ready, which he gave to himself and Brenden before putting the next little piece on the fire.

Vetia’s eyes locked on the steak. “Cook mine blue.” After about thirty seconds on either side, it was in her hands. “Yeeeaaaah.”

Brenden eyed me. “Tells, you haven’t said shit. Give us a secret.”

“I’m still not done with my drink.”

“Weak. Alright, I got one then. I always thought elves were the dumbest fantasy race.”

Adam chuckled. “Good thing none of us are elves.”

“Fuck those dirty knife-ears,” I said.

Brenden sighed, finishing his stein. “You know what, at least I don’t look like those dudes back in the village.”

Vetia gnawed her steak while speaking. “Ah leas EUGH-” Almost choking, she took the meat out of her mouth. “At least your diet’s still normal. And you don’t have to deal with poison.”

Brenden put up his hand to stop her. “Hey, having poison at the ready is pretty frickin’ shweet, Lois.”

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

Vetia chuckled. “But Peetah, I don’t need poison unless I’m killing things.” Her voice went back to normal. “Like, if we all end up working normal jobs and living normally, the poison tips are just gonna hinder me. Not to mention, my tail has its own unique poison. I’m pretty sure it’s similar to oxy, at least, that’s what I could tell from the animal I killed. Oh, and, that’s a secret, pour me one.” She held out her stein and Brenden obliged.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Desmond leaned forward with a grin. “You’re telling me you’ve got an endless supply of free oxy in your tail?”

“Fast acting and extremely potent.”

Desmond held his hands up rubbing his fingers together like he wanted to make money off of it.

“Without condemning or condoning, I understand,” Adam said. “But we should probably wait a bit and learn the laws before trying to sell black market fireblood poison.”

He shrugged. “A backup plan is a backup plan.”

Brenden’s fully sky blue eyes were becoming more consumed by his ever dilating pupils. His deep thought and puzzlement were now even more pronounced by the wine. “How do you know what the animal was feeling when you- like- poisoned it?”

“Funny you should ask,” she was hesitant. “Firstly, I have eyes, but also I can feel the emotions of the people and things around me. Except I actually feel them and I think it’s why I’ve acted a little weird.”

“Okay,” Desmond chuckled, “what’m I thinkin’ right now?”

“I don’t want to know what your uncomfortably horny mind is thinking. Feeling it is already weird enough.”

“Shit,” he seemed genuinely impressed. “Thass jus what wine does to a motherfucker though.” His own laughter distracted him from talking.

She continued. “Brenden is confused but really, like, lovey happy, Tells is normal, and Adam is really frustrated but hiding it well.”

Adam’s smile didn’t disappear, but his tone was a little irritated. “I’m just hungry, man.”

“Ooh,” Vetia’s face lit up. “That’s another secret.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Brenden smiled stupidly. “It’s on the tab.”

“Do I get points for exposing other people’s secrets?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

By this point, Vetia and Desmond had just been passing their steins to Brenden and then quickly gorging through them.

Desmond imparted his wisdom on us. “Adam, Tells, y’all need to drink more.”

I took another sip of my drink. “I, uh, don’t think alcohol does anything to me. I got the same feeling as the poison from the fireblood.”

Brenden squinted, his mouth hanging open. “Is that your secret?”

“I guess.”

Adam finally breathed after scarfing down another piece of meat. “Technically, alcohol is poison, so maybe your body is just immune to poisons.”

Desmond mentally checked back into the conversation, having downed his fourth stein and slurring all his words. “Ya did shrug off ‘at fireblood poison fum befo too. Maybe ya just, like, immune to everything poison.”

“I literally just said that,” Adam said indignantly.

“Who?” Desmond was thoroughly shitfaced.

“Tells,” Vetia impishly leaned into my line of sight, “you should lemme hit you with my tail poison. For science.”

I contemplated for a moment, then held my forearm out. Suddenly, her tail whipped around and jabbed into the soft part of my elbow, right into my vein. It didn’t stick in long, and I didn’t even feel it.

“How did you hit my vei-” My mind reeled, like I was falling out of my own body and instant relaxation shot through me, like my mind and my body became separate entities. It took a great deal of effort to finish my sentence as I slurred out the words. “-my veeeiiiiin liike tha?” By the end of speaking, though, a flare of heat shot through my gut and I felt like I’d just woken up. A fog persisted in my mind, but I was sober again.

“It’s kinda instinct now. Like I can sense the jzammah in your blood.” She stared wide-eyed at me, and I couldn’t help being a bit creeped out by how animalistic she seemed. “No shit, you really just shook that poison off like nothing.”

We all quieted down, taking a few moments to have drinks. Vetia, downing another, dropped her mug.

