3

(Avicii, Aloe Blacc- Wake Me Up)

Brenden

It never got old watching the guys be stupid, but there was always some kind of messy cleanup. This time, the cleanup was a little more literal. Not my problem. I had been awake for a few minutes just quietly listening to everything. They didn't notice me, thank God. That chick collapsed against the wagon, wheezing while the big green guy hooted and hollered loud enough to wake half of the forest up. But alas, they weren’t just any dipshits. They were my friends, and I was starting to get a read on who was who.

I’d picked out Adam and Desmond, but Tells and Rowan weren’t anywhere. But that only if we all really did get sent here. And I couldn’t make heads or tails of the vampire hunter.

I don’t wanna get up. The kids don’t need me to take care of them yet. They can bicker and play all they want and I’ll have to get all their bullshit in order as usual. Okay, maybe not always, but I’m not getting up yet. I’ll listen in and rest my eyes before I have to be their handler again. Or maybe I’ll just lay here and never wake up to deal with figuring things out until they do it all for me. Fuck, that sounds nice.

Vetia explained that we were in a different, magical world. Adam and Desmond were eating it up. The only issue with that theory was that nobody had any skills or magic, and her explanation wasn’t all that useful. I didn’t really understand why they were pretending to know what was going on, so I stopped paying attention. My thoughts drifted into the near past, when we were all in the car.

Is it my fault that we died? Should I have stopped Adam from driving? Sure he said he wasn’t drunk and he was acting fine, but was he really? Gah, I hate knowing I might’ve been able to do something. Then again, I was in the backseat with a mouthful of 18-wheeler grill, so Adam probably wasn’t at fault. And that dream, what does it mean? I woke up a little later than them, so maybe the dream is the cause for that… all those fleeting colors and emotions.

“By the way, you all have boxes,” Vetia chirped. “There’s six of em. One of them is mine, but there’s only three of you here. Odd. Do you have two more coming?”

Adam thought he was being slick, falling in and out of his mysterious persona, but even I noticed how bad it was. “Rowan and Tells aren’t here.”

“Huh. Hopefully they show up. It looks like everyone was left some extra clothes, a bedroll, a backpack, food and water. This box is yours, Desmond. Here, there’s a bow and some arrows for you, and a hunting knife.”

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Desmond loudly squelched toward her. “Shit, I wanted to shoot things with guns, not a bow. What do I look like, a fucking caveman? What is this piece of shit? By the way, how the Hell do you know who we are?”

“I was told that the Hero Adam and his friends would be arriving. We need you to slay the demon king. I’m just here to get you situated.”

Desmond muttered to himself, "Cool, whatever. Guess I'll just have to invent guns then."

“A bigass sword and like basic supplies?” Adam whined. “That’s it? No shield, no overpowered death blade or something? Three out of ten, shit world. I’ve never even used a massive sword like this.” Clumsy whooshes alerted me to Adam swinging his sword through the air. “What’s in the other boxes? Anything better?”

“One has a shortsword and some kind of book, the other has a pretty big buckler and a scimitar,” she said. “I think this one with the book belongs to the elf. The gem on the box is the same color as his eyes.”

I heard her rustling around in the boxes, clanging the swords against wood.

It wouldn’t hurt for her to leave my stuff alone.

“What’s in the book?” Desmond asked.

He would go through my book, wouldn’t he?

I almost started getting up before I heard the woman tell him off.

“This is Brenden’s stuff. He’s the first one to get to see it.” I heard her walking over and then a thump in the ferns next to me. “He’ll notice it when he wakes up. He isn’t awake already, is he?”

“Slap his nutsack and find out,” Desmond stepped toward me and I braced to stand up and knock his block off.

Adam stopped him in his tracks. “Might wanna change your pants first, pissboy.”

“You know what, I think I will. Gimme my box.” I thanked God that my eyes were closed when I heard Desmond yank his pants down.

“Put your dick away, dude, that’s nasty!” She covered her eyes.

“Yeah, wrangle that hog back in its pen.” Adam yelled out. I didn’t even want to see what was happening, because I heard Adam’s pants rustle for a second, and then he quietly said, “money.”

“Yeaaaah! I got my foreskin back!” Desmond fastened his belt. “What about you, Adam, you peeked at your dick yet?”

“We’re so fuckin’ back, bro.”

There was a long pause as they tossed around each other’s belongings and I listened to the trees.

“Do you feel that?” Desmond hushed everyone. “Something big is coming from the woods on the other side of the wagon.”

They all stood up and snuck out of earshot, whispering to grab weapons and be quiet. Then we heard pounding. Massive thuds trembling the ground around this area and rustling the trees. The animals chirping and calling through the forest went dead silent. A high pitched breathing crept in through the pounding feet of whatever the massive creature was. Then I heard a cacophony of unintelligible fearful exclamations and screams.

I guess I gotta get up and take care of the shitheads now.