4
(Avicii, Aloe Blacc- Wake Me Up)
Tells
Soil stirred beneath my foggy head. Quaking blasts shot through the ground and in a second I was sitting up. Slapping shrubs out of my face, I finally opened my eyes to the thick and hairy stomping legs all around me. Above me was a mess of thick, deep brown fur matted on the bottom of a beast the size of an elephant.
My legs pressed off of the ground and out from under the beast, an odd dizziness taking hold of my head. Gray blots obstructed my view and my brain lost connection for a second while I stumbled through the brush and into its coarse leg fur.
Holy shit, am I taller?
The massive figure flinched while I caught my senses and whirled around, knocking me back to the soft soil with a graze of its foot. Six black eyes peered down at me through its matted fur. The satellite dish shaped tip of its trunk hovered over my face.
Just gotta stay calm and it’ll be over soon, right?
Out from the center of its trunk, a little snake-like appendage slinked out and approached my face. I couldn’t help yelling and scooting away. The mammoth creature did not take well to that. The trunk recoiled, whipping upward while it stomped craters into the dirt around me. Nope, not happening. My legs shot out and I scrambled up, darting as fast as my legs would take me.
The forest shuddered around me with every quake erupting from its thunderous running steps.
How the fuck did I get out in the middle of this terrifyingly dark and looming woods?! What is chasing me?!
Streams of sunlight leaked through the thick canopy, just enough to avoid huge roots and strange blue spires. This forest seemed alien and confusing, detached from anything I knew. Razor sharp tree needles slit my skin.
I dodged between trees as much as I could, trying to get this thing to hit one and stop moving or something. The trees cracked like lightning and thundered on the ground. Somehow, through all of it, I heard laughter in the direction I was running. It was like a deep bellowing laughter, but that was good enough for me. I just kept my legs moving as long as I could. Finally, I was approaching a treeline and light. I kept running, panting, my lungs were… fine?
Why isn’t my asthma acting up? Why can I run so fast for so long? Damn, maybe adrenaline really is crazy. And seriously, why do I feel taller?
Something sharp grazed my side. It tore away a strip of skin, and the big fella behind me blew hot air onto my back. I grasped the bleeding wound with my hand. It was deeper than I thought. The massive animal was panting hard though, so it must have been getting tired.
Just a little longer and I might be able to get away.
I burst through the treeline, hurdling over a bush almost my height and into a clearing.
People! Yes, people! Why are they running?!
Oh, yeah, the mammoth.
I shot to a stop when I got into the clearing and jumped to the side just a tad too late. Its massive trunk slammed my back. It was just a graze, though, so I was knocked hard into the dirt but managed to avoid breaking anything. I tried lifting myself off the ground, but aching pains throughout my entire back refused to let me push up. More warm blood ran down my side where it grazed me earlier, just as I got a glimpse at the giant maw of crushing teeth and two ivory tusks, sharpened to points. Its trunk was rearing up to crush me.
I readied myself to roll away from its trunk, but it was going to be close.
Come on! I can take it!
I mustered all my strength to move because I most certainly could not take it.
A whistling sound pierced the air and my eyes followed an arrow from behind some wagon. It pierced the mammoth’s thigh on its front leg. That was just enough for me to roll out of the way from its trunk that swooped sloppily through the air and crashed down, stirring up a cloud of dust around me. My back and ribs must have been seriously bruised, but they could keep going. The mammoth turned its head toward the wagon, where a few people were holding weapons. The guy with the bow pulled the string back and let another arrow fly. It hit the mammoth, but really pathetically tinked off and fell to the ground. The mammoth lumbered forward, waving its trunk around like it was ready to slam anything that walked near it.
“Get away from the wagon!” the archer yelled as the mammoth took off in a charge attack.
It plowed through the wooden wagon with a massive crash that sent shards of wood into every corner of the clearing. The archer dove out of the way and the two guys with swords broke off in different directions. They stumbled and tripped through the shards of wagon and dense brush, trying to spread out. Wood, green bulbs and whatever else was in the wagon was sent flying through the air or crushed beneath the weight of the animal.
The mammoth reared on its hind legs after destroying the wagon and I noticed massive splinters of wood that were driven into its feet during the charge. The beast flailed around, swinging its trunk and stocky tail into the rubble, more bits of wood and metal shooting around the clearing. It raised its trunk wildly and groaned before charging off into the forest. The rumbling of its running eventually faded and I lay there on the ground, feeling the wound in my side for the first time. The tusk tore a massive chunk out of my waist. I peered at the blood and ripped flesh, dizziness slowly overtaking me.