Damn, she’s really putting those back. I didn’t think- oh she’s trying to forget what happened earlier, huh…

I passed my stein to her and she drunkenly half-hugged me, happily gesturing at me with my mug. “This is why we party together.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, sorry bout earli-”

She whirled back in disappointment, almost launching the stein away. “I JUS TOL YO WHYY WE PARTY BRO!” Then she leaned in, unable to keep her eyes open while she talked to me. “Iss ovah man. I’m sicka dat bitch!” She finally opened her eyes, bobble-heading around at us. “Oh ahm fuuuuckt. Hehehehe. BAHTENDA MOOOORRE!”

Brenden was catching up. “You aven’ even finisht that one ya dumb bitch.”

Desmond’s face wrinkled like he’d shit out a handful of thumbtacks. He tried looking at her, but couldn’t focus on a thing. “‘N stop ya fucken screamin’ woman, Jesus Christ!”

“Ahm not screamin ya fuggin tard!” She screamed.

I leaned over and whispered to her. “Pop your ears.”

She flexed her jaw weirdly for a second, then her whole face opened up and she smiled, nodding at me.

Adam finally finished eating and sat back, casually sipping his drink. Brenden scooped himself another half-drink and leaned forward, silently staring into the fire.

I talked across the fire to Adam. “How many do you think it’ll take for you?”

He looked into the cup and chuckled. “Too many. Just like it’s always been. Guess we’re kinda in the same boat.”

Brenden piped up. “Yeah man, is takin’ wayyy tooo many fr’ me ta get used to this.”

“Yeah,” I nodded confidently at him, “dude you got like five more in you.”

“No no no no no, I mean, like…” His pupils dilated, taking up the entirety of his eyes. “I’m fuckt, buh like, sometin differen is goin on now.”

Adam scratched his neck. “As in?”

“Ionno if issa new thing ‘r whaaa, but I’m, like feelin shit and seein’ shit without seein or feelin it.”

“Yeah,” I said, “I feel you, bro.”

“Nah man, you shou draw dis shi fah me so I remembah it.”

Adam chuckled. “Yeah, Tells, 3D model his drunken ramblings.”

“Brenden,” I started, “that’s a great idea. I see exactly what you mean. Cause you’re feeling and seeing, right? I know all about feeling and seeing shit.”

“Don you fuckin’ patronize me you rat fuck. I ain’t kiddin, this shit’s actually like, beautiful n shit.”

Vetia leaned forward, speaking in a mysterious whisper. “D’you see em? Feel em? The voiceless voices?”

He nodded. “I dunno what you mean, but I kinda get it, y’know?”

She smirked slyly. “Bein’ able to sense things withou seein’ ‘em? Knowin’ what they are? The glowin’ lights like a ring aroun the world?”

“Wha?” He raised his eyebrows. “Nah, I still gotta see em.”

“Oh…” she sat back and sighed, clearly pondering something but not effectively. “Cool.”

Adam groaned. “Why do you guys get all the cool powers? I wanna see and do cool shit too.”

I took personal offense to that. “Bro, you are not complaining about having no powers while having superhuman strength next to literally just a generic woman.”

“But, like, okay, we’re in the same boat though! I wanted magic too! And you can’t get poisoned!”

I stared blankly at him. “Have another drink. Have fun. Then look me in the eyes and say that again.”

Desmond waved his empty stein as if to make a point, like he was fed up with us. “Powers ain’t all they chalked up to be, homeslice. God, why’s everyone just bitching aboutcha bodies n shit! I’m so fuggin tired of it! Get ovah it! Get used ta it! We stuck like this!”

Adam ripped through another slice of steak. “Says the human.”

Desmond stood up, whipping his stein around at everyone as he spoke. “Adam! Yous a fuckin big orc wi bigass muscles! Fuck off wi’ that fuckin boo hoo shit! Brenden, I know you’re an elf and I give ya hell for it, but damn man, you’re prolly gonna be swimmin in elf pussy once we find one of their places. Vetia… you wa jus hangry, but you got hella poison and vampire suckin n shi… das cool as hell, man. Tells, we chillin. You been chillin’ dis whole time. You been fresh. I’m jus sayin, fellas, it ain’ as over as we thought it was.”

Adam shrugged. “If you think about it, having a fireblood that can attract prey is really useful for having a steady supply of meat.”

Desmond pointed more fervently. “Das what I mean! We all got shit we can use! Ah don’ know! We can fuck off t’ some cornah of the world ‘n chill. We got healin, fire, probly more. Adam can lif heavy things. We gah somethin, guys.”

“I wanna go to wizard school!” Vetia blurted out.

“You think they got Harry Potter type shit or d’ya think its cooler here?” Brenden latched onto that idea real quick.

