The Gladiator’s player graph was a different story to Dale’s.

There was no evidence of anything other than immediate and utter success. Whoever he was, he showed up one day and immediately stole the show.

No losses. Ever.

In fact, checking other activities and categories painted an even stranger picture.

He just appeared. Not a single graph, regardless of filter, showed any gradual increase in skill nor ability, nothing to support the sudden burst from zero to hero.

I imagined my own graph the way it would show up when I became a fully-fledged player next year. I’d had what many would call a meteoric rise in both power and experience, but even my graph would be bumpy. I’d gone from a guy with a broken stick and some dusty clothes to an accomplished warrior with an absurdly broken spear and stats equal to someone with some serious tenure in the game.

Still the dusty clothes, I guess.

Even still, the gradient of my graph would be nowhere near as steep. It was beyond reason.

I sat back and finished my nachos. If I was going to discover who this player was, I’d have to come up with a tactic that no one had ever used before. Scouring the old newspapers was out — everyone and their dog had probably scanned through them — but there had to be something that no one else had tried.

I’d chat to Dale and see if inspiration struck in the meantime.

For now, I thought I’d allay Duri and Annette of their concerns for my health. The nagging pinprick of heat at the back of my head still remained, but it was reducing in intensity. I’d be looking for the volume button in the B&B Options screen next time I played, and maybe something to dull down the bright colours, but other than that, I felt good.

O: [I’m back from the dead. And being on the other side gave me some great ideas for the guild.]

A: [Oh god.]

D: [Serve ‘em up, dude. The Pepperoni People are listening.]

A: [No. We’re not.]

D: [Fine. The real Pepperoni People.]

J: [What? No! You said I could have the Pod!]

O: [I’m afraid that the food at Stanley’s might kill me, so I’m thinking Garters for an early dinner? Just like last time?]

With a bit of encouragement and a promise of free scallion pancakes, I got unanimous approval.

**************

Garlic Garters was packed with actual paying customers when we got there, so we booked a table and then waited in the park across the street. Joey was miffed because he wore shorts and a t-shirt, thinking we’d be inside with the steam and smoke and warm air from the exposed kitchen.

“It’s a travesty!” he decided. “You’re the son of the owners! It’s your…Achoo!...It’s your right to get a seat at any table you like!”

“’Fraid it ain’t so, buddy boy,” Duri replied. “You reap what you sow. There’s literally a coat rack sitting right at the door. Situations like this are exactly what it’s for. You wear a coat to the restaurant, then take it off once you’re inside.”

Joey continued grumbling. He asked Annette for her cardigan, then her coat, then he turned to me for a hug.

“A bro-hug, bro. It’s not weird, it’s a necessity.”

“You’re literally wiggling your fingers while you look at me. And why haven’t you blinked in so long? I’ve been watching.”

“I’m cold! It’s what I do!”

After a few more minutes of standing around and watching Joey’s face go blue, we got a table.

Duri pulled up a dark blue drinks menu. “Now look, Joey. I’m not encouraging you to do anything stupid, but I know for a fact that the waiter over there will not ask you for I.D if you order a beer. You don’t have to participate, but personally, I’m going to have one in celebration of Ollie not dying. Also I’m eighteen next week, so it’s basically fine.”

Joey’s eyes lit up. “Shit man, I totally forgot! I haven’t gotten you anything yet.”

Annette whacked him. “Shut up, Joey. You literally have. We went and got it together. You were in the store when I paid for it. In fact, you still owe me.”

He went quiet.

I’d forgotten all about it. For that reason, I sat very still and remained very quiet.

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“What did you get him, Ollie?”

Thanks Joey. Real glad you asked.

“It’s a surprise. You’ll find out in due time.”

“So nothing.”

I concentrated very hard on the menu and drowned out his ridiculous claims. Mongolian Beef was looking good, however something inside me still nagged for nachos. More nachos.

“Ollie? A beer sound good?”

“I dunno, man. What if it makes my brain pop? I can’t afford two in two days.”

“Five days,” Annette interjected.

“Oh. Yeah. Doesn’t feel like that for me.”

“What did it feel like?”

I sat back in the booth and decided how I wanted to answer. I didn’t really know what happened. I was fighting shadow monsters non-stop one second, then all of a sudden I wasn’t. Claire and Mom probably had a better understanding of what went on.

“Umm, it wasn’t comfortable, I know that. But I don’t really know what happened. I just suddenly woke up in a white room and Mom was like ‘Hi! You had a seizure!’”

Annette nodded. Joey stared at me with his mouth wide open as though I was something ethereal.

The waiter with the disdain for checking IDs came over and took our order. As always, it began with Annette’s scallion pancakes, then moved into various mains and side dishes, then finished with the most chocolatey desserts available.

“And is it cool if you only bring out the desserts when we stop looking like we’re gunna burst? I want some time to digest,” Duri asked.

“Sure thing, Dooroo. Also, your Mom has informed me that you actually have to do the dishes this time. Last time you guys were here, I had to jump in and pick up your slack.”