“Tells?! Tells! Look at me!” A blurry white face surrounded in bloody hair leaned over me. I was seeing double and couldn’t make out what she was saying, but whatever it was, it did not sound like words. She held something above me. A book? She turned the pages frantically, then tossed the book down finally and started whispering to herself. Her hands traced a green light through the air, and then she plunged them toward the hole in my side. A flash of searing pain shot throughout my wound when her hands pressed into the bloody gash. She yelped in pain and gritted her teeth through the long process.
As soon as feeling returned to me, I shot up and screamed out in pain. I pushed away from her and grabbed at my gaping wound. It was completely sealed up. I looked down and there, bordered by my ripped and bloody shirt was my skin, perfectly fine if not a lightly scarred. My back was still sore, but it didn’t feel like it would last too long.
The three men and the woman that had been by the wagon walked over, all of them looking relieved and worried. They weren’t all humans, though. One was a large looking greenish orc and another was some kind of brown elf with a big head? I did see the two other humans, one man and the woman who apparently saved me and was laying on the ground, holding herself in the same spot on my side that I was hurt.
I stared at them awkwardly, not sure what to say. They all stopped walking forward and looked at each other.
“That chick is Tells?” the archer said.
“No, yeah, that’s Tells alright,” the redhead said between pained breaths. “I can sense it. Don’t worry Tells, you’ll get used to… you know.” She gestured pretty generally at me.
The green guy squinted at her. “How do you know that’s Tells?”
Still facing away from them, her face curled into a worried smile, like the jig was almost up. She peered at me from the corner of her eye and quietly made a shushing sound. “Th- the vampire hunter priest told me. He heard of your arrival from the heavens.”
What the fuck are they talking about? Who are these people? How do they know my name? Chick? Oh fuck.
I pushed up and worriedly looked down at myself. I was taller than everyone but the green guy. My soft, straight hair descended past my shoulders. A higher pitched voice slipped of my mouth as I started speaking, no, it was mine. Absence struck between my legs. My head started spinning and I couldn’t help looking around frantically, taking in everything that was going on for the first time.
“Huh? Huh?! What is-? Why?! How did-”
The redhead stood up and looked up at me. “Whoa, take it easy. Damn, you’re tall drink of water.” She put a hand on my arm when my shaking legs started to give out.
The big green guy walked up to me, “Come on, sit down and we’ll fill you in with everything we know.”
* * * * *
After scavenging through the remains of the wagon, we found my gear and several of the fruity bulbs that weren’t busted open or smashed. Luckily, Vetia had gotten most of our individual crates out of the wagon, so we all had backpacks and water skins, along with the gear we needed just to survive.
“So Adam became a fat orc, Desmond is just a guy with a bow, Rowan is missing, and Brenden is a dumb elf?” I couldn't help thinking out loud, being so stressed out. I couldn’t process anything else.
This isn’t where I’m supposed to be. I don’t…
I stopped thinking and went back to talking. “And you’re… Vetia the vampire hunter.”
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“Half vamp-”
“Uh huh, yeah.”
Desmond scoffed. “Just a guy with a bow? Bitch, please.”
Everything was starting to make sense to me, but there was a big adjustment getting used to seeing my friends in a new way, not to mention getting used to myself. I’d known them all for so long and I suddenly had to get used to calling completely different looking people by names that I didn’t associate with those bodies.
We spent most of the day salvaging whatever we could from the wreck, Ro- er- Vetia and Brenden reading from their books as we wound down for the night. Desmond spent a while yelling for Rowan until he finally caught on.
“Do we have a fire starter or something?” Adam asked the group. “It’s getting late and I don’t want one of those things attacking us in the night.” Everyone searched their belongings for a few minutes, but there was no fire starter to be had. “Man, Rowan still hasn’t shown up yet. Should we go out and look for him?”
I stared deadpan at “Vetia the vampire hunter,” waiting for her always-ready insight on the matter. She, in fact, did respond. “It’s probably too late for him. If he appeared out of the woods like T-T-Tells,” she caught my deadpan stare and almost broke down into laughter. “If he really did, then it might just be too late for him.”
Desmond shot up. “Nah, we ain’t leavin’ him behind. We’re searching until we find a body or die trying.”