“I dunno,” she shrugged while struggling to make her finger glow, “prolly some dumb shit about learning symbols. I doubt they’d let a fireblood into magic school, though.”

“Not with an attitude like that.” Desmond turned his finger glowing red with jzanmah and cackled.

The three drunks suddenly began a race. Brenden and Desmond tried the fire sigil to no avail, while Vetia failed numerous times at one I wasn’t familiar with, like a rectangle of light that she couldn’t maintain focus on.

Adam quickly traced the fire sigil he’d seen the others do before, chuckling as he ignited his finger and extinguished it with a verbal “tssssss” on his pec.

Brenden and Desmond started yelling like drunken and incoherent Bostonians while Vetia continued her hyperfixation. None of those three managed to form a sigil, even after several strenuous attempts.

After a little while, the bar and grille duo started singing “American Pie” together, and we all joined in for the melancholy amusement. Desmond must have been itching to sing it, because he didn’t miss a word or a beat, and when Brenden didn’t know the words, he hummed the tune to Desmond’s singing. They both seemed surprised by their skill when we moved on. The whole song had been in English without anyone realizing it. Being the only sober one, I noticed and tried thinking, or even speaking in English, but it didn’t come back to me. I could repeat phrases, things, and songs, but I couldn’t string a new sentence together in our old language. And a bunch of creeping thoughts always found a way back into my head.

I don’t belong here. This fire is made of wood from trees I’ve never seen before a week ago. Jzanmah still makes no sense. My friends have become what I would have called monsters if they were back on Earth. We’d be detained and experimented on or something stupid probably. And everything I ever thought about how life works, everything I’ve been told, everything I believe, I don’t know if it makes sense and I don’t know what to do now that I know this is what my life is gonna be… Dad wouldn’t lie to me, but a tale passed down from generations, from a time on Earth where the world was more like this, how could they have known what was true or not? Were they just telling stories or was there something more?

They took off into “Piano Man” next, on a high after Desmond’s last perfect recreation. It was a collection of humming and mumbling little parts we knew while Desmond sang, then a burst of drunken voices joining for each chorus.

Vetia’s hand reached around me, pulling me into her gentle side-sway. Her eyes were exhausted, her gentle, but aggressively firm hand guiding me back and forth like she was desperately clinging to something that only we could give her. As her head bobbled from not being able to hold it up straight anymore, her lackadaisical smile and sly eyes pulled me back into the moment.

Adam let his head hang, lightly tapping his foot to the beat, but clearly off in his own distant, deeply contemplative place. He wasn’t sitting like Adam. Hunched over, uncomfortably scrunched up, his eyes turned up to meet mine for a second like he was searching for a distraction, then when all he saw was real life, they went right back to the ground.

Brenden kept blinking rapidly, pulling things out of his eyes and awkwardly fidgeting with his ears, feeling his wiry frame more than I’d ever seen him care about his appearance. He hummed and sang with a low, melancholy tone, like he was coming to terms with the inevitable. His eyelids were barely staying open, but he had the same jitters as before, a constant worry in the forefront of his mind.

And Desmond bellowed out with more heart than I’d seen him put into anything, like his soul was burning for something he’d never see. His gray, exhausted eye sockets drooped and he twitched or reacted at every little sound or shape around him. His nose scrunched miserably whenever the smoke drifted toward him. But the whole time, his eyes were shut, singing louder than he could think.

After enough time, Desmond conked out from drinking too much and the world relaxed to crackling fire, gentle night breezes, and brushing leaves. He was slumped forward over his cup, completely passed out. We cleaned up and threw him in his tent. The other drunkards went into their tents to sleep, so I stayed out to keep watch despite how tired I was. It was just Vetia and I next to the fire.

I tapped her on the shoulder. “You’re not going to sleep?”

“Firebloods don’t sleep.” She smirked. “I guess that makes me the firekeeper.”

“What do you do?”

She shrugged. “Being up with nothing to do really makes me confront those big philosophical questions and things I’ve been keeping down. What do you do when you’re up at night?”

“Go on my phone, or something. Since I’ve been here, nothing. But I started praying a lot more.”

“What about?”

“Everything. What’s the point? Why am I like this? Why are we all like this? Is He still listening? Is God even here?”

“I’m not sure if somebody who looks like a caricature of a devil is one to talk on religion,” she chuckled at herself and sighed, “but I’ve, uh, I’ve been asking a lot of similar things. Not to God necessarily, just whoever’s listening. Who knows, there might literally be gods here. But so far it seems like I’m the only one who hears me. I haven’t gotten any answers, though. Only questions.”

“Like what?”