“Ergh. Sorry ‘bout that, Newton. I owe you.”

Newton delivered plate after plate. As soon as they hit the table, Joey would push it across to me.

“Sick boy, you get first dibs since we’re here because of you. Then Duri, because he’s the reason it’s free. Then Annette, because otherwise I’ll eat everything that’s left.”

Annette snagged a scallion pancake off of a travelling plate. “If you hadn’t specified why I get to go before you, I would’ve called you gentlemanly, you know. Wasted opportunity.”

We went around the table and gave each other a rundown on what we’d each been working on in B&B recently. Now that we’d settled into our new life stuff, it felt less like a work discussion, and more like a catch-up of general life stuff. The three of them had to fill me in on a few of the things they’d done together now that Joey’s raid team was defunct, but they each had some personal goals or quests they were working toward on the side.

Duri started off. “This old guy caught me taking a potion ingredient from his farm. He shouted at me for a bit, then it somehow activated a daily quest where I just run around the perimeter each day and kill a few monsters. It’s surprisingly fun and great for EXP, but the krad is non-existent. I’m kind of just doing it because I thought if I killed enough monsters or did it enough days in a row, I’d get some kind of special reward. Might be useless, but it’s fun.”

Joey laughed. “You think that’s useless? The first quest I completed after leaving the raid team was popping peas out of pods and putting them into a big bucket. It was the only quest I’ve ever done that didn’t involve killing something. I actually kind of enjoyed the change of pace.”

I gave them a strange look. “Guys, you aren’t in Bill’s Yard, what’s with the farming quests? I thought you’d leave them for the little old guys like me — not to say there’s many crops growing in the Yard.”

Annette jumped in. “It’s the Elthen Fields, Ollie. Keyword, ‘Fields’. A big portion of the early zones are just farming area. And to the north and the west, to be honest. When I’m hunting monster drops, I spend most of my time looking at my map to make sure I don’t stray too close to civilisation.”

“Yikes. Now that I think about it, you said something similar last time. That it’s a lot less developed than I was thinking.”

“It’s no Crastapol, that’s for sure.”

I was trying to work out how to phrase my findings regarding Mom and Dale when a birthday cake with sparklers came from the kitchen and was served right beneath my nose.

“Don’t you da—”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUU…”

Duri started singing loud enough that the rest of the restaurant caught the vibe and joined in. I was shattered. I shrunk down in the booth and did everything to hide myself except pull my hoodie around my face. The sparklers faded out around about the same time as the people in the restaurant stopped adding claps to my age. About half of them slowed down when they got to fifteen, then a lot died out completely at sixteen, though some went right on through to nineteen.

Not sure if I should be concerned or flattered.

I stood and gave everyone a quick wave and a weak smile, then sat back down before someone could demand a speech.

“You dick.” I pointed at Duri with the knife. “Last time we were here, you stabbed me. Let’s see how much you like it.”

I pretended to lunge forward, then curved around and plunged the knife into the cake. It had a picture of a cartoon princess on the top, with blue patterned frosting around the perimeter. The inside was chocolate.

“There was a cancelled birthday party,” Duri explained. “And I know your birthday was what, six months ago? But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

“Clearly. And you’re right. Six months. It straight up couldn’t get any further from my last and next birthday.”

“But you get free cake.”

“But I get free cake. Good point.”

It was damn good. Joey refused to eat any piece that had part of the princess’s body on it. He said it grossed him out to look down at his food and see a leg or one and a half eyes peering back at him.

“Hell yeah, guys. This was good. Should we get down to business?”

Three faces questioned me. They’d come here for a social visit, but I had something else in mind.

“I’ve been forced into taking a vacation. Now, despite that being exactly what I was planning on doing after finishing up some stuff in B&B, it doesn’t feel right. I am taking any and all suggestions on how I should spend my time. Number one is getting our guild going. Number two is taking down Blast Off, and there are some miscellaneous things after that which I’ve already made progress with.”

“Guild is good,” Joey confirmed.

“Guild is bad,” Annette countered.

“I think you should sit on the couch and read a book. You know those things? Bunch of trees compressed down, then someone writes words on them? They’re cool. Buy some.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “I’ve got not time for fun, right now. If I wanted to read something, I’d read the News. Actually, I wouldn’t. The B&B News is so underwhelming. It’s like, the exact same style as the shitty articles we used to have access to. Since when do I care about ranking the usefulness of every different type of pear?”

Annette raised her hand. “I think that’s actually referring to some potion stuff. Alchemy is cool, y’all.”

Joey had his phone sitting on the table beside him. It started vibrating. He flicked it over so he could see the notification, then switched it back off.

He paused.

“Wait a sec—”

He brought it back and punched in his password, flicking through an article or webpage like there was a code for a five hundred krad gift card at the bottom. His mouth slowly turned into an ‘O’, then it widened into a smile.

“What’s up man, you’re freaking me out.” Duri grabbed his own phone and checked his notifications.

Joey looked up at me and started laughing.

“Bro. You’re on the fucking news, again.”