A confused, worried expression came over Brenden. “I know we can’t just leave him out there to die, but what good is it if we die too?”
Desmond glared at Brenden. “I ain’t givin up. Come on. We’ve gotta get out of here anyway.”
Adam held a hand out to Desmond. “No! I want to find him too, but we have a duty to save the world! What good will it do us to go out there and die?!”
His emerald eyes met the ground, searching for answers in a passionate display of friendship. “Fine, you guys may have given up on our friend, but I never will! Come on Tells, let’s go find Rowan together!”
Vetia winked at me, so I got up and followed him toward the woods, then Desmond stopped me. “You too, Vetia, you know this world better than anyone else.”
She nodded stoically and rose. “Keep the camp safe. I’ll make sure everyone comes back in one piece.”
Brenden and Adam sat there in confusion until Brenden finally yelled out at Desmond. “No! It’s a two and two split for who wants to find him. Vetia doesn’t count. She’s not part of the crew. We’re not deciding until everyone agrees to something!”
It’s my time. I can feel it.
I intensely nodded. “Maybe you’re right, Brenden. We need Rowan, but we need to come to a decision with the homies only.” I turned to Vetia. “What do you think, Rowan?”
Rowan pushed her red hair back and posed like the Thinker. “He’s a goner. Let’s leave him.”
“Good enough for me!” Desmond smirked and chuckled under his breath, sauntering back to the others. “Now we can get back to business.”
Rowan held her fist out and naturally, I bumped it.
Adam and Brenden stared dumbfoundedly at all of us. Not sure what to believe anymore.
Rowan pointed at me, snickering with a huge smile across her face. “I thought you were gonna figure it out from the shitty cliches and one-liners. I knew I’d get Adam, but Brenden?! Really?! Bro. You’ve fallen off hard.”
“Wait, I’m not the hero?” Adam’s world fell asunder around him.
“Don’t worry Adam, I’m sure you’ll still do cool stuff at some point.”
Brenden shook his head, squinting schemingly at her. “You become a woman and immediately start lying. Typical.”
“I was born after 1993.”
I stopped in place. “Shit, me too.”
Brenden glared over the group with a newfound blatant frustration. He slowly pointed around to us. “Adam is big, green, and has tusks. Desmond is a surfer dude minus the whole being cool part. Rowan looks like a redhead vampire. And Tells looks like he drinks Starbucks and wears Uggs now.”
Damn, that hit harder than I was expecting.
Adam gave him a thumbs up.
“Fuck me, I gotta remember that shit now.”
Rowan mocked him. “Oh noooo! You have to remember our names! I’m sure that’s gonna be soooo difficult.”
“Piss off.”
She smirked and pushed up invisible glasses, making sure to get plenty of lisp in her voice. “Erm… Ackchually, if you remember correctly, I’m Vetia the Vampire Schlayer.” A quick snort escaped her as she stifled laughter.
“You know what, fuck you, we ain’t seen Rowan yet to be sure. You’re an imposter, so I’m calling you Vetia from now on.”
“You’re just mad that you got baited.”
Adam cut in with some real venom in his words. “You’re sick, Vetia.”
She mocked them. “Hmnininini- fuck you. You know what, it works out perfectly too! A new nickname for the new me with new… thangs.” She slapped her tits and winced in pain, crossing her arms over them. “Til I figure out a better name, at least.”
Desmond smirked. “I think it’s stupid, but I see two reasons why it might just grow on me.” His eyes couldn’t defeat the primal urge to ogle at her.
She covered her chest even more and leaned away in disgust. “BRO!”
“All I’m sayin’ is you’re hot as fuck, dude. Like look at those things and tell me I’m wrong.”
Her aggressive scowl ensured me that she wanted to punch him, but also didn’t want to get closer. “I know, but seriously! Don’t talk about me, to me like that, man! It’s just weird! WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOIN?! I’M STILL YOUR BOY!”
Desmond snapped back into reality. “You know, I kinda keep forgetting that. Like, I know I’m talkin’ to ya, but I’m not lookin at ya. My brain’s all messed up trying to adjust, I guess.”
Brenden groaned. “Desmond, rein your shitey pecker in already.”
Desmond lowered his head and put his hands up. “I’ll concede. My bad, bro.”
“Dude, this is so cool.” A bellowing laughter escaped Adam’s mouth and he stood up hooting and hollering like a cowboy. “This rocks! I ain’t gotta go to work tomorrow and I’m a beefed up strongman and I don’t have to worry about saving the world?! Hell yeah motherfucker! I can be happy again!”