“How am I supposed to live normally like this? Can I? I think about possible futures for myself. Jobs, friends, relationships, settling down. And then it’s nothing but more questions. I don’t know how possible all that is for me, but I wanna try making it work. Make the best with what I got, I guess. I thought I had it bad last life. I was just a short guy. Now I’m a fuckin… I still barely know what I am. I feel like it’s all I fuckin’ talk about anymore and I just wanna move on from it, but it’s all I think about, it’s my entire life now. I-I-” She breathed out slowly, precisely. “I’m just trying to find a silver lining, a bright side, just one. But all I’ve gotten is hurt. I feel like I’m not even in charge of my own emotions and thoughts, like my body is tugging me around where it needs me because I don’t live like a normal person anymore.”

“Sounds like you’re you. You’re learning yourself. That’s a good start.”

“Are you trying to sound like your dad?”

“He raised me. What do you expect?”

“Touche.” She idly tapped on the soft part of her wing. “What do you wanna do here?”

“Same as last time, I guess.”

“As in…”

“Have a house. A job or… a farm, now. Have some kids once I find a wif- a- a…” my eyes crept down to my hands. My hands. The tanned, feminine hands, the light brown hair gently falling over my shoulders. Nausea gripped my mind and I didn’t want to keep my eyes open. I leaned forward, pinching the bridge of my nose, now realizing that my whole life plan would be different.

A warm, comforting hand rested on my back. “Yeah. I know that feeling.”

I let my forehead fall into my hand and rested my eyes. “Was it… What was it like… with a guy.”

She laughed, speaking slowly, precisely, exactly to her thoughts. “Scared the shit outta me at first, but after a certain point, after a few anxiety attacks and moments where I felt like I was back in high school, hormones going nuts crushing on Jade, it became effortless. When I slowly started leaning into it, probably thanks to my weird sense, it became… comforting… I felt hopeful… like I was comfortable in my own skin and I didn’t have to worry about being judged.”

“Which way do you think you’re swinging now?”

“Honestly, what I thought I wanted, what I thought I was into, wasn’t what I turned out to be into. It’s weird. I don’t have to be the strong one making moves or faking like I’ve got everything under control to be loved. It just… happened, free of much effort. But I’m still hesitant. Sure, it helped that he’s a handsome guy, but I didn’t want to go further because I know how that went in my last life. Maria wasn’t even my first girlfriend, but it… relationships just felt a little different after we popped our cherries... after we broke up. I got with a couple girls after, tried some new things, but I was always comparing, trying to find that same feeling. It wasn’t bad, and it’s not that I didn’t love them, but that tiny little piece wasn’t there, that shared experience, the special moment of losing our innocence together. I always wished I could go back and do things slower even if I ended up alone. This time, I wanna wait until…” she breathed out, coming to terms with her own thoughts.” Until I find the man I’ll spend my life with. I want to savor it now that I know, now that I’m actually, technically a real born-again virgin.”

I raised my head. “Hey, I thought I was the Bible thumper.”

“Yeah, yeah. Earth was different. Dude, Tarynn didn’t wanna even kiss until after, like, however many days of hospital dates. Maybe that was a fluke, I don’t know, but it was really nice, refreshing, to just get to know him. Back home, it felt impossible to find a middle ground. Like everyone was screwin with everyone and if you didn’t get in on it, you’d get left behind until all you had to choose from were single mothers or college girls who had just got done “finding themselves” through hookup apps and the virgins became insufferable terminally online incels. No offense.”

“Truth don’t offend.”

“I know that’s not actually how it was everywhere, but take it from a “short king,” hoeflation and porn really fucked up the dating scene. That’s why I was always tryna getcha off your computer.” She smirked, shaking her head. “What a fuckin’ culture shock this place is. You got good intuition. Don’t rush it, but don’t close yourself off either. And for the love of God, go places to meet people wherever we end up. Meet people, have fun, and fall in love or some bullshit.” She sighed with a chuckle. “The thought of getting pregnant is still beyond horrifying to me, but life is about getting used to it or getting over it, I guess. How else can we move forward?”

I gazed up at the distant galaxy illuminating the world. “If you got a chance to start fresh on another planet, another random world up in that galaxy up there, random place, stats, body, everything… would you take it now, knowing it could be way better or way worse than this?”

She raised an eyebrow at me and smirked. “A bit on the nose, no?”

“Wouldja?”

She stared into the fire in thought. “Would I be alone, without you guys?”

“Yeah.”

“No. You?”

“Nah, I need you guys to talk to people for me.”

“I think you’ll do better in this world than the last one.”

I snickered. “You trippin.”

A quick breath escaped her nose. “You say that now, but just you wait. I got a hunch.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.”

We sat in comfortable silence, staring at the fire and taking in the cool, peaceful realm of night until I finally got too drowsy to keep my eyes open.

I got up. “G’night.”

“Night.”