Rowan, or rather Vetia, shot up and screamed in gleeful unison, throwing her arms up and high-fiving Adam. “RAAAAAAH! We’re free!”
Adam puffed out his chest. “Yo, punch me bro.”
She slammed her fist into his abs and squealed as the excitement turned to searing pain. “AAGH FUCK!”
The reaction only bolstered Adam more and he flexed like a bodybuilder. “HELL YEAH!”
While they reveled in their idiocy, play-fighting, Brenden exasperatedly stared on from my left side. Desmond, sitting on my right side, tapped my shoulder. “Don’t you think about changing your name, now. I’m still just gonna call you Tells.”
“Okay.”
“And your actual name doesn’t fit how you look.”
“I don’t even know what I look like, man.”
“Me neither.” He stared at me. “Honestly, you got it pretty good. Like a solid nine, fit, and like, same height as me.”
“Then why am I sitting shorter than you?”
“Probably just got a lot of leg.”
I looked over Desmond’s new face. It wasn’t super far from how he used to look, aside from less scars and way less thin and an actual full face of hair. “Your face is wider and you got a good jawline.”
“What color is my hair and eyes.”
“Blonde and green.”
“Rad.”
I waited for him to tell me how I looked, but he didn’t. “What about my eyes?”
He stupidly squinted at them, then nodded in approval. “Shit, they’re purple. That’s cool.”
“Seriously?”
“Deadass.”
“Epic.”
Brenden groaned like he just stepped in shit.
I stared at him until he turned to me.
“What are you looking at?”
I pointed into his face. “Knife-ears.”
“You know, I was a bit happy to hear you guys here at first. Then I realized I’m stuck here with you.”
Desmond rolled his eyes. “Jesus, man, take it easy. It’ll be fine. I’m sure we’ll be back to working jobs and being poor in no time, just like you want.”
Brenden’s face grew even more annoyed. “I’m talking about those two. I’m not worried about work and shit. I’m worried that they’re gonna get us killed while we’re out here in the woods cause they’re acting like children.”
I nodded because I knew what he meant. “You’re just mad still, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, man,” Desmond comforted him. “If you look at this like a crabby asshole, you’re gonna hate it. It’s not hard to take things seriously and have a little-”
I slammed my fist into his ballsack.
Desmond reeled over and moaned in pain. “Dammit, Tells!”
I chuckled and grinned. “What are you gonna do? Punch my balls?”
He looked up with mild fear and held his hands over his crotch. “Don’t think I won’t cuntpunch you, bitch. I don’t miss.”
“Nuh uh.”
“Yuh huh.”
“Nuh uh.”
He made a move.
What a fool. An absolute buffoon of the highest degree.
I saw his game the whole time. Desmond feinted a “yuh huh” and went for a slam at my crotch, but because I saw it coming, I caught his arm mid-swing and slapped him across the face.
“Nuh uh.”
Desmond dejectedly stared down to brood and plan silently, a new red spot adorning his face.
My whole body jumped from Adam’s booming declaration of victory. “I’M ADAM THE MOUNTAIN CRUSHER! GET YOUR TWILIGHT ASS OUTTA HERE!”
Vetia punched at him, but having her face stuffed in his grip, she couldn’t do anything to stop him from picking her up and launching her. Her face briefly filled with regret as his push knocked her into the air and she ragdolled into a thicket of grass.
“Uuuuuuuuh,” she painfully moaned from the grass.
Adam’s victory was short lived, realizing he may have seriously hurt her. “Oh, my bad.” He bounded over toward where he threw her. “I didn’t realize you were so light.”
Brenden stood up and flexed his jaw before finally snapping. “Can you guys stop acting like a couple of retards so we can actually figure out what we’re gonna do?!”
Desmond giggled, “Brotha, we ain’t actin’.”
Adam turned around embarrassed. “It’s just a bit of-”
“Just a bit of you almost taking her head off! Adam and what’s your new stupid fuckin’ gay little name-!” He turned to Desmond and I. “What’s that name she said?”
I stared at him blankly, forgetting the second he asked.
Desmond had a similar blank stare. “I know I said I’d stop, but I’ve been staring at her tits too much to remember.”
She dizzily sat up in the grass and glared at Brenden. “Don’t worry, I’ll probably be dead before any of you actually call me-”